I'm having real trouble with my updates at the moment, so this is my attempt to get back into the flow of writing and get my juju back! Hope you like it!

This is set just after the last episode of series 3.

Disclaimer: Don't own the Boosh. Never have, and probably never will. Also, the poem featured is mine, but is based very heavily on one which isnt so I feel I should credit that. i just sort of re-wrote most of it.

Howard Moon sat at the kitchen counter, repeatedly banging his head against it. Vince Noir looked on nervously, unsure what he was meant to do.

"That was utterly humiliating Vince."

"It wasn't that bad!"

Howard ceased hitting his head and glared over at his friend. "'wasn't that bad'? I'm sorry, were you partaking in the same conversation I was? Because from where I was standing, it went terribly. That girl was repulsed by me."

"Look, I'm sure she didn't mean…"

"I might as well forget it, Vince," Howard sighed, "I'm the face of trapped wind for God's sake. Who's going to want to date me now?"

Vince stayed silent, unsure how to answer that question. Howard however seemed to take his silence as insulting, and snorted with mirthless laughter.

"See? No-one, that's who. Might as well face the fact that I'm going to be alone. Forever. With no-one. But that's alright; I'm Howard Moon. I don't need people around me; I'm interesting enough to spend time with myself. Oh yes."

Vince merely looked at him. He had never seen Howard this…down before. And that was unusual, all the stuff they'd been through together. Even back at the zoo with Mrs Gideon, Howard had never seemed this depressed about things. What the hell had changed between now and then?

"I'm going to bed." Howard told him, standing up. "Night, Vince."

"Yeah, night." Vince told him distractedly, lost in thought. He didn't even notice Howard had already left the room, and hadn't heard him.

"Yeah, I'm happy in my own company." Howard said to himself as he lay in bed. "I'm all I need, don't need anyone else." He glanced over at Vince's bed, then back at the bedroom door. If he'd been hoping Vince would follow him in here to try and cheer him up, he'd have been disappointed. And he was, a bit. "Just as well really. I don't have anyone else." He said softly to himself. Much as he hated to admit it, he missed Vince. That sounded so stupid to him, he lived with the guy for crying out loud! He saw him every day! What do I mean by that? Howard wondered. It was just…he missed how Vince used to be. He'd changed since they left the zoo, become more cynical. Back at the zoo, he'd been sweet and naïve, if a little self centred. Now he was determined to become this social butterfly that everyone knew; hell bent on having whatever Cheekbone or Dazed and Confused told him was the perfect lifestyle. And that had pulled them apart, because Howard hadn't changed. At least, he didn't think he had.

He cast another look at the door. He wasn't sure why the fact that Vince hadn't followed him bothered him so much. Maybe just the fact that Vince back when he was 19 would have done anything he could to cheer Howard up. Now he couldn't even be bothered to walk ten paces and open a door. With a sigh, Howard turned out the light and rolled over, trying to get to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Outside the door, Vince stood with his hand on the doorknob, not moving. He'd been stood there for five minutes now, and he wasn't sure why he was still there.

"Just go in!" he muttered to himself. "It's Howard for God's sake! What am I so nervous about?" but he still didn't go in.

Another five minutes passed, and Vince still hadn't moved. He hadn't even let go of the doorknob. "This is stupid!" he said softly, letting go and walking into the kitchen. Then he took a deep breath, turned around and walked into the bedroom. "Howard, are you sure you're alright?" But silence and heavy breathing told him the Maverick was already asleep.

Howard looked around the internet café he was in. he felt sure he was the oldest person in here. He looked back at the screen. Why am I even doing this?

Because despite what he'd told Vince, he did want company in his life. Taking a deep breath, Howard clicked 'submit' on the internet dating profile he'd just set up.

"Where've you been?" Vince asked him when he walked into the shop twenty minutes later. "I'm the one who's meant to be late, not you!"

"I had things to do."

"What things?"

"Private things! Just leave it Vince, ok?!"

Vince blinked at him. "sorry." He muttered, bending his face back to his magazine. Howard sighed.

"Sorry little man. I didn't mean to yell."

"S'ok."

"What're you reading?" Howard asked, trying to get a conversation going that would distract Vince from why he'd been late.

"I dunno actually, some woman left it here!" Vince flipped it round so Howard could see the double page spread he'd been looking at. "Hey Howard, check this out! It's all about internet dating!"

"So?" Howard asked, feeling uncomfortable.

"Who does that?! Internet dating's weird and creepy; you get freaks on the internet."

"Yeah." Howard chuckled, a sinking feeling in his stomach. At least I didn't put my name on that website! He thought, relieved that if anyone found it, at least it wouldn't be traced back to him.

The next day Howard found himself back in the café. He wasn't even sure why he was bothering, why would anyone respond to him? He clicked on the email icon, then froze as he saw the message. He'd been sent a response! Excited, he opened the message.

Dear Lune-black,

I read your profile on , and I think you sound really nice! I'd really like to get to know you better, so message me back if you're interested! Here's a bit of info about me: I have blue eyes, dark hair, I enjoy…

Howard read the rest of the message with growing excitement. This person sounded great! (As long as Vince wasn't rights and it was some weird pervy 70 year old). Grinning to himself, he instantly replied to the message.

"What've you got there?" Vince asked suspiciously when Howard walked into the flat that evening with a large box.

"I got myself a laptop."

"A laptop? Why?"

Howard thought fast. He could hardly tell Vince that he'd wanted it so he could have regular contact with his internet date without having to go to that stupid café, could he? "I might want to …look at pictures of…trumpets online. Or book…things."

"Cool. Can I use it?"

Howard looked at him suspiciously. "What for?"

"Stuff."

"As long as it's not illegal or in any way dodgy, fine."

"Genius." Vince said, grinning.

The next few weeks passed fairly quickly for Howard. Despite the fact that he didn't even know their name, he felt his online relationship was going pretty well.

"You're happy." Vince noted.

"So?"

"So, what's her name?"

"Who?"

"This girl you keep grinning about."

"And who says there's a girl?"

"I know that look, you've found someone!"

"I might have." Howard could not suppress a smile.

Vince's face seemed to fall slightly, but then a split second later he grinned again and Howard wasn't even sure if he'd imagined it. "My boy's growing up! Come on, I want details! Where'd you meet her?"

"I'd rather not go into it."

"Why? It wasn't anywhere dodgy was it?"

"No! I just…don't want to jinx it."

"You're weird, you know that?"

"Thanks Vince."

"Whatever. Hey, can I use the laptop?"

"You're meant to be working here!"

"Yeah but can you cover for me? Go on, Howard, please? I told Leroy I'd send him some tunes!"

Howard sighed. "Go on then!"

"Cheers Howard. You're a diamond!" Vince told him, grinning.

Howard was actually glad to have the shop to himself. It gave him some time to finish writing the poem he was going to email his internet date that night.

I sit in the evenings and watch the sun set
Thinking of someone that I've never met
I wonder if you think of me too?
Because every minute I'm thinking of you.

Most people would say that I'm gonna regret
Losing my heart to someone I've never met
But I'd tell them there's nothing I can do
I just can't stop thinking of you.

The emails you send cheer up my every day
Even when cold, when the sky turns to grey.
I'm tired of being so alone and blue
But I always smile when I'm thinking of you

It wasn't great, he thought, frowning. But it wasn't bad, either. It would do. As soon as Vince got off the computer, he would email it. Vince. Howard couldn't help smiling when he thought about Vince's childish glee at the news he had a 'girlfriend'. Howard snorted. He didn't know what Vince would say if he knew the truth about his relationship…

Vince glanced nervously over at Howard's sleeping form as he tip-toed out of the bedroom. He sat down at the sofa and switched on the laptop. He had to admit, this was a lot more convenient than visiting the internet café, even if it did mean he needed to get up at 4 in the morning to check his emails to ensure privacy. He wondered if his 'boyfriend' would have sent him anything. He wasn't entirely sure he should be calling them that, after all they'd never actually met. For all Vince knew, this guy could have several online relationships at the same time.

How embarrassing would it be if Howard found out about this? Vince wondered. He, Vince Noir, had used an online dating website. No-one suspected he could have trouble getting dates; he had men and women all over him all the time. But Vince wanted more than just casual sex, he wanted a relationship. And none of those people would be willing to give him one.

His heart-rate increased when he saw he did have a message from his online sweetheart. He read it, and grinned to himself. "Aww! How sweet is that?!" he murmured happily.

Hi V-man22.

How are things with you? Getting any further with your music career?

I being a man of many talents (don't laugh); I've written you a poem to express my feelings to have found you:

I sit in the evenings and watch the sun set

Thinking of someone that I've never met…

Ok, this was originally gonna be a one-shot to recover from my writer's block, but this felt like such a good place to end it! So will be posted in two parts instead.

Please feel free to review! x