Title: Envy, and Snippetts of Thoughts
Author: Fallenangelcrys
disclaimer: All the property of Ron Moore and David Eick. except for 'Envious thoughts (that i can't escape)' that's mine.
A/N: thanks goes to my beta, gnomesbeatfaeries and Lama for encouraging me to write this. :D
Enjoy, Fallenangelcrys.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The envy is there, I can't escape it
Simmering, just beneath the surface
For everything that they have, that I lost
Cally snuck glances as Starbuck and Apollo had another raging argument almost out of sight, behind his viper. She couldn't hear the particulars nor did she care. The feelings that she could see deep in their eyes, weren't anger or loss, it was a yearning for the other to still be alive tomorrow. She knew that a family wasn't always blood relationships; the closest anyone had ever gotten to being her real sister was her godmother, Mira. She wished she had what Starbuck and Apollo had, or even that they could see what they had and recognize it for what it was, one of the last true families.
So they can't talk without fighting,
So it's more likely to end in a punch,
Than a group hug
Dee listened as the commander and his son yelled, overcome by emotion, at each other about something in the past. She thought of her own family and how even when they fought it ended up alright. The Adamas confused her; she knew that they loved each other to the point of desperation, and yet she hadn't seen civility between them. The children, like most, fought violently without acknowledging any relationship and the distant father figure watched anxiously as the damage was wrought.
Yet, their fights could, because they're still family
Disjointed, unofficial, dysfunctional
But a family none the less
Boomer had seen how Apollo acted when Starbuck was missing. He didn't rest; he seemed to be an entirely different person. He didn't act like an officer or leader; he abandoned responsibility to find his friend, his last link to the past. The Commander, whom she had served with for a year now, had simply allowed it. At first, the decision was incomprehensible. Then, Sharon caught Apollo whispering to Starbuck in sickbay. It was then that she knew these weren't mere acquaintances; there were unbreakable bonds between these three exceptional people. On any Battlestar there were loads of scuttlebutt, but on the Galactica the whispered rumours were deafening. Now, Sharon knew the truth. She wouldn't tell though; she knew about family and loss, and this wasn't something the remains of the worlds needed to know.
Father, son, daughter, all loved ones
What we have all lost, en mass
They have just found, left unacknowledged
Cally knew that things were strained between the Commander and his Son and had been for sometime. She heard the whole sob story one night while sitting on the catwalk over the hangar bay. The commander had sat next to her and let it all out, tears and frustrations. He had his worries about his remaining child and almost daughter.
Yet she could see that they were the lucky ones; they still had what everyone else had lost. Starbuck, Apollo, and the Old Man couldn't see what they had, to each there was some downside to having to be around each other. What she didn't know was that on all sides there was the same uncertainty and pain, as well the hope that the bad would outweigh the good.
Jealousy and pain, each time I see them
They can't forget
They can't leave the past behind
Dee watched the exchange between Commander and Captain, each as emotionless and cold as the other. The need to have just what they were denying was overwhelming. They wanted to forget that there was a past, that they were anything more than C.O. and subordinate, but she could see in their eyes that it wasn't going to happen. As she watched they both turned to the blonde walking towards them in an eerily similar motion, the flash of regret and despair mirrored in their eyes showing the unwanted memories. The wanted clean slate is impossible, it would mean that Zak never existed and that would be worse than a strained relationships between officers.
And all I want is to be part of their world
To have someone love me,
To have something, someone, from before
All the worlds ended.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Envious thoughts (that I can't escape)
The envy is there, I can't escape it
Simmering, just beneath the surface
For everything that they have, that I lost
So they can't talk without fighting
So it's more likely to end in a punch,
Than a family picnic.
Yet it could, because they're still family
Disjointed, unofficial, dysfunctional
But family none the less
Father, son, daughter, loved ones
What we have all lost, en mass
They have just found, left unacknowledged
Jealousy and pain, each time I see them
They can't forget though they try
They can't leave the past behind
And all I want is to be part of their world
To have someone love me,
To have something, someone, from before
All the worlds ended
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
please reveiw I appreaciate any feedback, good or bad.