No one can understand Chuck Bass like I can.
No one knew the sadness beneath his facade. No one saw the desired acceptance he wanted from everyone beneath his anger. No one imagined the secret jealously of his best friend, or the acceptance from his father he never got but always wanted. No one saw the reason he stuck his sex inside every female that moved seeking attention he didn't really want.
I did.
He didn't know the conflict I had with myself to keep away my feelings for him. He didn't know that it was him I always wanted to be with, not Nate. He never knew that Nate was just the safety net. He never knew he was my heart's desire; my sole reason for breathing. He never knew I always knew Nate never did, never has and never will need me like I needed him.
I did.
I didn't know that once I opened my heart that not only would I fall incredibly hard for him, but he would for me as well. I didn't expect for our "secret" love affair to be as fun as it was, or that it would make me happier than I could ever imagine. For once in my life, routine was not the answer. I welcomed the change that was to come with our brewing relationship. I didn't know that the same change that excited me scared the hell out of him. I didn't know that I would find myself heartbroken on that plane to paradise. I didn't want to admit that every day I spent apart from him, my heart ached even more.
But I did.
Not many people knew that I was not the Ice Queen to everyone that crossed my path. Not many people knew that I nearly starved myself to death because the pain of his absence hurt too much. Not many people knew that Prince Boring never held a candle to him, and hurt me beyond words when I saw the pain on his face when I pretended not to care about him. Not many people knew that I confessed my love for him twice, and was rejected both times because of his pride.
I did.
I didn't care who knew the reasoning behind our banter. I didn't care who knew that I would give up everything just to be with him. I didn't care who knew I was trembling when I forced him to hear my declaration of love for him. I didn't care who knew my heart was breaking when I found out he had fled to Europe without even a goodbye. I didn't care who knew how much he really meant to me, and who believed me when I said I loved him with all my heart. Only one person could ever fully know how he completes me.
I did.