Next instalment in what is definitely becoming a thing for me- end!verse drabbles. This one's for my little beta-fish, seeing as this is the one she liked the best! Enjoy.
-Charlie x
The cold air fills his lungs as he lies out on the ground. His breath rises above him as clouds, and he is soaring high like a bird, like the angel he once was. It's the moments like these that he carries on going for, the moments when he feels himself soaring on the cold and the drugs and the memories start to fade. For once he isn't being watched, and he feels almost a sense that something is missing without those green eyes fixed on him. If all goes as he plans, he will never see those eyes again. He closes his eyes, shutting off the miniscule pieces of sky. After everything, his eyes never changed colour or lost their intensity, no matter if they became cold and hard. He breathes deeply, letting the cold fill his lungs, and smiles. For the first time in five years, he feels truly free.
Nearly two hours later, when Castiel is lying pale and blue-lipped on the grass, barely breathing and so close to falling off the edge at last, Dean arrives. Cas hears him talking to him, trying to get him to open his eyes, to stay awake. He feels the weight of arms pressing into his back before he is lifted off the ground. He feels the warmth of Dean as he lifts him like a child and carries him not into Cas's cabin but into his own. He feels the softness of the sheets underneath him, and the warmth of blankets thrown over him, and the heat emanating from the fire he knows Dean will have lit in the corner. He can feel everything, but he doesn't want to anymore. He wants to stop feeling. But every time he gets close to the edge Dean finds a way to pull him back, with whispered words and promises. Cas knows he's failed again. Dean knows he'll try again. This is all just another part of the little game they play. One day, Cas knows he'll win.
When Cas finally opens his eyes, all he can see is green. Dean's eyes looking down on him, looking so painfully old and broken. Dean just looks so lost, and simply shakes his head fractionally. Cas knows what he's saying with that tiny gesture, after all these years they've learnt to decipher each other movements perfectly. They barely talk anymore, they communicate through words left unsaid and actions both taken and not. 'Don't make me lose you too, promise me you'll stay', Cas knows Dean is saying, and Dean knows from the slight broken smile that doesn't fit with his tortured hollow eyes that Cas is telling him 'you know I can't promise that.'
Cas will try again. But every time Dean will find him, and pull him back. They go together, or not at all.