Death Before Darkness, if you're reading this, I swear that I'm working on that thing I promised you. I'm very sorrry that swim practice and marching band are kicking my butt too much for me to work on anything with plot.
In the meantime, I'm a little more entertained than I should be by the image of the nations just passing a notebook around and having conversations about unimportant stuff while they're supposed to be discussing world affairs. I should probably get help for that. Alas, I can't afford a professional counselor. I probably could if I owned a super-popular series like Hetalia, but until then, I'm just going to have to rely on the dubious advice of Eggy's voices.
North Italy—
Give me back my goddamn binoculars! I use those to look at birds!
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
AWESOME PRUSSIA~
France has them.
~North Italy
France—
I want my binoculars back.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Dear Prussia,
I'm sorry, but I need them to spy on your brother naked.
Love, France
France—
Wait, are you spying on my brother while HE'S naked or while YOU'RE naked? Never mind, I DON'T want to know. Either way that's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of, and I got my start treating the bubonic plague. You owe me new, UNTAINTED binoculars.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Dear Prussia,
You know you love the image. Don't deny it!
Love, France
P.S. Consider them payment for the bet you lost last week.
France—
I REALLY hope you mean I love the image of YOU naked. It's not true, but it's a little less gross.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
P.S. I won that fair and square. It's not my fault Spain can't count.
Dear Prussia,
Honhonhon~
Love, France
P.S. That changes nothing.
West—
Learn to shut your damn blinds.
—YOUR BROTHER WHO PROTECTS YOUR HONOR 'CAUSE HE'S AWESOME LIKE THAT, AND ALSO 'CAUSE FRANCE KEEPS PUTTING GROSS IMAGES IN MY MIND AND I WANT HIM TO SUFFER
Prussia-
WHAT?
-Germany
P.S. Do not pass me notes right before I give PowerPoint presentations.
P.P.S. In fact, don't pass me notes at all. Pay attention to the meeting.
P.P.P.S. Disregard the second sentence of the post-postscript. Do not come to meetings. These summits are for nations. You are not a nation. Get over it.
Prussia,
I hate you.
France
France—
You can't hate me; I'm buying you booze next week.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Prussia,
Seriously? Sweet!
… Wait, why are you taking my turn to buy booze all of a sudden? That's awfully nice for you.
~Spain
Spain—
Because the guy who owns the local party store owes me, so I won't have to pay. Don't tell France. It's his incentive to not hate me.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Prussia,
Why does he need an incentive?
~Spain
Spain—
He hates me 'cause I cockblocked him.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Prussia,
It hardly counts as cockblocking if it results only in an interruption of voyeurism, non? Do not give yourself too much credit.
France
France—
I can have as much credit as I want. Know why? 'Cause I'm awesome.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Prussia,
You apparently have no credit at all. If you had credit, you wouldn't need to steal my credit cards.
Sincerely, Austria
P. S. Give them back.
Austria—
No. I'm too awesome to give shit back.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
P.S. I didn't steal them.
Prussia,
Didn't steal what?
-Hungary
Psycho Frying Pan Woman—
Austria's credit cards.
—THE AWESOME PRUSSIA
Prussia-
If you're going to deny stealing things, you shouldn't brag about stealing them to me. Give them back.
-Germany
West, you traitor—
And after I protected your pasty butt from France's prying eyes and pretended to pay attention to your PowerPoint, too. I am ASHAMED to call myself related to you.
—THE AWESOME BEILSCHMIDT BROTHER
Prussia,
You've got the pastiest butt out of anyone, ever. Just sayin'.
~Spain
Spain—
You would know.
—Prussia
Dear Prussia,
After last New Year's shenanigans, the whole world knows.
Love, France
France—
Thanks for that. I'm STILL getting spammed by Hungary for details.
—Prussia
Prussia,
Really? I thought France and I had given her all the details.
France,
Is there anything we forgot to tell her? Are you holding back any pictures, perhaps?
Sincerely, Austria
Dear Austria,
If I am, then they are for my personal use only.
Love, France
Dear France,
Hey, no fair! I share all mine with you!
-Hungary
Dear Hungary,
What about the ones Japan took?
Love, France
Dear France,
Yep.
-Hungary
Dear Hungary,
All of them? Even… those ones?
Love, Austria
Dear Austria,
Um. Maybe.
Love, Hungary
Dear Hungary,
If I weren't worried about my throw pillows being crushed, you would sleep on the couch tonight.
Love, Austria
Dear Austria,
I always knew you didn't love me like you love those throw pillows.
Love, Hungary
Darling,
No, I love you much more and in an entirely different way than I love the throw pillows.
Love, Austria
P.S. That doesn't mean you're allowed to rest any part of your body on them.
Dear Hungary,
Austria/throw pillows?
Love, France
Dear France,
Ew, no. His throw pillows =/= sexy.
-Hungary
Dear Hungary,
With the right mindset, anything can be sexy. Take England, for example.
Love, France
Dear France,
Have you SEEN his throw pillows? Blech.
-Hungary
Dear Hungary,
You said you liked them.
Love, Austria
Dear Austria,
Maybe in the fifties, but now? They've had good lives, darling. It's time to let them go.
Love, Hungary
Dear Hungary,
The day I accept that is the day I accept that "rap" counts as music.
Love, Austria
Dear Austria,
Come on, sweetheart. We'll go shopping together!
Love, Hungary
Dear Hungary,
I will not abandon those throw pillows. Do you know how difficult it was for me to acquire them without bankrupting myself?
Love, Austria
Dear Austria,
YES, I know how hard it was for you to get the throw pillows. You got up at 5:30 to get to the sale, letting cold air under the covers in the process. You brought home EXTRA throw pillows so that when the first set wore out, you'd have more that matched. They're still cluttering up your attic, because the first set is still intact, because you never let anyone use your throw pillows for what pillows are SUPPOSED to be used for.
Love, Hungary
Dear Hungary,
One day, those throw pillows will be worth something. You'll thank me then.
Love, Austria
Confidential to Prussia:
I know you have designs on Austria's throw pillows (the ones he and I both love and whose loss would just. Break. Our. Hearts.) so I'll tell you right now that he has a spare set in the attic (in a box behind that armoire he never uses because he's afraid of the squirrels in it,) so burning the ones in the parlor won't do you any good. Also, we moved the kerosene to the top shelf, so you'll never be able to get to it without a ladder.
-Hungary
Dear Austria,
Tomorrow, my love, I'm going to introduce you to that wonderful storehouse of bargains known as "the Internet."
Love, Hungary
Do review, and tell us if you want to read more. We've got pages of these things. (Hey, you try entertaining yourself on a long car ride with nothing but a notebook and some pens. There's only so much Hangman you can play before it gets old.)