A Hogwarts Carol
Severus Snape walked steadily down the Halls of Hogwarts, it was Christmas Eve. How he despised the Holidays and everything Christmas. Wherever he went decorations were hung from corner to corner. He took special care to rip down every wreath they tried to place on his quarter's door, he even single-handedly tore down all the decorations and garland from the Slytherin Common rooms. Sure, the students were mad, and maybe even some of them cried, but to Severus, it was just another painful reminder of how miserable his life was. He didn't have a family or friends. Severus didn't care about anyone but himself. It had to be like that. He couldn't very well rely on anyone else.
The only thing he liked about the Holidays is that most of the students went home to be with their families, he would have gone home himself, but it was his turn to this year to stay and watch over the remaining students. He turned the corner to the Great hall where a great feast was about to begin. McGonagall and a few other professors that had stayed were already seated. Severus walked slowly up to the long table, looking around with disgust. Snowflakes fell from the enchanted ceiling, mistletoe hung in the entry way, a great big green tree stood in the corner of the room carefully decorated with bulbs and garland and flashing lights. What a time to be alive, he thought sinisterly to himself. He made it to the table and sat down beside the Headmaster.
McGonagall smiled brightly at him, her thin lips pressed into a smile. "Glad you made it Severus. I was about to send a search party to the dungeons to look for you." She joked, gently patting him on the shoulder as she stood up to address the remaining students in the hall.
Severus rolled his eyes and crossed his arm. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was six pm. He was planning on only staying long enough to eat and drink, then retire back to his quarter's where he planned on drinking something a little stronger than just eggnog.
McGonagall's voice rang through the hall, "Welcome students, Happy Holidays! We are sorry that you couldn't go home for the Holidays, but we hope this feast and the following Christmas activities will fill your hearts with warmth." She smiled and raised her wand, "Please enjoy this very special feast we have planned." With a flick of her wrist the empty platters and goblets filled with delicious food, sweets, and drinks. The students squealed with joy as they filled their plates and bellies.
McGonagall sat down and filled her own plate. "I'm so happy that you were able to stay for the Holiday Severus. It doesn't do well to be alone during this time of year."
Severus sneered. "Who said I was going to be alone?"
"I just assumed…" She blushed red, clearly embarrassed.
"I would have the company of Jack."
McGonagall looked positively confused. "I'm glad you have friends outside of here…"
Severus rubbed his face. "Yes, Jack is a very close friend. Whenever we are together, he makes me feel better about my empty miserable life. In fact, we have plans tonight down at the hogshead."
McGonagall connected the dots. "Severus," her toned stiffened. "Drinking alone is no way to spend Christmas. Why don't you stay for the activities? We planned games, arts and crafts, and other merry festivities. Get in the spirit."
Severus sighed audibly. "If I wanted to be in the spirit, I would be wearing a big red suit and a white beard. This is all nonsense." Severus stood up. "If you need me, I'll be at hogshead. Don't wait up." He left the Great Hall, mumbling to himself, cursing that great old Harpy. Who did she think he was? Why couldn't McGonagall just leave him alone. That's why he didn't want to stay at Hogwarts for the Holidays. He grabbed his cloak from his quarters, yes, he could have used the floo network to travel to the pub, but he needed to clear his mind.
Outside the wind was bitter, snow blew all round Hogwarts. Severus slipped on black leather gloves and pulled his cloak tighter around him. The cold really didn't bother him much these days. It helped him think. The air was so stuffy inside Hogwarts, he couldn't ground himself. With a sigh of relief, he began his walk. The snow crunched loudly beneath his feet. Where did he go so wrong in his life to have nothing right now? He had Lily, but that turned to ashes in his mouth. If Potter hadn't come between them, how differently would his life had been? He wouldn't be a potion's professor. Maybe he would be a famous Potioneer or alchemist? He certainly wouldn't have had the taste for dark arts and with that, he would never have joined the Deatheaters at Dumbledore's request. A malicious voice in the back of his mind came to the front "Lily would still be alive if it weren't for James Potter." This stabbed at Severus's heart. Lily was the only person who was ever kind to him, and she died for him, a selfish bully.
Severus shook his head, no use dwelling on what happened or what could have been. Lily was gone and nothing could bring her back, same for Dumbledore, the only other person he trusted, he HAD to kill Dumbledore. He begged for it to be Severus who killed him. Who did he have now? No one. He blamed everything and everyone but himself. It was a cruel world that he lived in.
He reached the Hogshead, Aberforth stood behind the bar wiping a glass clean with a cloth. "Severus, what can I do for you?" This is the reason why he liked coming down to the Hogshead, Aberforth minded his own business, he didn't ask questions or meddle in your personal life.
"Get me a double shot of whiskey." Severus took his gloves and cloak off. Setting them down on the bar. The pub seemed to be dead silent save for the clinking of the glasses as Aberforth cleaned them.
"Supposed to be a blizzard out tonight." Aberforth made light conversation, as he poured the drink.
"Yes, I walked here, the wind was frightful."
Aberforth sat the shot glass in front of Severus. He drained the shot too easy.
"Rough day?" He asked hoping he wasn't prying too much.
"You could say that. Another." Aberforth nodded pouring him another shot.
They sat in silence for a while as Severus ordered shot after shot. It came apparent that he was becoming a little tipsy. "Can I ask you something, Abe?" He asked examining an empty shot glass.
Aberforth looked him in the eyes and shuffled closer. "Sure, I might not have the best answer for you."
"Where did I go wrong?" He asked.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean?" The old man slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Severus looked in the striking blue eyes. The same shade as Albus Dumbledore.
A memory flashed across his mind, "Severus, Please." Albus Dumbledore pleaded.
"Avada Kedavra." A bright green light erupted from the end of his wand. Dumbledore's eyes found Severus's onyx ones and then closed forever as he fell from the astronomy tower.
"I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have come." Severus reached for cloak and gloves and stepped in to the fireplace. "Hogwarts Dungeons." He said clearly, looking into Aberforth's eyes once more.
Severus found himself in his Study. He lit the fire place before sitting in his chair and pouring himself a Fire-whiskey. He grabbed the glass and stared in the fire. What was all this for? Why was he still here? He should have been the one to die. Not Lily. Not Albus. Not Remus. Not Sirius. Not Tonks or Mad-eye. Why was he still here? He paced his study, glass in hand. It wasn't fair. Everyone he ever knew was gone, but he was still here. He threw the glass in the fire, which exploded on impact. Severus covered his face, grabbing his wand extinguishing the violent flames.
He turned the lights off and returned to his quarters, passing out on his bed, fully clothed, reeking of alcohol.
There was a damp stillness to the air as Severus opened his eyes. The room was pitch black and spinning around him, his head began to pound painfully. He groaned softly as he sat up searching for the pain killers on his nightstand.
"Looking for these, Severus?" Asked a familiar voice.
A shiver ran down his spine as he whipped his head around. Standing in the corner, an ethereal glowing mist appeared in the shape of Albus Dumbledore.
"You're not real… I killed you." Severus jumped to the other side of his bed, trying to put as much distance between him and this ghostly vision.
"Of course, I am, or I once was." Albus glided closer.
"Stay where you are." Severus grabbed his wand and pointed it directly at the figure.
"You can't harm me, I'm already dead."
"Wh-What do you want?" Severus stuttered.
"I thought perhaps we could have a little chat, just you and I." Albus clasped his hands in front of him, he was still glowing.
Severus nodded cautiously. "I can't imagine what you would have to say? I've done everything you have ever asked of me."
"I have come to warn you." Albus bowed his head gently.
"Warn me? Of what? There is no longer any danger. Tom Riddle had been defeated. I saw it with my own eyes, just after Potter saved me from Nagini's attack."
"I know, I come to warn you of a new threat. A threat so great it will haunt you to your grave."
Severus stifled a laugh. "I'm already haunted."
Albus pursed his lips. "Not like this you aren't." He edged forward so that Severus could see the seriousness in his face. "You will be visited by three more ghosts."
Severus laughed. "Alright… Alright… I see what's happening here. I had a little too much to drink. I'm still drunk. This is merely a hallucination."
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "Severus. If you continue down this self-destructive path you are on, you're going to hurt a lot more people than just yourself."
"Look around, you old fool! I have no one else around to hurt."
Dumbledore frowned, "That's the problem Severus, you can't see what's in front of you."
Severus shook his head. "What I see in front of me is a dead reminder of why it should have been me." Severus cracked. "I should have died by Nagini's attack. I'm better off dead, Potter and Granger should have left me for dead." He spat.
Albus crossed the floor silently. He took Severus's hand in his. "I promise there is a life left for you to live. You just have to be willing to listen and change your ways." Albus's glow faded as fast as it came.
Severus shook his head. "I need to stop drinking."