"You've got the items?"
"Pads, have you ever known me to disappoint?"
"Yeah. That time you said you could get me Jell-O-filled water balloons and brought a bag full of salamanders instead."
"Oh, that was funny!"
"You know I hate lizards, Prongs!"
"And you know I hate dogs, but I run around with you every night."
"You know what bothers me more than lizards? Rats. They creep me out."
"You realize Wormtail's right there?"
"Yeah, it's why I said it!"
James Potter and Sirius Black crouched in the shadows of the one-eyed witch. They'd picked that spot because it was a passage to Honeydukes, and even slow-witted Peter could remember where it was.
"Stop taking digs at Wormtail," Remus Lupin said decisively.
"Fine," Sirius sighed, and opened the bag that James had handed him. "Lipstick, check. Dungbomb, check. Slughorn's knickers, check. Niffler- James, why'd you bring a niffler?"
"I thought it would be a good alibi if we said we were putting a niffler into the girls dorms and see what kind of jewelry they dig up. Operation Slughorn's panties could get us some serious detentions." James grinned. "I'm not just a pretty face."
"I'm the pretty face in this gang!" Sirius burst out, pouting.
"Yeah, you just keep thinking that," James told him, winking.
"Oh, he will. Sirius wouldn't be Sirius if he wasn't conceited, arrogant, big-headed, and oh, yes, a total prat." Remus grinned.
"Exactly the things Evans thinks I am," James said, looking down.
"Oh, no, don't start this again! Mate, have you SEEN the way she blushes when she looks at you now? The poor girl is either denying her true feelings-"
"That she loooooves you-"
"Oh, shut up, Sirius. Or, that she thinks you've given up." Remus clapped James on the back. "Now, I'll take Peter and we can set off the niffler. You and Sirius go start… and take the map with you. And the cloak. We're just heading back to the common room, no big deal."
"Thanks, Remus. You really think she-" James started, picking his head up.
"Looooves you!" Sirius sang. "She loooooves you sooo much, loves you!"
"Shut UP, Padfoot!" James snapped. Remus and Peter slipped away silently, leaving Sirius and James to go at it.
"Oh, Prongsie, still thinking she isn't wishing you were with her right now…"
"I'm warning you-"
"Denial isn't just a river in Africa!" Sirius sang out. He stopped short on his final opera note as James made a small fist. "Sorry man, too far. Jeez, why do I always go too far?"
"Not your fault," James mumbled. "But good one with the Nile joke, I didn't know you were that smart."
"Well, I'm not just a pretty face. And I am the pretty face of this gang! I AM!" Sirius stomped his foot.
"Alright, Pads, now shut up so we don't get caught." Sirius mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key. "You realize you can really still talk? Just quietly, alright?" Sirius shook his head.
"I'm not allowed to talk unless I go find they key, which is back there!" he protested. There was a three second delay, and then he slapped his hand over his mouth. "Sorry, Prongs."
"It's fine. Let's get going." James smiled slightly as he prowled forward, checking what looked like a spare bit of parchment every turn.
"Oh, no, no, no!" Sirius said in dismay, looking over James' shoulder.
"What, Pads?"
"Evans is right behind us." James and Sirius whipped around, only to have to face a very red-looking Lily Evans, holding her wand aloft like a sword.
"Out of bed, both of you. My God, why are you two so stupid? And where's Remus? He would've knocked some sense into you." Lily stood a little taller, and got a little redder. "And why are you running around the castle shirtless?"
"Better for my ego, Evans," Sirius said, thrusting his chest out. "What, you like it?"
"Well, I'll tell a girl that if she likes a guy with what looks like five sloppy joe's worth of flab, then I'll tell her she can go to you." Sirius mock gasped as Lily and James laughed softly.
"I'm hurt." Sirius pouted. "But wait! I see you're avoiding looking at Prongsie over there… ooh, some crush action going on!" Lily blushed deeper.
"Well, I'm still Head Girl, and you're still out of bed after hours, so if you don't let me in on whatever you're planning, I'll take points off." Lily smiled coyly.
"In? On this? Oh, my dear Evans, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into." Sirius chuckled. "Welcome, sweetheart, to Operation Slughorn's Panties."
"Excuse me?" Lily asked, laughing.
"Just wait and see, darling, wait and see." Sirius said mysteriously.
"Okay, we're almost to the Entrance Hall, which is where it'll all be going to happen… the humiliation… the laughter… the knickers hanging on the wall…" James, smiling, glanced up at the ceiling. Lily kicked him slightly. "What? We're putting up an apology note tomorrow, and it is old Sluggy's birthday!"
"Okay, time to make the magic," Sirius said, rubbing his hands together. "Prongs, hand over the tighty whiteys."
"I've got it," Lily said, sounding businesslike. "You brought along lipstick, am I right?"
"Oh, you were listening in while we did our materials check!" Sirius crowed. "And now you've come to confess your loooove for Prongs! Come on, you two, do it! You loooo-" Sirius stopped in shock as Lily flung herself at James and suddenly it was an all out snogfest.
"Well, don't mind me, you two. Just Padfoot, sitting here, really uncomfortable. But you can just forget me." James pulled a plastic bag from his pocket and threw it down the length of the hallway. "SALAMI!" Sirius crowed, racing after it.
"I asked my parents for a dog. They responded by taking in Sirius," James told Lily, pulling away and chuckling.
"Put on a shirt, idiot," Lily murmured.
"Lets get these knickers on the wall!" Sirius called, having finished his salami.
"You go ahead," James said, retrieving his shirt. "I've got some business to attend to."
"Fine, I'll do it myself. And I'm not letting you do detention with me," Sirius grumbled. "I thought tonight was going to be fun."