Mark Fitzgerald. My name is finally known, except I'm known for assault with intent to kill. Sure, it's true I have my issues, but doesn't everyone? I didn't want to stab Eli, which is exactly why I hit the wall instead of his gut. He needed to be scared, he needed to back down, and all of my attempts failed miserably. Everyone says I started it all, I antagonized him to mess with me. I just wanted his girl, she never gave me a second look after taking one glance at him.

I've been a student at Degrassi since I was a Niner, realizing quickly where I belonged; the Bullies, the Delinquents, the Bad Kids. First I chilled with Johnny and Bruce the Moose, once they graduated, I obtained a friendship with Bianca and Owen. I flew under the radar until this year, but Clare has been in my life since she got here.

I saw her the first day of tenth grade, she was a year younger than me. She wore a uniform to school, the guys would always call her a freak, but I found it charming. All the other girls I'd gone out with had been more like Bianca, full blown skanks, but Clare, she wasn't at all. Her skirt hung right at her knees, her button up was always buttoned to the very top, and then that sweater vest, don't get me started on that. Now that I think back to it, she was still gorgeous, but once she started wearing normal clothes, she was mesmerizing. Then this year, I didn't think it was possible, but once she cut her hair, she was even more beautiful.

When she was in ninth grade, she volunteered to tutor kids, so guess who started failing some classes? I'm actually pretty smart for someone in regular classes, my teachers knew I had more potential than most, so when my grades started slipping, they immediately put me in tutoring sessions. It took a few tries before I got Clare, I just had to scare some of the other tutors off.

Every Wednesday from three to three thirty, Clare was all mine. She was with that prick football player then, so I knew none of my advances would fly with her. There is no doubt I could've had her in the palm of my hand, but that's not what I wanted. I thought she was better off with a jock than she would be with a bully. Most of the tutoring ended with flirting, but it took all the strength I had to not take advantage of her. It killed me, but one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew she would end up doing something she regretted with me, so I just had to extract myself from her life. She would come up to me in the hallways, asking for an explanation, I just told her all that extra help she gave me worked, my grades were back up, I didn't need to go anymore.

I never listened to school gossip, but once I heard the jock she was dating cheated on her, I was enraged and ecstatic at the same time. Sure I wanted to punch his face in, but Clare was finally single again, I thought anything was possible, she however broke down. She wouldn't look at any guy anymore, including me, which broke my heart. She just wanted her ex-boyfriend back. How could I compete with him? He was openly smart, kind, athletic, good looking, and I was just Mark Fitzgerald, bully of the beaten. Even if something did happen between Clare and I, I would just be the rebound. So I waited all summer, for the perfect chance this year.

I was on my way to try to talk to her, after three months of not seeing her, but then Goth kid had pulled up to her in his hearse, running over her glasses. He passed it off as if it was an accident, but any guy could tell he was after her, and once his eyes locked onto hers, she was head over heals for him. This year I wasn't going to let my Clare fall through my grasp again, so I made it hard for Pretty Boy Eli. That was easy, the guy is a jack ass. He was the one who even threw the first comment my way, "What's wrong with you?" He never even asked to us to move.

I didn't want to hurt Adam, I thought he was even a pretty cool guy, but it was an easy way to tick Eli off. It was also easy to get Owen and Bianca on the bandwagon with Adam without revealing my secret. My plan was if I made Adam's life a living hell, then it would be easy to make Eli's hell as well. That boy puts up a good fight, but he underestimated my years of training with the best delinquents around. The fights, the arrests, the detentions, none of that really mattered to me, he still had Clare.

I saw Clare by the Vegas Night ticket table, hoping she was only buying one for herself. I had my plan set out and everything, she would go up and ask for one ticket, then I would swoop in and say, "Better make that two, well, if this stunning girl will accompany me to the dance." My plan was foiled once I heard her order two tickets, the only other tactic I had was fear. I had to tell her I'd hurt Eli, that's the only way I could make sure he didn't sweep her off her feet that night. Her kind soul tried to make everything better, she even agreed to go to the dance with me. Under those conditions, most people wouldn't have been excited, but I was. I would take any chance I get to be with her, even if it was a pity date. I guess love does make a person go mad.

Eli came up to me, in front of all the guys I hung around with, trying to make me appear weak. If it were just he and I, I would have been civil with him, but I can't show my soft side with the dumb-asses I chill with, I'd quickly be demoted from their God to the dirt they walk on. I hated being so harsh about Clare, saying how I would be gentle with her once I got her in bed. It is the truth, though, sleeping with her doesn't usually cross my mind. I just fantasize about being with her.

That night, I had so much hope for us, but almost instantly, I saw her talking to Eli. This was supposed to be my night, not his. Once I made it out to my locker, I waited till she followed, which was risky, seeing how she could've just stayed, not caring about me, but she's just not that type of person. She saw the corsage I contemplated giving her, in case she might reject it, but the way her face lit up, I knew I had to. I did however lie to her, saying my mom told me to bring it, the truth is my mom couldn't care less about a corsage, or me for that matter.

I never really knew my dad, he died when I was really young, resulting in me being an only child. My mom's parents disowned her once she married my dad, they said they wouldn't risk having his kind in their family, I never got to know what they meant, and I never got to know them. Mom was basically adopted by my dad's folks, they lived next door to us, I saw them every day. Grams suffered from severe dementia by the time I was twelve, she passed on while watching television with Gramps, after that he was never the same. He stopped coming over to our house as much, saying he was just too tired, but really, he was heart broken. It broke my mothers heart seeing him like that. They were always very close, so when he died of a heart attack, she couldn't find a reason to keep living. Her soul died with him.

Now with the dance, Clare avoided me, I didn't even get to dance with her for one single song. The whole night revolved around Goth kid. When she made Eli and I switch cups, resulting in me puking, I thought she was doing it to get rid of me, but now that I've had time to look back, she was trying to protect me.

I didn't want her to see me pull the knife, I knew she would do something drastic. When I went to "set Eli straight", I saw them together. She couldn't even be with me for a night, how would she ever love me as much as I loved her? "Shut up bitch!" are words I've never regretted saying more. Rage also can drive a person mad. When I pulled the knife, I thought about how easy it would be to kill Eli, but I heard a whimper escape Clare's lips. I couldn't do it. If she loved Eli like I loved her, than I would kill her if I killed him. So, I simply missed.

That whole night just led to where I am now, a jail cell, possibly rotting here for another few years. I deserve it too.