The day I lost her was also the day I decided to find her. Yes, I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. You see, I had battled for so long with myself to just accept the inevitable that I missed my chance and lost her forever. I'm standing here now, watching as she hugs another, laughs at another's jokes, as she loves another. The ring on her finger is so painfully obvious in the summer sun and the happiness in her voice pierces my skin like an army of needles.
If only I had mustered the courage to tell her how I feel earlier, how I have felt for some time now. Gone are the days where I always had a smart remark, an answer for everything. No, I lie. I still do act like that, but for a while now that skill always left me whenever she was in the room. Perhaps she mistook my silence for loathing? I haven't even disliked her in a very long time. What used to be silent recognition of her intellect is now a fiery passion for her brains and an animalistic hunger for her beauty. It lies just below my surface, but now I know it will never see day, confined to the darkened caves of my scarred heart.
Perhaps it is for the best. I would not have been able to give her what she wanted. I could not have given her the affection she so innocently mocks me with. I would never have been able to hold her hand; I would never have been able to make her so at ease with me as she is today. I could never be an open book to her; I have been locked for far too long. But I could have loved her. I do love her.
Now people are beginning to leave, having spent themselves on the abundance of wine and polite conversation. Now has come the time that I must too leave and turn my back on my last chance of normalcy, of happiness. I approach her with a grim determination to put rest these feelings. She looks surprised at my congratulations and tells me she hopes I can make the wedding. I politely decline, making the excuse of too much work and too little time. She accepts this and turns to the next person in the queue. I don't bother with him.
So that is that. I must now return to my shadows and assume the role of a child peering into a shop window. I must watch as she plays out our lives with another. I must hide and remember how I lost Miss Granger.
How I lost Hermione.
Hi, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction so I'm not quite sure how it went. What would give me some idea would be lots of lovely little reviews! Thanks!
Iluma Knight