Summary: Look, I'm not any happier about this than you are. I only did this because my cousin asked me to, so let's pretend we like each other and get this over with for her sake, all right?

Hey, everyone! Please don't ask where this story idea came from. I honestly have no clue… =_= I've given up trying to figure out where half of my ideas come from.
Vanitas: It astounds us all.
YOU HUSH! Anyway… ^^"

Disclaimer: I-
Vanitas: Spazz Kadet does not own the game; this includes the characters. All of those rights belong to Square Enix, etc.
=.= Thank…you…Vani.
Vanitas: She also deeply desires a doll form of myself since she can't get the real thing, but neither of these wishes will ever be fulfilled.
}=O Are you done trolling me now?
Vanitas: Mmm… No. To the readers: When you review (if you do (Spazz: PLEASE DO!)) be sure to tell Spazz whether or not you want her to reply to it via PRIVATE MESSAGE! We don't want you all getting annoyed with her antics in your inboxes, now do we?
…Thanks for putting it like that… But, he is right. I'd hate to be a bother, so please be sure to tell me! If you don't specify in your review, chances are you won't get a reply unless I just absolutely love what you said.

Enjo-
Vanitas: Enjoy this crack failure that we (she) call(s) a story.
…

Whose Idea was it Anyway?
Chapter I: Brothers, Favors, and a Whole Lotta Hell

"Vanitas? Vani. Hey, Van. Vanitas. Van-i-tas. Hey. You. Person. Hey. Hey. Va-"

"What do you want, Sora?-!" A vein in my forehead pulsed, annoyingly so. As nerve racking as it was, it took all of my concentration not to murder my twin right there. I wouldn't want to get his blood on my bed sheets, though. I applied pressure to the throbbing.

"Nothing. I was just wondering if you knew I was here."

Glaring up at him from my essay, I propped my elbows up on my desk to massage both of my temples. "Sora, I knew you were here the instant you stepped through that door – leading into MY bedroom, by the way – and screamed 'VANITAS, I BROUGHT YOU SOME ICE CREAM!'"

"Which you still haven't touched…"

"It's sea-salt. You know that's my least favorite," I informed him, yet again, looking sideways at the bowl next to me, the bar in it almost completely melted in the half-hour it had been sitting there. Wow; he had been pestering me that long?

"You're such a grumpy head! You've got to be the only person in the world who doesn't think that sea-salt ice cream is the god of all ice cream! It's the perfect blend of-"

"Sor, I'd love to listen to you blather on about 'the greatest of all ice cream flavors', but I have a five-hundred word essay to write. It happens to be due tomorrow." Three, two, o-…

"OH MY GOSH! The essay!" I smirked slyly as he launched off of my bed and bolted out of my room, most likely to begin the paper. I leaned back in my chair, pushing my own half-finished homework to the side (putting it beneath the bowl of melted slosh) deciding to complete it after school the next night. I'll be honest, I lied to my twin about the due date; it wasn't tomorrow, but the day after. We didn't even have that class until Tuesday.

Sora and I were juniors at Betwixt High, a school that ran on a block schedule system. It was a small, boring school in which I was out casted. Like I gave a damn. All of my peers were morons. Why would I waste my breath trying to impress them? It may seem cruel to tell Sora the assignment's due when it's not, but if he got it finished, he wouldn't have to worry about it later, like me. I was such a horrible procrastinator.

With a sigh, I rested my head on my arms that were folded on my desktop. My leg bounced restlessly while I blew air out of the "o" shape my lips formed. Why did my life have to be so dull? There was absolutely nothing to do in this house. Homework and sulk. Yep, that was about it. There was the occasional prank on my younger twin. That was always good for a laugh. But he was probably racking his brain for essay topics, so I would leave him be for the time being. I beat my head against the desk for a moment out of utter boredom. Just as I was questioning what I could do to keep myself entertained (and breathing) my stomach growled, deciding for me.

Slapping my hands down on the desk, I pushed myself from my seat to scavenge the pantry for suitable means for dinner. My parents were out, and Sora would sooner blow up the neighborhood on accident than prepare a decent meal. The task was left entirely up to me.

I hopped downstairs, making sure not to make too much noise. Knowing him, he had just gotten started on the paper, and I didn't want to distract him. Upon reaching the food closet (don't question the terms I use) I leaned against the doorframe as my eyes scanned the surface of boxes, cans, and other various items you would find in such a place, besides corpses. Seeing nothing very appealing that wouldn't take a lifetime to cook, I glanced to the clock. It was only 5:38. Plenty of time. I began to pull out seemingly random vegetables, mincing and dicing while some vegetable oil simmered at the bottom of the frying pan.

The rice was just beginning to boil – I had decided on a vegetarian korma, since I didn't have any chicken to add – when I heard footsteps bounding down the staircase. My ears were then met with a loud thud on the floor, a loudly whispered "Ow!", and feet shuffling across the tile toward the pan sitting on the stove. I was rummaging through the fridge for a Dr. Pepper to accompany the spicy meal just as he was reaching out to dip his finger into the food. Accustomed to his antics, I quickly turned, and slapped the back of Sora's hand away with the wooden spoon I had been using. There was still some of the orange sauce remaining on it, and I knew he'd be satisfied with that much for the time being.

"How many times has Mom told you not to run down the stairs if you're going to twist your ankle at the bottom step every time?"

Licking his hand like a cat, he replied, "So long as I get korma, I'm okay with it!"

"When you end up on a hospital bed, don't expect me to bring you any." I pushed past him to stir the still simmering ingredients, awaiting the rice to soak up the remainder of the water.

"But, Vanitas! You have to!" he whined. "Who says I'm even gonna end up in the hospital anyway?"

"I do, and I'll put you there myself if you don't wait for dinner at the table." He immediately did as he was told, knowing it made me somewhat paranoid when someone was watching me from such a close distance. As for the threat, it held no true meaning. I had been threatening people (mostly Sora) since we were in preschool. He expected these types of things from me. The brunette only did as I asked because he didn't like to make anyone angry or annoyed. We were definitely polar opposites.

A few minutes of silence passed, the only sound being the scraping of wood on metal as I stirred the rice for the final time. "Come fix your plate," I told my twin. He was at my side instantly, scooping piles of rice to coat the bottom of a China dish. "Did you have to use one of Mom's good plates?" I asked, sighing.

"Of course, Vani! A dinner this good deserves to be on something better than an ordinary plate. Your korma is the god of all foods!"

"I thought that was sea-salt ice cream."

He heaved an exasperated sigh. "No, that's the god of all ice cream. Your korma is the god of all food."

"Fine, whatever; but it's not my fault when Mom gets upset that her China is forever orange because of your choice to use it, got it?"

He thought a moment, looking down to the layer of the white grain. "On second thought…" Setting it down, Sora retrieved one of the regular plates from the cupboard, and shoved the rice onto the clean dish. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "What?" my double asked innocently. I simply rolled my eyes again, and carried my now full plate to the table, Sora following behind.

We ate dinner uneventfully – not that I would expect otherwise in this house – aside from Sora dropping his fork-full of food every other attempt. Once our plates were cleared from the table, Sora cleaned the dishes as he did every night I cooked. It was only fair, and it's not like I forced him to do it; I didn't even ask him to. He had volunteered the first night, and it had become routine.

Just as he was drying the last dish, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," I muttered dryly before he could race to do so, dropping the glass he held in the process. I reached the door, and allowed it to swing open. In front of me stood a very pissed off looking red head.

"He forgot your date again, didn't he?" I questioned her, moving to one side before she could force me out of the way. She stomped right past me, and looked about the room.

"Where is he?" she demanded.

"Kitchen," I told her simply.

Just as she began in that direction, Sora's head poked around the corner. "Who is it, Van- OH MY GOSH, KAIRI!" His eyes grew wide as the realization suddenly hit him.

"Sora Tenelux!" Kairi yelled, her fist raised in the air. "I cannot believe you forgot again! That's the third time this month!"

"Kairi, I'm so sorry!" he pleaded.

"Is this your way of telling me you want to break up with me? Is that it?" She had stopped in front of him, her face inches from his, eyes beginning to water.

"No, no it's nothing like tha-" Sora tried to reason.

"Well, fine, if that's how you feel, then we're through!" I stood against the door, my arms crossed over my chest, rolling my eyes. I had never liked her much, anyway; this only proved how much of a whiny, clingy prick she really was. Frankly, I had no idea how Sora could possibly put up with it. Every time he made a mistake – despite how minor it was – she would throw one of her silly little tantrums.

"Kairi! I don't want to-"

"No! You don't have to explain. I don't want to hear it!" She turned away from him, her face burrowing in her palms. He hugged her from behind. The red head tried to wriggle away, but he wouldn't allow it. Kissing her neck softly, he whispered something to her. I was too disgusted to know what it was. With one final swallowing of vomit in the back of my throat, I ran up the stairs to my room. They would spend the rest of the night in the living room, and I was not going to be found near them unless absolutely necessary.

Okay, so it was absolutely necessary. I had to go downstairs to retrieve the music player I had left on the counter while I was cooking. From the top of the staircase I saw the couple cuddling on the couch, Kairi finally having been calmed by my brother's comforting gestures. Disgusting. I began my descent soundlessly. My hope was to simply sneak by unnoticed, grab my music player, and get back up to my room without a big ordeal. Knowing my twin and his girlfriend, they would get me involved in their antics as soon as they laid eyes on me, one way or another. Of course, those hopes were crushed as I reached the bottom step. Right; that's why Sora always jumped over it…

CrreeEAAK!

I made a dash for it.

"Vanitas!" Kairi called. Damn it! I was so close! I stopped dead in my tracks, just before the safety the kitchen tiles provided. Knowingly defeated, I reluctantly trudged into their view, red – and empty – handed. "Perfect timing. We were just talking about you!"

"What about me, dare I ask?" I saw Sora flinch as he stared straight ahead, not risking a glance in my direction. This was going to be good…

"Sora and I both agree-" he tried to shrink into the couch "-that we should find you a girlfriend."

"No way in hell," was the only response I had. As I turned to continue my – now obviously failed – mission, I could've sworn I heard Sora heave a sigh of relief.

"Hey! Get back here, you jerk!" Kairi called. I would have to face her again anyway, so I grabbed my MP3 from the counter. "I know the perfect girl for you," the red head told me as I reentered. I gave her an incredulous expression, but giving no other sign that I was paying total attention. "She's my cousin."

"No! Way. In. HELL!"

"Why?-! I know you're not very fond of me-" if that's not the understatement of the year… "-but me and her are nothing alike. I really think the two of you will get along good. You can even ask Sora; he's met her, and he agrees with me. If you don't think my word's good, ask him."

He turned his head toward me ever-so slowly, knowing that if he answered wrong, the consequences would be dire. Kairi and I both stared him down as we awaited his answer. With one final glance at the red head, he slowly nodded. He was a dead man sitting.

Kairi wore a smug smile as she pushed her luck forward, "So just, please, let me set up a blind date for the two of you?" She looked to me, hopeful. I remained glaring at Sora, his eyes locked fearfully with mine. I took my time to exhale loudly, just in case there was any miscommunication between my twin and I about the severity of my annoyance.

"In Vanitas language, that breath means 'yes'," Sora "interpreted."

"What?-!"

"Great!" Kairi chimed. "I'll tell her you'll pick her up from my house Friday night at six!"

I was staring, my eyes wide, at a loss for words.

"Kairi!" Sora began, nervously. "Don't you have to get home soon before your parents start worrying? Yes? Okay, let me get my keys so I can drive you home!" His words were rushed. I don't think he even had time to breath.

"But, Sora, my car's h-" she began, confused.

"Oh, look! My keys were in my pocket the entire time let's go!"

The last words before the door closed was Kairi yelling "And wear something nice on Friday, will you?" at me, as more of a demand than a request. Once they were safely in the yard, I was dumfounded. I stood there for a moment, dazed, looking at the door, but not really seeing it. What had my brother done? Coming to my senses, I glanced down to the entryway table; there sat Sora's car keys. I heard a car start, one that must have been Kairi's. Sora's was too much of an old piece of crap (that he called a "classic") to sound like that. The roar of the engine lingered; they must have been talking through the window or something… No, just talking. I didn't want to think about them doing something else. That was too disturbing to imagine. Instead, I climbed halfway up the staircase, and sat. Waiting. Just waiting. Waiting for the moment that Sora would step back through that door.

When at last it opened again, I silenced my breathing. I could hear the door closing slowly, and when it met the frame it was a soft tap. I sat with my elbows resting on my knees, and my hands folded together. His feet shuffled on the entryway tile; he would take a step then hesitate. Step, hesitate. The moment he thought it was safe, he sprinted up the first few steps, only to look up and see me waiting for him. "Whoa!" was all he managed to yell as he turned with me right on his heels. I had the advantage, and he knew it. Sora quickly came to the dreaded bottom step, and leaping off of the one just before it, he twisted his ankle like always. It was the only chance I needed to capture him in a headlock.

"Sora, would you care to explain to me what, exactly, the hell happened?-!"

"I-I was just trying to make it up to Kairi! She was so upset earlier, and…I knew this would make her happy, a-and… I just didn't know what else to do!"

"Heh, well now that you've made your bed, you'll have to sleep in it. Hell would freeze over the day that Kairi being upset is worse than when I am. You should've realized this sooner."

"I know, I'm sorry!"

"Oh, dearest Brother, if only those simple words could fix this."

"What will?"

"I think you know, all too well."

He groaned in despair.

I released him from the headlock, and he raced to his room pushing past me and up the stairs. Before he could slam the door in my face, I stopped it with my foot and smiled one of my infamous devious smiles. He knew exactly what to expect, and surrendered.

After preparing for Sora's punishment, I returned to my own bedroom, locking the closed door as I leaned against it. What was I supposed to do? Although I would never admit it – not even to Sora, even though he knew…if it had ever crossed his mind as a coherent thought – I had never had a girlfriend before. No, it wasn't because I'm a homosexual! It wasn't that girls weren't attracted to me either; but none of them ever really stood out to me. It was mostly due to the fact that they never took the chance to get to know me. It was usually cheerleaders (who I despise because they're way too happy) or shy little scene girls. The cheerleaders only came near me because of the "bad boy" image that I had. With my reputation – that I will not go into detail about – that was understandable. As for the scene chicks, it was because I was too hot for words, not to sound like an egotistical bastard. I truthfully had people coming up to tell me that on a regular basis ( and not all of them were girls).

Most people would tell me that I'm jumping to conclusions about how they don't even know me or something stupid. But it's really the only explanation. I only had one person I talked to at school, and that was Sora. On occasion he would bring some of his friends over to come have lunch in the cafeteria, but there was never much of a conversation because they were too busy shifting in their seats out of fear – with good reason.

There was nothing for it; I had to know what kind of girl I was being set up with, no matter what it took. After school, I would get Sora to help me with my plan. One favor is always part of the punishment, after all. He still owed me.

The bell after the final period rang at last, and I sauntered to my black Ducati Sports 1000, and waited for total satisfaction from the day, mounted on my bike, until I saw Sora walk down the front steps of the school. I smiled to myself when I saw a head of flattened brunette hair, sulking in a pair of Tripp pants, an over-sized jacket, eyeliner and black lipstick, and a T-shirt of my favorite band, Lostprophets. With my helmet and jacket on, I revved my Ducati's engine, attracting the attention of him and many other students, before racing off toward home.

Minutes after I arrived, Sora stalked through the front door. I waited, leaning up against the staircase banister.

"Sora-"

"Remind me to never piss you off again."

"Heh, right. When you piss me off next week I'll add a lip piercing for more effect. In the meantime, you're coming with me."

He froze, his backpack falling from his shoulders to the floor, eyeing me carefully. "What are you getting me dragged into now?"

"What was that? Do I hear the secrets of a tortured, gothic soul that need to be revealed to the rest of the student body?"

"You wouldn-"

"Try me."

The brunette sighed, knowingly defeated. "What do you need my help with?"

"You know the girl that Kairi's setting me up with?"

"Yeah…?"

"We're going to find her."

"Tonight?"

I nodded once.

"And what are you going to do once you do?"

"We are going to see exactly what you are making me put up with."

"I'm not making you 'put up' with anything. I think you'll really like her, and…"

I had been glaring at him. Sora had always shrunk under my gaze.

"Fine, I'll help you find her…"

"You'll have to wear a disguise."

"Why?" he complained.

"She's met you, she'll recognize you! I'm going to be wearing one too, so if she sees me today, she won't know it's me on Friday. Actually, what you're wearing now will do quite nicely," I said thoughtfully.

He shot up the staircase to go change. I took my time getting to my room to pick out some fake glasses, said lip piercing (fake, of course) and a jacket with a hood that would cover my face, if the need arose.

Nearly half an hour later, I was growing impatient. "Sora! How long does it take you?"

"Sorry!" he called back, the bathroom door opening as he came back down. "I had to do my hair, re-spike and all. What do you think?"

And I thought my over-simplifieddisguise was a bad idea…

"Sora-"

"Don't worry; the hair dye is only temporary!"

"Sora, GO CHANGE!"

"Fine…" The brunette turned on a heel to rummage through his closet.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and middle finger. Despite all odds, I had to be the person who was born with a twin who would disguise himself as me.