I'm back after more than a year of not writing! This story took me weeks to finally get together, since I'm such a perfectionist about things. It's still not everything I hoped it would be, but if I wait any more to upload it it'll probably never happen.

Updates should come about once a week. I already have the first drafts for the next 2 chapters. We'll see how it goes :)

December 28

1964

My dad told me that Ponyboy Curtis's parents had been killed after I had just gotten home form a sleepover at Gracie's. At first I didn't even cry - I couldn't make myself, even though I really wanted to. He had wanted me to stay in the living room and talk for awhile. I didn't though. I went to go sit in my room like a little kid would.

I started to really cry once I was alone. It wasn't just regular crying, either - it was the gross kind, with snot and everything all coming down your face. I was a complete mess with my legs hanging off of my blue-and yellow checked bedspread.

That's when I first started to think the world was really unfair. If there was a list of people who could possibly die that night, Mr. and Mrs. Curtis shouldn't have even been on it. At that point I had only lived in Tulsa for 2 years; but I had realized they were really the only functional parents around who weren't divorced.

Then I reached over and got the M&M box full of cigarettes out of my nightstand drawer. It had been there since we had moved - the box was from Soda. He had been eating them, and then randomly given me the rest.

Thinking about Soda hurt. Poor Soda Curtis didn't deserve to have his parents die. He was only 16, he had just gotten his driver's license, and he was driving everywhere legally for the first time. Not that he hadn't driven before - I always hated to be in the backseat when Darry let him have the wheel.

I made sure I opened up my window before I got out my lighter. I had a routine that I went over whenever I wanted to smoke inside without my Dad finding out. Even though I was so upset I could vomit, I still couldn't shake it.

Since it was only 3 days after Christmas there was still snow on the ground. There was only one area of brown grass I could still see under my window, where the water had been dripping off of the overhang. My dad and I had tried to fix the leak but had no luck. I leaned outside and wondered if I would ever be able to look at the ground the same way again.

It was a really good thing the heat from my cigarette warmed up my face. Otherwise I probably would've froze with my window open like that, even though it kind of felt like I was sweating. I looked down at my fingernails, which I had bitten down to nothing but nubs. It felt like I was hanging between two completely different worlds.

I heard the sound of snow crunching underneath shoes. Somebody must've been walking through our yard. I sort of freaked out, but I also wanted to laugh, because wouldn't it be funny if someone was trying to break in? This night just kept on getting better.

I looked up, and almost screamed when I saw Two-Bit Matthews standing under my window, but I held myself back.

"Hey Sunny." his voice sounded off. Like it had gone up an octave, but at the same time, down one. His face and his nose were beet red. I couldn't tell if it was from crying or being out in the cold. Probably both. "Sorry if I scared you."

"Jesus Christ," I breathed out, and just kept on crying. I didn't even care that I was acting stupid again in front of Two-Bit.

He never cared, though. Even though he was older than all of the guys except for Darry, I hung out with him the most, other than Pony and his brothers. Two-Bit was the easiest egg to crack out of all of them.

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly. I noticed how raw his face looked. "I was just over there. But I couldn't stay, y'know? It seemed way too personal." I stared down at my stocking feet. I was standing near a hole a cigarette had burned into my rug last Easter. "Then I saw you hanging out of the window like that without a coat on," he stared at me for a second. "Ain't you cold?"

"I don't care about being cold," I told him even though it was a flat out lie. My hands were starting to feel all numb. "Dad just told me… I was at Gracie's when it… when it happened..." My voice sounded filled with snot.

"Well, you ain't gonna do anything about it tonight, hear me?" I was so shocked at Two-Bit's ability to sound so much like my Dad, I almost laughed. Then I remembered the situation. I wondered if anything would ever be funny to me again, which made me cry even more.

I must've looked like I was going insane since Two-Bit frowned at me. "Just go to sleep, Dawn," he told me more gently.

"How the hell am I supposed to fall asleep right now?!" I pretty much yelled. A cloud of smoke blew out from my mouth; temporarily warming up my face.

I just stared at Two-Bit, trying to make myself seem tougher. He sighed and looked down at his feet. I recognized Darry's boots. For some reason, I could picture him putting them on to walk over here. I also saw him driving to the Curtises straight after he'd heard what happened in only his stocking feet - that's why he needed to borrow Darry's. I had to swallow back the bile in my throat.

"I guess that was stupid of me, huh," he frowned at me. I knew I'd get my way. "C'mere."

Two-Bit reached his arms up towards my window - he wanted to lift me out. I carefully slid my legs onto his shoulders and he put me down onto the ground outside.

Christ almighty! It was ten times colder to actually be outside than it was in my room with my window open. I was freezing. All I had on was a pair of worn-through PJ pants and an old way-too-small t-shirt I had gotten at 4th grade swim camp. My hair was still wet from being in the shower, too.

Two-Bit just stared at me like he was thinking maybe he should've asked me to put on a jacket first.

"Can I ask you something?" I didn't really sound like myself. It was almost like I was watching someone else's life from the third-person.

"Ok," Two-Bit looked skeptical.

"Who's gonna take Soda and Pony?" After I asked it, I started crying even more. I wasn't even embarrassed about it any longer, it had been happening so much.

I seriously wondered if I'd ever be able to stop crying. One second it felt like I might finally be done, but then I thought of a whole new scenario, and I just started all over again.

I sucked in a whole ton of snot, feeling breathless. I tried to breathe through my nose since I couldn't inhale through my mouth without tears coming out. Two-Bit looked down at me. He raked a hand through his hair and looked way less assertive than he had a second ago when he'd told me to get back into bed.

"Well, uh, that's the question of the night kiddo," I didn't miss the hopeless look on his face. "They're at least gonna be here till tomorrow when they figure it all out. But that's all anybody knows."

Poor Darry, I thought suddenly. He would be all alone. A strong window blew by and I could feel the goosebumps that were rising on my arms. For a second, I trying to imagine still living in Tulsa without the Curtis family across the street at all times, but I couldn't.

Without thinking about it, I sat ass-first down in the snow. "Okay but, I just thought… maybe my dad could take them," Jesus, I sounded ridiculous! I really wanted to disappear right into thin air, and wake up and have this all be a bad dream. Unfortunately it was my life. "It makes sense, right? Darry could still be across the street.."

Two-Bit just looked at me. I hoped he would start laughing in my face, or worse, cry again. To my surprise he sat down right next to me.

"Aw, Dawn.."

"I'm serious!"

"Yeah," he stuck his gloved fingertip into the snow to draw a bunch of tiny little circles. "I know you are, kid."

"It's cold," I said randomly. Immediately I regret opening my mouth, because Two-Bit started taking off his jacket for me to put on. I shook my head; my wet hair slapped me in the face. "No… ...really, it's not that bad…"

"Shut up and take the damn coat," Two-Bit growled. "You're shakin so hard it's giving me chills. I have bigger bones anyways," it was meant to be a joke, but neither of us were in the mood to laugh, so it sort of fell flat. Two-Bit stared at me for an extended second while I put my arms through the jacket sleeves, then his eyes widened. "Christ Sunny! You're bleeding!"

"What?" I looked down. Sure enough, the front of my camp t-shirt was soaked with my blood. There was a metallic taste when I swallowed. "Oh." I sniffed back both snot and blood. Everything about this night was already disgusting, so I barely even thought about it. "sometimes my nose bleeds when I… when I cry this much."

"Oh kid," Two-Bit leaned forwards to wipe some of the blood off my chin. For some reason, I thought, Now I'm gonna have to brush my teeth again. "They're gonna be alright."

"Yeah," I didn't really believe it, though. I was actually starting to get really tired.

"By the way, I think you were her favorite."

My head snapped up in shock. When I saw that Two-Bit was being for real, I looked back down at the faded plaid on my PJ pants. "Don't tell me that right now."

"Okay. Your hair's weit," Two-Bit was always good at switching the subject as soon as it got uncomfortable. I could've hugged him. "You're gonna get sick out here, seriously . Get inside.

"Fine," I agreed numbly. In reality, I wanted to get out of the cold so bad I was about to ask to myself. I was glad I didn't have to, though. Having Two-Bit tell me what to do so calmly was oddly comforting - since nothing else seemed like it would ever be calm again.

We both stood up. Before Two-Bit picked me up I dropped my cigarette into the snow. We both sort of just stood there and watched it burn a small hole into the ice.

Then Two-Bit hugged me, which I was totally shocked by. Sure, I got along with him well, but normally nobody in the gang seemed to be too into hugging. But I let it happen ...I guess it just felt natural in the situation.

"I mean it, Sunny. Sleep." he told me. But on his face, I could tell he knew that wouldn't be happening.

"Yeah," I decided to humor him.

He grabbed me by my knees and bent down to let me get onto his shoulders. I held onto his shirt so tight I hoped I didn't hurt him - Two-Bit was a tall guy so the ground seemed like it was miles away. He lifted me up easily,and I climbed through my open bedroom window.

My room felt like a whole different world, even though it was less than 4 feet from where I had just been standing. I took off Two-Bit's coat to hand it back to him. "Bye. Thanks."

He didn't even put it back on, just held it over his arm. "See you."

I sat down on my carpet to watch him walk down our driveway. He was going back over to the Curtis's house. That night I learned to admire Two-Bit Matthews - because never in a million years would I have the guts to go over there.

Please review ...please? :)

Thanks for reading

S.E. Hinton owns the Outsiders.