I recently decided to re-watch my favorite episodes of "Hoshi no Kabbii" (that's right, I went by the Japanese title), which inspired me to write something starring everyone's favorite mustached snail, where I take a look at why he sticks around with Dedede despite the mistreatment he receives.

And the characters, locations, etc. are property of Nintendo. And maybe some other people. But, not me.

Because It's Safe

There was a certain law that stated, if things could go wrong, they would, a law that Escargon thought may have very well been based on him. And today, the beginning of what was sure to be one of the most important weeks of the snail's life, it was all the more important that he proved that, just because something was a law, that didn't mean it was a law that it happened to him.

But again, what he hoped would happen and what did were, more often than not, entirely different things.

The King's personal servant was all packed and ready to go by early that morning. In all actuality, he had been packed since several days ago, and he had been ready since he was too young to remember. He was going to the annual scientific convention in Babka Basin, and this year, he actually had something that would surely be the envy of everyone there, a set of nano-robots that had taken him the better part of a year to create. He would be going on a week-long trip, more than His Majesty typically allowed, but there were occasions where Escargon actually got his way, though only with a good deal of manipulation. He was just surprised using the excuse that his mother was dying still worked. Especially when she had been in perfect health the last time the King had seen her. Just over a month ago.

And now, at the hour of three in the morning, Escargon crept down one of the many hallways of Castle Dedede, quite an easy thing for a snail, with his bags slung over his shell for easier carrying and nothing but the torches to illuminate his way. He had been careful to avoid the King's chambers, as its occupant could be a light sleeper when he chose to be, but he knew the identity of a rather large mass as soon as it stepped out from behind a pillar.

"Going somewhere, Escargon?" a deep voice said as the figure of King Dedede, still in his nightshirt, strode out from the shadows and into the torchlight the snail occupied.

Escargon sighed. "You're certainly up early, your Majesty. I'm sure the Waddle Dees will be more than happy to get you your morning tea, if you wish it."

He attempted to slink by, but the penguin flung out an arm to block his path. "I don't think so. What are you in such a hurry to get to? And why do you have so many bags? You're a snail. You have an entire shell to use for storing things." With that, he burst into laughter at his own feeble attempt at humor, and Escargon frowned.

"Your Majesty, I told you I was going on this trip months ago. Don't act surprised now that I'm actually leaving for it."

The King put a hand to his chin in what would have been thought, had any other creature in all of Dreamland done it. "Really? I don't recall that."

"Well, that's a shame. Then, take this as my notice. I'll see you in a week, and I'm sure—"

Lacking the same nimbleness that the King somehow possessed at such an early hour of the morning, Escargon was unable to prevent him from snatching away his bags, and the snail put up a hand in protest as the penguin began opening them up and rummaging through them. "What've you got in here?"

"Hey, stop that! I have some very important things in there! I assure you, there's nothing in there that would interest you, so—"

"What's this?" Of course, King Dedede just had to locate the one thing the snail wanted him to find least of all, a small box he had packed most carefully, and he got to opening it as Escargon squealed his disapproval from where he stood nearby, rooted to the spot and unable to do any more than watch this dreadful spectacle.

After sifting through the packing material, he took out a small, glass vial, and Escargon's breathing stopped. He was just surprised his heart didn't, as well. The King peered at the small object closely, first squinting, then with one eye, as if that would cause the vial's contents to reveal themselves, but neither method worked, and he turned his attention back to the snail.

"There's nothing in here," King Dedede said. "This is what you were so worried about?"

"If-if it no longer interests you, then please put it back! Carefully!"

"But, there's nothing in here."

"Yes, exactly, so put it back."

The penguin's mouth twisted into a sly grin. "If it's empty, then you won't mind if I break it, will you, Escargon?"

"Don't you dare!" With the gift of motion restored to him, the snail attempted to pounce on the King, fully ready and willing to wrestle the vial away from the other, much larger though that he was, but Escargon could fight dirty when he needed to, only to have King Dedede jump to his feet with a speed someone of his generous proportions really shouldn't be capable of, and the snail landed on the floor and could do little more than wrap his arms around the penguin's feet and sob.

"Don't do it, your Majesty! I worked my fingers to the bone creating those! If you ever, in all the many years we've known each other, show me mercy, then please, do it now!"

King Dedede stared down at the sniffling snail, the vial held high in the event his servant tried anything funny. "What are you so worried about a piece of glass for? You have plenty of these things lying around." He paused, the snail continuing to quiver at his feet, and added, "And I thought you said you didn't have bones."

"That's not important right now!" Escargon stood and took on the most imploring look an old, mustached snail was capable of. "Just…give it back, and I'll tell you what it is."

"Tell me what it is, and I'll give it back."

Escargon's hands clenched into fists. "It's nothing that concerns you! …Eh, I mean, it's nothing you would be interested in, your Majesty. It's just something I worked on for a very important scientific event, so just—"

King Dedede chuckled. "I should've known you were going to something nerdy. So you think they'll be impressed because you brought them an empty container?"

"It's called a vial, and no, that's not what I'm bringing them. Inside are several nano-robots I created—"

"Nanny robots?" The King chuckled again. "What kind of—"

"Nano-robots! They're nano-robots, and that's why you can't see them because—"

The King once again brought the vial up to one eye to peer inside. "So, what you're telling me is, they're invincible?"

"Don't you mean invisible? And no, I—"

"I meant what I said, Escargon!"

Escargon threw his arms up into the air. "Okay, sure, I made invincible robots! Now can you please give them back?"

"What good are tiny, invincible robots? Can they cook or clean or sew? Can they rid me of Kirby?"

"No…"

"Then, I don't see the point." The King tossed the vial aside, and Escargon scrambled to catch it as the penguin turned away from him. "Speaking of cooking and cleaning and sewing…"

"The Waddle Dees are more than capable of taking care of that," the snail said, cradling the vial in his arms.

King Dedede turned back to him. "But, you're so much better at it."

Ecargon began to back away, shaking his head for all he was worth. "No, uh-uh, I'm on vacation this week. I'm certain you'll survive just fine without me."

But, the King produced a long list, quite possibly from the same place his enormous wooden mallet came from, or maybe he just pulled it out from his pocket, and began running a finger down its contents. "But, there's so much you need to do, Escargon. You need to let out my robes, all my socks have holes in them—"

"You don't wear socks."

"—my TV has a glare from the window on it again, and the rug in my room's curled up at the end, and it's a tripping hazard! You said so yourself!"

"Do you really need me to do that?" Escargon asked as he continued his retreat, but the King only followed.

"And the dust in my room this time of year makes me sneeze, and the Waddle Dees don't make tea or do my massages nearly as good as you do!"

"Really? Because, if I remember correctly, all you do is complain about how incompetent I am at those things! Since when did you start thinking I actually did a good job?"

"I didn't say you were good at it. I just said you're better than the Waddle Dees."

Escargon huffed. "You know, I'm starting to think you saved all this for me on purpose," he said, only now realizing that he could go no further after having been backed into a corner. It was unfortunate he wasn't the kind of snail that could go up walls.

"Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. But, since you're up so early this morning, you can get a head start."

Escargon pressed himself into the corner behind him as far as he could manage. "No, no, no, no, no! I'm off today! I don't have to do anything!"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I'm the King, and you'll do as I tell you! And it's only three in the morning! 'Today' hasn't even started yet!"

"It started at midnight, so I already have a three-hour safety cushion!"

By now, the King loomed before him, and he bent down until the two of them were at eye level, giving Escargon an even better view of the evil twinkle the penguin's eyes held. The snail winced, but the King did little more than grin.

"So there will be no convincing you, then?"

Escargon shook his head, but with less vigor than previously, and he swallowed. "No, your Majesty. I've been planning for this for a very long time, and I simply can't attend to those things until I get back. I—"

"All because of your invincible robots, eh?"

"Yes, well…"

King Dedede appeared to ponder over this predicament, of dire consequence to his own convenience, before lunging for the vial still clutched tight in the snail's hand, but his servant dodged out of the way, and Escargon attempted to make a dash for it, but his efforts were halted when the King grabbed hold of his tail and started pulling him backwards.

"No, just leave me in peace!" No amount of struggling, however, could prevent himself from being dragged ever closer to his assailant, and no amount of adrenaline could keep him from being pushed onto his side and flattened when the rather hefty penguin jumped upon him and started to wrestle the vial from his grasp.

Escargon continued to shriek pleas for mercy, but all to no avail, for eventually the vial was back in the King's hands, and the snail was left painting on the floor, groaning and, at the same time, commending whoever's idea it was to make snails invertebrates.

"I have the perfect solution, then, Escargon! If these robots are the one thing keeping you from forcing me to fend for myself, then you leave me with no choice!"

Escargon leapt up, though with only half a heart put into it, for he knew the battle was already lost, though his eyes bulged, nevertheless, as the penguin opened the vial and threw his head back to swallow its contents.

"There, problem solved," King Dedede said, and he dropped the vial, letting it shatter at his feet. "Now you have plenty of time to do those chores for me."

The snail didn't respond. And when this silence lasted far too long for the King's liking, he stepped towards his servant and hunched down to get a better look at him.

"Escargon? Did you hear me? Wake up; you have work to do, and you're just standing there!"

The snail's eye twitched, and his lips moved.

The King bent closer. "Huh? What did you say?"

Again, the snail appeared to repeat the same thing, and again, the King failed to catch what it was.

"Escargon…?"

"You destroyed them," Escargon said, in a voice that was scarcely audible.

This time, it was the penguin's turn for silence.

"You destroyed them. All my hard work, all my late nights spent staring into a microscope until my eyes were about ready to pop out, all gone, just like that." The snail's eyes lifted until they met the King's. And then it happened.

"I've had it!" Escargon leapt into the air, his arms flailing about. "I've had it with being treated like garbage and…and having my feelings disregarded and of being put in serious danger of a concussion from being hit with your stupid hammer all the time! And most of all, I've had it with you! Do you hear me, your Majesty? I'm done! I quit! I'm never again letting out your robes to accommodate your ever-widening proportions or…or mending your imaginary socks…or…or…"

His tirade devolved into a series of grunts and snarls and heated finger-pointing, until even this was given up in favor of a march past the still-silent King, and he flung his bag onto his back, uncaring of the contents that fell out when it had yet to be closed up again, and he twisted about one, final time to glare back over his shoulder. "And I do hope you'll let me know the side effects of eating those things! That's one thing I have yet to test out!"

With that, the snail was on his way at an increased speed, and it wasn't long before he had left the castle grounds and was upon the first path he found, with little care for where he was going as long as it put a great distance between himself and the castle, though he had slowed greatly by the time he reached the little house where lived Tokkori, which rested beneath the shade of the tree his former employer's sworn enemy slept.

As the snail passed by the small dwelling beside the tree, he heard a rustling in the grass behind him and an all-too familiar, "Poyo?"

Escargon groaned and looked back to find the short and squat form of Kirby watching him and blinking the sleep from his eyes. Apparently everyone was up early today.

"I suppose it'll please you to know that I won't be causing you anymore trouble, Kirby. His Majesty…ugh…" He shook his head, cringing as if the title left a bad taste in his mouth. "King Dedede will have to find himself a new crony to pester you, because I quit."

The pink puffball continued to stare at him, seeming to be quite awake at this point, if the new alertness in his eyes was anything to go by, and the snail sighed. "You know, I never quite figured out if you could actually understand anything anyone ever said to you. Can you? Can you understand what I'm saying?"

As expected, he received no response but a tilted head.

"Never mind. I guess…I guess this is goodbye, then. I never really had anything against you, Kirby. I was just doing what I was told. It all seems pretty stupid now, though, doesn't it? Harassing you all because some nimrod has a grudge against you that I never really understood. Well, all that's over now. From now on, I'm going to think for myself. No more getting bossed around by someone with the intelligence of a rock."

Kirby tilted his head the other way, and the snail's shoulders sagged. "You know, you take being a good listener to a whole new level."

His puffball companion smiled. "Poyo!"

"I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing," the snail said, but Kirby continued to grin up at him. "Never mind." He eased his heavy cargo onto the ground beside him and sat down upon it and rested his head in his hands.

"How can you be so carefree all the time?" Escargon continued. "Sometimes I wish I was carefree like you, Kirby, but it's just not in me. I've never been able to go more than a few minutes without fretting over something." He sighed and shook his head as Kirby sat down upon the grass, though to listen to the snail's words or simply in imitation, he couldn't be certain. "I wanted to be a scientist, you know, not a servant to a spoiled king. I guess I should've known something was wrong when the job was so easy to get, huh?" He produced a lukewarm chuckle, and his companion merely blinked at him.

"And you wanna know why I didn't become a scientist, Kirby?" he asked. "Because they rejected me. That was a long time ago, and I'd rather not get into the details, but they turned me away, and the very reason I was going to…well, I was supposed to be heading to this convention over in… You don't understand a word of this, do you?"

Kirby opened his mouth, and Escargon half-expected a response, and he got one, if a sneeze counted.

"Bless you."

"Po."

"You're welcome." The snail looked about to find the horizon still dark, all the residents of the nearby Cappy Town still asleep, he was sure, and Tokkori, as well, thank goodness. That bird's voice was about as obnoxious as the King's.

"You can keep a secret, can't you, Kirby?" Ecargon said, keeping his voice low as he leaned in, and his companion did the same. If he knew better, he would say there was real interest in the puffball's face. "You wanna know the other reason I left home? Well, there was this girl, you see…ah…" He scratched the back of his head. "It's kind of embarrassing, really, but there was this girl I liked once, and I thought she felt the same until I asked her out on a date, and she told me she was already seeing someone else, and she had only been nice to me because she felt sorry for me. I was so humiliated, I could never bring myself to speak to her again." Escargon rubbed his face in the palms of both hands. "And yet, what I never got was, King Dedede humiliates me all the time, but I stay with him."

He gazed up again at the blank face of Kirby, who was busy bobbing his large, red feet up and down before him. "Why? Why do I do it?" he asked. "What's wrong with me that I keep crawling back to him, no matter how badly he treats me? Am I that much of a coward, Kirby, that I'm more afraid of leaving than I am of being treated like dirt?"

His companion had no answer, and even if he could talk, Escargon doubted he would know what to say even then. For years, he had been kept up at night pondering over this very thing, but to this day, he had never found an answer to his questions. But, now that he sat here, far away from the castle grounds on this quiet, grassy hill with the cold air chilling him awake, an answer at last came to him that he couldn't understand why he had never though of before.

"Because it's safe. That's it, isn't it? I stay because it's safe. Who cares if someone rejects me if I never expected anything from them to begin with?"

Kirby went still and gave a long, slow blink of his dark eyes, as if considering this very thing, and Escargon listened to the slow chirp of distant insects. He then stood, his fists clenched at his sides.

"It's decided then. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm going to pursue my dreams, and there's nothing His Maj—King Dedede can do about it." He grabbed hold of his bags and, with a mighty heave, slung them onto his back by the strength of one arm, his other hand free to wave at his companion. "Farewell, Kirby. We may never meet again, but I want you to know that I appreciate this talk. Hopefully the King will leave you alone for a while now that he has no one to drive him around anymore."

With that, the snail set out once again on the nearby trail, a new vitality apparent in his movement, and Kirby watched him go, continuing to stare off in the direction he had gone even after he had disappeared over the other side of the hill. Already awake, the puffball did not yet return to his sleeping spot in the tree, but turned to watching the stars that were beginning to fade nearest the horizon as the sun began to push the night away, and he returned to bobbing his feet, a new rosiness in his pink cheeks from the brisk morning air.

His movements were stilled again, however, when he looked over to find the snail returning at twice the pace of when he had left and already panting from his exertion.

"I can't do it! I just can't!" Escargon stopped before him, his bags landing with a thump beside him as he fought for breath. "I know I'm a coward, but I just can't! Getting mistreated and yelled at and…and even hit on a daily basis by a giant hammer is all I know!" He sobbed into his hands and shook his head wildly. "I don't wanna go back, but I can't leave, either! I need your encouragement, Kirby!"

As always, Kirby seemed to be at a loss for words, and he blinked at the sobbing snail and stood, peering in closer to find some cause for the snail's sudden distress.

"Poyo?"

Escargon's shoulders continued to shake, along with a few more protests for and against his own, recent resolution to start life anew far, far away as a scientist, just as he had always desired since childhood, and when none of the encouragement he wished for came, not that he could really expect any, his hands slid down his face so that he could stare, once again, at his silent companion.

"You know," Escargon sniffed, "being a good listener doesn't mean you have to go this far." They remained at a standstill, and the snail wiped his nose with one arm before turning away to a fading night sky.

"Never mind," he said with a sigh, and he grabbed hold of his bags, waving offhand at the puffball as he slunk away. "Thanks anyway."

The snail began his trek back to the castle, his bags dragging along behind him. He could always try another time for that new, happier life he so desperately wished for, but until then, he had a lot of chores to get back to.

I am not terribly happy with this story, but I hope you guys have a higher opinion of it than I do. I just thought it would be funny if Escargon vented his frustrations to Kirby, who may never pass judgment, but who is also rather incapable of providing much support, either. Silly Kirby. Escargon could never leave, could he? Because sometimes the unknown is far scarier than our current fates.

Please review, my dearies.