There is a tiny, tiny spoiler for Qoaad in there, if you squint.

Normal = Jace

Italics = Clary

"Oh my God"

"You're fine."

"No I most certainly am not."

"Yes, you most certainly are."

"You'll be sorry you said that when I collapse later today."

"What makes you think that's going to happen?"

"Because I am not fine, I'm dying."

"Jace, eating spicy food has a variety of effects, none of which include death."

"Just you wait, I'm going to go lay some mats out, so that when I faint, the ground isn't so hard."

"…"

"You know you didn't have to eat the peppers."

"Of course I did."

"Why?"

"Because Simon said I couldn't, and if Simon tells me I can't do something, it's my moral obligation - not just to me, but to the rest of the world as well - to prove him wrong."

"Is this because he beat you at Mario Kart Eight last night."

"Simon did not beat me, he merely happened to take the easy route, while us men -"

"You mean Princess Peach."

"While us men went on a valiant journey through the Yoshi Valley."

"You spent the rest of the night researching ways to kill a Koopa Troopa."

"Those little fu -"

"Virtual turtles."

"Virtual turtles brought shame upon the Herondale family name."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to redeem it somehow."

"You're missing the point! That's why I had to eat the pepper."

"You definitely did not have to eat the pepper."

"Clearly, you have no sense of honor."

"I think my sense of honor is just fine, thank you. Your common sense, however, is debatable."

"..."

"Babe."

"Yes?"

"Remember how Alec is the consul now?"

"Funnily enough, thats a hard thing to forget."

"I have a new idea."

"Well I'm sure I'll be delighted to hear it."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"No."

"I think we should instate ghost peppers as an official weapon of the Clave."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. It could be a lethal part of the Shadowhunter armory. Just one seed from those babies, and those demons can kiss my ass goodbye."

"I think your ass is going through a lot of suffering right now from one of those ghost peppers."

"It's a good ass, It'll survive."

"It is a good ass."

"…"

"Clary"

"…"

"Clary"

"…"

"Claryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

"Yes, sweet pea."

"You know what? I think that is sarcasm."

"How did you know?"

"What time is it?"

"It's 9:53."

"Okay"

"…"

"Clary"

"What is it now, Jace."

"Will you get me some water?"

"Can you get it yourself?"

"Well, theoretically, yes. But my -"

"If you tell me your mouth is still burning from that damn pepper, I'll pour the water down your throat until you choke."

"Finally, I've gotten your kinky side to kick in."

"…"

"Clary"

"Yes?"

"I still want water."

"Well I want a boyfriend with functional lips, but I guess you can't always get what you want."

"Hey, my lips are fully functional. I can even show you -"

"Oh, no. What was that you were saying earlier about a raging hellfire in your jaw."

"I didn't -"

"Oh, and my favorite part, when you said your lips were as burned and desecrated as the sands of Edom."

"So maybe I have been known to exaggerate. Every once in a while."

"You? Exaggerate? Never. That would bring shame upon the Herondale family name."

"Touche, my love."

"..."

"Jace, putting your hand on my ass isn't going to make me kiss you."

"What hand?"

"That hand."

"I don't know what your talking about."

"I give up.

"So you'll give me a kiss?"

"No"

"Pretty please?"

"No"

I hope you loved it! This is short and meaningless, but I would love to write some more of these quick little snippets! If you want to request a ship, or a topic, please don't hesitate to ask! The review button is right there!