Author's note: Please don't throw tomatoes at me for this. I was bored in
Bio, and I couldn't afford to fall asleep again, so I had to do
something.and that's my excuse. I didn't even know there was a whole
section here for marching band fics.this is cool! By the way, all names
have been changed.
Oh.and this is dedicated to the Pride of the Irish. We rule!
Scene opens on a practice football field at Cathedral High School. The band director, known here as Mrs.McC, and Jessie, the almighty drum major, are trying to get the band to march the way they're supposed to. The pit, Anna, Aaron, and Thaya, are half asleep, and Aaron is hogging the only chair just because he has seniority and he can.
Mrs. McC: You need to explode, people! EXPLODE off the first step! C'mon, you guys!
Let's try this one more time.Jessie, count us off.
Jessie: One, two, three, step!
(Suddenly, all the members of the band blow up, including the guard. The only people left are Mrs. McC, Jessie, and the pit, who are now fully awake.)
Anna: Oh great. Sewage AND blood. Perfect.
Mrs. McC: I didn't mean for you to literally explode!!
Pieces of band members: Oh, now you tell us.
(Fifteen minutes later, the band is back to normal, except for a few percussionists who have re-arranged limbs.)
Anna: Yeah.sorry about that.
Jackman, a.k.a. section leader of percussion: Hey! I can hold a snare stick with my foot! Cool!
Peter: Uh.I've been turned into a cow.can I go home?
Mrs. McC: You're excused.
(He leaves)
Mrs. McC: Anyone else?
Drumline: Nope. We're good.
Mrs. McC: Okay. Go into the "Godzilla eats brass" chart.
(The band move into their positions. Suddenly, a giant green reptile appears from behind the trees and heads straight for the brass section. Everyone ignores it and continues marching, because Mrs. McC told them to keep going, no matter what. Godzilla looks confused that no one is running away and screaming, so he just scoops up the whole brass section into one hand, swallows them, and wanders off to eat all the people at Chatard.)
Mrs. McC: Great. Now we don't have a brass section. Why is everything I say taken literally?
Anna: Like the time you told the drumline to disrobe?
Drumline (half of them already have their shirts over their heads): What'd you say?
Rest of the band: Nothing!!! Nothing!!! Just please, please keep your shirts on.
Drumline: Fair enough.
Aaron: Never fear. I, mallet god, can learn all the brass parts in 5 minutes. And play them, too!
(He does.)
Anna: Darn! Now I have to play all of Aaron's xylo parts! I suck at xylo!
(She does. Really. I mean it. It's terrible. Finally, first period ends. The pit crew tries to pack up the instruments without killing themselves/each other/the instruments.)
Anna: Stupid congas! Why won't you die?
Z-wad, Peter, and P.J.: Chill out. You just need to know what the hell you're doing.
(They manage to fix the stupid congas and get them in the stupid truck. Anna walks off carrying a trumpet. As she's walking back to Cunningham, she starts to hear far-off voices calling her name.)
Voices: Anna...Anna.
Aaron: ANNA!
Anna: AAAAAH! What? What!
Aaron (really mad): Wake up! You fell asleep! In MY chair! And you missed the cymbal solo!
Anna: My bad. Must be the illegal narcotics I'm on.
Aaron: I'm sick of you! You sleep during band.and you DON'T PLAY LOUD ENOUGH! You're officially kicked out of pit. Jackman can figure out what to do with you.
Anna: Dang. Now I have to march.
(She leaves the pit and walks over to where the battery is rehearsing. There, Jackman is making a desparate attempt to get the bass drums to do something right)
Jackman: All right. Forget marching in step.can you at least mark time?
Bass drums: Mark.what?
Jackman: Never mind marching. Just play your instruments.
Bass drums: Play?
Jackman: God, this is hopeless.
Jesse: Hey, it's not my fault these freshmen are stupid.
Anna: Nice hair.
Jesse: Thanks. It rules everything.
Jackman: Never mind that. I have to figure out where to put you.can you play quads?
Anna: Um.no.
Jackman: Can you play bass drum?
(She glances over at Jesse and the freshman, who are grinning at her evilly)
Anna: NO!!!
Jackman: Can you play snare?
Anna: Um.a little.
Jackman: Good. You're on snare.
Anna: Cool. Gimme a drum.
Jackman: Um.well.we don't actually HAVE another drum.you're just gonna have to hit random things until we can hike tutition fees enough to buy another one.
Anna: Cool!
(She grabs the cool gray sticks and runs around hitting random things/people)
Z-wad: Please, let me kill her. I'll pay you.
Jackman: Not yet. Win the lottery, and we'll talk.
P.J.: Quack.
Madden: What are you doing here? You don't even play percussion!
P.J.: Tooooooba!
Madden: Tooooooba!
Whole band: Tooooooba!
Mrs. McC: The things I put up with.okay people, pack up, you're dismissed.
Thaya: Like the MTV show?
Mrs. McC: No.
Thaya: Dang.
And so ends another band practice at Cathedral High.
All of Anna's HSE friends: Cathedral sucks!
(The entire band stops walking toward Cunningham when they hear the words "Cathedral sucks". They turn around very slowly and head straight for the HSE people. Aaron grabs a suspended cymbal and chucks it at them Frisbee- style)
Aaron: You think that's funny???
Oh.and this is dedicated to the Pride of the Irish. We rule!
Scene opens on a practice football field at Cathedral High School. The band director, known here as Mrs.McC, and Jessie, the almighty drum major, are trying to get the band to march the way they're supposed to. The pit, Anna, Aaron, and Thaya, are half asleep, and Aaron is hogging the only chair just because he has seniority and he can.
Mrs. McC: You need to explode, people! EXPLODE off the first step! C'mon, you guys!
Let's try this one more time.Jessie, count us off.
Jessie: One, two, three, step!
(Suddenly, all the members of the band blow up, including the guard. The only people left are Mrs. McC, Jessie, and the pit, who are now fully awake.)
Anna: Oh great. Sewage AND blood. Perfect.
Mrs. McC: I didn't mean for you to literally explode!!
Pieces of band members: Oh, now you tell us.
(Fifteen minutes later, the band is back to normal, except for a few percussionists who have re-arranged limbs.)
Anna: Yeah.sorry about that.
Jackman, a.k.a. section leader of percussion: Hey! I can hold a snare stick with my foot! Cool!
Peter: Uh.I've been turned into a cow.can I go home?
Mrs. McC: You're excused.
(He leaves)
Mrs. McC: Anyone else?
Drumline: Nope. We're good.
Mrs. McC: Okay. Go into the "Godzilla eats brass" chart.
(The band move into their positions. Suddenly, a giant green reptile appears from behind the trees and heads straight for the brass section. Everyone ignores it and continues marching, because Mrs. McC told them to keep going, no matter what. Godzilla looks confused that no one is running away and screaming, so he just scoops up the whole brass section into one hand, swallows them, and wanders off to eat all the people at Chatard.)
Mrs. McC: Great. Now we don't have a brass section. Why is everything I say taken literally?
Anna: Like the time you told the drumline to disrobe?
Drumline (half of them already have their shirts over their heads): What'd you say?
Rest of the band: Nothing!!! Nothing!!! Just please, please keep your shirts on.
Drumline: Fair enough.
Aaron: Never fear. I, mallet god, can learn all the brass parts in 5 minutes. And play them, too!
(He does.)
Anna: Darn! Now I have to play all of Aaron's xylo parts! I suck at xylo!
(She does. Really. I mean it. It's terrible. Finally, first period ends. The pit crew tries to pack up the instruments without killing themselves/each other/the instruments.)
Anna: Stupid congas! Why won't you die?
Z-wad, Peter, and P.J.: Chill out. You just need to know what the hell you're doing.
(They manage to fix the stupid congas and get them in the stupid truck. Anna walks off carrying a trumpet. As she's walking back to Cunningham, she starts to hear far-off voices calling her name.)
Voices: Anna...Anna.
Aaron: ANNA!
Anna: AAAAAH! What? What!
Aaron (really mad): Wake up! You fell asleep! In MY chair! And you missed the cymbal solo!
Anna: My bad. Must be the illegal narcotics I'm on.
Aaron: I'm sick of you! You sleep during band.and you DON'T PLAY LOUD ENOUGH! You're officially kicked out of pit. Jackman can figure out what to do with you.
Anna: Dang. Now I have to march.
(She leaves the pit and walks over to where the battery is rehearsing. There, Jackman is making a desparate attempt to get the bass drums to do something right)
Jackman: All right. Forget marching in step.can you at least mark time?
Bass drums: Mark.what?
Jackman: Never mind marching. Just play your instruments.
Bass drums: Play?
Jackman: God, this is hopeless.
Jesse: Hey, it's not my fault these freshmen are stupid.
Anna: Nice hair.
Jesse: Thanks. It rules everything.
Jackman: Never mind that. I have to figure out where to put you.can you play quads?
Anna: Um.no.
Jackman: Can you play bass drum?
(She glances over at Jesse and the freshman, who are grinning at her evilly)
Anna: NO!!!
Jackman: Can you play snare?
Anna: Um.a little.
Jackman: Good. You're on snare.
Anna: Cool. Gimme a drum.
Jackman: Um.well.we don't actually HAVE another drum.you're just gonna have to hit random things until we can hike tutition fees enough to buy another one.
Anna: Cool!
(She grabs the cool gray sticks and runs around hitting random things/people)
Z-wad: Please, let me kill her. I'll pay you.
Jackman: Not yet. Win the lottery, and we'll talk.
P.J.: Quack.
Madden: What are you doing here? You don't even play percussion!
P.J.: Tooooooba!
Madden: Tooooooba!
Whole band: Tooooooba!
Mrs. McC: The things I put up with.okay people, pack up, you're dismissed.
Thaya: Like the MTV show?
Mrs. McC: No.
Thaya: Dang.
And so ends another band practice at Cathedral High.
All of Anna's HSE friends: Cathedral sucks!
(The entire band stops walking toward Cunningham when they hear the words "Cathedral sucks". They turn around very slowly and head straight for the HSE people. Aaron grabs a suspended cymbal and chucks it at them Frisbee- style)
Aaron: You think that's funny???