Adora has come to enjoy the stillness of Bright Moon and the clear night sky. It is the exact opposite of what she is use to. Back at the Horde, there always was sounds of machines or people walking around in the Fright Zone to fill the air. There was an alarm to wake you as the sun rose. There always was something to listen to. And the lights and smoke from everything blocked out the stars at night. The shift from that to this was hard to get use to and Adora spent nights unable to sleep because of it. Even when she snuck her away into Glimmer's bed, the quiet made her uneasy. She eventually got used to it but while she found peace, something still lingers inside of her that makes her ache.
She sighs as she looks down at the sword in her lap. The object that brought her here and thrown her into the rebellion. It showed her the right path in her quest to help as many people as she can but because of it, so much has changed in her life in a short period of time. It's a lot to take in, especially when at war. At war with who you thought was your family.
"Hey, Adora…" A quiet voice says.
Adora jumps, nearly dropping her sword off the edge she sits on. She quickly takes a hold of it and scrambles to her feet to face whoever is behind her. It's Glimmer, her hands raised up near her face.
"Easy, Adora. It's just me," The smaller girl says.
"Jeez, you scared me," Adora tells her, lowering her guard.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to. I know you sometimes spook and are on guard with new things so I tried to be quiet. You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. And it's not your fault. I'm still unlearning how not to always be in fight mode."
Adora retakes her place on the ledge and rest her head in her hands. She hears Glimmer slowly walk towards her before taking a seat.
"I've noticed that you have been off for the past couple days and a guard told me they've seen you wandering around the castle at night. So I came looking for you after checking to see if you were in your room or not. Everything okay?" Glimmer asks.
Adora stays silent. She has come to trust Glimmer deeply but talking about your past is not easy. Not to mention when your past is part of the reason everyone you now care about is hurting. However, Adora does want it off her chest. The Horde has been eating away at her ever since she left and after all other events that have occurred, it feels like it is about to burst out of her and over take her.
"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to," Glimmer tells her.
"No, no. I do! It's just…It's about the Horde…" Adora admits.
"Oh. I see. If you're worried about how I feel, it's okay. You did spend most your life there after all."
That is all Adora's mind needs.
"That's exactly it, Glimmer! I know they are evil, I know they are doing horrible things! I know that now but for so long I thought you and everyone else were the bad guys! You remember how I acted when I first met you and Bow."
"Yes, I do. It must have been quite the shock to find out otherwise."
"It was," Adora sighs. She struggles to get her next words out. "And…I still miss them…"
Silence fills the air. Adora thinks of what to say next, now that it is out in the open. Glimmer watches her, waiting to hear what else she has to say. Adora shifts and looks away from her friend, feeling ashamed.
"All my life, they were what I thought I considered my family. It was far from perfect. But it was still my home. I had so many friends there. People I cared about. People I still care about! The Horde is evil, don't get me wrong, but not everyone there is. Some people there are like me and just don't know. Some people do know what they are doing, like Catra, but even then…
"Even then I miss her. Catra was my best friend growing up and I do still hope she is just lost and I can reach her somehow but I just…I still miss them. They raised me and took care for me and taught me everything I know. I miss people and things. I miss the sounds, I miss the scents, I miss the rhythm of life in the Horde. I've gotten used to everything here but it's still just not the same."
Glimmer takes a moment to think about what she was just told as Adora falls quiet. Guilt spreads throughout Adora's body. After everything Glimmer and the others have done for her she still has feelings for the Horde. The thing that took away Glimmer's father and countless other lives. How can she still have some loyalties to them after everything? The thought of Glimmer hating her for it quickly crosses her mind. Please don't tell me I just messed everything up! She thinks.
"You know, it's okay," Glimmer says. Adora turns to her. Her face is soft and warmth is in her violet eyes. She continues. "I'm not mad or anything, if you're worried. Like I said before, you did grow up with them. It's hard to let go of that and I am sure you are right. That there are more people like you. After meeting you, I started to wonder that also. I don't blame you for feeling like that and you shouldn't either."
"Why shouldn't I? They did horrible things! I could have done horrible things! Before I found this sword I was going to invaded that village! Even if I didn't actively do those things, I still contributed to it!" Adora nearly shouts.
"Easy, easy." Glimmer places a hand on Adora's shoulder. "You're doing good now, aren't you? You are trying to make up for any wrongs you did or think you did. That is what matters. It takes time to move on from something you have known all your life. It takes time to unlearn things and these feelings you have aren't wrong. It's only natural. You have to give it time and talking about it will help. We are all here for you, Adora. No one is going to judge you for feeling like this. It's understandable."
Adora can't help but hug Glimmer. Overcome with relief, it just happened. Glimmer returns the hug, tightly, as Adora repeats 'thank you' in her ears.
"I'm here for you whenever you want to talk about it, okay? Do you want to stay out here for a little while longer or do you want to come to bed? There always is an extra pillow on my bed for you whenever you need it."
"I'd like to stay out here for a little while longer. The stars are really pretty tonight, aren't they? It's one thing I really love about being here now."
"Yeah. They are. They are one of my favorite things also."