It was not like Takeru actually had any clue what "being Takeru" meant. Quite the contrary, in fact. All he knew was that what "being Takeru" had meant before he was exposed a liar and a fraud, could not be applied to "being Takeru" now anymore.

"Being Takeru" did not mean being a liar anymore. It did not mean hiding behind a façade and keeping as much of a distance as possible. Neither did it mean giving orders and making other people risk their lives for his.

It did not mean scolding Chiaki for slowing them down. It did not mean putting up with Ryuunosuke's and Kotoha's devotion. It did not mean evading Mako's inquiries, and it did not mean dreading the day when Kaoru would come and claim her rightful place.

So he knew a lot about what "being Takeru" did not mean.

But what did it actually mean?

①②③④⑤

'Tono!'

Takeru smiled a bit at Ryuunosuke's obvious astonishment and presented him with the flowers he had brought. 'It was a great performance,' he said softly. 'I enjoyed it very much. Thank you, Ryuunosuke.'

Ryuunosuke's whole face lit up. 'Thank you so much, Tono!'

There were actually tears in his eyes. Takeru quickly cleared his throat. 'I, um, was thinking, if you don't have any engagements, we might celebrate …?'

Ryuunosuke's smile was blinding. 'I would be honoured, Tono!'

Takeru breathed a silent sigh of relief. 'I—took the liberty of reserving a table at a nearby restaurant. But, Ryuunosuke?'

His tone stopped Ryuunosuke before he could exclaim again in excitement. 'Yes, Tono?'

Takeru smiled nervously. 'Would you—please call me Takeru while we're there?'

Ryuunosuke blinked. Takeru could see how he was fighting with himself and with the manners that had been drilled into him. 'Please,' he said quietly.

Ryuunosuke looked at him and nodded. 'If you wish, Takeru-sama.'

Well. Better than nothing. Takeru had figured out a while ago that his approval meant a lot to Ryuunosuke, and it was so easy to give that much to him. So there was no reason why he wouldn't.

Besides, talking—or rather, listening—to Ryuunosuke was very easy once he got started on kabuki or any topic related to it. Takeru found himself thoroughly enjoying the way Ryuunosuke's eyes sparkled.

Really, Ryuunosuke's enthusiasm was only annoying when it was directed at Takeru himself.

Now that the fight was over, there would not be as much need to talk about anything related to their roles as lord and retainer. They had plenty interests in common besides being samurai.

②③④⑤

Kotoha was next. She almost toppled over finding Takeru in front of her door, but accompanied him willingly enough to the hospital where her sister was being treated. Takeru had to admit that he spent a delightful afternoon with the two Hanaori sisters. Kotoha's sister doted on her younger sibling, and Kotoha herself adored her sister just as much. Just looking at them made Takeru feel good. Happy, somehow, even if he himself was not part of it.

Well, maybe a bit. Whether because of her age or because of her natural inclination, Kotoha's sister treated Takeru almost as if he was her younger brother as well. There was more respect in her gestures and interactions with him than she might have shown a younger brother. But when he left on the evening train, he still somehow felt as if he had been adopted today. By both sisters. As a younger brother by the first, as an older brother by the second.

Takeru decided he liked being an older brother to Kotoha, and being a younger brother was not half bad either. At one point, they even convinced Kotoha to call Takeru 'Takeru-sama' as well.

She kept slipping up. Takeru decided he would honour the effort.

He also agreed, while Kotoha was getting tea for the three of them, to keep an eye on any boys (maybe with the exception of Chiaki, whom they both suspected to be oblivious to his own feelings, and thus safe enough) making advances on Kotoha as long as her sister was still in hospital.

Sitting on the train, Takeru permitted himself to smile happily the whole way back.

③④⑤

With Genta the name had never been a problem. He had never, and would never, call Takeru anything else but 'Take-chan'. Which was fine with Takeru. He thoroughly enjoyed being in France, letting Genta take him to all the tourist attractions and quietly smiling at the French buying sushi at Genta's cart, treating the foreign food like some extravagant delicatesse.

Having known Genta from childhood, Takeru actually found it very easy to be Takeru around him and have fun, especially now that he did not have to berate himself anymore for having drawn Genta into this whole mess. When he boarded the plane to Hawai, he had been in a really good mood for almost two weeks on end, had not spent many thoughts to Japan and his duties there, and felt more relaxed than in many years.

④⑤

Mako was delighted to have him visiting. She even cooked for him, and Takeru was scared until he found out that her mother had been helping her.

It turned out she was a much better cook than her daughter. The two women talked about how they had prepared the meal for the whole time, and Takeru had a hard time not laughing too much at the faces Mako's father made.

It was also good to see that Mako and her mother had apparently managed to make up. In her own home, the former ShinkenPink was a lively, cheerful woman with a ready smile and a rather peculiar sense of humour that tended to embarrass Mako and Takeru, but also made their eyes meet in amused resignation. Much like they had done whenever Chiaki, Ryuunosuke and Kotoha did something stupid or funny before.

With Mako, Takeru did actually talk a bit. Not much. He was not yet at the point where he really wanted to talk about his life as the pretense Lord of Shiba. Still, he talked. About Japan. About Kaoru, and how she never failed to ring him at least once a week to inquire about his well-being. About the things he wanted to change, one day, in regard to the Shinkengers and traditions of the Shiba family.

Mako listened, and her mother listened as well, on a few occasions. Having been the former ShinkenPink, she was able to tell Takeru a lot about Kaoru's father, and about the dreams he had been forced to give up while fighting the Gedoushuu. Takeru was thankful for it, figuring it was still not easy for her to talk about it even though so much time had passed.

During the two weeks in Hawai, Takeru felt more and more confident that he was figuring out what "being Takeru" actually meant. Slowly, but then these things took time, as Mako and her mother assured him.

The most important advice came when he was standing at the airport, getting ready to return to Japan. Mako's mother caught his hands, looked up at him and smiled. 'Don't be afraid, Takeru,' she said, voice full of strength. 'Defining who you are is a never-ending process, and you will sometimes get lost in it. Remember that your friends will be there then to help you figure it out.'

He bowed low, a lump in his throat, and thought about the one person he had not talked to since he had left the Shiba mansion.

⑤

The one it took him longest to contact was Chiaki. Of course. Takeru knew that Chiaki had long since ceased taking their "competition" seriously, and in truth, he had never given it much thought anyway, assured that it would take Chiaki a long time until he even came close to Takeru's skill.

On the other hand, Chiaki had always been the one Takeru was both closest and most distant to. Most distant because he felt that Chiaki was the one who most needed a strong leader to look up to. Closest because Chiaki had never cared much about the distance Takeru had been trying to establish. So, in truth, the closeness had been rather unwilling on Takeru's part. He had never managed to work out why Chiaki would seek it out when he was competing with Takeru at the same time.

It had worked, in a weird way, as long as they were fighting. Takeru mostly attributed it to the fact that Chiaki had learned to trust in him at some point.

Now he wasn't quite sure how to reduce the distance without at the same time increasing the closeness. As much as he liked Chiaki (and he did, Takeru was not going to pretend otherwise), Takeru also liked his privacy. He liked sitting in his room and reading a book. He liked the peace and quiet of the Shiba estate.

"Peace" and "quiet" were not words easily associated with Chiaki. Takeru certainly would not think of them at first if asked to characterise his ShinkenGreen. The ShinkenGreen who was not his ShinkenGreen anymore, and the one Takeru was not leader to anymore, and did not want to either.

Why was it so much easier to re-define his relationship with his other retainers than with Chiaki?

He thought for quite a while how to go about this, even went as far as asking Mako for advice (even if Chiaki had always been closest to Kotoha, there was a reason why he called Mako "Nee-san").

However, he had not expected the words he was greeted with when he turned up at the gates of Chiaki's college, still undecided what to do but not wanting to wait any longer.

'So, I'm at the bottom of the list still, huh?'

Takeru blinked. Chiaki's face showed no emotion.

'What?'

'Well, you've been to one of Ryuu's performances. That was in July. Then you went to Kyoto to see Kotoha in August. You spent the last part of September in France with Genta, and the first part of October in Hawai with Mako.' Chiaki made a show of checking his cellphone. 'And today is January 15th. Bottom of the list by three months.'

Takeru twitched, bad conscience rising immediately. 'I have been very busy—' he started, heard himself and changed his course. 'I apologise. I did not mean to—to give you the impression that you were—'

'The most idiotic of the idiots you call your retainers? The least useful? The worst-mannered?' Chiaki waited for a moment while Takeru tried to regain his composure. Hearing it spoken out loud made it so much worse. 'I have a few more, you wanna hear them?'

'No!' Takeru found himself in front of Chiaki, grabbing his shoulders, hard. 'Don't,' he said, almost pleading with Chiaki. 'Please, don't. Not you.'

Not the person who had been the one to tell him he was not nothing. Not Chiaki.

Chiaki sighed, smiling just a little bit. 'You're an idiot, Takeru,' he said and Takeru flinched. 'If you didn't know what I'd like to do, why didn't you just ask? It's not that difficult, you know.'

Curse it. Takeru blushed to the roots of his hair when he realised Chiaki had gotten him again. And wasn't this just why he always tried to keep a distance between the two of them? Because Chiaki was just so good at making Takeru lose it.

Now he was smirking at him. Takeru stepped back, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 'How did you know?' he mumbled. Chiaki laughed.

'You're very bad at being subtle, Takeru. In July Ryuu spent about two hours prattling on about how you attended one of his performances and took him out to dinner, and asked him three times at least if I had passed my college test. Kotoha's sister laughed at least for five minutes, and I think she got stomach ache for it, when Kotoha very suddenly realised you had been trying to get out of her which gaming hall I liked best. Gen-chan could hardly believe you would enter an amusement park of your own free will. And Nee-san was pretty annoyed when she called me in December to find out I still hadn't contacted you.'

Takeru wanted the ground to swallow him whole. 'Oh,' he mumbled. Chiaki grinned even broader.

'Also, by the way, I don't have classes today. But when Jii called from the mansion, and told me you had been standing here and waiting for at least an hour, I figured I should go and rescue you.'

Takeru stared at him in horror. 'What?'

Chiaki shook his head. 'Takeru, you have a mouth. People use that to speak to each other, you know. It's called "talking", FYI. Very useful if you don't know how to act. You can simply ask. If you don't know how to do that, you can text. The Shodophones do that, did you notice?'

Takeru nodded, more embarrassed than he had ever felt in his life.

'What are you trying to do, anyway?'

Takeru hazarded a glance up at Chiaki. 'You said I'm not nothing,' he began, and swallowed, 'and I'm—'

Chiaki's face showed sudden understanding. 'Ah.'

'I don't like gaming halls,' Takeru said, feeling a bit helpless. 'And you don't like books.'

Chiaki gave a little snort. It sounded vaguely amused. 'I do actually have a few more hobbies, Takeru, believe it or not.'

Takeru blinked. Chiaki shook his head, put a hand to his shoulder and started pushing him in the direction of the Underground. 'Anyhow, it's cold. And my dad's home. What about we go home and bug him to make us biscuits? He's really good at baking. We have cards as well, if you don't want to try to beat me on the Wii.'

Takeru let himself be pulled into the Underground, settled on a seat next to Chiaki.

Chiaki sat there with the same lax attitude he had shown at the Shiba mansion, all sprawled across his seat, looking at the other people and rolling his eyes at them every now and then.

Then he looked up, met Takeru's eyes and suddenly grinned.

Takeru's mouth twitched, and then he felt the smile tugging at his lips as well.

Maybe it was just as well that his relationship with Chiaki was both the closest and the most distant. After all, somehow it did work between the two of them. Even if Chiaki was far too open and Takeru far too reserved.

Another thought struck, and Takeru sat up a bit. Chiaki was open, so open, had been open right from the start … had Takeru been the one taking the wrong course to ensure Chiaki's cooperation? Had Chiaki been looking for something else entirely in their relationship?

He hazarded another glance at his ShinkenGreen, and was suddenly convinced he was right. Chiaki had wanted to be friends all along, had never liked the distance between them at all.

And Takeru had simply not noticed, too caught up in defining all of his relationships as those between a (fake) lord and his retainers, despite his own words.

Takeru sat still for a moment, mulling the thought over in his head, yet another following this one.

Maybe, just maybe, "being Takeru" with Chiaki really meant having some kind of perpetual competition going on, the competition itself being more important than actually winning the fight? Maybe this competition was not meant to keep a distance but to bring them closer together?

What if that was what had triggered this whole rather absurd "One day I'll beat you"-behaviour?

Huh. Takeru would have to think about this. Later. For now he had something else to do.

He cleared his throat, catching Chiaki's attention once more.

'Do you think there are any games we could play on the Shodophones?'

This got WAY longer than I expected it to be, and also WAY more thoughtful. Can't be helped, though, so I'm posting it up as it is.
Many thanks to my beta; also, every kind of feedback is welcome.