For LIZZY! Happy early birthday! :3
This is the longest fic i have ever written and i like it :')
muggle!au. warning for cursing
For Resurrect Romance, prompt ten:
'After Sirius Black came out, his parents threw him out. In the five years since, he's made his own way, lived by his own rules, determined to never change himself—not for anyone. He's not against finding Mr. Right, but Mr. Right Now will do just fine.
Remus Lupin's reward for ten years of faithfully keeping his closeted boyfriend's secrets? A hell of a wake-up call to go with his morning coffee. Not only did Lucius have affairs, he went straight to marry his pregnant girlfriend—and Remus was to never reveal their history.
With the baby's baptism looming and Remus expected to put on a polite front, he decides he's had enough of playing the peacekeeper. One wink from a handsome, eyeliner-wearing guy in a bar, and Remus has found a perfectly outrageous date for the occasion.
The date goes better than he ever imagined. And so much worse, as Sirius convinces everyone they're madly in love. That wasn't part of the plan, but the more Remus learns about the man behind the makeup, the more he wishes it was true.'
Word Count: 3750 by Google Docs
Sirius Black often compares the streets of London to the back of his hand: he hardly knows what it looks like if he's being completely honest, but it is still his and he controls it. At least, he'd like to think he controls it.
He's been living on them the longest out of any of his friends, mostly because the older ones have all died. Life expectancy isn't great on the streets, and that's where he's been living for the past fourteen years, ever since his parents kicked him out.
That's the last time I trust my parents with something personal of mine, he thinks, all the time. The last time I could.
Sirius knows that his life expectancy is pretty short, because he's damaged it by smoking (a habit he shouldn't have; he's Black enough inside), generally not eating (either because he doesn't have food, or he just can't stomach anything), working in a factory (which is the only paying job he can even get), and spending freezing cold winters and boiling hot summers outside.
He honestly couldn't care less if he died tomorrow; he doesn't particularly like his life, but he's still going to live it. As he's drilled into his own brain: 'some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person.' He wants to live a lot, which is his reasoning behind sleeping with every man he meets at the bar. He was kicked out of his parents' house for being gay, so he might as well embrace his gay-ness in its entirety. He'll find his 'Mr. Right' eventually, but right now, he's more content with Mr. Right Now.
Remus has a headache. He's furious with everything—work, himself, his life, his ex-boyfriend. Yes, his ex-boyfriend, because that morning, his boyfriend of ten years broke up with him. For a baby. Remus wishes he could strangle that baby.
It does make better sense for Lucius, his ex, to break up with Remus instead of Lucius' girlfriend, Narcissa, who, apparently, was pregnant. Was, because Narcissa had Lucius' freaking baby.
"Ten years of keeping your fucking secret," Remus mutters to no one in particular. "and now you break up with me by inviting me to the baptism." He laughs out loud, feeling a little bit crazy. "Baptism?" He's still talking to himself. "You're not even Christian!"
Remus sighs, looking at his email. Again. The call from Lucius this morning was bad enough, but then Remus received the e-vite to Lucius' son's baptism, which just rubs the salt in the wound.
"I need a drink," Remus says, sighing and picking up his car keys.
Sirius has a set plan for getting a guy in his bed. He goes into the bar, gets a few drinks, gives a good-looking guy a few winks, buys him some drinks, and then has sex with him. It's pretty simple, and almost always works. Even if they're 'straight' because no one can resist the charm of Sirius Black. Drinks, winks, and more drinks. That's what he calls his system.
Tonight, he's searching the room for someone. There aren't many good choices here, except for one person he's already hit, but he can't choose him. That's the one rule Sirius has: never do a Repeat.
Sirius is about to give up when someone comes into the bar, looking very distressed. Sirius decides to wait around and see who this person is.
The guy isn't particularly good-looking, nothing like Sirius' past conquests, but something about him pulls on Sirius' heart.
He hates it.
The man orders a drink on the other side of the bar, downs it, and gets another one. Sirius shrugs to himself and decides to invite him over.
He spends a few minutes trying to catch his eye without being overly obvious, but he manages to do it and sends him a wink.
Perfect.
Remus has no idea where he crazy plan has come from, maybe the alcohol, but he's decided to bring a date to Lucius' baby's baptism. One that'll replace Lucius, to make him feel bad. Also the most outrageous date he could find, just to embarrass Lucius' girlfriend in front of her 'good Christian family'. Lucius would be responsible for anything Remus' date did, as he was the one who invited Remus. Besides, the invitation had an option for a plus one.
So when some guy across the bar Remus is at winks at him, Remus sees it as basically an offer. He heads over to the guy, who actually isn't that bad looking. If he would lose the massive amounts of eyeliner he had on, he'd be exactly Remus' type.
"Hello," the other guy says to Remus, smiling at him.
"Hello," Remus replies, mimicking his tone. The other guy raises an eyebrow at him, looking both surprised and pleased.
"I'm Sirius," he says, holding out a hand.
"Remus. Remus Lupin," Remus replies, taking Sirius' hand. Strong grip.
"Werewolf McWerewolf, huh?" Sirius smirks. His target has a stupid name, but somehow that makes Sirius want him more.
"Hey, it's not my fault my parents are Ancient Rome nerds. I even have a brother named Romulus, and a sister named Diana. I mean, your name means dog."
Sirius raises an eyebrow. "Well, it's not my fault my parents are astrology nerds. Actually, it's not them, my whole family is very into the 'tradition' thing." Sirius catches the bartender's eyes and motions to his empty glass, asking for another beer. He complies. "Screw them all, I say," Sirius tells Remus, holding up his new beer and taking a long gulp.
"Why?" Remus asks.
"Why what?" Sirius asks back, after taking another gulp.
"Why 'screw them all'?"
"Ah, they kicked me out of the house. Nearly fourteen years ago?"
Sirius hates Remus for making discuss his family, but if he has to give in a little to get Remus into his bed, he'll do it.
"Why?" Remus asks once again, looking startled.
"You ask why too much," Sirius says, draining the rest of his beer, "but if you really want to know, it's because I came out to them. I'm gay."
Remus nods understandingly.
"Hey, I have a question for you," he starts.
Remus figures he might as well be blunt. Everything is going fine so far—Sirius is outrageous, gay, and seems to be drunk most of the time, though Remus isn't quite sure about that last one. He doesn't know him that well yet, but Sirius seems like the type.
"You know what a baptism is?" he asks, eyeing Sirius' newly refilled glass.
"Oh, yeah," Sirius says, taking a swig. "I had one myself. My family's very religious. Like I said before, 'tradition' and that type of shit."
"Well, I was invited to one," Remus says, taking a breath. "and I was looking for a date to it... Want to go with me?"
Sirius laughs, a loud, bark-like laugh, and Remus likes the sound of it.
"You want to bring a guy to a baptism? You do realize it's a Christian thing? The same Christians who want to burn me, and I'm assuming you, in the pit of hell?" Remus nods, which causes Sirius to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, let out another laugh and take another swig of beer. "Amazing. Sure, I'll go with you."
They're quiet for a moment, as Sirius finishes his drink. Remus is pleased with how it went. They sit in silence for another moment, before Sirius asks, "Want to have sex with me?"
"What?" Remus asks, pretty sure he misheard Sirius.
"You're asking me to go to this baptism with you. All I ask in return is one night of sex. With you." Sirius leans in closer to Remus and Remus can tell that he is very drunk. Remus hesitates, about to refuse, but then he shrugs and nods.
"Why not?"
Sirius is regretting his decision more and more. Not the one where he had sex with Remus, that was a brilliant decision, but the one where he accepted Remus' invitation to the baptism.
Sirius pulls out a cigarette and lights it, taking a drag. He's waiting for Remus at the spot they agreed on the night before.
Sirius doesn't want to be picked up for it, but Remus pulls up early, right on the corner of Grenfell Road like Sirius told him. Sirius has been there since the previous night. He slept there, but Remus doesn't know that. Remus doesn't need to know that.
"Nice neighborhood," Remus says when he pulls up next to Sirius. "And you smoke," he notes, seeing the cigarette still in Sirius' hand. Sirius doesn't like his tone, so he decides not to address it. Yes, he knows he smokes.
"Thanks," he replies sourly, wrenching open the passenger door. "So, what am I supposed to do at this baptism?" he asks after they've driven a few blocks.
"Just stand and look pretty."
"Easy enough." Sirius shrugs, slightly surprised. That can't be the only reason Remus has invited him.
"And—" Remus stops, and when he doesn't continue, Sirius pokes him.
"And what?" he prompts.
"Do not poke me when I'm driving." Remus is quiet again, and they drive for a few more minutes. "So, this baptism is actually the baptism of my ex-boyfriend's kid," he starts.
"That must be awkward," Sirius notes, still confused. Why is Remus telling him this? Remus chuckles and takes his eyes off of the road for a moment to look at Sirius. Sirius likes his eyes a lot.
"Yeah, sort of. I need you to pretend to be in love with me. To piss Lucius—my ex—off."
Oh. So that's why Remus invited him. "Okay, easy," Sirius says, shrugging. A second later, he realizes what he said and blushes. "I meant because—Well, I didn't—"
"Perfect," Remus says. Sirius looks at him and sees that he's also blushing, but a slight grin is on his face.
Remus is uneasy with how easy it was for Sirius to agree to be in love with him. He only met Sirius yesterday, in some sketchy bar. Sirius could be a mass murderer on the run from the police for all Remus knows. He also knows that something is bound to go wrong. Everything has gone right so far and, for Remus, things never go this well.
They pull up to St Pancras Church exactly on time, and Remus steps out of his car, his chest brimming with anxiety.
"Well, let's go," he says, jokingly offering his arm to Sirius. To his surprise, though, Sirius takes it.
"We're in love, right?" he says, with a wink. Sirius is still wearing massive amounts of eyeliner, and even though it's not the thing Remus is personally into, he thinks it's perfect for this occasion of pissing off Lucius.
They walk into the church, to where all the people are, and as soon as Sirius catches sight of the people, he stops suddenly, making Remus also pause.
"What?" Remus asks, confused. He's also a little bit annoyed. "Let's go."
Holy fuck.
No, not here.
Sirius is positively freaking out inside, but he's not going to let it show.
"Whose family is that? Your ex's?" Sirius asks, pointing to the people on the right side of the church.
"No, his girlfriend's. Or wife's, I guess. Someone named 'Narcissa Black'?"
Sirius' breath hitches in his throat. "Only Cissy," he mutters.
"What?" Remus asks him, hearing that he said something, but not sure what he said.
"That's my family," Sirius explains, looking up at the ceiling. "I was a Black."
"Was?" Remus questioned.
"I don't use my last name anymore. I hate my family, as I've already told you. Narcissa is my cousin."
"Wow," Remus says, looking shocked. "I'm sorry, then. You can leave if you want to," he stammers. "You don't have to stay, I'm sorry."
"No, no," Sirius says, puffing out his chest and making a wild decision. "I'm staying. If you can face your ex, at his own child's baptism, I can face my family. Easy."
Sirius tries to come off as cool, but he's freaking out inside. He hates everything about this and is pretty sure he's going to faint, or die, or both.
"Let's go have fun, shall we?" Sirius says, leading Remus onwards.
Remus feels so bad for Sirius, but he also wants to laugh.
This is his family? Remus knows that Sirius hates his family, with good reason, but what are the chances? It's a small world, after all, he thinks, grinning inwardly.
The pair makes their way over to the seats, with Sirius still holding onto Remus' arm. No eyes turned to meet them, which Remus is thankful for. He can tell that Sirius is on the verge of panic. Lucius meets them halfway down the aisle, smiling.
"Remus!" he says, looking at him happily Then he notices Sirius and his smile disappears. "Who's this?"
Remus knows that Lucius doesn't like Sirius at first sight, but is still trying to play a polite front. Remus knows Lucius.
"Oh, this is Sirius," he replies, staring straight into Lucius' eyes. "My boyfriend."
"Your boyfriend?" Anyone just meeting him wouldn't notice it, but Remus call tells that there's a hint of betrayal in his voice, which, in Remus's opinion, seems hypocritical of him.
"Yeah, his boyfriend," Sirius says, speaking for the first time. He leans in and pecks Remus on the cheek. Remus can feel a blush spread over his face.
"Yeah," he echoes. "my boyfriend." Lucius looks visibly disappointed now. "Hey, Sirius, why don't you wait over there?" Remus offers, gesturing to some random place away from them. Sirius squints at him, looking skeptical, but leaves them alone anyway.
"Your boyfriend?" Lucius asks, once he sees Sirius start a conversation with someone else.
"Yeah, what'd you expect? I'd just stay sad and alone?" When Lucius is quiet, he adds, "You were the one who left me."
"I know," Lucius says, extending a hand to Remus and stroking his jawline.
"So you thought what?"
Lucius bites his lip. "I don't know. Look, maybe we can go somewhere and…" Hook up, Remus finishes in his mind.
He's tempted for a moment, but rejects him.
"Look, I'm here with Sirius, and it wouldn't be right… besides, you left me," he repeats. "I'm sorry."
He really is.
Sirius doesn't like being told to go away, but he is only there for Remus, so he decides to to listen and walks over to the area Remus gestured at. He's not really paying attention to where he's going because he's too busy looking around at all the guests. His family. He knocks into someone and is about to say that he's sorry, but the apology dies in his throat.
He still recognizes her, even after fourteen years.
"Cissy," he says, his eyes looking her face up and down.
"Sirius?" she asks, looking unsure.
"Yeah." He feels very awkward.
"Why are you here?"
"Ouch, Cissy. That was harsh."
"Don't call me Cissy," she snaps at him. He's offended. "Why are you here?" she repeats.
"I'm here as someone's date," he says, gesturing in Remus' general direction. Narcissa's lip curls and Sirius clears his throat. "So, where are—" he hesitates, even though he knows exactly what he wants to say. He wants to ask 'Where are the decent people in our family?', but he won't say that. He knows when to hold his tongue, most of the time. "Where's Reg?" he asks, instead. She's silent. "Regulus. My little brother. Where's Regulus?"
"He's dead," she says, quite bluntly. Sirius isn't sure if he heard her right.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Regulus is dead," she repeats, a little bit quieter this time. Sirius supposes that he's so shocked and sad at this that he feels numb from it. Sirius feels nothing right now.
"Well, where's Andromeda?" Sirius asks instead, desperate for a change away from Regulus.
"She wasn't invited," Narcissa explains, looking relieved that she didn't have to talk about Regulus. "She married a Jew and converted."
Sirius bites his tongue. The only family members he liked, dead and disowned. The day seemed ten times darker. Ten times Blacker.
"What about your baby?" Sirius asks, feeling awkward once again. Narcissa smiles at the thought of her child.
"He's with my mother," she answers. They both stand there, nodding their heads politely until Remus walks over to them with a frown on his face.
"Hi," he says to Narcissa. "Remus Lupin. You must be Narcissa?" She nods. "I'm Lucius' friend."
"Oh, Lucius has told me about you," she remarks. They're all silent for a minute, and then she says, "I should probably go and check on everything, you know…" Narcissa trails off, but both boys nod, so she leaves.
Remus doesn't remember most of the ceremony. He comprehends the baby's name (Draco) and that's it. He's too lost in his own thoughts. His mind is going through a cycle of missing Lucius, feeling bad for missing him because Remus is at the baptism with Sirius, goddammit, and then remembering that Sirius is there just so that Lucius is jealous.
When the ceremony is over, Sirius grabs Remus' hand and squeezes it.
"Where to now, boyfriend?" he asks. Remus points to where everyone is filing out of the building, going outside. Remus and Sirius follow to see a small brunch set up.
They're about to take a place at one of the tables when a voice calls to them, "Sirius?"
Sirius turns around slowly, but it doesn't matter. He'd know that voice from anywhere. He turns around and sees, unfortunately, that he's correct about who it is.
"Mum," he says, a sick feeling growing in his body.
"Why are you here, Sirius?"
"I'm here on a date," he replies simply.
"A date?" His mother looks surprised.
"Yeah, a date." With every word he tells his mother, he feels stronger and more reckless. "With a boy in fact."
His mother cringes and he's pleased to see it.
"Hey! Everybody!" Sirius yells. He sees Remus looking panicked, but Sirius has adrenaline in his veins now. He's not going to stop. People are looking at him now, which is his goal. "I'm Sirius Black, Walburga and Orion's son! And you know why I'm here?" he yells, making this up as he speaks. "I'm on a date! That's right. A date. Here's the plot twist though: I'm on a date with a guy, my boyfriend, Remus Lupin, and I'm madly in love with him and I'm going to snog him, right now, on your holy ground!"
Sirius wheels around and sees a panic-stricken Remus, but just doesn't care anymore. The resentment he holds for his parents, for their religion, blows up all at once.
So he kisses Remus.
He kisses him, and Sirius feels like it's the right thing to do, not just to stick it to his parents, but to kiss Remus. He feels that it's always been the right thing.
Remus hates Sirius Black. He knew, in the back of his mind, that bringing a stranger with him on a date was a bad idea, but he did it anyway, and now that stranger was kissing him, in front of everyone, on church ground.
It's Remus' fault, really. He told Sirius to do this, really. He told Sirius to be in love with him.
At first, he doesn't lean into it. He's too shocked. Even once he gets over the initial shock, he doesn't pull away, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't kiss him back either.
Until he thinks—why'd he even choose Sirius to go with him? He could've chosen anybody else, yet he chose Sirius. And yes, he was basically just choosing an actor to play his boyfriend, but maybe, subconsciously, he's attracted to Sirius and chose him because of that? Maybe it was type casting…?
So Remus leans into the kiss, and it feels right, and there's a jolt going through his body.
He vaguely hears gasps and a glass breaking. Someone screams at them to get out of the church's area.
Remus pulls away from Sirius, catching his breath. Lucius is standing next to them.
"You guys need to leave," he tells them. "This is a church." Lucius gives Remus as meaningful look, but one that is mixed in with anger.
Remus nods. "Okay. Good luck with the baby, then." Lucius nods back, and Remus sees the slight sadness in his features. "Come on." Remus grabs Sirius' hand this time, instead of the other way around, and for the first time, Remus sees Sirius blush from the touch. He likes the role reversal.
When they're back in Remus' car, Sirius speaks for the first time.
"I'm sorry." He looks quite genuinely apologetic.
"It's fine. I didn't really know what I expected, asking you into this."
They're both quiet, each of them not sure what to say. Remus knows that he's brimming with anxiety, and he would probably pay to know what Sirius is feeling. He doesn't look nonchalant, for once.
"So," Sirius says, after a few minutes. His voice is full of giddiness.
"So," Remus repeats. He's pretty sure that his voice is brimming with giddiness.
Sirius opens and closes his mouth a few times, seeming unsure of what to say.
"Where should I drop you off?" Remus asks him when Sirius doesn't say anything more. He can see Sirius' face fall out of the corner of his eye.
"Same place I guess." Sirius sounds slightly disappointed.
"Unless," Remus starts, completely unsure of the new plan forming in his mind.
"Yeah?" Sirius asks, sounding hopeful again.
"Well, do you want to go back to my place?"
Remus is crazy. Remus must be crazy. He's inviting someone who's mostly a stranger over to his house. He's pretty certain that Sirius isn't a mass murder, but that doesn't mean that Sirius should come over to his flat. He invites him anyway.
"Well, yeah!" Sirius sounds nothing like the part of him Remus knows. His voice is filled with a childlike joy. Remus likes it. "Do you think—" Sirius stops, frowning.
"Do I think what?" Remus asks.
"This has been fun and all," Sirius starts, with a chuckle. "But our relationship hasn't been, well, real. Do you think maybe…" Sirius seems struggling to get the words out.
"Yeah," Remus says, assuming what Sirius means. "we can try this again. For real this time."