A/N: Hey guys! So I had a random story idea, and instead of working on my angsty, depressing, sadistic, and quite disturbing fan fiction, "A Tainted Heart and Corrupted Soul", I decided to write my first (messed up) humor fan fic XD NO MORE SUGAR FOR MEEEE. The plot for this is very... interesting and I also wrote this randomly (kinda quickly too), so be warned XD I tried making this funny with the dry sense of humor I had in me, so yeah XD

DISCLAIMER: I, Christine, do not own any part of the lovely Vampire Knight.

Say hello to chapter uno~

(Tehehehehe, Spanish fail XD but it rhymed :D)

*READ THE NEW CHAPTER. IT CONTAINS IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

Chapter 1

A cold breeze brushed itself past the trees, sending a soft rustling noise throughout the woods. The leaves fluttered, colliding with one another as the sound of rustling gained a soft crescendo. A crescent-shaped moon provided a faint luminosity for the night, an endless amount of stars littered across the dark sky.

One certain silver-haired male could be seen walking around the grounds of Cross Academy, his hair reflecting off the moonlight. It was another boring night of patrolling. A yawn escaped from his mouth, fangs extending slightly as he brought up a hand to rub his dark-circle ridden eyes. Sighing, he placed his pale hand back into his pocket and continued to stride along the school grounds. His seemingly permanent frown deepened as a petite brunette rushed past him and slapped the back of his skull. Hard. The hand that resided in his pocket was now rubbing the back of his head, fingers entangling in his hair as he glared at the girl before him. Her back was to him as she slightly turned around, tongue out and a peace sign up as she gave him a playful wink.

"So far, so good, Zero! No one seems to have snuck out today. I'll go patrol on the other side now, 'kay? See ya' later! ~"

Yuuki giggled softly to herself and jogged away from the area Zero was in. He sweat dropped, the word "Idiot" escaping from his lips.

"I HEARD THAT, YOU JERK!"

Zero sighed as he walked in the opposite direction of Yuuki.

The time passed ever so slowly for Zero. Walking around beneath the shadows of trees that seemed to close in on him for hours isn't really something he'd call "fun". Continuously pacing around on the school grounds, everything seemed calm and quiet. Soft splashing of water hitting water was heard ahead of him. He made his way to the clearing, the fountain coming into view. Taking a seat on the stony ledge, Zero placed his hand in the cold water, making little splashes with his slim fingers. Playing with the water provided him with a moment of entertainment.

Now wielding the expression of "What the hell am I doing" on his face, a chibi Zero glared at his reflection in the water as he wiped off his wet hand with the fabric of his pants. A cloud of boredom loomed over Zero once again as he glared off into the forest. It seems like that's all he can do; glare at anything that resides on this planet. That guy really needs to learn to smile, ne? Any who~

The nearby trees that had low branches shivered furiously. Now on the balls of his feet, Zero swiftly pulled out his Bloody Rose. The metal of the gun gleamed as it was pointed toward the direction of the noise. Someone- something was present.

"Who's there?" Zero let out a low growl as he glared- again- at the noise. He sensed a threatening atmosphere coming from behind that tree. Something big, something fearsome; it was comparable to a vampire's deathly aura. The silver-haired hunter braced himself, finger on the trigger of his gun, as the individual appeared from the trees.

...

...

...

"What the hell?" His gun lowered to the ground now. Before him stood a small, fluffy, and very cuddly… Dog?

Is this supposed to be a joke?

A dog; a furry, white, four-legged canine.

With bad breath.

A dog.

A dog.

The dog, which seemed like a Shiba Inu, wagged her slightly curled tail, ears pointing up and tongue hanging out of her mouth. She dashed towards Zero's leg and sniffed him furiously before grimacing, doggy style, at him.

Sweat dropping, Zero silently cursed at the dog. She just stared at him, looking at him like she was saying, "You smell nasty, but I like you :D" Her tongue dangled from her mouth once again.

Taking a closer look at the dog, Zero noticed that she bore intricate markings on her fur. What looked like a crescent-shaped moon was placed on the center of her forehead, but it was tinted a pale blue and barely visible so Zero passed it off as an odd birthmark. On each of the dog's cheeks, there were also two scarcely noticeable magenta lines. Zero raised a thin eyebrow, curious about this interesting mutt before him.

The dog glared, almost like she heard his mental comment, turned around and kicked twice with her back legs, making dirt rain down on Zero. Yet another glare came from Zero as the dog... Smiled?

Yuuki was bouncing around excitedly as Zero held the dog in the air. His arms were outstretched, keeping the dog as far away from him as possible. They were making their way to the Headmaster's office. The hallways were dark, only being faintly lit by the moonlight shining through the windows.

"I want to hold him! Pretty PLEASE, Zero?"

"No. And 'he' is a girl."

"Arf." The dog's tongue hung from her mouth again as her golden eyes landed on the silver-haired vampire that carried her. The group stopped in front of a large, brown door; a sign placed next to it reading "Headmaster's Office". A strand of saliva slowly dripped from the dog's tongue and landed on Zero's sleeve, a stream of warm, yellow, and foul-smelling liquid came from the dog's...and pooled around Zero's feet as a stress mark appeared on his forehead. He kicked open the Headmaster's office and let go of the dog. Within the next few seconds, a lot of things happened.

First of all, Headmaster Cross Kaien glomped the poor dog and held her in a constricting hug.

Secondly, Yuuki seized Zero as he flailed a fist angrily in the air. The saliva flew from his sleeve and very colorful words came from his mouth.

Thirdly, Headmaster Cross continuously spazzed and comical hearts surrounded him as he kept squealing about a cute little puppy-dog.

Fourthly, Yuuki was trying her best to hold back an angry Zero and calm both the pissy male and her spazzy father.

And lastly, the dog was growling and the author ran out of listing words to begin the sentence with. She is NOT a puppy and this story is full of grammatical errors and boring cliches.

After the episode of madness ended, only because the dog bit Kaien in places where you wouldn't want to be bitten, Cross then took his place behind his desk; bruises plastered all over his arms, face, and other areas from the dog partially mauling him.

"Surprisingly Sachiko-chan didn't spill any blood!" Headmaster winced as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. His pants were shredded, and baby pink underwear could clearly be distinguished through the holes.

"Sachiko?" Yuuki questioned and then glanced at the dog. She wagged her tail happily and barked; her ears twitching in response to her name being called. Yuuki reached down and stroked Sachiko's head.

"That's what it says on her dog tag. Why must Sachiko-chan be so kawaii-desu, ne? ~" Kaien mused at the dog, thus earning annoyed glares from both the dog and Zero, who was now seated on the chair with his arms crossed.

Yuuki beamed a smile while picking up Sachiko, "So... Can we keep her?"

*READ NEW CHAPTER, CONTAINS IMPORTANT INFORMATION. (I know I repeated myself. Why? Cause I can ;D )

*Why would anyone read to the end, wtf. Fixed it a bit and added extras here and there, but I didn't do much since this story is, frankly, too terrible to fix XD. Why did I put this up, ew.

Thank you so much for reading this! I have another story, that is much better, so feel free to check it out.

Love, Christine

P.S. The dog looks like Sesshoumaru from Inuyasha ;D (LOVE THAT ANIME) but her markings are like less noticeable.