Hey everyone. This is a very funny twilight spoof that was created by one of my besties, May and myself. We really hope you like it.
Twilight Spoof: Lies
Bella waited at the edge of the forest next to her house. The wind howled like a wolf (ha ha like Jacob). She had arranged a meeting between him and Edward. It was a risk but it was a risk she had to take.
Moments later Jacob emerged from the shadows of the dark, dreary forest. Suddenly Edward was at her other side. Jacob growled angrily at being so near a vampire. Especially Edward.
"Now I've called you here for a reason," Bella said. She turned to Edward. "Edward you suck, literally. Jacob, you broke your promise when you broke my hand. I've decided that I don't like you guys anymore."
"But Bella, you broke your own hand, I wasn't the one who hit my face!" Jacob cried, defending himself. Not giving a crap about Edward.
"Shut up puppy dog. You were the one who tried to kiss her!" Edwards unusually pale skin was turning a light shade of red. As he towered over Jacob menacingly.
"Wait a second, why the hell are you pink Edward. I thought vampires didn't change!" Bella exclaimed.
"Ummmmm, I forgot to tell you...I'm not actually a vampire. I kind of lied. You see, I look the same because of Botox and plastic surgery. I'm actually 30." Edward explained rubbing the back of is neck guiltily.
"WOW, that's sick dude." Jacob said in amazement. "Your skin is so smooth!"
"Yeah I've been using this mineral based foundation. It's called 'Thin Lizzie'." Edward reached into his Italian leather jacket and produced a small round tub of powder.
"B-but how d-do you run s-so f-fast?" By this time Bella was way beyond confused. She was struggling to stay upright, and she could barely form words as her head spun.
"As I told you before; adrenaline rushes and steroids. Also I work out daily and my personal favourite. Protein shakes! Yum!" Edward exclaimed, clapping his hands in delight.
"What about the sparkling? And the blood drinking thingy?"
"GLITTER!!! And of course, I have this thing...with blood...it's sooooooooooooooo GOOD. Like Delta Goodrem's soy milk add. Sooo GOODrem." By now Edward was jumping with joy. (A bit disturbing actually)
"You lied to me Eddiepus? How could you?" Bella on the verge of tears buried her head in her hands.
"Now look what you did fake bloodsucker! I'm going to kill you!" Jacob turns to Bella. "With Bella 's permission of course..."
"Go Ahead... I don't care anymore. I'm going to go mope in my room for three months." Bella turned towards her house. Charlie was standing at the door. His arms were crossed. "Charlie! Get the ice-cream!!! I'm moping again!"
"As you wish Bella! Would you prefer strawberry or chocolate?"
"Don't you know me at all!? I LIKE COOKIES AND CREAM!!!!!!" She screamed stopping off into the house.
Meanwhile... Jacob promptly tore off Edwards head and hung it above his doorway for the rest of the Cullen's to find. ...
Bella ended up dying of an ice-cream overdose, Jacob died of guilt and Charlie died of depression from his pitiful life and no decent food. And the Cullen's?!? Well ... they're going through some rough stuff right now.
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For now... mwa ha ha ha
Please review. May and I would really like to hear what your thoughts are. We don't hate Edward and Jacob but our english teacher thought it would be cool for the class to create some spoofs so thats what we did then we put it on fanfiction because we thought you guys might want to read it. Remember REVIEW! Please. Thanx!
- Brooke and May