Author's Note: So When watching the scene the episode "Cause and Effect" of The Flash (season 3, episode 21). This idea popped into my head, and I decided to right it out. This is the first fanfiction I've ever shared. No beta, so any mistakes are mine, feel free to point out any punctuation or typos so I can fix them. I'll take any critics you have. Thanks!
When The Monster Lives
It was done. Savitar was finally trapped.
I know that there's supposed to be some kind of relief, a peacefulness, that comes with this. Now that Iris's finally avenged. And there probably would be, if it wasn't for him.
The time remanent that lived.
Thinking back, way, way back. Back when I was still filled with so much hope. Hope that I could save her.
Back when I'd thought that I'd have found the key to her salvation. The identity of Savitar.
But I found out that it was me. That I'd kill her. Looking into my own eyes, with that sickening familiarity. Sickened, because even though those eyes were filled with so much pain and anger, I was still able to understand him.
And that was what scared me the most.
And now, all these years later. I'm looking at where it all began.
I should feel rage. Should feel anger, or hatred at this man, the other me. Because he's the one that let it consume him. All that pain we feel, and all that anger at everything. He's the one that let it take over his world.
But who am I kidding? Both of us know that the pain and anger took the wheel years ago.
Before there something I could hate. Something I could blame. There was Savitar. But now he's gone. And there's nothing left to hate. No one but myself.
And now he's staring at me, the one that lived, I can see that he's hoping that it won't happen. Because even though he'll be the one that'll kill her, that doesn't mean that he won't be destroying himself in doing so.
"So now what?" He asks, trying to delay the inevitable.
I stare in disbelief. A part of me wants to believe that that's still Savitar, to push him away. And deep down, I know that I already did.
You all shunned me because I wasn't the true Barry Allen.
Savitar wasn't talking about after he was created. He was talking about before. I was the one that isolated him, isolated myself. Before he was ever created, I shunned us both. Now we're all by ourselves, because of me.
And now, staring at myself, the one that becomes Savitar, the monster that destroyed our whole world. Now I can only think… I created Savitar long before this remanent ever existed.
"Now?!" I respond, a dark chuckle coming forth. "Now, you go. Go on and become Savitar."
"Do you think I will?"
There's a desperate edge to his voice that makes my blood boil. I'd just wish that he would leave. He'd go and become the monster we both know he'll turn out to be. Go and give me something to hate, to blame. Because right now, without Savitar, the only hate I feel right now isn't just directed at him but at me as well. Because right now, we're the same. Me and him.
"What does it matter what either of us think! We both know it'll happen. So just go and get it over with already!" I shout, anger bleeding through.
"'Just get it over with.'" He gives a hopeless huff. "Just go on and destroy our whole world. I'll end up doing so eventually, so what's the point in trying to fight it?" He asks, not really talking to anyone at all.
He's staring off in the distance, tears in his eye, with a pleading expression on his face. Who he's pleading to, I'll never know.
When he looks back at me there's a glint in his eye. A steel determination. And my heart flips.
I'm looking at the beginning of it, of him, I can tell.
"'We're disposable.' That's what Savitar said to us all those years ago. That time remnants are disposable. And he was right, we are. When we go back, we're not intending to live, but to die." He says, taking a deep breath.
I brace myself, because I know pretty soon he's not gonna be around to hate. I can just feel it.
"I think that it was living that created him, Savitar. Living when we were meant to die. That's what created him."
I sigh, taking a breath and closing my eyes for a second. I don't know where he's going, but honestly, right now, I'm too tired to care. It feels like I've finally stopped running. That I'm passing the torch onto him.
When I open my eyes, the look in his eyes startles me. Not because it's full of hate, anger, and pain. But because it's full of the opposite. There's hope in his eyes. And that's what truly scares me. Because I have no idea what that hope could be.
"But that can change." He says.
"Wh-"
Before I can even finish, he's jamming something into his throat. Blood pouring over his fingertips.
I lunge forward as he falls to the ground. Kneeling next to him I see a pen sticking out of his throat. Blood slowly growing around his head on the ground.
I look into his eyes one last time, and I understand.
Him living. That was what killed Iris. But not anymore.
I can feel the pull of the time, as it begins to shift and change. Flashes of new memories, ones with Iris, ones that we never got to have, are flashing through my mind.
Ironically, it seems that the pain becoming too much for my remnant, is what saved Iris as well.