For Mirandy Week Day Five Heart of Ice. Thanks to Crazybecat and Roseyruewritessometimes22 for the beta. Again. Round of applause everyone.
Miranda's ears still buzzed from the call from Nigel. She swallowed. And swallowed again. His voice echoed in her mind.
"Miranda, are you blind? She's got more than that little crush that all of your assistants get. She's head over heels, defend your honor in a fight, in love."
Apparently being out from under her thumb as creative director at Alexander McQueen was going to his head and making him much bolder than he should be. She should have berated him, she knew, but instead all she could do was sputter and look out at the desk where Andrea still sat even after Paris, even after everything she had put the girl through. She had denied it at every turn, both her affections and Andrea's but Nigel was adamant. The girl was just as in love with her and she was with the girl.
And that couldn't stand.
Miranda turned her chair around to stare out the windows of her office. There wasn't a great deal to see seventeen floors up, mostly just the windows of other office buildings and the occasional disgusting pigeon flying by, but it provided a blank canvas for her to paint her thoughts. The divorce with Stephen had gone horribly. The best lawyers that money could buy couldn't combat an unforgiving system. No one had any love for a woman called the Dragon Lady. Most days she bore that cross like a martyr. Someone had to be the Dragon Lady in order for the fashion world to truly thrive. But this last time through the mud hole that was divorce had weakened her resolve. The twins had almost been taken from her. She had given Stephen a great deal more than she ever planned to in order to stop him from spouting lies about what a horrible mother she was. She would get him back of course. She always did, but for now she was just so very tired.
And now Andrea. Miranda closed her eyes and massaged her temples. She had just fended of Irv less than a year ago in Paris, but he was circling her again, looking for weaknesses. Andrea would give him a perfect opportunity to go for her throat. God knew that a man could fuck his assistant into oblivion and back and the company would bend over backwards to protect him, but if she so much as looked at Andrea wrong she would be thrown out onto the street for Page Six to snatch up in a millisecond.
She couldn't put her girls through that again. They were heading into their teenage years now, more aware than ever of the press and the things they said about their mother, and about them no matter how many journalists Miranda had blacklisted for the mention of her precious girls. Dating an assistant, a woman half her age no less, Page Six would be the worst they had been yet. She couldn't let it happen. She couldn't.
A plan formed in her mind. She hated it from the second she even thought of it, but no matter how long she sat there staring at reflective windows and stupid birds, she thought of nothing else that would work. As a businesswoman she had learned to head problems off at the pass, before they even became problems. And this was the only way she was going to stop this. And it might kill her, she was sure.
She waited for a long time, gathering up the courage to call Andrea into her office. Once this was done it could not be undone. She knew that. Even if she could explain it to the girl some time down the line she wouldn't forgive her. She knew Andrea well enough to know that. Picking the twins over her, Andrea would understand, but everything else, picking her job and her reputation over the girl, that's what she wouldn't forgive. Miranda didn't blame her. In her shoes she would feel the same way. But Miranda hadn't been an assistant in a very, very long time and the shoes she had to fill were much bigger.
She took a deep breath. If she didn't do this now she wasn't going to do it at all, and if hellfire and damnation rained down on the girls because of her indecision she would never forgive herself. She steeled herself again and turned her chair around. Her posture straightened and she felt herself slipping into the dragon persona. She would need it. It was her sword, most assuredly, but more importantly her shield. Her shield against big brown eyes that would wound her almost as effectively as twin pairs of bright blue.
"Andrea," she whispered out, even quieter than normal. She hoped the girl wouldn't hear. At least then she could tell herself that she had tried when things came crashing down around her.
But no, Andrea was attuned to her as ever. She was in front of Miranda, notepad at the ready, waiting for instruction.
"Close the door, Andrea, and have a seat." There was steel in her voice, cold and unforgiving. She had not put it there, but perhaps it was for the best.
Andrea's eyes widened slightly, but she scurried to do as Miranda said. Emily would no doubt be curious as to what was going on behind the closed door. Miranda hardly ever closed her office doors, but she couldn't bring herself to humiliate Andrea in front of anyone else. It was the one small mercy that she could give her. Emily could be put off with lies. No one needed to know what went on behind these doors but the two already in the office.
Then Andrea was seated and staring at her, posture stiff. She could sense something was wrong. The girl bore her bad moods with a smile, but this was different. Miranda would almost laugh at the fact that she was driving the one person who seemed to actually understand her away, but she had a feeling once she started she might actually start to tear up. The last thing that she needed a was repeat of Paris.
She swallowed again and started in on her own death march. "Andrea, I've just gotten the most interesting call from Nigel, do you know what it was about?"
She saw the instant of confusion cross Andrea's face before the girl shook her head. "No, Miranda."
"Strangely enough it was about you. A new, exciting position in an international fashion house, the job of his dreams, really, and yet what he wanted to speak to me about was you. Needless to say I found it quite odd." Nigel was going to hate her later when Andrea called him in tears. She prayed at her friend could forgive her. This is not what he had intended to provoke when he had informed her of the girl's affections, and she knew it. He was more than a bit of a romantic. He wanted her to be happy, to go after Andrea. But that wasn't who she was and after all these years he should know that.
Andrea paled just a little, perhaps catching onto the game that was afoot. "Oh, um—"
Miranda cut her off before she could continue with whatever excuse she was going to placate her with. "I found it quite…disturbing what he had to tell me." She looked Andrea up and down with fire in her eyes, burning the girl to a crisp. "It's not uncommon for the people who work for me to develop crushes on me. After all, I am a woman in power and that draws so many people, as many as it repulses, really. I tolerate it, because if I didn't I would have very few employees, and because crushes fade quickly when faced with the real dragon. A few weeks of snippy comments and the crush is gone. I become just the bitchy boss that they all have a very grudging respect for. But you, Andrea, seem determined to be different in all ways."
Andrea was whiter than a ghost now and trying not to shake. Miranda could see the slight tremors in her hands. She had to hold herself back from going around the desk and taking those hands in hers and turning this talk around into something that both of them would enjoy, if only for a few fleeting moments until the press got wind of everything. She was stronger than her impulses, though, and for once she cursed that.
"Miranda, I—" Andrea started.
"No, no. I'm not quite done yet." Miranda picked up a pen, bent over just slightly, and withdrew a form from one of her desk drawers. She truly hated this shade of pink, a sickly bubblegum that absolutely no one above the age of seven looked good in. Andrea shook harder as she saw it and figured out exactly where this was all going. Miranda started to fill out the form with a steady hand, though everything else inside her was shaking.
"The smart, fat girl, the one who doesn't care about fashion, the one who can perform even the most impossible of tasks, you are the one, who despite everything I have ever thrown at you, has had the stupidity to fall in love with me." She snorted derisively and crossed a t with a little more force than necessary. "Foolish, but then again you've done many foolish things in your tenure here. Tell me, what in the world ever possessed you to come up the stairs of the townhouse? Were the instructions that Emily gave you not clear enough? Or were you just that desperate to get a glimpse into my life even then?"
Miranda almost prayed that Andrea threw the twins under the bus, that would make this so much easier. It hadn't taken much after the original fury had faded from that incident to figure out just why Andrea had been stupid enough to ascend the stairs. The twins had readily fessed up when asked, still knee deep in their Harry Potter manuscripts, with smiles and a mischievous giggle. Miranda had rolled her eyes and told the twins in no uncertain circumstances were they to pull such a stunt again, but had otherwise done nothing to them. If grown women fell for children's tricks, well that was their fault really.
"No, I, uh." Andrea closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again her resolve had firmed. "I misunderstood the directions Emily gave me and I was nervous about delivering the Book for the first time. It was my fault and an honest mistake."
Miranda's heart thumped painfully. Why in the world had she protected the twins? Why? "Ah, so the smart, fat girl is not so smart after all is she?" Miranda signed her name at the bottom of the form with a flourish. Anyone around Runway knew that if she completed the paperwork for firing you herself you had done something so heinous that the odds of a blacklisting following were good. She pushed the paperwork forward. Andrea didn't take it, she just stared at Miranda.
"Then again, since you fell in love with me, you must be very, very stupid. Did you honestly think you had a chance, Andrea? Really? What in your deluded little brain thought I would be interested in you?" She sneered the last part, lip curling upward. "Why would I want a fashion blind idiot from Ohio of all places? I could have anyone I wanted, if I so chose. God knows if I wanted a woman I could just say the word and models would fall at my feet begging. And you are most certainly not a model. I think some of them might have more brain cells than you after this little stunt."
Miranda could feel herself dying just a bit with every vitriol coated word she spewed. But she couldn't stop herself. The Andrea in front of her was still intact, hurt, but she would walk away from this in one piece. The girl knew her too well for that to happen. She might puzzle together just why Miranda had done this. She couldn't have that. Andrea was too noble. She would try some stupid plan to get Miranda to see that no matter what they could make it work, press be damned. Miranda couldn't trust herself not to fall for it.
And so she went in for the kill. "It's no wonder that all of your friends left you with your break up with the cook. They were probably only his friends and just included you out of pity. You are by far the biggest disappointment I have ever allowed to come through this office. Everyone else must see it too; it's so obvious after all. You'll never be anything in life but the fat girl who's so very eager to please but just can't cut it. Everything you get will be out of pity and not because of your actual worth, because you have none. You're worthless, Andrea Sachs. You should just move back to Ohio. Perhaps then amongst all those mediocre people you might actually be worth something, but even then I doubt it."
She saw the moment Andrea allowed herself to break under the words. Miranda choked back a sob, choked back the words of apology that were desperate to come out. This was what she wanted. She had to repeat it to herself over and over, but she wasn't convinced. Still, she continued.
"Take that down to HR after you clean out your desk. I want you and your pathetic little affections out of this building in an hour or I'll have security drag you out. You wouldn't want to be anymore pitiful than you already are, now would you? That's all." She waved her away like she was some sort of pest.
Andrea stood on shaky legs and picked up the paperwork Miranda had pushed forward. It shook like a leaf as she drew it closer to her chest. Andrea took one last look at her, tears in her eyes. She blinked, and finally a drop fell right onto the pink slip. She took a deep breath and nodded before turning and starting to walk from the office.
Miranda could let it end like this. She was breaking right then and there. She had to do something, anything before she fell to her knees and begged Andrea to stay. She couldn't do that.
"And Andrea?" Miranda said, wondering just how in the world she managed to keep her voice steady.
Andrea turned around, more tears flowing down her face. Miranda wondered if the girl even knew she was still crying. She blinked her own burning eyes. No, she thought, she probably didn't.
"I can only think of one publication in this entire city that would take such a…" She looked Andrea up and down again, making a disgusted noise, "person as you. Try the New York Mirror. That rag isn't worth anything. They're desperate. I'm sure they'll take you on, even if it is out of pity. It's not even worth blacklisting you. You'll do that well enough yourself."
Andrea held back a sob and walked from the room, letting Miranda's office door close quietly behind her.
Miranda swallowed. She felt completely and utterly gutted. She had done it. She had worn her armor well enough to force Andrea from her life, but she wondered at what cost. Her reputation as the Ice Queen had just been confirmed. After all, who in the world would destroy someone with just a kind soul but someone who was unfeeling and absolutely horrible? She was absolutely horrible. There was no way around it.
She sat back in her chair, letting the pen drop from her fingers. But it was done and could not be taken back. She had to live with it, as she had to live with every other horrible choice she had made in her forty-eight years of life. She had grown used to regret as a constant companion.
Miranda watched the clock as it counted the hour down that she had given Andrea to leave her life forever. Every second felt like needles digging into her skin one by one. And yet she sat still, face stoic, just waiting for the end to come, for a needle to go too deep and pierce something vital.
They never did. And the hour ended. Miranda knew Andrea was already long gone. She stood from her desk and walked towards the doors of her office. She pushed them open slowly, securing them so they stayed open once more. She looked over at Emily who had perked up the second Miranda's doors had inched open.
"Call HR and find me another assistant. The farther she is from Andrea the better." Miranda walked towards the coat closet and grabbed her own items from the space, much to Emily's complete surprise. She was just too tired to be demanding. Too tired for anything at all really. "Cancel the rest of my day. I don't care what you have to do to make it so, just do it. Hold the Book tonight. If there's anything urgent let Jocelyn handle it. We'll see if she truly earned her promotion." She slipped on her coat. "I expect Roy to be here by the time I'm downstairs. That's all."
Miranda walked slowly down the hall and towards the elevators, head held high and gaze full of ice that she didn't feel. To appear weak now would be suicide. All the conditioning over the years had done her well, it seemed.
Roy was there by the time she got to the lobby of Elias-Clarke. She strode out, taking none of her usual pleasure in the crowds parting around her. There was no assistant trailing her out radiating helpful energy and smiles enough to soothe even the testiest of people. She missed her already as foolish as it was.
And there it was. She had called Andrea, but it was really her who was pathetic. She was the one who couldn't stand the thought of being dragged through the mud again, being ousted from a job she loved and also hated. She wouldn't risk it all for a girl that she knew she was in love with. Head over heels, defended your honor in a fight love. And yet that wasn't enough for her. She wasn't even human. Perhaps she was the Ice Queen that everyone thought her to be.
She managed to hold the tears at bay until Roy had dropped her off at the townhouse. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she collapsed to the floor, a sob ripping from her throat. One after the other until she could make no more noise, cry no more tears. She curled into a ball and laid on the wooden floors of her home that didn't feel like home at all. If she wasn't going to risk it all for a girl who deserved everything from her, then perhaps this was how it should be. Andrea deserved someone who bent heaven and earth to get her what she wanted and needed, who loved her more than anything else in the world. And that person was not Miranda. She had just proved that.
Miranda pulled herself from the floor slowly, bones aching after such a long time on a hard surface. She relished the pain. It was what she should feel after what she'd just done. She swallowed and dragged herself into her room. She looked into the mirror of her bathroom after washing off her ruined makeup. No, this wasn't the person that Andrea should love. She was old, washed up, cruel, a million other things Andrea should never experience. It was better this way.
She took a deep breath and started to put herself back together again for the arrival of the twins, but no matter what she did there was a piece missing.
It was better this way.