Reckless
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Author's Note: A few Grif metas I read inspired this.
Summary: Grif has become increasingly reckless since he was reunited with the Reds and Blues. This time he takes it too far.
Time to relax never lasted long for the Reds and Blues. They always found themselves to be drawn into something.
Once again they found themselves facing off against an enemy that threatened their lives and the lives of everyone they knew and cared about. Unlike last time there was no complaints and the group jumped into action. Now however Simmons was beginning to regret that. Ever since Grif had rejoined the group he had become increasingly reckless. What had caused this he didn't know but it was the most active he had ever seen Grif. He would have liked it had it not meant that Grif was being the first to go into dangerous situations. Like right now...
"Seriously I can do this!" The explosions around them making it hard to hear each other so they had resorted to yelling.
"Do what? Drive that jeep, with the bomb on it too, into the heart of this place. Are you kidding me? We don't need a repeat of what happened to Doyle?" Simmons could feel the panic begin to grow as he realised that Grif was seriously considering going on a suicide mission.
"Dude I can do this. I drive it and it'll give you guys enough time to get out. Win win."
"No! That is not win win. You'll die!"
Grif sighed, not understanding why Simmons was so against the idea. It seemed like the only plausible way to defeat the enemy but Simmons was completely resistant to the plan. He was sure if the others were there they would agree with him.
"Seriously it's the only way."
"Fuck that! We have to find another way! You are not dying!" Simmons was becoming increasingly panic-stricken at the subject of the conversation. Why couldn't Grif just listen to him and find another way to stop the latest enemy in a long line of enemies they'd faced?
"Well, what happens if another enemy comes along after this and we need your help. You won't be any good to us dead." Maybe talking about future potential enemies would get Grif away from going on a suicide mission. Simmons was sure on one thing and that was he didn't want Grif to die. It hadn't been too long since Simmons had admitted to himself just how important Grif was to him. He couldn't die. Simmons had barely known what to do with himself without Grif while at Temple's lair. The idea of living without Grif was a thought he didn't even want to register.
"Look, we don't have time for this argument. This has to be done now! Otherwise we won't be able to defeat this guy." Grif couldn't understand why Simmons was being so difficult. It was a solid plan. Sure he didn't want to die but if it meant his friends were safe he could do it.
"Besides it's not like you lot need me around. You got on fine without me before. You'll be fine if I'm gone." Simmons couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Grif think that? Okay thinking about it Simmons could see it but he never realised that Grif was that suicidal.
"Who would miss me anyway? Probably Kai but she's got a good thing going with her entertainment business and I don't want to get in the way of that. She's survived without me so far. And you guys would be alright. So who'd even care if I was gone?"
With that Grif turned and started walking towards the jeep. He didn't make it very far as Simmons grabbed his arm. He tried to pull it away but he couldn't. Fucking cyborg strength. Simmons felt tears spill down his cheeks. He was in complete disbelief.
"I would."
He sniffed and gripped Grif's arm a little tighter frightened that if he let go Grif would disappear.
"I'd care."
Grif stopped and stared at Simmons. Was he hearing him correctly? Had time stopped because it really felt like it was just him and Simmons in this place. He would barely hear the commotion around him over his pulse racing in his ears. Neither moved as they simply stared at each other. Both afraid that the moment wasn't real.
BANG!
The moment was broken by a shot ringing out.
"Fucking son of a bitch!"
Simmons was startled by the noise and saw Grif clutching his leg. Blood just visible on his orange armour.
"Well now you're definitely not getting in that jeep." Simmons hated himself for it but he was glad at the moment that Grif had been shot. He let go of Grif's arm and wrapped his cyborg arm around Grif waist as he pulled Grif's arm over his shoulder.
"Come on fat-arse. Let's get you out of here."
Simmons helped Grif to the Pelican. Once in the Pelican he noticed how bad Grif was bleeding. He hoped that the bullet hadn't hit an artery or else Grif would bleed out before they could get back to Chorus. Luckily everyone was onboard and they could take off.
"Guys we need to get Grif to Grey. He's bleeding really badly." Simmons hoped his voice wasn't as squeaky as it sounded. He also didn't care at that moment that they would probably see the enemy again and soon. All he cared about was getting Grif to a hospital.
"Grif you have to stay awake." The panic he felt earlier returning with a vengeance when he saw Grif's head slump forward.
"Yeah, yeah. Although a nap sounds really good."
"No! No naps. Not until we get you to the hospital at least."
Simmons sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair. The panic from earlier that day had never left him and now that he had a moment to think it was beginning to fester and overwhelm him. Grif had be so sure his death was what would benefit the group most. The orange soldier was so convinced that he had no place in the group that he was willing to die. Simmons still couldn't believe that Grif thought that they hated him. He knew that they didn't. He certainly didn't. Grif was an important part of Red Team let alone the overall group. He couldn't imagine life without Grif anymore. The short time he had to experience that he never wanted to experience again.
A groan from the bed next to him grabbed his attention.
"Hey Grif." Another groan. Simmons couldn't help the smile that came to his face. Grif's unwillingness to wake up reminiscent of their Blood Gulch days.
"Come on Grif. You have to wake up."
Simmons stood up and gripped the bed railing as Grif opened his eyes. He looked at Simmons but turned away as the sun shone directly into the window. Although it did give Simmons a nice halo. There had been a few times when he thought Simmons was beautiful and this was one of them. Not that he would ever admit it out loud. Turning his head he noticed the cards and presents on the bedside table.
"What are these?"
He was genuinely curious. There was no-one else in the room. Perhaps someone had left them behind.
"I told you people would care if you died."
Grif turned and looked at his bandaged leg and then back at Simmons.
"You told me you'd care if I died." The little hope that had swelled in Grif's chest at Simmons' words earlier that day was dashed now.
Simmons felt guilt run through him. Grif's voice had sounded more vulnerable then he had ever heard it. He couldn't let Grif think he didn't care anymore. He had to show Grif that he did care. He just wasn't sure how. He lowered his eyes in guilt but it gave him an idea.
"I would care if you died."
He grabbed Grif's hand with his human hand and looked at Grif with a small smile on his face. The Hawaiian couldn't believe what was happening. Was Simmons feeling sorry for him? Had he died and entered heaven? Had he entered another dimension? Was he dreaming?
His mind filled with questions as he alternated his gaze from Simmons' face to their joined hands and back again. Simmons began to feel self-conscious with the scrutiny and was worried that he had made the wrong move. He was about to pull away when Grif returned the gesture and squeezed his hand. The smile on Simmons' face grew and he squeezed Grif's hand in return. Grif also had a smile on his face.
"Hey lovebirds. Keep your sappiness where others can't see it."
They both turned to the doorway and saw Sarge standing there with his arms crossed. Simmons stood up a little straighter but didn't let go of Grif's hand. Something everyone in the room noticed.
"Sarge what are you doing here?"
Sarge came over to the other side of Grif's bed and clapped his hand against Grif's shoulder a couple of times before crossing his arms again.
"Just wanted to make sure the lazy-arse wasn't dead."
It seemed Simmons wasn't the only trying to make an effort to show Grif that he mattered to the team. Grif couldn't help but feel awkward at the attention. He was beginning to believe that he really was dreaming as everyone was suddenly overly nice to him. He didn't get it and it made him slightly uncomfortable.
An awkward silence had descended among the three but was interrupted by Sarge clearing his throat.
"Well, I guess I'll be going. Gotta work on my shotgun." He grabbed Grif's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze before leaving.
Alone again the two looked at each other.
"I didn't slip into a parallel dimension did I?"
Simmons laughed by Grif was completely serious. "No you didn't. Why would you think that?"
"Everyone's being so nice. It's strange. I'm not used to it and I'm not sure how I feel about it."
Grif's answer made the smile fall from Simmons' face and guilt made a reappearance. He squeezed Grif's hand again as he tried to stop the feelings from overwhelming him. Grif returned the gesture and looked at Simmons.
"Are you going to cry?"
Simmons rolled his eyes at the question. "No."
Grif smiled, "That sounds like the answer of someone who's about to cry."
"Arsehole."
Simmons lifted Grif's hand and interlaced their fingers. "You could have died."
The mood in the room turned sombre. Grif looked at their interlaced fingers that Simmons was holding as close to his chest as he could in their position. It wasn't very far off of the bed but Grif wasn't complaining. Simmons was holding his hand. That little hope from earlier strung back to life in his chest. He didn't dare to hope that Simmons shared his feelings in any way. There hadn't been any indication of that in all the years that they had known each other. But then Grif hadn't exactly been forthcoming with his more than platonic feelings for Simmons either.
"Yeah but that's a regular occurrence with us." Grif said attempting to put some humour into the situation. He wasn't a fan of how serious the situation was becoming.
"It was different this time. You were ready to kill yourself to let us get away." Simmons didn't like to think about what would have happened had Grif not been shot.
Grif sighed. He really didn't want to have this conversation. "Dude can we not do this? Let's both just be thankful that it didn't come to that."
Simmons nodded, "Fine."
36 hours later Grif was released from hospital and was able to return to his own room. With a little help from Simmons, who had yet to leave his side for more than a few minutes when he went to either get some food or go to the toilet. It's not that he didn't like having Simmons around, he did, he really did but he could tell there was something Simmons wanted to say but wouldn't. For whatever reason. It was getting annoying.
Finally night time came and Grif ordered Simmons away.
"But..."
"Look dude I think I can manage to get to sleep on my own. Go to your own room."
Simmons seemed hesitant and unsure.
"Fine. But anything happens..."
"I know where you are. Yes mum. Can I go to sleep now?"
Simmons huffed and they said goodnight. He then complied with Grif's suggestions and headed to his own room.
It didn't take long in the darkness of his own room for his thoughts to catch up to him. His mind began to make up different scenarios of Grif dying. Each more gruesome than the last. Maybe some sleep would help? However even in his dreams he couldn't escape and that night was filled with nightmares.
He awoke gasping and shaking. All he could think was he needed to find Grif. He needed to know Grif was safe and alive. Without much more thought than that he leaped out of bed, out of his room and down the hall. He paused only briefly in front of Grif's room and knocked. At first there was no answer and he felt panic tear through him. He knew it was ridiculous. He had spoken to Grif only hours before but he couldn't shake the feeling. Knocking again and louder than before he waited.
A muffled "what?" came from behind the door. Simmons opened the door, unsurprised to find it unlocked and stepped inside.
Grif blinked blearily. His eyes were still heavy with sleep but his eyes had to be deceiving him. Simmons was in his room in the middle of the night.
"Simmons? What do you want?"
Now that he was in Grif's room and the orange soldier was awake Simmons became self-conscious.
"Um...well...you see, the thing is..." Every reason he thought of sounded incredibly stupid to him and he knew each one would only sound more stupid once said out loud. He was still shaking from the nightmare and was unsure of what to do.
Grif sighed and leaned up onto his elbows and noticed Simmons shaking. "You okay?"
Simmons stared at Grif for a moment, contemplating his answer.
"Uh, no. It's... I just..."
"Come here." Grif gestured in the dark room but Simmons saw. He went over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. Grif rolled his eyes and pulled Simmons so he was laying down.
"Oof. Grif."
Grif manoeuvred them into a comfortable position. Grif laid on his back so he didn't disturb his injured leg with Simmons resting on Grif's chest. Both felt a little awkward as this was the first time they had done anything like this. Simmons was stiff as a board but he couldn't say he disliked the position he was in.
"Simmons relax and go to sleep."
Simmons turned his head and looked at Grif. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything to say. He willed his body to relax and took a few deep breaths. He noticed that he was definitely calmer than he had been minutes before.
He barely heard Grif saying goodnight before he was asleep.
Both slept much better that night than they had in ages.
They woke up the next morning with neither having moved. Grif grimaced at the pain in his leg but he couldn't bring himself to move. Simmons noticed and handed Grif the painkillers he'd been given. They shared a smile but neither felt particularly inclined to move. Plus with Grif injured everyone knew that Simmons wouldn't venture far from his side. Little glances and touches that lasted longer than normal became the new normal that morning.
Neither would admit it but something had changed. Maybe it was the much needed night's rest or something else. They didn't know but it was welcomed by both of them.
Grif was excited about the new developments with Simmons and certainly wasn't going to say anything to dissuade the new behaviour. Simmons however never wanted to go through another experience like the day before. He resolved that he would make it clear to Grif that he cared. He needed Grif to know that he mattered to the group, to him and that he was missed. He just had to summon the courage to show Grif just how important he was to him.
Maybe they both needed to be a little more reckless from now on.
I wrote this when I was super tired but when inspiration strikes it will not be denied.
Comments welcome.