Lee-Lee

Hi everyone! I've always thought Leah an interesting character, and I came up with this story the night I was actually finishing the first chapter of 'Moonlight'. I couldn't sleep because all those ideas kept having the 3. World War inside my head:-D So… I decided to write it down…

Song for this chapter: Dreaming with a broken heart – John Mayer

Every morning was a fight. A fight with the desire to… Yeah, come on Leah, what mighty ideas have you come up with this time? Suicide? I thought glumly.

That was my problem, 'cause what could I do? What could I possibly do, that could free me of this curse? It wasn't as bad as it had been, of course. Being 'beta' in Jakes pack had made things a lot easier for me. Or so I'd like to think.

"Hey, dreamer!" Seths happy voice stopped my glum thoughts. "Wanna come downstairs and party?"

Did he seriously think I would say yes?

"No, Seth, please just leave me alone…"

"Oh, come on Leah. We all thought (including you) that this might be a turning point for you, but nothing will happen if you just sit here."

Embry entered my room. "Seth we're all waiting for your speech. Are you coming down?"

He eyed me speculatively. "I don't think you'll have any luck in making your sister come downstairs and congratulate the happy couple."

I felt the block of ice in my stomach grow. I remembered the day Embry started hating me.

We were looking for the bloodsucker, patrolling in the dark night. I was with Jake, Embry and Sam. I was trying desperately not to think of Sam. So instead, I started thinking of something I had (weirdly enough) really given some thought lately. Who was Embry's father? It could be my father, but that was not very likely. It could be Sam's, Jake's or Quil's. Sam and Jake really wanted me to shut up about this. Embry's thoughts were a mess.

It wasn't until much later I realized that none of them had ever given it any thought and that they now blamed me for coming up with it. While I was remembering, Seth and Embry had left the room. Should I go downstairs? Should I face my nightmares? Sam and Emily would be happy if I did.

I showered, washed my hair and got dressed. I had only one piece of clothing that would be appropriate for a wedding: My peach silk dress. I shuddered; the last time I had worn that dress, Sam had held my hand and…

Sam's reaction to the dress was priceless. His mouth was wide open. "Wow, Lee-Lee, you look stunningly beautiful." I laughed; "and you look like a drooling dog". He pretended to be offended, then laughed and kissed me, ever so softly, on the lips.

The dress fit surprisingly well, considering how much I'd grown since then; I must have lost a lot of weight as well. The downside of that was that it was now embarrassingly short.

Paul and Jake were making some kind of joke downstairs. I decided that since I didn't have any shoes that fit the dress, I would just go barefoot to the wedding, which was becoming less formal every minute.

I reached for the lip-gloss on the shelf above the bathroom sink. It smelled like mom. I couldn't believe Seth had talked her into letting them use our house for the wedding. She had been completely on my side until now. Maybe she thought the wedding would make me move on as well. I could just as well try. I plastered a happy smile on my face and walked downstairs. Jared was the first to notice me.

He stared at me like I'd just announced that I was married and then grown a couple of extra feet. Was it that long since I'd done something about my appearance? Apparently the answer was yes. Suddenly the whole room stared at me. I blushed. I hadn't blushed for years. Maybe I was moving on.

Sam cleared his throat and the party continued like nothing had happened. The living room was filled with the new Mr. and Mrs. Uley's closest friends and family, but the pack kept sending each other knowing glances. Paul's expression was amused. My anger was slowly building. So they waited to see what I, the freak had planned for today? I would show them. I wanted to just smash Paul right in the middle of that horribly annoying smile, but I didn't. I walked down to Sam and Emily, every step I made making me feel the pain and hurt. It became worse, a thousand times worse, when I stood in front of Emily.

"Congratulations Em, I know you'll be very happy together." My voice was shaking badly.

Oh, why did she have to look like she felt sorry for me? Why?

I turned and looked Sam right in the eyes and the memories came crushing.

Sam holding my hand, Sam telling me he loved me, Sam's fingers playing in my hair, Sam's voice, full of joy, the morning we'd planned to show my cousin Em around the reservation.

It made me sick to remember how confused and naïve I'd been then, when Sam disappeared.

I was scared out of my mind; thinking that he'd been killed or had committed suicide or something else just as terrible. When I wasn't in the forest, looking for him, I'd cried my heart out on my bed…

I opened my mouth; "I hope you'll have a long and happy life together, I really do." The last part sounded like I was choking.

I knew exactly what they all thought. Living as a werewolf did that to a girl.

Sam's eyes, suddenly very intense, looked into mine. "Thank you… Lee-Lee". They were full of sadness, those eyes, sadness, because his human part still loved me, even though the werewolf part had imprinted on Emily, his soul mate.

How DARED he! He knew it! He knew how much every second hurt, and yet, in the hardest moment of my life, he just HAD TO remind me exactly how many promises he had broken. Promises I had believed in.

"Leah?"

His warm eyes stared into mine. "Yes, Sam?"

"Lee-Lee, you're amazing," he said.

I laughed, "Lee-Lee?"

He flashed his biggest grin. "Yeah, it's gonna be my nickname for you. Like a reminder of me, you know, whenever you hear the name, you'll think of me."

"Cute, Sammie, very cute…"I waited for his response.

"SAMMIE?!" Sam held me down, tickling me, until I couldn't breathe for laughter.

That had been exactly a year before Emily.

My whole body was trembling. I lunged for the door and the moment I got outside, I exploded in a burst of fur. My paws made soft sounds as I raced the forest trail. I ended in a quiet clearing, in the part of the forest that was close to the beach.

My legs felt like they were about to break; I'd never been running this fast before. Ever. My world used to be a mess. Why did I even exist? Why?! I hated everyone, most of all I hated myself.

But right now I just felt emptiness. No pain, no sorrow, no rage, no bitterness.

The waves crushed in. The beach was so peaceful. My eyes closed.

Leah? Seth, of course.

Leah, come on, we know you're here. Jake. What a surprise.

Leave me alone, please. Jake's memories suddenly crushed into my head.

I turned around to see what the others where glaring at. Leah was walking down the stairs. Wow, this was a surprise. None of us had thought she could pull herself this much together. We all stood as still as-….

As the leeches. She looked like herself, I decided, herself from when she and Sam were together, only prettier and older now. I actually remembered the school prom she'd worn the dress at. The other girls had gossiped about how she and Sam already looked like a married couple. Suddenly I realized what Leah's idea with dressing up was, and felt pity. She could never win Sam back. She would only hurt him and Emily by trying to do so.

It wasn't like that! I sneered in my thoughts.

Oh.

He'd obviously seen my thoughts and now he knew that he'd been wrong.

Sorry Leah. We all thought that. He defended himself.

And that was supposed to make me feel better? Jake grimaced in his thoughts…

She blushed. That was so unlike Leah, I didn't believe it at first. She then went right over to stand in front of Sam and Emily. Seth tensed beside me. What the hell was she doing?! She looked at Emily. I could hear Seth whisper, almost without sound, beside me. "Oh, Leah, please don't do anything stupid." I really hoped she wouldn't, too.

Paul was grinning. That guy had no sense of other people's feelings. Seth looked like he was going to punch Paul right in his face, so I laid a hand on his shoulder and shook my head. He looked down, fuming with anger, but then looked up again, just in time to hear Leah speak.

"Congratulations Em, I know you'll be very happy together." Leah's voice shook badly. Everybody was wishing they could do something to help her, to make this easier for her. Even Paul pitied her. She seemed even more vulnerable than just before. I was glad I wasn't able to see Emily's face at the moment.

Leah turned to look Sam directly in the eyes… He looked kinda... Angry, actually…But also very… Passionate.

She opened her mouth; "I hope you'll have a long and happy life together, I really do." The last part sounded like she was choking. She must have known exactly what we all thought. Living as werewolves did that to us all. It must have taken her so much courage to do this.

"Thank you… Lee-Lee". Sam's voice, filled with passion, almost echoed in the room. The silence was so thick and massive you could walk on it.

What an IDIOT! What a bastard.

I really couldn't agree more, Jake. I added the sour words to his stream of memories and thoughts. And it surprised me, but I meant it. I just called Sam an idiot, and I meant it. Boy did that feel weird... But weird… In a good way…

I might decide to leave this story a one-shot, 'cause I really don't know if it's just a big bunch of nonsense… All right, let's just get to the story, please remember to review, and again, if you know a beta reader who might want to beta my story (or stories:-P), contact me.