A/Notes: It's been a long time. I just kinda saw this in my files - it was just the intro, and I just... wrote. I have no idea if the SasuSaku fandom is still alive, or if it's waning, or if it's dead. I still love them as a pair. So, to show that love, here.
A Story of Happiness
neon kun
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This is a story of happiness.
We deserve to be happy too. From all the battles, the pain of losing those battles and the people we considered precious and important, from all the experiences that forced us to grow up when we were hardly ready for the world, from the harshness that is reality and the ruthlessness of its ways, and from the pain of betrayal and estrangement from a team that was supposed to be together till the end.
Because really, we deserve to move on, not just for the sake of moving on, but so we could be happy.
We owe it to ourselves.
The world owes it to us.
Because even if it was said that it's our way of living, I know that as people, we shouldn't be deprived of it.
We, shinobi, should be allowed happiness too.
He and I, that's all we wanted.
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"Sasuke-kun," her voice was exasperated and tired but amusement can be found at its tips. "Really, this is the fifth patient that has come in since this morning and complained of heavy burns. It's not even ten."
Sasuke scoffed, sitting casually on her office's couch. "Really, Sakura, don't think I don't know you sent them in the ER after their check-ups."
She grinned at him, remembering the sloppy perverted advances the five patients tried to do, using their injuries as leverage. What they didn't know was that Sakura had little patience for tricks like that. "What do you think the reason is why I'm hardly scolding you about it? I should be complaining, you know. It's a waste of time and chakra. Anyway, what are you here for? I thought you'd be training with Naruto."
He shrugged. "Supposed to but he said he had urgent matters to attend to."
"Let me guess, Hinata-chan?"
He didn't reply but it was obvious to Sakura the answer. "So you decide to turn to me, that it?"
"Here is closest. Now let me sleep." He lied down, covering the whole couch and turned his head towards the backrest with his eyes closed, with finality in his voice.
Sakura smiled. Typical Sasuke. She didn't think it would be but a year was enough for him to work his way to their hearts again. He may make excuses but she knew it was just his way of showing effort and she appreciated it wholeheartedly. The world may still have doubts with regards to the sole living Uchiha but she knew he didn't need the world.
He only needed them.
A second after, she walked towards him and moved a stray strand of hair from his face. She kissed his temple but didn't linger. He was awake but she didn't care. And when he didn't do anything to stop her, she was sure he didn't either.
She left the office to tend to her patients.
He let a slight smile break from his lips.
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There were times when the hurt was too much. Too much to the point I wasn't sure if any happiness could still be salvaged from our hearts. When fear has overcome you to the point you've only have pessimism freeze further your frozen heart, how else can hope lie in Pandora's Box? Truth be told, there were too many times that I felt hope could not save us anymore.
I was wrong.
The one who made me sink to the depth of my despair was the one who brought me out of it.
He showed me hope.
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"Please," Sakura muttered to herself, hardening her heart. "Just let him die, don't save him anymore." She kept her hands behind her, suppressing her initial instinct as a medic, and trying to give in to an instinct she has hardly honed as an ANBU.
She looked at Sasuke, holding on to the grave injuries his body was trying to not give in to. Sasuke, who knew of her presence, ignored her and her mutterings, and only focused on surviving. He wasn't about to die. There was so much hatred he still wanted to let go through infliction to others.
"Sasuke," she finally called out. "Just stop."
"Sakura," he was able to response. Perhaps he thought it was due. Ignoring her won't make her presence go away. It never worked; why would it now? "I won't. I won't allow myself to die."
"Please, just stop," she said again. God, she didn't want this anymore. His end meant the end of every pain and suffering and all that goddamn hurt in her, right? That temporary bliss of butterflies to her stomach back when they were children could not suffice every wrong he has done to her, to the world. If she knew things would come to this, she would have just handed him to Ino back then. Maybe it would have been easier to be the one to comfort than to be the comforted. Nobody could comfort her now. "Why do you even continue? Do you really want to hurt us that bad? Do you really want to hurt yourself like this? What does this matter, anyway?"
It took him a while to answer; he stopped struggling and just lied on the dirt floor in the middle of the woods. Blood stained where he lied. The shadow of the trees covered him from the moonlight. The war raged on not far from them. But for now Sasuke would give her an answer – yes, it was probably due; it may not be the best time now, but then again, he could never find the best time for it. Now would be as imperfect as any. He was fine with that.
"It matters. This is the only way I know how to make it happen and I don't care if it's the wrong way – but I want… to have peace of mind; only then can we be happy, Sakura."
She didn't expect that. God knows that was the last thing she ever thought he'd ever say. That he would ever say that shocked her through and through – she didn't know if it was true, if it was a ruse. But it shook her to the core that it made her move towards him.
She healed every injury in his body – down to the last scar, to the last smallest wound. When she was done with him, he was perfect. If not for his torn clothes, no one would be able to tell he's ever been injured in his life.
He left her there, lying at the foot of a huge tree, drained and hardly could keep her eyes open. He didn't say anything – no thanks, this time. He just left. But he left her with one thing she never thought he'd give her – a little bit of hope and a silent promise. One that she couldn't help but believe he'll never break.
She has never hoped so hard on a promise he's made before, not when the only promises he had given her so far were broken even right from the start.
She remembered her reply before he left her, mustering the last of her energy, "I want us to be happy too."
This time, she wanted to stay hopeful.
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And there were times when happiness couldn't seem to be anywhere of reach – like it was the last thing a ninja could ever attain. When all there seem to encircle us were death, betrayal, and self-objectification, but everyone else otherwise seemed to smile; it seemed like happiness may be there, but it wasn't for us.
And yet we still chose to, if it meant those who can will have their share of happiness.
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"Only a kunoichi can bear this kind of mission."
Sakura looked forward, listening, but not focusing. She already knew the content of her mission. It didn't mean she liked it. Naruto, the Hokage, looked at her. "You don't have to do this."
"The clientele asked for me specifically," she said, her voice hollow. "You said it said specifically that if it wasn't me, the mission wouldn't work."
"Sakura, you're not some… some… thing. We can just… ignore this request. We have a bunch of others!"
"It will tarnish the Leaf's name," she said. "It took you so hard to rebuild this village from the last war – everything is scarce, and Kin village can provide ample resources if we can get to their good side. Besides, the reward for the mission will be so much help – I've never seen anyone give out such a huge reward, not since the last war. You have to rebuild the hospital with it. You have to think of your people – not just me."
"But Sakura," Naruto's voice was defeated. "You're not a hooker. This mission just wants you to basically have sex with the high lord in Kin. You're a ninja, this isn't honorable, and this just… sullies your nin-do."
"Maybe," she swallowed, "Maybe… our honor isn't much, then. My nin-do is to save lives. We can't afford to lose this village, and the villagers' lives. People are counting on you. I promised to help you, and I… guess I need to do my part. Maybe running from this would sully my nin-do more."
She smiled at Naruto. "Please send word I'll do it." Sakura turned around and left the Hokage tower. Naruto grasped the scroll with shaky hands.
From the side, Sasuke watched as she left. "What do I do?" Naruto muttered to himself. He turned to the Uchiha. "This is wrong."
"We are ninjas," Sasuke simply said. He fisted his hands in his pockets to the point his nails wounded his skin. "It's her decision." She wants to help the village. I destroyed this village. I…
"Don't you understand her mission, you bastard?"
"You're the Hokage. You two did your jobs. She knows what she's getting into."
"Do you really have no care for your teammate, you stupid—,"
"I don't want her to do this."
"Arrogant of—what?"
"I don't want her to do… this," he finished weakly. "She doesn't want to either. But she chose the village over her own welfare. Don't insult her wishes. Maybe she doesn't need protection anymore, you idiot."
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But then there were times… when happiness struck, and the bitterness dissolved. Maybe it was just temporary, maybe, but at least… we had a taste of it. Maybe it's all we could have.
If that was so, I wasn't going to let it pass.
If all I could have was temporary happiness, I told myself I would take it.
If it gave him that as well, then by all means…
I would give it.
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Sakura held on to him, their bodies molding together. He stayed on top of her, burying his face in the crevice of her neck. Their clothes lay cluttered on the floor, and only their bodies and the thin blanket over them protected them from the cold.
Sakura grasped his back, scratching his shoulder blades, as he eased himself into her. It wasn't painful, she thought, but that pained her more than the actual action. When she was younger, she had dreamed of this, but she never dreamt of it to be not her first. But the thought was quickly discarded with every thrust, the thoughts of her childhood naivety fading into the wind.
He bit her shoulder lightly, before kissing her on the lips, quieting her gasps. Her legs wrapped around his torso and let the electricity coursing through her take her away, numbing her thoughts. She watched him on top of her and let his dark eyes stare back into her green ones.
They were older now, and much, much discarded of innocence – they had experienced way too much to afford naivety, and ideals.
Better that way, he always said.
Better that way, she agreed every time.
"Sasuke," she uttered his name for the first time since that night. He responded with kissing her eyes, closing them. She let him. All thoughts were gone.
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"Sasuke," she greeted him as he entered her office. It wasn't usual that she was there first – he always usually came whenever she was supposed to be making routine checkups to her patients. Seeing her waiting for him slightly surprised him.
He nodded to her. She told him to take a seat, and he obliged without much thought. She brought her chair in front of him. "I'm pregnant."
She figured there was no need to beat around the bush. But as she watched his widened eyes, she guessed it was a bomb that even Sasuke Uchiha couldn't handle.
Neither of them spoke for a while. It felt a bit uncomfortable, she had to admit.
"That's mine," he said. She supposed she wanted to feel insulted, but it didn't come out from him as an accusation or a confirmation. It felt like he was talking to himself.
"Yes," she confirmed anyway. "What do you want to do with it?" She bit back the disgust to herself in her tone. She wanted to keep it – but she was unsure if the next Uchiha should come out of the world in a situation too twisted; a repeat of Sasuke's case was the last thing she wanted to happen. Even if it meant she had to abandon this life. It was obvious already that an Uchiha needed love in their life. And she was too much bridled with pain to be able to show only love to a child on her own – it wasn't going to be easy, she bet. She wasn't sure if she could afford to try.
Sakura had to be honest with herself, she didn't think she wanted to try.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his brows furrowed.
"Well, do… you want to keep it? Or—,"
"Why?" he asked, rattling her. "Er, why?" she repeated. "What why?"
"If you don't keep it, what would happen to it? I'll have to take care of it on my own?" he asked.
"Well," she sighed. "I… what I want doesn't matter." She quickly donned a smile. "I'm asking you."
"If I don't want it?"
"Well, there are lots of ways we can handle this, I guess. If you don't want the child to be born, since he's technically an Uchiha, then we can... I mean, I can get an abortion, I guess. If I raised the child, he might eventually get the sharingan, and I don't think I would be able to hide that fact."
He sneered. "I was asking if you were asking me if I don't want it."
"Oh," she blinked. "Well, I wouldn't know that, right? That's why I'm asking you. Well, I suppose I was? Will you just give me an answer? This is making me anxious."
He stayed quiet.
She was thinking why she didn't feel like crying. She had thought by now the tears would be coming out.
"God, I don't know why I'm pregnant. I've only been seeing you, and we only had sex once without protection and it hit so quickly without mercy. It was just once and…"
"Shut up," Sasuke said.
"Shut up?" Sakura stood, seething. "You're not the one who's pregnant! You're not the one who's getting an abortion, you're—,"
"You're not getting an abortion."
"—I'm not?"
"No," Sasuke stood up. "We're keeping it."
He left wordlessly and Sakura gaped at the door.
She ought to be mad, and angry, and feel utterly morose, she told herself, but instead she found herself smiling at his words.
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She was four months pregnant when he said it.
"Marry me."
Her breath hitched. She felt something in her that she's never felt in years.
"Okay." Her voice was small and weak, but it was enough.
She told herself it must be the baby she was feeling in her stomach; it could not butterflies.
He left in an instant.
She let herself cry the moment he was gone, feeling happy for the first time in a long while, and feeling things were finally going to be okay.
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I always thought happiness was a luxury. If I could have a taste of it, it would only be fleeting. Somehow along the road, I came to believe providing protection to those who can have happiness was all I could ever do as a ninja.
I didn't dare hope I'll have it within my hands.
I wouldn't have – I never tried to catch it.
So he caught it for me, and placed it in mine.
And I thought, maybe it was temporary. But he kept his hands on mine, and perhaps, I thought, perhaps finally, I'll be able to keep it.
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They sat side by side, watching the moon's reflection on the small pond.
"Is this okay?"
Sakura placed her head on his shoulder. "I don't know."
She looked over at the fallen branch beside the pond. It was blackened slightly, and there were shurikens embedded on it. There were dried tiny foot prints on the dirt and mud.
"I feel… a lot of different things," Sasuke said. "I'm still not sure if this is the right way."
"Do you wish things were different?" she asked, staring at the water.
"…no," he replied after a minute. "If this is the wrong way, I don't mind."
She closed her eyes. "Is this happiness?"
He shook his head. She felt him move. "Maybe. You would know better than I do."
Sakura gave a slight laugh. "I don't know about that. But I think I am happy. I don't mind living with this feeling every day."
She felt his hand take hers; he ran his thumb over her wedding ring. "Ah," he said. "Yeah, me too."
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Sometimes, the hurt still hit me. It still haunts his dreams. I don't think it'll ever go away. But sometimes, I think, maybe happiness can ebb all those away.
This is a story of happiness.
It isn't perfect, but if anyone were to ask me, we finally got it.
A/N: please be aware the order of the scenes aren't necessarily chronological. Some are. Some aren't. Hope you like it!