"Chuck's mind was in turmoil.
What's new? He thought bitterly. His entire life so far has just been one sob story after the next. And most of them were his fault, he knew. But not this time. This wasn't like when he took Jenny's virginity. Or all the times he messed up with Serena. Or Nate.
Or Blair.
"It wasn't even like when his dad died. He'd taken responsibility for that, having been the one who made him get in the car in the first place.
No
This time, he hadn't done anything. And yet his world was crashing down. He had hit rock bottom, and was somehow still falling down. He was sinking in quicksand with no one to help him out. He thought he had been alone before. He thought that he didn't have anyone. And yet, he'd still lost someone he didn't even realize he had. The only person he had left in life. The only one that even cared if he lived or died.
Rufus had been the one to call him. At the time, no one knew what happened. It just came out of nowhere. That was until the autopsy. The doctors said her insides were riddled with cancer. That was what did her in. She didn't even know it. They say she didn't feel any pain.
Chuck didn't care.
Lily van der Woodsen was dead.
Serena was, of course, a complete mess. And Chuck wondered how Eric was doing, having been suicidal not too long ago. But Chuck knew that they would be fine. They had friends and family that would help them through this.
He didn't have anyone.
Lily had been the one he went to on his dark days. She was the one who treated him like he was a part of the family, that invited him to events even if she knew he wouldn't come. She was always there to help him when he got into deep.
And in one instant, she was gone. Out of his life. Forever.
He wished someone would walk through the door, but no one had. And he knew no one would. He had driven all of his friends away.
He knew Blair wouldn't step foot in his penthouse. He had messed up one too many times. There was no getting her back now. Serena and Eric wouldn't be coming either. They both hated him and were dealing with their own grief along with Rufus. Dan hated him for what he did to his sister. If it was up to Dan, he'd kill Chuck himself. But Chuck thought that at least Nate would come by and make sure he wasn't doing anything harmful. At least to make sure he hadn't jumped off the roof.
Guess he was wrong.
Chuck downed the last of the scotch that was in his glass. He felt the burn on his throat. It was a good kind of pain, a familiar one that promised of oblivion. That was all he wanted. He needed to thoughts in his head to just be quite, to stop thinking. He didn't like where the thoughts led to.
He needed to get drunker.
He picked up the bottle on the floor just to find it empty. Damn it
He stood up to get another bottle, and everything in the room dipped harshly. He staggered wildly, running completely into the bar. He gripped the counter with everything he had so that he wouldn't fall over. He rummaged around in his cabinets, but found that his bar was empty. He'd drunk his entire stash in the last couple of days. He'd need to get room service to bring him up some more. He picked up his phone and dialed.
"Hi yes, this is Chuck Bass." He said, doing his best to sound sober despite his incredibly hoarse voice and slightly slurred words, "I need another bottle of Scotch delivered to my room as soon as possible."
He turned around and looked at his penthouse, phone still in hand. Empty bottles littered the floor. His bed remained made as it had for the past week, but his couch had a deep indention where he had been laying. And the entire place stunk of drugs, booze, and BO.
And the room suddenly felt much too large. The walls seemed to be expanding, the floor opening up beneath him, the furniture swaying to and fro. He was drowning in the space, being suffocated by it. A distant voice coming through the phone reached his ears, helping to ground him just the slightest bit.
"Actually… make it three."
He hung up and leaned against the bar heavily, trying not to vomit from the nausea. He needed a foothold. He needed something.
He needed Lily.
He needed to scotch.
*DING*
Chuck glanced at his cellphone disdainfully and read the latest blast.
Hello Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl Here.
Looks like a certain It-girl is having some mommy issues. Better hope little bro doesn't go back to Ostroff. And speaking of brothers, Chuck is no where to be seen. What has come of our favorite bad boy? Has he finally had enough? Looks as if everyone else has had enough of him.
Meanwhile, Nate and B have been spotted snuggling up at the park. Maybe their discussing what to do with S and E, maybe there's something more brewing.
That's all I have for now.
XOXO
Gossip Girl