"It's cold out there but it's warm in bed. They can dance, we'll stay home instead." - WHAM!

A/N: This is my first fanfiction! Please review! Please, please!

"You're just a girl and a DYKE!" said a stupid Finn Hudson as he towered above Brittany with a lead pipe in the Billiard Room.

"I'm going to kick your ass!" Brittany Pierce told him as she pulled on the sleeves of her genuine leather jacket.

"Nuh uh, girl dyke!"

Brittany then kicks Finn's ass. Then she walks into O'Malley's and orders her usual. Even though she's only 17, the barkeep shoots a shot of whiskey down the bar. She catches and throws it back, feeling the hot liquid burn all the down her throat.

"Good shit, Rory," Brittany tells him. "Give me another one or I'll kick your fucking ass."

"Com'n roight up, thurr, Britt'ny."

She doesn't shoot the second shot. Instead she holds it in her hand between her thumb and pointer and gives it a little slosh. She spins around on her barstool, scanning the room for the lucky girl that's going to get to spend the night between her thighs.

She gasps when her eyes land on a 47 year old Latina in a black pencil skirt, matching blazer, and not a damn thing underneath.

Brittany gives her the come hither hook of her finger. And, because she's so skilled as mastering the ladies, the older woman is drawn to her like a moth to an underage flame.

"Hola," the dark stranger says. "Is that a 12 inch ruler in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"How 'bout you find out or I'll kick your ass."

After a lengthy session back at the Latina's two story suburban home, Brittany sneaks out the front door, and takes off into the night, just as she rounds the corner, a young Santana Lopez is pulling into the driveway, covered in goodness knows what, and heads straight for the shower.

"Santana, what is that all over you?"

"Duh, Mom, it's glitter, spunk, and the blood of my enemies."

"Oh," Maribel says without much interest. "Well, I wasn't having lesbian sex with a young blonde bomshell tonight, just in case you're wondering."

Santana wasn't wondering about that at all. She was wondering how to get past her mother with the bundles of plastic wrapped 20s taped to her underboob. Finally she was able to get past to her private bathroom. She got in the shower between the deer carcasses hanging from meat hooks and stuffed her 20s into her secret venison smelling hiding place. Then she enjoyed the hot, steamy water pounding down on her caramel skin. While she's soped off in the shower, she reaches below to her dripping wet lady parts and massaged gently thinking about the blonde at school that she absolutely hates. She came with a force that made the deer rumble.

At the same time, Brittany Pierce as met up with her trusty dog, Yodi the Beagle, and her moral compass.

"Love is an infinity that you'll never find while surrendering to short term pleasures, Brittany," Yodi says profoundly.

"Shut up, Yodi, or I'll kick your ass."

Early the next morning, Santana crept downstairs to the home gym where she takes out her built up frustration on the boxing bag, all the while imagining it was the leggy blonde from her English class, only wishing that instead of the feud that they're caught in the middle of, that she was gently caressing her 12" ruler that she's heard so much gossip about.

FLASHBACK

9th Grade/ Santana P.O.V

"OMG, Quinn, have you heard about the leggy blonde's dirty secret?"

"NO!," Quinn exclaimed. She leaned in further, desperate to hear the latest gossip, "What it is?"

"I heard," Santana looked around and lowered her voice, "she has...a 12 inch ruler."

"That's totally true," the blonde said. "I've seen it. She keeps it in her pocket. It's hard not to notice, especially when she's excited. She wears those skin tight jeans and all."

Santana rolled her eyes to Quinn, but inside she desperately wanted to see the centimeter dashes up close.

END OF FLASHBACK

Santana pulled her Maserti into her usual parking spot.

From across the quad, Will Schuester watched her. "That's an awfully expensive car for a teenager."

Holly Holliday, the girl's accounting teacher, agreed. "It is," she said suspiciously.

Brittany strolls into English late, and loudly asks the class what she's missed, just as she is entering the room.

Santana sighs, "Only another reading of Romeo and Juliet. Apparently the greatest story ever told, but I'm yet to see proof"

"Good!" Brittany says, turns and walks out again, bag slung over her shoulder.

Santana, disappointingly looks at the only empty chair in the room, which was conveniently located next to hers. She had secretly been waiting for Brittany to show up in class, and possibly ask to borrow her pencil case, she was in desperate need of some measuring equipment.

A/N: Don't forget to review!