Chapter 1

From a very young age, Loki always knew he was different from the rest of his family. His father, his mother, and especially his brother, Thor, all had this light about them...a kind of exuberance and energy that just radiated from them into all those around them and everything they touched. Loki never felt that.

His hair was dark, his eyes were always haunted, and he was brooding. He had none of Thor's easy self confidence and self assurance, so he supposed it was no wonder that Thor was able to garner all of Odin's attention while he fell to the wayside.

In current times, it was incredibly rare to coax a smile out of him, though Thor was still able to manage it. He was probably the only one able to consistently triumph where most others failed. Loki wasn't all that surprised since this seemed to be somewhat of a trend with his brother, being so much more bullheadedly stubborn than most people he knew.

He often looked into his mirror, trying to figure himself out, trying to figure out his place and purpose, trying to figure out how he fit into his family, but he never was able to come up with a satisfactory answer. The simple fact was that he was his family's black sheep, and though he was an Odin-son in name, he wasn't sure that he felt it in his heart.

Odin was always kind to him, but his pride and praise was more easily given to Thor, his golden son. He wanted Odin's approval and support, but as long as Thor was around to get his attention through his antics, Loki was fairly certain that he would hardly be spared a second glance by his father.

This hurt him deeply, but he couldn't find it in himself to resent Thor for it. He and Thor were always close since childhood, and he felt as though he was his brother's best confidant. He wished that he could say the same about Thor in reference to himself, but he often felt as though his brother would just laugh at his worries about not fitting in, and simply not understand.

That thought pained him more than most of his other worries, since all he wanted was someone to relate his troubles to, and for them to give him a definitive answer about who he was. Thor wasn't the person to go to for something like that. As supportive and close to him Thor was, he definitely wasn't someone to speak to about emotional troubles, as much as Loki privately wished him to be.

With his brother being the way he was, he was doomed to an existence in the shadows of Asgard. The one thing he had in his favor was his magic, something he had trained with since he was a small child. It was the one thing that he had a talent for and that Thor could not overshadow him in. His few treasured memories from childhood were the times he'd used his magic to play pranks on people and made Thor laugh.

But, power in magic and trickery wasn't really what was valued in Asgard, it was strength, valor, and honor in battle. Loki was made aware of this quite early in his life, and as he had little choice, he accepted this and allowed himself to stand behind Thor in his pursuits, whether they were foolhardy or not. His words of advice and wisdom were often ignored by his brother, even when he knew he was right. Just as well. It wasn't as though Thor would ever do anything that would cause him to lose their father's favor, so what reason was there for him not to do as he pleased?

It was a sad realization to come to, with him always putting careful considerations into all of his actions in his life and to not receive one word of praise for this from either his mother or his father. He found that it was just something they came to expect from him. So the good son he was for many, many years, just thinking on his situation and waiting. For what, he wasn't all together certain. Most likely for things he never could have.

Was it all just because of being the younger son? Or was it because he had little skill in physical hand to hand combat? He supposed that the actual reason didn't matter really since things were about to change. He had decided to act on the day Odin had planned on handing the throne down to Thor, since he was sure that he would only fall further into the shadows when Thor was king.

If Thor would do nothing on his own that would have him fall out of Odin's favor, he would help him along. It wasn't as though he wanted his brother to suffer in his quest for acceptance, it was just that over his years of thinking, he saw no other alternative. He wouldn't be content to stay in the shadows any more.

Everyone in Asgard would know him and they would give him the respect he deserved.

A simple force of self preservation caused him to grab onto Thor's wrist when they were tossed over the broken connection to what was once their Bifrost portal, hanging perilously over a gaping void. Loki's mind raced through the events of the last few weeks and found himself in utter turmoil over it.

He had done what neither his father nor his brother was able to accomplish, and yet...they both were trying to stop him. As his heart felt crushed under his growing sense of self doubt and his own guilt at having betrayed his family in the way he had to, he made one last plea to his father for just a single word of understanding, but it was rejected with a simple, "No, Loki."

Loki couldn't help but let out an almost silent choked sob at that. After all he had done, he would never be the golden son. He would never be Thor, or at least some kind of equivalent in his father's eyes. It broke him that Thor was looking at him with such worry as they dangled from Odin's hand, and it was Thor that was the source of all his trial and tribulation.

What a paradox, to only find solace in the one that really was the source of all his self hate and self doubt. At the succinct rejection from his father, he wasn't sure he could bear this kind of existence anymore. He felt empty, and there was nothing now that could save him from the downward spiral he knew he would fall into if he stayed in Asgard a further second. He sucked in one more deep breath and his resolve was strengthened.

Loki looked up and met eyes with Thor, and it was as though his brother knew exactly what he was going to do. He was sure that if he could still feel, it would crush him all over again to see that look of desperation in Thor's eyes at being unable to stop Loki from making this final self destructive decision, but he was not moved.

He didn't reply to Thor's pleas, and finally, he just let go. As he fell into the void, he was just thankful that this would be the end of his suffering. Maybe now he could give his family what they wanted with his end. No longer would his parents have to treat a frost giant child as their own and no longer would he have to compete with Thor for a spot that he never had any right to.

Feeling himself slipping from consciousness, he felt as though his end was rather bittersweet.