This has to be the worst Winter Solstice ever!
Iolaus grumpily stared out the open window at the City of Corinth. Not only was this the first Winter Solstice since Alcmene's death (which made it bad enough), but he was facing a difficult decision...one that affected the rest of his life. To top it off, he needed to make this decision while everyone else was having a good time!
In a way, Alcmene's death had been the catalyst. Immediately following her death, Hercules had gone with Zeus to Olympus and become a full god. Even though it hurt, Iolaus understood his partner's actions.
For as long as Iolaus had known Hercules, he had tried to gain Zeus' attention and perhaps even his approval. The strain that had developed between them in later years only made Zeus' attention after Alcmene's death more bittersweet. And perhaps made Hercules more needy of that attention.
When Hercules had returned, leaving Olympus and his godhood behind, he'd told Iolaus he missed his family...and that included Iolaus.
Iolaus had turned away in stunned surprise. Hercules later reasoned the hunter was simply overcome with the emotion of the moment. In a way, it was true. But it had been at that moment Iolaus realized he not only loved his partner like the brother he'd always claimed he was...but he loved him more than he'd ever loved anyone else including possibly Ania.
In the days that followed, Iolaus thought long and hard about loving Hercules. He realized that with this love came desire. An intense desire to possess Hercules and to be possessed by him. This knowledge shook him so deeply that Hercules began worrying the hunter was ill. It took all of Iolaus' charm and exuberance to convince his partner he wasn't ill.
During the following few months, Iolaus flirted with every woman he met. Beyond making a few pointed comments about burning candles ta both ends, Hercules hadn't seemed to notice anything different.
Then Iolaus flirted with a very good-looking man one night. While the man seemed slightly interested, he quickly realized Iolaus wasn't serious and took the flirting with good-natured humor.
Hercules, however, had just shook his head in amused silence.
Now, standing in his room in the Corinthian Palace, Iolaus pondered his options.
Jason's father had started a ritual during his reign where people wrote down their regrets of the past year and resolutions for the upcoming year...then drew the parchment into a bonfire lit in honor of Hestia. Jason had continued the tradition, and now Iphicles followed it as well.
You're too greedy. You have the best possible friend in the world. He's brought you back from the dead...how many times? Faced down Hades for you. So why can't you be satisfied with that?
Iolaus silently shook his head unconsciously biting his lip. The truth was, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Hercules as a possible lover since the demigod's return from Olympus. All his flirting had simply been a tactic to get some sort of reaction from his partner. And the only reaction he had gotten was silent amusement.
Iolaus sighed and partially closed the window. He crossed tot he bed where two rolled pieces of parchment lay. He picked up one and gently smiled. He closed his eyes and drifted into a fantasy where Hercules loved him and needed him more than as a friend and fighting partner.
Coward. You've seen other men proposition Herc. He's never taken offense at those propositions...and they were from strangers! Why do you think he'd take offense if you told him how you feel?
Slowly, Iolaus opened his eyes and stared at the parchment lying on the bed. He stood as though frozen in time for several seconds. Then he angrily crumpled the parchment in his hands and tossed it over his shoulder towards the fire burning in the fireplace.
It would make a difference. NO matter how much he'd say it wouldn't...it would. And I'm not gonna destroy the best thing in my life. Herc means more to me than that. Herc's more than just a fuck.
Resolutely, Iolaus grabbed the parchment on the bed. Before he lost his nerve, he stalked out the room pulling at the door behind him.
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"Iolaus?" Hercules glanced through the half-open bedroom door. "You in here?"
Hercules carefully opened the door and walked into Iolaus' room. He fondly smiled at the mess Iolaus managed to create by tossing his belongings haphazardly around the room. He noted the rumpled bed and chuckled softly. A little restless last night, Iolaus?
Shivering slightly, he walked across the room and closed the half-open window. Only Iolaus would have a fire burning hotly in the room and leave both the window and door open. Turning, he saw a crumpled piece of parchment lying on the hearth. Curious, he picked it up.
Hercules frowned as he saw his name written in Iolaus' scrawl. Despite his more honorable intentions, the demigod uncrumpled the parchment and read.
Regret - I regret not telling Alcmene more often how much I loved her. She never made a difference between Herc and me, and I hope she knew how much that meant to me. If I have any loving nature in me, it's because she refused to let it die. I miss her.
Regret - I regret not telling Herc how much I love and want him when I first realized it instead of thinking so much about it. It's more than just sexual. I really do love him with all my heart and want to cherish him with my body.
Resolution - I'm gonna tell Herc how I feel before we waste any more time.
Then why did you toss this into the fire, Iolaus? Hercules was convinced that's where the hunter intended it to go. Possibly a draft from the open window caused it to land on the hearth instead of in the fire.
Hercules took a second longer look around the room. The rumpled bed now indicated more than a restless sleep. Iolaus' belongings now looked as though they'd been kicked or shoved aside to make room for a restless pacing. The half-open door told Hercules his partner had been in a hurry to get wherever he was going.
Hestia's fire
Tucking the parchment into his belt puch, Hercules quickly walked out of the room and down the hallway. Turning the corner, he saw Jason at the door of his room. "Jason! Have you seen Iolaus?" he called.
Jason turned, his face haggard and drawn. "Not since last night," he admitted.
"Jason, are you okay?" Hercules gently asked putting a hand on his friend's arm.
Jason took a deep breath and nodded. "I just didn't think it would be this hard..." He shook his head. "Is there trouble?"
"I hope not," Hercules half-smiled. "I think I know where Iolaus has gone anyway." He hesitated. "I've got to find him, Jason, but..."
"Go." Jason forced a smile. "We can talk later."
Hercules squeezed his friend's arm and walked away.
Jason suddenly smiled as he seemed to hear Alcmene's gentle laugh. Maybe he's finally figured it out.
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Standing on the dais, Iphicles was surprised to see Iolaus standing in line at Hestia's fire. He hadn't thought the hunter to be one to publicly purge himself of regrets. He frowned slightly at the expression on Iolaus' face. Sorrow...fatigue...painful resolution...what's going on here? Iphicles kept one eye on Hestia's fire and the other on Iolaus as the line slowly shuffled forward.
Minutes later he saw Hercules at the edge of the crowd almost on tip-toes trying to find one certain blonde head in a sea of heads. Iphicles managed to catch his brother's eyes and cautiously pointed towards where Iolaus was standing.
Hercules nodded at his brother and tried to push his way through the crowd. The people in the crowd however, were determined penitents and refused to move.
Iphicles sighed forseeing a riot at Hestia's fire. That wouldn't endear him to the goddess. He motioned for one of the nearby guards and whispered in his ear. The guard nodded and disappeared into the crowd.
Iphicles then caught Hercules' attention. Using hand signals, he indicated the guard was getting Iolaus.
Hercules gratefully nodded and moved back to the edge of the crowd.
Iolaus looked up as the guard took his arm and murmured in his ear. The hunter glanced towards a solemn-looking King of Corinth. He nodded and followed the guard. "Anything wrong, Iphicles?" he asked when he joined the king.
Iphicles shrugged. "Hercules was trying to force his way through the crowd to you," he explained. "I didn't want a riot. I suppose something's come up."
Iolaus glanced over his shoulder and saw Hercules waiting at the edge of the crowd. "Thanks, Iphicles," he nodded as he folded the parchment in his hand and shoved it through his belt.
Iphicles watched as the hunter nimbly worked his way through the crowd towards his partner. If those two don't recognize what's in front of them soon, I swear I'm getting Jason to help me pound some sense into them. The Corinthian king suddenly smiled. That might actually be fun.
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"Herc, what's wrong"" Iolaus asked when he joined his partner.
"Wrong?" Hercules frowned.
"Iphicles said you were trying to get through the crowd to me," Iolaus explained with a puzzled look. "He figured something was wrong."
Hercules stared down into Iolaus' clear blue eyes and gently smiled. "Nothing's wrong," he admitted. "I just hadn't seen you today...and I saw the door to your room half-open."
"Oh." Iolaus slightly frowned then shrugged. "I thought I closed it when I left."
"Could have been the draft from the open window," Hercules suggested leading them away from Hesita's fire. "I saw Jason a few minutes ago. He doesn't look well.."
Iolaus somberly nodded. "Iphicles looks way too solemn for a Solstice Festival," he pointed out. "You know, I think you, Jason, and Iphicles ought to get together this evening when it gets quiet. Just talk some about Alcmene. You know?"
"What about you?" Hercules curiously asked glancing at his partner. "You know how she felt about you. And I know you loved her as much as the rest of us did."
Iolaus uncomfortably shrugged. "Yeah, but you three were family..."
"Don't start that," Hercules interrupted with a smile. "How many times do I have to tell you? You're family, too."
Iolaus shrugged again this time fighting a blush.
Hercules realized he'd been leading them in the general direction of their bedrooms. Coming to a quick decision, he started walking towards Iolaus' room. "You know, it didn't look like you spent a restful night," he pointed out.
Iolaus shrugged. "Sorta," he admitted.
"You could probably use a quiet night yourself," Hercules proposed. "You've been kind of...busy lately."
Iolaus forced a laugh. It won't matter any more who I take to bed. It'll never be the one I really love. "Hey, one of us has to have a good time, Herc," he teased. "And since you don't..." Smooth, Iolaus. Keep it light.
Hercules shrugged as they stopped in front of Iolaus' room. "I'm just waiting for the person I love to realize it, that's all." He leaned against the wall and folded his arms across his chest.
Ioalus froze looking at the demigod in shock. "What?" he finally managed to squeak. Damn! The voice just went up an octave! Get yourself under control!
"I said, I'm just waiting for the person I love to realize it, that's all," Hercules evenly repeated. He was proud he was keeping a straight face. The look on Iolaus' face was priceless. "To be honest, I thought my love was more perceptive. I guess I'll have to be a little more open and direct."
Iolaus felt his heart crack. Gods, another Serena. Some woman's actually caught his heart again. He took a deep breath to steady his emotions. If she hurts him, I'll... "Yeah, direct is a good approach, Herc," he finally answered.
Hercules frowned. Funs' fun, and I love teasing Iolaus sometimes. But he looks like he just got the worst possible news. Can he really be that dense? "Iolaus, are you okay? You suddenly don't look good."
"I guess I caught a chill or something 'cause I left the window open so I better go get warm or something 'cause I don't want anyone catching this chlll off me so I'll see you tomorrow."
Hercules' eyebrows rose. Even for Iolaus, that was quite a babble. Before the demigod knew what had happened, Iolaus had shut the door leaving a confused partner behind him.
Iolaus leaned against the door and closed his eyes to keep the tears from streaming down his cheeks. Thank the gods I didn't say anything to him! I don't think I could stand it if I had!
Hercules stared at the closed door and felt the guilt build inside him. If he'd had any doubts about how Iolaus felt, they'd been dissolved when Iolaus had given his partner that one shocked look. Raising his fist, he gently tapped on the door. "Iolaus?"
Iolaus quickly wiped his eyes. He took several deep breaths realizing he needed to get under control before speaking.
"Iolaus? I know you can hear me," Hercules softly called. "You've got to open the door."
Iolaus dived across the room towards the table. He threw cold water on his face even as he shouted "come in".
When Hercules entered, he saw Iolaus roughly rubbing his face with a coarse towel. "You okay"" he asked gently closing the door.
"Got soap in my eyes," Iolaus explained. "Look, Herc, I'm gonna try and get some sleep. You're right. I don't feel well."
"Iolaus, I'm sorry," Hercules muttered. "I shouldn't have teased you like that."
"Tease? What? You didn't tease me," Iolaus babbled as he knelt to put more wood on the fire.
"Yeah, I did," Hercules repeated. He reached down and pulled Iolaus to his feet and turned his partner to face him. "But I also told the truth."
Iolaus sighed. "Look, Herc, I'm sure she's a great woman and will be good for you. I'm not gonna pull something stupid like I did with Serena. I was wrong then."
"I told the truth when I said I thought my love was more perceptive and that I'd have to be more direct," Hercules gently smiled.
Iolaus glanced up at this partner in confusion. "You know...I don't quite understand that part," he admitted. "We've been on the road for months so how..."
Hercules lowered his head and captured Iolaus' lips in a gentle kiss. Caught in the act of talking, Iolaus' mouth was half-open when their lips touched. Hercules took advantage and ran the tip of his tongue across Iolaus' parted lips.
Iolaus stood in stunned shock looking up at his partner when he broke the kiss.
"You think that's direct enough?" Hercules causally asked even as his eyes danced with delight.
"Herc?" Iolaus squeaked. Damn! The voice has gone up an octave again! I hate that!
"Hmmm?" Hercules growled as he slid his arms around Iolaus' waist.
"Me?" Iolaus' voice was a vulnerable mix of uncertainty and hope.
Hercules caught his breath at the sudden vulnerability in his partner. "Yeah," he nodded. "Why do you think I came back from Olympus?"
"For me?" Iolaus' eyes widened. "You gave up being a god for me?"
With a smile, Hercules brushed back a curly lock of Iolaus' hair. "For a few other reasons, too, but...yeah, I came back for you," he admitted. "I was going to tell you then, but you seemed embarrassed when I said I came back for my family."
"Uhhh...well...it just took me by surprise," Iolaus stammered. Then his eyes narrowed, and he punched his partner in the chest. "You bastard!"
"Among other things," Hercules admitted with a grin. "Like partner." He gently kissed the top of Iolaus' head. "Best friend." He kissed Iolaus' forehead. "Lover," he whispered before kissing Iolaus' ear.
"You just stood there while I flirted my heart out with those women!" Iolaus accused. Damn, it's hard to be mad at him when he does that!
"And that man as well, "Hercules admitted with a sly smile. "I know you wouldn't go to bed with any of them."
"You did, huh?" Iolaus demanded. "Just how did you know that?"
"Because you love me," Hercules easily answered. "And you've never betrayed me."
Iolaus irritably grunted. "You're really going to have to make this up to me, you know."
Hercules grinned and pulled Iolaus closer to him. "I think I can handle that," he admitted. "After all, I've had years of watching the master in action...or at least hearing him tell me about it."
Iolaus suddenly grinned. All the love and joy he felt for Hercules shone from his blue eyes. "Just how much did you watch?" he teased. Then he chuckled when Hercules reddened.
"Not as much as I intend to watch for the rest of our lives," Hercules promised with a whisper.
Somehow Iolaus managed to giggle even as Hercules kissed him breathless.
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High on Olympus, Hestia smiled as she turned from her scrying mirror. She liked Hercules. His mother had obviously raised him right...with a fine sense of morals and courtesy. Some of the other gods might not appreciate those values...but she did. So when a parchment with his name on it had been consumed by her sacred fire, she'd paid attention to it.
Regrets - Lots of them.
Resolution - Tell Iolaus I love him.
Hercules had been raised right, Hestia admitted. But the boy was short on flowery speeches.