SpongeBob walked to the Krusty Krab and took a look around. It was rather desolate, and he felt quite down. It was going to be a slow day at work, he knew in his heart. Worse than the time a pie blew a hole into his heart. Little did SpongeBob know that his guts were falling apart.
He slowly and carefully, with only the utmost trepidation, crawled his way into his workstation, and he saw only a sticky note where his spatula was meant to be. "SpongeBob," the note said, in Mr. Krabs' carefully stylized writing, with a heart on every I dot: "get your square behind into my office, or I swear I'll be very mad at you!" SpongeBob stared at the note, his eyes combing it over. This was his only joy in life, now that his hair was falling out. Only it wasn't his hair that he was losing, but it was his spongey essence.
He began the day as a quadrilateral, with four apparent sides. Then, one by one, the corners passed him by, going on the highway, instead. What fun. But SpongeBob was not prepared for the horrors that Mr. Krabs had in store. Oh no, SpongeBob! Don't you dare open that door! He'll kill you! He'll rob you! He'll mutilate and skin you! DON"T DO IT!
SpongeBob tried to turn the crank that barred him from the oppressive confines of his malevolent boss' wretched torture office. It was rusty, and somewhat dusty, but SpongeBob was feeling busty. So, he rammed the door and pounded on it, only creating a tiny dent. Oh, SpongeBob! Take the dent as a sign that you must repent! But, he did not, and decided to get bent.
SpongeBob opened the door, revealing Mr. Krabs' collection of action figures, balls-in-chains, and rubber whips. "SpongeBob," Krabs said, while the sponge was hidden by the room's poor lighting (he forgot to pay the electric bill and had to use backup generators, just like a cheap jerk.) "Why don't you come in, and discuss your future in this company. HEE HEE HEE!"
"Oh, that sounds great, Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob said with jubilation. There are no words that do justice to his utter jubilation. He walked towards Mr. Krabs, allowing his boss to see what his employee had become.
"AH! What have you done with SpongeBob? It's not like I care, because, like, it's totally fine and I love your new style. Oh, and ignore the things on my wall, because they're just, Christmas ornaments. Yeah, and I collect these things for my own satisfaction, but I'm embarrassed about them, which is totally why you've never seen them before. So, please, don't sue me! DON"T SUE, SPONGEBOB! DON"T DO IT! I'm A GOOD MAN, NOT LIKE HARVEY WEINSTEIN! IT"S NOT MY FAULT THAT I LOVE YOU! No, that was I mistake, too. I humbly respect you as an employee, which is fine.