This is a very stupid story. Basically, I'm taking parts out of Sceptre of the Ancients and changing them a little tiny bit. I may do this for the other books if this has a good reception.

I'm not expecting you to like it. I hope you will, though.

Meeting China Sorrows for the first time

...and in this open space stood the most beautiful woman Stephanie had ever seen. Her hair was black as raven wings, and her eyes were the palest boue. Her features were so delicate, Stephanie feared they might break if she smiled, and then the lady smiled and Stephanie felt such warmth that for an instant she never wanted to be anywhere else but at this lady's side.

"You know I'm male, right?" China said, and Stephanie threw up.

Infiltrating the Sanctuary

"We need a diversion," Tanith said.

"Any suggestions?"

Tanith didn't answer, but after a moment she looked at the Cleavers. Ghastly understood immediately.

"We can get them to dance the hula in grass skirts, and while they're dancing, we can run inside!"

Tanith sighed.

Seeing Skulduggery without his disguise for the first time

But no. With his sunglasses gone and his scarf hanging down, there was no denying the fact that he had no flesh, he had no skin, he had no eyes, and he had no face.

All he had was a pineapple for a head.

Serpine dying

Serpine's grinning face. His eyes. His smile. All those teeth. His skin, creased in savage pleasure, and now his skin was changing, and it was drying, and the emerald eyes were losing their gleam, and he turned into Britney Spears

Valkyrie practicing magic

"How's it going?"

She looked up as Tanith Low approached.

"You're starting off too big," Tanith said. "A phone's too heavy. A washing machine would be good enough."

Skulduggery shows Valkyrie some magic

"Very well," he said, and held up his open hand in front of her. She frowned, feeling a little chilly, and then she became aware of a droplet of water running down her face. In an instant her hair was red with pink polka dots.

"How did you do that?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know. You shot me in the brain, put me into a coma, styled my hair, and then brought me back here?

He looked down at her. "Very good," he said, impressed.

Valkyrie asks if she can do magic

There was a question Stephanie had been dying to ask, but she didn't want to appear too eager. As casually as she could, thumbs hooked into the belt loops of her jeans, she said, as if she had just plucked this thought out of thin air, "Can I touch your femur?"

Valkyrie finds out she can do magic

"Yes!" she exclaimed, sticking both arms up in the air. She'd learnt how to spell "cat"! She laughed in delight.

"You look happy."

She turned so suddenly, she almost fell off the boulder.

"Just realised that I'm going to turn into Darquesse and kill you and the rest of the world, that's all."

Learning about Bliss and China being related

"Hush now."

"And thanks for letting me know that Bliss and China were husband and wife, by the way."

Please review and tell me if I should do the other books :) September signing out!