Character Manipulation
Disclaimer: Well, ain't this disclaimer gonna be nice and long… Well, Team Rocket all belong to Nintendo, GameFreak, Creatures and 4Kids Entertainment, Harry Potter and his friends all belong to Bloomsbury Publishing, Scholastic Publishing, and the almighty J.K. Rowling, Britney Spears belongs to Britney Spears, Christina Aguillera belongs to Christina Aguillera, Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliff and Rupert Grint belong to themselves, J.K. Rowling belongs to herself, Agents #1 and #2, Helena Troy, and Mac all belong to MTV Productions and whoever else made them, and Daria, Jane, and Trent also all belong to MTV Productions. I don't have anything to do with them whatsoever, even though I do want something to do with James, Harry and Agent #2…
Character Manipulation
As we enter the dreaded manipulation room, the large white gymnasium-like room with white padded walls, no windows or doors, or anything for that matter, we see two of our beloved reporters, A'Kira Bennett and Brian Williams, both of which have not been seen since their arrest in late July. The are both pacing around the room, looking worried, surprisingly.
"What do you mean, surprisingly?!?!" Brian exclaims, talking to me, the narrator. "We're in this room that you, the writer, created, we have no idea what you're about to do to us, and I don't think that you got enough sleep last night!"
"Don't talk about her that way!" A'Kira defends. "That's Cassandra's human counterpart!" She then proceeds to walk over to her partner and slap him. Hard.
Ooh, this is gonna get nasty! According to who, you ask? According to me, of course!
All of a sudden, there is a flash in the middle of the room, and Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, and, for the heck of it, Fleur Delacour appear.
"Where are we?" Ron asks as he gets up. Hermione notices that Ron and Harry are both trying to help Fleur up.
"Welcome to our world," A'Kira says. "We have no clue, and we've been trapped in here for the past 4 hours!"
"We're missing our interviews!" Brian adds miserably.
"What 're ze interviews?" Fleur asks in her heavy French accent.
"Oh, they were just a couple of sessions that we were going to make to kidnap-" A'Kira begins innocently, but Brian cuts her off.
"They were just something we made to get to know our obsessions better!"
Don't give away our little secret, A'Kira…
"Aaahhhh!!" Ron yells, jumping into Hermione's arms. Hermione, of course, drops him. "Who was that?" he asks after he recovers.
It was I.
"'Oo 're you?" Fleur asks.
Your worst nightmare.
"Noooo!" Fleur exclaims. "I want to go 'ome!!"
Fine then. You can go.
In another flash of light, she was gone, and in her place was Vicktor Krum.
Oh, great, another kid with a stupid accent…
"Her-mon-ninny?" Vicktor inquires. "What are we doing here?"
"I don't know!" Her-mon-ninny (Nice name!) replied.
You guys are getting boring, let's get to the good stuff…
In another flash, Jessie, James, Meowth, Cassidy and Butch appear.
"It's to infect the world with devastation!" Cassidy is saying.
"It's protect, not infect!" Jessie counters.
Chassidei, Jessica! Girls, don't use violence to solve your problems! There are small kids in the room!
"Hey!" Harry, Ron, and Her-mon-ninny scream at me.
"Eeee!!!!" James yells, practically jumping into Jessie's arms. "Who was that??"
Sigh. Do I have to explain everything?
"Pretty much," Brian says. "You still haven't explained why we're here!"
I need something to be a plot, I'm running out of ideas! And luckily, you were the first people that came to mind!
"Oh yeah," Harry mutters, "Lucky for you…"
Have something you want to say, Harry?
"Oh, no, nothing at all!"
I thought so. At this time, I would like you all to direct your attention to Cassidy and Jessie, how are now trying to pull each other's hair… Since I know they've been wanting to do that for year and years now, I would like to bring something new to the scene.
A flash of light brings in a large table full of tequilas, Dariana Morgandorrfer, and Jane and Trent Lane.
"What the **** are we doing here?" Jane asks.
Watch your language, Ms. Lane.
"What I want to know, Janie, is who was that?" Trent examined.
"Well ain't this screwy," Daria says in her bored voice.
Yes it is.
"I still want to know who you are!" Her-mon-ninny demands, and
everyone except Cassidy and Jessie nods.
Ever talked to God? Ever wanted to?
"This is God??" James and Butch utter.
"Quit playing!" A'Kira yells to me.
How dare you talk back to me?
"James, Butch, you guys remember the interviews that Brian, Cassandra and I held?" A'Kira asked the two hot Rockets.
Both of them nod.
"That Cassandra's human correlate!" Brian added.
I said not to give away our secrets. Now I will make you pay.
A huge bolt of lightning comes crashing down through the ceiling, leaving no marks, but hitting where Brian was. If not for his quick wit, he'd be fried.
"Vhat did you do that for?" Vicktor asks. Yes, I know, you almost forgot he was here.
'Cuz I felt like it.
And I also feel like adding another character, so here goes…
Another flash of light brought upon Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint. If you're an as big Harry Potter fan as I am, you'll know who they are. If you don't, they're the new and upcoming stars of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone…
"Who said that?" Emma asks, in her best Her-mon-ninny voice.
I can already tell that you guys are gonna be boring, so I'll get rid of you all.
And in another flash of light, Emma, Daniel and Rupert are gone. And in yet another, Agents #1 and #2, and Helena Troy appear.
"Hey, boss?" Agent #1 asks. "Which is worse: Being stupid, being smart and acting stupid, being smart and having a stupid actor portray you, or being stupid and having a smart actor portray you?"
"In your case, all of them," Helena, the bad mama-jama, answers. "Where is Mac when you need her?"
Oops, I forgot about her…
Here she is.
Mac walks up to the agents and her boss, particularly Agent #1. "Hey, boys, what's shakin'?"
Agent #1 replies: "Other than your t-"
I think that's enough now…
"Wait!" Jessie and Cassidy have finally stopped fighting, Jessie having won. Cassidy lay in a small heap in the corner of the room, so she is of no use to me now…
There she goes…
"Aren't you surprised to be here?" Jessie asks the agents, their boss and companion.
"No not really…" Agent #1 replies.
"Not at all!" Agent #2 adds.
"She told us we would come," Helena says.
"What?!?!" Everyone except the agents & co. yells at me. "How come you didn't tell us?!?!?!"
Oops…
I forgot…
Well, just to add a little more amusement to this already amusing day…
Nanoseconds before a flash of light comes, everyone hears a soft singing: "What a girl wants… what a girl needs… Whatever makes me happy sets you free…"
Yeah, baby, yeah!!
"I only looked, but I never touched," Christina Aguillera sings with her eyes closed, so she doesn't know she's here… yet.
Yo, Chrissy!!
"Wha-who said that?" Christina asks everyone in the room.
It was me, the almighty Fanfic champion!!
"What?" Christina asks again. "That doesn't answer my question!"
I just told you!
"That's just our friend Corin," Brian says delicately to the one-of-many teen singing pop star sensation. "She likes to play tricks like this, especially to us."
"Oh."
And speaking of tricks… I would like to play another one.
There is another soft singing coming through the air before…
"Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game…"
Yeah, you guessed it… Britney Spears pops out of nowhere…
Hey, Brit the Brat!
"What? Who just called me a brat?" Britney asks.
I did.
"Who are you?"
"That's just Corin."
"Haven't they told you enough?" Jane asks.
"Who is she?" Britney asks again in her nasally southern Louisiana voice.
"We just told you!"
"Who just told who?"
Well, since this unintelligent conversation isn't going anywhere anytime soon…
Trent Lane hasn't been doing anything but sleeping and eating the whole time he was here, so I'll just get rid of him…
Helena and Agent #1 are only making out, much to Mac's surprise, so I'll take them out to get a room…
Butch's voice is getting really annoying so… there he goes…
And just because I feel like getting rid of someone, Vicktor and Ron are now history.
And I also feel like bringing… who DO I feel like bringing… well, since I used every character in the disclaimer, I wanna add a surprise guest… But he'll come late, after I figure out who's coming…
Brian and A'Kira are now trying to figure out how to stop Brit the Brat and Chrissy from fighting, which they have been doing since Brit got here…
"At least I don't sing through my nose!" Chrissy says. She then proceeds to do her best Brit imitation: "Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!"
Nice job, Chrissy. I hereby award you 50 points for creativity.
"At least I don't have rumors flying around that I'm twenty-two!" Brit retorts.
Ooh, nice tone, but that's not really original. I award you twenty-five points.
"At least I don't have to alter my boobs to look good!"
Wow, nice comeback, but everyone knows Brit is already a Barbie… thirty points.
"At least I don't have rumors flying around that I'm twenty two!"
Um, didn't you just use that one? Minus 5 points…
Now that I have finally figured out whom I want as a guest cameo, I'd like to introduce…
Mrs. J.K. Rowling!!
"What am I doing here?" the almighty novel writer asks. "I have to finish writing the seventh book!"
"What books do you write?" Her-mon-ninny asks. "Maybe I've read 'em!"
Sure you have, you dullard bookworm!
"The Harry Potter Series! Haven't you heard of me?"
"But I'm Harry Potter!" Harry says.
Oh, crap…
"What? But I never gave anyone permission to use you…"
Oh, shoot…
"This girl named Corin is using us to fill in her plot!" Her-mon-ninny says.
Oh, no…
"What? Corin, you have to ask before you take my characters!!" Ms. Rowling says. "I will now have to sue you for everything you've got!!"
But I only have… thirty-nine cents!
"I didn't say what you don't have, I said everything you've got! Now fork it over!"
Here you go…
Thirty-nine cents in pennies drops out of the sky, most of which hit the adored writer in the head. She gathers her money and… poof! She's gone.
OK, Harry, Her-mon-ninny, just for making out in my room, I will now banish you from the Big Brother house.
Agent #2 and Mac, who are also making sweet love, are also banished for being so loud.
So that leave the 5 Rockets, Brian and A'Kira, Chrissy, Brit the Brat, and Jane and Dariana.
"My names Daria," Dariana says.
Too bad, 'cuz I feel like calling you Dariana.
And I also feel like ending this story, because one whole day at a computer typing while listing to *N'SYNC's No Strings Attached album over and over more than enough for me. So here goes…
A huge flash of purple light fills the room, blinding everyone except the writer.
"Thanks, Cassandra!" Brian says, now acting on his own will.
Don't mention it. Hey, thanks for letting me take control of your bodies so I could make a story!
"It was nothing!" Jane replies.
Now that that's over with-
"Wait, what're you gonna do with us?" Jessie, James and Meowth ask.
I was just getting to that! Now, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted… You can either go home back to your sorry lives, or you can stay here and…
"And what?" Butch and Cassidy ask.
A HUGE TV, a popcorn machine, a soda machine, and a cotton candy machine appear out of nowhere.
You can stay here for the rest of the night, watch TV and maybe a couple of movies!
8 sleeping bags appear, also, and a colossal amount of movies appear in the middle of the room.
Here are your sleeping bags, and a collection of every movie known to man woman and child in 16 different languages.
"Cool!"
"Hey, what're the tequilas for?"
I just needed decoration, and I was hoping you'd get drunk on 'em.
"Oh, OK!!"
"I'll gladly get drunk for you, Brian!"
"Ew, A'Kira! We're partners, you can't hit on me!"
"She's already drunk!"
"Can someone pass the popcorn?"
"Where's the butter?"
"Where's the salt?"
"Which is better, Coca-Cola or Pepsi?"
Coke.
"Pepsi!"
"No, it's Coke!"
"Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, Pepsi-cola!
"How do you work the cotton candy machine?"
"Can we watch Sleepless in Seattle?"
"No way!"
"That's a chick flick!"
"What do you think I am??"
"A b-"
"I think that's enough now…"
::END::