Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. I wouldn't be writing about it if I did.

Summary: Some things you just can't control...RM, SS, RS(sort of)

He couldn't remember when he had fallen out of love with her, and in love with someone else. He didn't want it to happen, but even though he tried to deny it, some things were just out of his control. The more she acted out to get his attention, the less it worked. And the more he felt he had to prove his love for her, the faster it disappeared. And now, the night before their wedding, Ryan Atwood laid in bed trying to convince himself that it never would've worked with Marissa Cooper.

She loved him more than anything, or that's what she told herself over and over as she sat on her bed in an expensive hotel room, looking at her expensive dress hanging on the back of the door. She looked down at her engagement ring and smiled. She knew it wouldn't be easy, it never had been. She had trust issues, he had anger issues. They knew that about each other. Over the past year she had noticed that the look in his eyes had darkened. They no longer lit up when she walked into the room. And now, the morning she was going to marry her white knight, Marissa Cooper knew that Ryan Atwood would love her again. He had to.

He didn't remember what time he finally fell asleep, just that when a knock came on the door, he knew whatever amount of sleep he had gotten wasn't enough. He got up and threw a shirt over his head, stumbling towards the door. He rubbed his eyes, tripping over a show. He cursed under his breath before throwing the door open. "Hey man, you just woke up?" Seth asked, pushing by Ryan to get in the room.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night, I'm nervous I guess."

"Well, there's about three hours until everything starts, so get in the shower," Seth replied, opening the blinds. Ryan closed his eyes as sunlight flooded the room.

"Listen, I have to talk to you about something," Ryan started, his voice wavering.

"Sure, what's up?" Seth asked, his voice softening.

"I can't do..." Ryan started, cut off by a knock at the door. Seth held one finger up and walked to the door, swinging it open. Summer smiled at him, a smile he quickly returned before turning to Ryan and shrugging.

"Chino, you just woke up? Marissa's been up for hours. She's a basket case," Summer rambled.

"Yeah anyways, what can't you do Ryan?" Seth asked, his arms folded across his chest. Summer quickly turned around.

"Nevermind, sorry." Ryan said quickly, casting a sideways glance at Summer before walking to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower, I'll be out in a minute."

"Hurry up, Chino," Summer warned before flashing him a smile. "I'm going to help Marissa. I'll see you later, Cohen." Seth nodded before planting a quick kiss on her lips. She smiled at him and left him there to wonder what Ryan was so afraid of.

Marissa stepped into her dress, aware of all the pressure this dress represented. Suddenly she was a mess of expensive material and waterproof mascara. She was also aware that Ryan hadn't wanted any of this. He wanted to get married on a beach somewhere, with maybe six people watching them. Instead, four hundred were planning on attending, and inside, Marissa was happy about this. This was the wedding she had dreamed of since she was a little girl, and she remembered the day Ryan had spelled out his "dream wedding." She had to work overtime to hide her disappointment, and in the end, she had gotten her way. That was how their relationship went, but she loved him. She she could get past the look in his eyes, or the disheartened way he replied when she told him how much she loved him. "Ryan's going to die when he sees you in this dress!" someone exclaimed, interrupting her thoughts. She looked up and saw that it was her mother. She looked into her mothers eyes and couldn't remember a time when Julie had looked so proud. Marissa smiled in reply and looked at the clock. Twenty five minutes.
Seth walked back towards Ryan's room, his father following close behind. They had been down making sure everything was set while Ryan finished getting ready. Seth knocked before realizing that the door was slightly ajar. "Hey man, we're back. Everything looks really good, including the gift table," Seth called, walking into the main part of the large suite. "Ryan?" he called, and turned to his father when he received no reply. He walked towards the breakfast bar, noticing a stack of paper out of the corner of his eye. It was a note to him. It read:

Seth,

I was going to tell you earlier. I can't do this, any of it. I know this isn't the honorable thing to do, the right thing. I should've told her before. I can't marry someone that I don't love. Things have changed between us over the past year. I want you to give her the letter under this one, and please tell her that I love her, just not in the way she needs me to. Thanks. -Ryan

Seth jumped when he heard Sandy take a deep breath. He hadn't known his father had been reading over his shoulder. Seth said down on a stool, resting his head on the counter. His father suddenly spoke, "We have to tell Marissa, everything's scheduled to start in fifteen minutes." Seth looked around the room before settling his gaze on the letter. He cast a fleeting glance at his father before grabbing both notes. He ran to the door, slamming it and running towards the elevators. He pushed the down button a total of six times before the doors opened. About two minutes passed before he reached Marissa's door. He knocked hard on the solid mahogany door, breathing a sigh of relief when Summer answered.

"Cohen, what are you doing here?" she asked as Seth grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the doorway, making sure to close the door behind her. He said nothing as he handed her both notes. He watched as she read them over, feeling sick as he waited for her reply. He needed her at this moment, probably more than he ever had before. Summer finally looked up at him, her eyes tearing. "He's supposed to be at the altar right now. You're supposed to be there. Go, Cohen."

"He's not there, Summer. He's gone," Seth replied, struggling to keep it together. "I need to go in there. I need to tell Marissa." Summer stepped aside in shock as Seth opened the door. Marissa smiled at him.

"Seth, aren't you supposed to be out there already? How's Ryan?" she asked, and Seth felt like he was going to be sick.

"Marissa..." he whispered, noticing that every woman in the room was staring at him, waiting. Summer stood in the corner, staring at Marissa, waiting for it.

"What's the matter, Seth?"

"I...Ryan asked me to give you this," Seth faltered, and he hated himself when he saw Marissa's eyes light up, thinking it was a pre-wedding present or a heartfelt letter. She took the letter in her hands, unfolding it. Seth watched as she smiled, and then he watched as her eyes filled with tears and the letter fell to the ground. Summer rushed over, catching Marissa before the sank to the ground. Kirsten looked at Seth before reading the letter herself. Summer steered Marissa into the bedroom as Kirsten quietly said, "Ryan's not coming," to the ladies in the room, all of whom were wondering what caused Marissa's breakdown. Julie rushed into the bedroom, furious, as Kirsten walked out the door to find Sandy, certain that he was the one who would let everyone else know what their son had done. Seth picked the letter up off of the floor, glancing at it one last time before throwing it in the trash. He assumed that it was one wedding present Marissa wouldn't be too keen on keeping.

About two hours later, Summer emerged from the bedroom. Seth stood up from the chair he had occupied for most of that time. "How is she?" he asked quickly, taking Summer's hand.

"Not good. We got her to go to sleep about a half hour ago. Where is everyone?"

"My parents are down in the ballroom, taking care of everything. Mostly everyone else is gone. I need to go find him, Summer," Seth said, his eyes pleading for her to come with him.

"Let me get my purse," she whispered, letting go of his hand to cross the room. They walked out of the room and towards the elevators, not saying anything and everything. Partly because they both knew who each other's alliances lied with. Marissa was Summer's best friend. Ryan was Seth's brother. They reached the lobby and walked towards the double doors leading to the parking lot. Seth looked at her with uncertainty.

"Maybe we should split up. I'll go look at the house and the diner, maybe you could go look at the boardwalk?" Seth asked, and she smiled.

"Okay, call me if you find him. It's going to be okay, Seth."

"I hope so," he replied, turning and walking towards his car. She did the same, getting in her car and backing out of the parking lot.

Seth pulled into his parent's driveway. He hadn't lived here in five years, but it was still home to him. California, even though he denied it, would always be home to him. He ran to the pool house, not bothering to knock before opening the door. Nothing. Everything was the same as it had been. Seth closed the door, walking into the house. He went from room to room, calling for Ryan, but he got no reply. He sighed, sitting down at the counter, his head in his hands. He stayed like this for ten minutes, deciding that he needed to deal with what was going on. Ryan needed to deal with what was going on. He walked out of the house and to his car. Backing out of the driveway, he drove to the diner that they had frequented in high school and on college breaks. He spotted Ryan's truck in a parking space. He smiled to himself, proud that he knew Ryan so well and parked his car. He walked into the diner and walked around. No Ryan. He walked to the counter and the woman there smiled at him, recognizing him. "Hi, have you seen Ryan, my brother?" he asked, hopeful.

"No, I'm sorry. My, you clean up nicely!" the woman replied, grinning. Seth looked down. He had forgotten about the wedding attire. He smiled in return and walked to his car. Maybe he didn't know Ryan as well as he thought. He guessed that maybe no one did.

Summer walked along the boardwalk, searching for Ryan. She hadn't seen his car, but she knew that whenever Ryan was missing, this is where they found him. She took her heels off and walked onto the beach, heading towards the lifeguard tower. And there he was. She sighed to herself and walked up the ramp. She knew that he saw her, but he gave no indication that he wasn't alone. She stood there, staring at him until he finally looked up. "Hi."

"Hi, Ryan," she replied, not sure of what to say.

"How is she?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Not great, Ryan. She's a fucking mess," Summer answered, a bitter undertone clouding her voice.

"I'm sorry," he said, his gaze even with the waves.

"Don't apologize to me," she sighed, leaning on the railing. "What happened?"

"I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be fair."

"It wasn't fair either way," Summer whispered, and he looked up at her.

"You look really beautiful, Summer," Ryan said, giving her a small smile.

"Oh, I probably looked ridiculous, walking along the boardwalk in this dress," she replied, gesturing to her pale-blue maid-of-honor dress.

"No, just beautiful. Seth's really lucky," Ryan answered, his gaze once again on the water.

"Thank you," she answered, uneasy.

"You already know, don't you?" he asked, not looking at her.

"Don't," she replied simply.

"I love you, Summer."

"No, you don't. You can't," she answered. He looked up at her, feeling lost.

"I have for about a year. I can't be with her because I love you."

"Don't, Ryan. I...I need to call Seth and tell him I found you," she stammered, pulling her cell phone out of her purse.

"No, you don't. Can you just sit here with me for a while? I'm not ready to deal with all of this yet," he answered evenly, except this time he looked into her eyes. Summer said nothing, she just sat down next to him. After a while, he put his jacket over her shoulders and she smiled appreciatively. Finally, after minutes or hours or days of clouds building, a raindrop fell. They both looked up at the sky. Summer looked up for an answer; Ryan looked up for a sign. They should've known by now that things don't always happen the way you want them to.

This is a four part story. I should have the second part up either tonight or tomorrow. Please read and review!