A/N: Yeah, I procrastinate things I do for fun. Sorry this took forever to upload… I have finals and other stupid things. Plus I know Youtube and for whatever reason it is plotting against me. Anyways please Review, makes me happy. Take from this story what you will.
What they say about near death experiences isn't entirely true. Your life doesn't flash before your eyes, you don't realize all the things you wish you had done, you don't suddenly understand what life is all about. Your life does sort of flash past you, a few slightly regrets pass through your mind, and a quick sense of understanding does fill you, but nothing like the movies make it out to be. It's a lot smaller than everyone believes.
It's the little memories, you thought you'd forget that flash past. It's only a little petty regret for the people you wish you could see one more time that passes in your mind. It's a simple understanding that those little things, those little moments, were the ones that actually mattered, which fills you. Most importantly though, the thing that you remember in the tiny fleeting second before impact, is the one thing you love the most.
He sees the large black truck only an instant before the crunch screeches in his ear.
The day was cold. Not just a simple middle of dead winter cold, but the kinda of cold that had you in seventeen layers of clothing and still shivering. How on earth Berwald had been able to talk Tino into going out was beyond both of them. Sure they had to get food someday, but why today? Tino may have grown up in the northern most part of Europe, but his tolerance ended somewhere. That somewhere being whatever hell they were walking through now.
"We need a car." Tino huffed under his breath, clutching himself tighter in an attempt to keep body warmth where it should be. Why did they live so far from town and not have one? Who cares if he was the one that usually insisted upon walking, this was just pushing the extremes. Why had he even agreed to go in the first place? Why did Berwald even ask? Surely the huge man was fine going out alone, it wasn't like anyone would mess with someone with a cold glare like his.
A cold shiver ran up his spine and it took all of the little Finn's might not to jump up. Still he couldn't stop the involuntary shutter or the hissing breath that came out quickly threw his chattering teeth.
"Y' c'ld?" Tino looked up, only to instantly regret it. Berwald looked a him with a dark face and cold eyes. Even though the Finn knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it was concern not anger, he still quickly looked away.
"N-no. I-I'm f-f-f-fine." His face began to heat quickly as he inwardly yelled at him self for stuttering to badly. No one would believe he wasn't cold if his lips kept quivered the way they were now.
"Yer c'ld." Berwald grunted, before placing an arm Tino's shivering shoulders. For a moment Tino wanted to pull away, flushing and stuttering in confusion at this action, but that quickly faded. Berwald was so warm. Really, that was the only reason he leaned in closer to the touch. It wasn't like there would be any other reason to. Nope, none.
Why did he always think too much? He could just take this as a nice friendly gesture, nothing else, but he didn't. No, Tino had to go and read into every situation.
That really was the main issue with his current situation. Had he know how awkward everything would be, he wouldn't have agreed to move in with Berwald in the first place. Yeah, living in the dorm had worked rather well and he did enjoy Berwald's company (well as long as he didn't make his scary face). Still, moving in together right out of college might have been a bad idea.
Tino wasn't really sure why living this way was so different than it had been when they shared a dorm room. They even had their own rooms in that little house. Back in the dorm they slept just a few feet from each other. Yet, this house seemed so much smaller. He constantly felt as if Berwald was breathing down his neck and the worst part was, he didn't completely hate it either. In fact, a little part of him was actually really enjoying the feel of Berwald's strong arms wrapped around him.
"W-why are you so warm, Ber?" He laughed nervously, trying to cut off his train of thought. He really didn't need to think such things when he and Berwald were so close to each other. His unsure feelings made things awkward enough when the Swede was in another room, let alone next to him.
"So I c'n keep m' wife w'rm." And there was that; that weird need Berwald had to call Tino his wife. That certainly didn't help the awkwardness.
Tino laughed nervously, feeling his cheeks burn as he hid his face in Berwald's sleeve. Honestly, the Swede didn't even need to hold him anymore. His words were enough to keep the blushing Finn warm, no matter how cold it was outside.
His head hits something, though he's not sure, but he does know the world seems to spin in front of him.
With a skip in his step, Tino finished putting the laundry in the washer and made his way down stairs. Everything about today was wonderful and not just because he had been able to sleep in an extra hour. It may have helped, but he doubted even waking up earlier would have ruined the day. In fact, it might have made it better.
He swung himself around the railing and toward the living room, where he could hear Berwald using the television as background noise while he read the paper. Yes, Tino knew it was the paper. Berwald always read the paper with the television on. Tino didn't really understand why, but he like how Berwald had little quirks like that. Well maybe he didn't always like those quirks, but ever sense they had become an official couple, he found himself falling in love with every little odd thing Berwald did.
Tino smiled and sat down next to Berwald, nice and close, looking at the TV without actually watching it. Every few seconds he would look over at Berwald and smile at how concentrated he looked, before going back to watching a commercial on dish soap.
"Yer in'a g'd mood," Berwald surprised Tino by saying when the smiling Finn looked over for the umpteenth time.
"Oh, uh yeah I guess I am." Tino laughed a little embarrassed that Berwald had noticed. Looking back at the screen, Tino scooched a little closer to Berwald. "It's just been a nice day, you know. I like when we both have a day off. Plus the house is clean and the weather hasn't been this nice in a while. I got to sleep in too."
"Mhmm." Berwald nodded, still reading his paper. Tino decided to stop babbling and turned back to the TV. Picking up the remote he began flipping through channels, something he use to think annoyed Berwald, but never actually did. Nothing of interest popped up for a while, until he went further into the channel selection. The History Channel flashed on and he stopped to see what the story was today.
He always liked watching the History channel and during college he had discovered Berwald did too. That actually had been the thing they originally bonded with, being history junkies. That thought made Tino want to watch it even more, just for sentimental reasons. Once he saw what it was on, he really wanted to.
"Ooh, Ber look. There is a special on Vikings!" He pointed at the screen, to which Berwald looked at before putting down the paper to watch it. Vikings were both Tino's and Berwald's favorite thing to study (well at least Tino thought that they were Berwald's).
With a content sigh, Tino cuddled closer to Berwald placing his head on the gentle giants shoulder. A little ways into the episode and Tino felt Berwald's head rest on his, which only made him smile and cuddle a bit closer. So what if they were cuddling while watching a rather vivid and gruesome reenactment of Viking times? Tino like that they did that and saw nothing wrong with it.
When the show was over he went to move and talk to Berwald, but the head on his didn't move, in fact Berwald's whole body seemed to be resting entirely on Tino.
"Ber…. Ber? Berwald." There was no response for a few moments, until Tino heard the familiar sound of a quiet snore. "Did you really fall asleep?"
Tino didn't really understand how he did, the show had actually been very interesting. Then again Berwald had been working extra hours to finish his project before the deadline. Tino laughed a little as he heard Berwald mutter something unintelligible before sighing and cuddling closer to Tino.
With a slight chuckle and a yawn, the Finn decided he was fine acting as Berwald's pillow for once. Only if, though, he could use the Swede as his too.
Maybe that is glass cracking in front of him, or perhaps his vision is becoming that hazy.
Tino's hands wove themselves through Berwald's hair as the Swede pushed his 'wife' against the wall. Both men were breathing through their noses in an attempt to never split lips. Letting one hand slid down to undo the buttons of Berwald's shirt, Tino moaned lightly against his 'husband's' mouth.
As newly-weds of only three months, this sort of thing was completely normal, right? Well if it wasn't Tino sure wouldn't complain. They would probably mellow down as time passed, but right now all Tino could think about was how happy he was that they had decided to tie the knot.
It really was more of a mutual decision than anyone proposing Though, if anyone were to be blamed it was more so Tino who pushed it from a fleeting thought to a concrete plan.
Berwald had kept his odd habit of calling Tino his 'wife' throughout the progression of their relationship. As time passed Tino began to like the title more and more and one day he just woke up and realized he really wanted that to be his actual title. Of course it would be better if it was 'husband' instead, but either way he liked the idea of being Berwald's forever. In his mind he began to think of Berwald as his husband. It took him forever to do anything about that thought though. Almost a full year and in the end it wasn't actually planned.
There had been a party for his company, celebrating a successful year and he had brought Berwald with him. (Partially because he wanted to, but mostly because his friend Elizaveta wanted to meet his 'boyfriend.') When he introduced Berwald to her the words he often thought accidentally slipped out.
"Ber, this is Elizaveta, the one I told you about. And Liza this is Berwald, my husband."
Almost instantly Berwald shot a look at Tino, that the Finn knew Elizaveta only saw as a quick glance. Tino, however, could see the shock and hint of hopeful happiness in it.
Before Tino could even blush for the slip of his tongue, Berwald shook Elizaveta's hand and 'smiled' in agreeance with his title. Tino slightly remembered her D'awwing, but probably not. Most people whimpered when meeting Berwald for the first time. Later that night Berwald asked about it and after calming down a blushing/stuttering Finn and slyly kissing him too, Berwald had gotten Tino to agree to them making it official. The service wasn't big and neither was the honeymoon, but that didn't change how utterly happy Tino felt about the whole thing.
Suddenly his legs were pulled up and around the Swede's waist, calling the Finn out of his reminiscing. His back was pushed harder against the wall and his lips were set free in exchange for delicate kisses dressing his neck. He was about to lose himself in the bliss when a particular odor filled his nose.
"Ber?" He asked breathlessly.
"Mhmm." Maybe, that was a response, but probably not.
"Ber is…is something burning?" He was more alert to the smell and pushed Berwald's shoulders back. The Swede looked at him confused and a bit disappointed, before his eyes went wide.
"Ch'es c'ke." He mumbled before letting Tino down quickly and turned to rush to the kitchen. Tino followed after and watched as Berwald hurried to turn the oven off, pull the cake out and get the smoke out the window.
Once he had most of the smoke cleared out, Berwald looked at the cake and deflated a little. Tino walked over and saw the burnt lump of use to be cake (he'd be lying if he said that didn't make him sad, anything Berwald made was delicious). He felt a little bad that he had distracted Berwald with…kissing.
Yet, Tino still couldn't stop himself from laughing at the situation. "Don't worry about it Ber. We caught it on time."
"B't y' like et." Berwald said disappointed, as Tino could tell.
"It's fine Ber. I don't really want cake right now anyways." Tino said trying to hide his laughter as he pulled Berwald away from the cake and back towards their room. This was defiantly normal, and if it wasn't Berwald didn't seem to care either.
Did the highway get painted red, or is this blood running into his eye. That would explain the sting.
Tino sighed and sat down after placing a bowl in front of both his boys. Berwald seemed pleased by the green soup, but Peter, Peter had some mix of disappointment and disgust on his face. He huffed and crossed his arms leaning back in his chair.
"Really mama? Pea soup, again?" Peter scowled and looked at Tino with a cross face. For a second Tino thought about making a big deal about Peter still calling him mama, but he quickly decided there were bigger fish to fry.
"You use to love pea soup." Tino said with a sad sigh, holding his face in one hand as he leaned an elbow on the table. It was true, the boy had demanded it all the time when he first move him with them a few years ago. Berwald had gotten it in his head that Tino wanted kids after he had mentioned how it would be fun to have a kid and didn't stop until they had officially adopted their sweet little Peter. Who turned out to be neither sweet nor little for very long. He was an adventure though and Tino had to admit he loved the boy dearly. Peter's reply pulled Tino out of his reminiscing before he could continue reminding himself all the things that made up for Peter's spoiled behavior (which was no doubt caused by Berwald's need to buy everything and anything for the kid).
"Well…yeah. But you make it all the time! I bet Papa's even getting sick of it." Peter kept his pout/scowl as he glanced at Berwald for some assistance. The Swede however just took a large bite making sure to light up his face (well light it up enough for Tino, no one else would see a change) in reassurance that he still liked the Finn's pea soup. Tino sighed and looked back a Peter.
"Just eat it. Maybe Papa will make dinner next week, so you can get a break from my food." After Berwald grunted a 'sure,' Tino took a spoonful and began eating. The table was quiet, other than clanking silverware and slurps, until Tino looked up from his bowl, only to find Peter with his arms crossed and his bowl untouched.
"Peter, you need to eat." The young boy simply scrunched his arms tighter.
"Uh-uh. I don't want to." Exasperated, Tino looked at Berwald for some aid.
"Pet'r e't yer food." Berwald mumbled between bites. Tino deadpanned and Peter sunk back into his chair, keeping his angry face of defiance. With a sigh and a sarcastic mental thanks to Berwald, Tino began eating, hoping his adopted son would get bored with pouting and start eating on his own. Of course the little blonde did nothing of the sort, seemingly finding the practice even more enjoyable as time passed.
"If you keep making that face it'll get stuck like that." Tino warned, raising his eyebrows at Peter. For a moment his scowl wavered as he thought threw the idea. Just as Peter was about to protest the thought, Berwald spoke up.
"Ya. Like m'ne." The younger two of the odd family's eyes were on Berwald in a second. He had an exaggerated scowl firmly on his face that only a few years prior would have had Tino running for the hills. Peter's hands went to his cheeks and his eyes went wide. "Can that happen?" Berwald's lips twitched, in what Tino knew was a smirk.
A burst of laughter sounded from the Finn before he could stop himself. This only made Berwald's lips crease a little more. Peter looked between the two, confused about their laughing and still wondering about his question. Tino tried to calm himself to answer Peter, but it was in vain. Before long his stomach hurt and tears had gathered at the corners of his eyes. Leave it to Berwald to crack a joke in the slyest way possible.
"Mama, stop laughing. Answer me. Can that happen?" Tino turned and tried to comfort the worried boy, but kept cutting himself off with a burst of laughter.
"Ya. E't yer food now." Berwald answered quickly before going back to his bowl, as though there was nothing strange about Tino nearly falling on the floor with laughter or Peter's eyes widened in shock. It took nearly ten minutes for the Finn to calm down enough to finish eating. When he finally did, he couldn't help but continue smiling for the rest of the night. Eventually, Peter stopped pouting and quietly ate his food, now convinced his face would get stuck like Berwald's if he didn't.
His breath ketches and, although he can't really feel it, he's sure something just snapped.
Peter was spending the weekend with Raivis and instead of staying home and watching History Channel reruns, Berwald and Tino had decided to go to the beach. They hadn't gone sense Peter's eighth birthday and now he was nearly thirteen. It wasn't that they didn't like the beach, Tino just got burnt easily (Berwald probably did too, but never complained about it). Today, though, there was a nice cloud cover, but it was still warm enough to warrant going.
They spent a large portion of the day walking around the pier and in and out of shore side shops. Berwald insisted upon holding hands throughout the entire walk. Perhaps blushing at holding hands after fifteen years of marriage was rather absurd, but Tino still did exactly that. It wasn't so much embarrassment about PDA, but that Berwald's simple gestures still made the Finn's stomach flip as much as it did eighteen years ago when they first started dating.
While mussing over their lengthy time together, Tino managed to catch the strap of his sandal on one of the rocks scattered along the sand. His shoe instantly snapped and flipped off of his foot, sticking to the rock that had broken it.
Tino yelped in surprise and instantly let go of Berwald's hand, which made the large man stop and turn around in confused curiosity.
"Y' 'k?" Berwald asked with a furrowed brow that Tino was sure made everyone in close vicinity cower.
"Oh yeah. I'm fine." Tino waved Berwald off, though that did nothing to rid of the Swede's concerned face. Bending down to pick up his broken sandal, Tino sighed. "Oh, it's completely ripped apart." They had already meandered quite a ways from the shops too.
While Tino was looking sadly at his shoe and 'pouting' about having to walk barefoot back to the shops, Berwald was taking off his shoes.
"H're." Tino looked up to see Berwald holding his shoes out to him.
"I'm not taking your shoes Ber." Tino said shaking his head and taking off his other shoe and putting both in his bag.
"T'ke 'em." Berwald insisted.
"No, it's fine I can walk barefoot."
"I din't want y' ta hurt yers'lf." Berwlad said kneeling down to put the shoes by Tino's feet. The Finn looked at him for a moment before sighing and sliding them on.
"What if you step on something, though. I don't want y-"
"S'kay." Berwald said, cutting his 'wife' off and turning with a hand out to go back towards the shops.
Weren't these sorts of things supposed to fade away as time passed? At least that's what Tino had always believed. As you were married longer and longer, little gestures like this would be forgotten. Weren't old married people supposed to be selfish and not care about trying to keep the other person in the love with them? Yet, Berwald always managed to make Tino feel just like he did when they first started dating.
With a smile, Tino grabbed the Swede's hand, still getting the spark he had the first time they held hands and followed after his husband. It wouldn't matter how long they were married. Tino knew Berwald would never stop making him feel young and in love.
Hitting his head against the window once again he began to wander how long he'd been spinning.
He sat down next to Berwald, who switched to holding his book with one hand so he could drape an arm around Tino's shoulders. This brought a smile to the Finn's lips and he pressed himself closer to the Swede before sighing and surveying the lawn. Peter was sitting and reading a book with their old dog Hanatamago curled up next to him. The laundry was swaying lightly in the breeze and a few birds hoped across the line. Outlining the walk way to the porch, the flowers he had planted almost ten years ago were blooming fully.
It was a nice sight, his front lawn, where so little and so much had happened. Like Peter's tenth birthday party and the bounce house fiasco, the two ducks that had decided to live there for about three months and that day Berwald had carried Tino from the driveway to the door. That front lawn had seen some many years and moments of their lives and for whatever reason Tino loved it for being there.
With a content sigh, the small blonde lazily looked up at Berwald's face. The Swede's eyebrows were furrowed, much like they always were and his cold blue eyes bore straight into the book as if trying to kill it with a simple glare. His lips were pressed tight, but they seemed to drift slightly upwards. It seemed so silly now, the way Tino would shiver in fear of that face when they first meet. Now, he could stare at it for hours and never feel anything more than love burst in his chest.
Sometimes he wondered when it was that had changed. It wasn't like he woke up one morning no longer afraid of the dark glare always in place on his gentle giants face, not as if one simple moment had made him realize there was nothing to fear behind Berwald's sharp stare. No, his fear had just simply faded until he no longer had the need to look away when Berwald would look him in the eye, until he couldn't bring himself to look away even if he wanted to.
"Berwald, I love you." Tino said softly before leading back to look up at the clouds drifting lazily threw the sky. Berwald looked away from his book for a moment to see the content look his 'wife' of twenty-one years wore.
"Love y' too, T'no." He said softly, before turning back to his book and tightening his arms around the smaller man's frame.
Tino really loved day's like this. Just sitting, nothing to do with Berwald sitting close to him. Life had been good to him, he decided with a smile as he eye lid closed and he allowed himself to drift into sleep with the pleasant sound of his husband breathing.
The world stands still for just a second, then everything goes black.