Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with Glee.
Think about lifelong sorrow, if you got pneumonia and died.
…...
Kurt sat in the window seat of his bedroom, watching the sun set. He'd had a great day at school; classes had gone well, he'd chatted with new friends and hung around with Blaine. But he'd watched the clock, and though he'd missed the exact time, he had been aware more or less. There are days when the exact time is significant. Not that he knew the exact time, actually, but the general region of time.
He'd laughed with his friends and wished for classes to end like any other day, but now he was home and alone. He didn't have to be alone; the rest of his still fairly-new family was around in the house for most of the evening. But sometimes to be alone is preferable, even if it's lonely.
Part of Kurt wanted someone to come find him in his room and talk to him, tell him to come out and do something with people. A larger part keeps him from going out and finding them.
Days like this, Kurt found himself thinking about time. How old he felt, nearly halfway through high school already. It seemed so brief a time since he was ten and happy-go-lucky most of the time. And yet so much had happened; so much had changed. He'd changed so much. He'd gone through a lot of difficulty in the past six or so years; learning about himself, figuring out what he wanted from life. Making friends, with all the joy and difficulties that entailed. Working on his shifting relationship with his dad, as he supposed all teenagers approaching adulthood did.
Six and a half years. It's a long time. Yet it can seem short, too.
He hoped that what he'd accomplished in that time would make her proud. He hoped that how he dealt with this lifelong sorrow (though it hadn't been pneumonia that took his mother from him) wouldn't make her sad, like now when he was hiding out from the world just for a while.
Kurt sighed and shifted in the seat. Night was coming. He thought about all he had endured and all he had to be thankful for. It wasn't such a bad life. He had family, friends...and Blaine. But in this moment, there was one thing missing that just thinking the thought of it brought tears to his eyes. He let them come, but resisted shifting into truly crying; it made his face red and his heart tired. Settling for staring into the fading dusk, he pondered one day sharing these moments with someone special. He hoped it would be Blaine. But he didn't know how long it would take to build the particular kind of trust that would let him go past the surface acknowledgment of his mother's death. Sharing these sorts of feelings would be a special type of trust.
But tonight...just a few more minutes, and then he'd go to finish his homework and go to bed early, dropping a soft kiss on the head of the teddy bear she'd given him so many years before. Six and a half years...it's a long time. Too long a time to have been without your mother. Carol was great, and Kurt was glad to have her in his life, but she would never be his mother. He was grateful that she knew that, and was content to be a loving mother-type figure in his life without pushing.
Curling up under his quilts, Kurt wished to whatever power that be to dream of his mother that night.
Six and a half years today, and her birthday tomorrow...a dream would be the least the fates could offer him tonight.
…...
(and I'm missing you...)