Title: Kings, Queens and Everything in Between
Author: Kitty
Summary: Four people, four mistakes and the lingering feeling that someday maybe things will be right again.
Warnings: None.
Pairings: NB
A/N: 2.24 depressed me so I did my best to twist things around and make myself feel better. It's not my best but I hope you enjoy anyway. Btw, I never really watched the episode so if there are inconsistencies, sorry. Hahahahaha.
***
You realize your mistake the moment the words leave your mouth. You see it in the way his grip on your waist seems to tighten as the color slowly leaves the planes of his face. This is the boy who has stood by you through everything – from the horror of finding out that your father was in-love with another man to the realization that in life, some things just don't turn out the way you want them to. He has been there for you through thick and thin, going so far as to threaten his own future just to make sure that you get to keep yours. Nate is your first love, the one you offered your heart to with all intentions of allowing him to keep – and take care of it – for the rest of your lives together. Yet here you are, breaking his heart into the tiniest of pieces as he had once broken yours.
He doesn't say anything, just gives you a pained look as he continues to sway you around the dance floor. You have always admired his control – and his respect. But for a moment – for this very, very wrong moment – a part of you wishes that he lose it just this once.
The song is almost over and you feel yourself leaning into him all the more. You hold on tighter, wishing hard that the tightening grip of your hands is able to convey the thoughts and emotions that somehow you are not able to verbalize. He is Nate Archibald and you are Blair Waldorf. This is not how your story is supposed to end. But he remains silent, his breath catching when your head positions itself on his chest. With his arms around you, you feel more strongly that this is where you truly belong and for a few seconds, you allow yourself to relish in the moment.
All too soon, the song is over and his hands drop to his side. You keep your tears at bay as you see his own form at the corner of his eyes. Gone is the sparkle that had filled them when you were both crowned King and Queen earlier – titles which, admittedly, you both deserved than anyone else – and you feel your fingers twitch at your side. You want to wipe his tears away as he had once wiped yours but deep inside, you know you no longer have the right. A few minutes ago, you had chosen and Charles Bass, not Nathaniel Archibald, had been behind that choice. The bastard had manipulated you – and you had just let him.
As the only boy you have ever truly loved turns his back on you sadly, only one thought is in your mind: Queens make mistakes too.
***
You realize your mistake the moment your heels turn and you turn your back on the girl who has loved you more than anyone else ever has. She has been in your life for so long as you can remember – as the tiny brown-haired little girl cheering for you when you won your first lacrosse match to the tearful young woman who had helped remind you that in the end, you just can't fight who you are. And you are Nate Archibald and she is Blair Waldorf – two souls so different but who you had always thought were just plain meant to be. Yet a few minutes ago, she had let you go, erasing you from a life you had always thought she had planned to live with you. Blair is your first love – and deep inside, you know she is your last. But if she wants this – if she really, truly wants this – maybe there is nothing you can do but let her go too.
Making your way towards the back of the decorated gymnasium, you feel the tears you had been fighting so hard to control fall down in hot streaks on your face. You bless the dark lighting and your preoccupied schoolmates and make a quick exit through the back door. Outside, the cold New York air dries your tears slowly and you fish out the small jewelry box you had been keeping to surprise Blair with at the end of the night. In its velvet folds lies a small gold Tiffany heart, a near replica of the one she had sewn into your green cashmere sweater a few years ago. You had wanted her to know that even though you might have lost her heart when you had messed up, she could keep yours while you waited until hers made its way back to you. But now – now – you just don't know anymore.
You take the bottle you had grabbed from the refreshment table inside and take a small swig. The alcohol burns your throat but it does nothing to ease the pain in your chest. Nothing probably ever will. You had given her your best this time – you had tried so hard. In the end, it hadn't been enough.
When you had her in your arms, you had never felt so complete. She means more to you than ever and in those few minutes, you felt like you never wanted to let her go. Her smile, her scent, her hazel eyes – it was all so intoxicating. You didn't want her to end it. Hell, you wanted to kiss her and stop her and tell her she was crazy. But she looked so sad, so tearful that you couldn't bear to see it anymore. If being with you made her hurt that much then maybe she deserved to be free. But now, looking back, you wonder – what if it hurt her more to be without you?
As you see the love of your life being led away from the party by her golden haired-best friend in the corner of your eye, only one thought is in your mind: Kings fall just as hard.
***
You realize your mistake the moment Blair turns up in your bedroom for the third night in a row with red eyes and a runny nose. She looks nothing like the Upper East Side princess everyone knows her to be. In fact, she looks more like a little girl who has just lost her way home. Thinking about it hard enough, you realize that she is. Nate Archibald, for all the mistakes he had made – including sleeping with you – is ultimately Blair's home. He is where she belongs, not with Chuck or Lord Marcus or any other boy for that matter. He is what has kept her steady for the last ten odd years – the one constant in her life that she could always count on. No matter what pain they both went through, they always seemed to find their way back to each other – except now.
You should have stopped her – or at least tried to talk some sense into her. This is not the Blair Waldorf you know. She is broken – and something tells you she is beyond repair. The best friend you know is not a quitter. At least she tries not to show it. No matter how hard times are, she always makes the effort to stand up and fight – to pretend to be strong and carry on. She doesn't binge on hot dogs and ice cream – only to purge it all afterwards, you suspect – or walk around like a zombie with no make-up on and messy hair. Your Blair is impeccable even in the face of turmoil. Your Blair doesn't give up.
Gingerly, you take her into your arms, listening to her as she tells you stories and interesting anecdotes from your childhood. It seems like the past is all she can talk about these days – retreating further to the time when all she and Nate worried about were play dates or not being given enough money to spend on vacation trips to Aspen or the Bahamas. You give her a smile as she attempts a small laugh, encouraging her in efforts to make her feel better. It's not working – you can still see the sadness in her eyes – but you realize there is nothing more you can do but be here for her now. You've tried to interfere – both positively and negatively – in their story often enough. Maybe this is something you should leave them to fix themselves.
As she gives the ruby ring on her finger a small – and sad – kiss, only one thought is in your mind: This Queen should be with her King.
***
You realize your mistake the moment you find your – sort of – best friend on your doorstep a few days after his and Blair's much-talked about break-up. His shirt is a little rumpled and there are bags under his eyes. You wonder where the Golden Boy has gone and it crosses your mind that he has only ever been as golden when he had her at his side. You don't think the others have noticed but Nate has only ever had that glow or sparkle or whatever with him when he and Blair are together – or at least on good terms. For all his handsomeness and star appeal, he has always been one of the quieter and shyer ones in your circle. But with Blair in the room, he gets this goofy smile on his face and a kind of spring in his movement. None of that is evident as he stonily walks into your parlor.
He paces around the room and it annoys you to no end. Of course, it could also be because you are only now feeling the guilt of coming in between them again and his obvious distress is magnifying the feeling even more. Somehow, you never meant to ruin them. Or maybe you had – your motives are seldom clear to you like they are seldom clear to everyone else you know. Sometimes, you think you really love the girl and other times – well, you just don't know. But she's beautiful and good and promising and you just really want some of that in your dark and twisted life. It's a selfish motive, you know, but aren't yours always?
Nate finally drops himself into one of the lounges and takes a deep breath. He looks into your eyes and you find yourself incapable of looking back. The guy is just too nice and honest and it's driving you crazy. He's so damn perfect and you aren't and you hate him all the more for it. He's had everything – a complete set of parents, a dad that actually paid attention to him, a hot girl best friend, an even hotter girl friend who worshipped the ground he walked on – while all you had were his leftovers and whatever things or people your father's money could buy. And just this once, you had a chance to have something – someone – who might willingly choose to be with you and not him and you just couldn't pass that chance up.
He tosses a small box into your hand and your lack of athletic reflexes almost causes you to drop it. There's a heart pendant inside and you vaguely remember a gold heart that Blair had been likening to her own or some other cheesy declaration of love and devotion. Getting up, he tells you to give it to her since it's your heart that she seems to want more than his. You open your mouth but remain speechless as you realize that your best friend has saved your ass yet again. He is being noble and letting her go because he loves her while you remain the satanic bastard everyone knows and – not really – loves.
As the not-so-Golden Boy slams the door shut on his way out, there is only one thought in your mind: There will only be one King who deserves the Queen.
-END-