"I'm tired, kitty."
The cat didn't care, cats never do, it just butted its head against Enma's hand and he reached out and stroked its ears absent-mindedly. He stood, quietly, petting the demanding animal for a few moments before looking over at it again and sighing.
"What should I do?"
The cat just jumped down from the bridge's handrail and trotted off. Enma watched it until it disappeared into the night.
It had been raining and the water was deep and fast flowing and the bridge it's self was fairly high up. He could just turn around and head home. He could take some pills so he could sleep and then get up and start the routine all over again. Go to school, get yelled at by Adelheid for being late, smile and laugh with Tsuna because he was too…
But honestly he didn't want to anymore. Even if he smiled and laughed, his heart ached and he felt empty. After the initial thrill of finally having friends outside his family had subsided all the usual hurt and sadness dropped back down on him like a soaking wet wool blanket. Even when he was genuinely having fun he could never quite crawl out from under it. He felt empty and sad at the same time. Or maybe he was sad because he felt empty. Or maybe it just didn't matter.
Enma pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it for a few minutes. The last text he had gotten was from three hours prior: a simple message from Adelheid reminding him to lock the door when he came home. It was a little past one in the morning. Tsuna was probably asleep by now. He tapped in the characters:
さ よ な ら
He vaguely hoped he wouldn't wake Tsuna up as he tapped he 'send' button. But at the same time there was a small part of him that hoped it would. He set his phone down on the concrete in the small space under the railing and slipped the chain that held his ring off over his head and set that on top of his phone. He jumped over the railing and stood on the small ledge, still holding onto the handrail to keep his balance.
He stared up at the sky for a few moments; a little disappointed he couldn't see many stars.
"Honestly, it's not like this is the worst of all the sins I've committed."
Enma let out a slow breath, closed his eyes, and let go of the railing, pushing himself forward slightly.
People say falling is a lot like flying. But Enma was in a unique position of being someone who was able to actually fly by his own power. And as he fell the one thought that had time to crystallize was:
"This is nothing like flying. It's a lot more free."