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Good Santa, Bad Elf
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For wrestlefan4
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"Chris, come on man. Why do I have to dress like this? It's not right and my tummy's not even that big!" It was Christmas Eve but instead of being home cuddling by a warm, toasty fire, Chris and his lover Paul were stuck in a stuffy old hotel room since they had a Smackdown taping earlier that night. Now it was nearing mid-night and Paul was standing in front of the bathroom mirror pouting. Chris had insisted on celebrating Christmas the "right way" but Paul had no idea he would be taking it this far. Christmas or not, the only thing Paul wanted was to lie in bed with his Chrissy and cuddle. Unfortunately for him, the assclown part of Chris was absent tonight and had been replaced by Santa Clause, or rather, one of his elves.
"Dammit Paul! Hurry up and come out! We need to hurry before it gets too late."
"Chris, why do I have to dress like Santa?"
Chris rolled his eyes. "Paul, we've already been through this. You're much better suited for the suit."
"Is that a nice way of calling me fat?"
Chris sighed. "Paul, sweetheart I know you're not about to cry. Of course not you assclown! You're perfect now will you come out of the bathroom…please?" Chris watched as the door slowly swung open and out walked Paul. It took everything Chris had not to laugh out loud so he opted for the blank stare. Paul looked so funny dressed in his Santa suit but whether he liked it or not, it suited him. Paul's big, round belly filled out the robe perfectly and the fake, white hair and beard made Paul the most adorable looking Santa he'd ever laid eyes on.
"Aww…look at you," Chris grinned. "So cute! Now put on the hat."
"Hey! Wait a second Chris. How come you're not wearing tights?" Paul pouted. He gave Chris a once over and noticed that he was wearing black slacks with a green shirt and a pointy green hat. He had on a pretty shade of pink lip gloss to bring out his lips, green eye shadow and blush to make himself look more like an elf…minus the oh-so-important green leggings.
"Because elves don't wear tights," Chris said with a shrug. "Only Will Ferrell now come on! Grab your bag and let's get going. This is going to be so much fun!" he squealed. Paul sighed. He wasn't about to ruin Chris' good mood by complaining about some old tights. Instead he rolled his eyes and grabbed his big, brown bag (an old pillow case Chris got by bribing the bell hop earlier) filled with presents before setting off to deliver gifts. A majority of their friends were staying on the same floor as them so it wasn't going to take them long at all. Paul just hoped they could get them all delivered without causing too much commotion. Some of the gifts Chris purchased would sure cause a ruckus but he supposed that's what Chris wanted.
"Alright let's see…" Chris unfolded a small scrap of paper. "Ahh…room 207. This should be the Hardy brothers' room."
"What did you get them?" Paul asked. He didn't see all the things Chris stuffed into his Santa bag but the stuff he did see was well…let's just say some people might not appreciate them as gifts. Chris pulled open the bag and started rummaging through it until he finally found what he was looking for. "Ahh this is it!" Paul watched him pull out what looked like a home made Christmas card.
"Chris, what exactly did you put in that card?"
"Oh nothing. Now go hide behind the corner." Paul shook his head as he hurried back down the hall. When he was out of sight, Chris dropped the card on the floor, knocked loudly then took off running down the hall. Paul lifted him in the air, placing him around his neck so they could both peer around the corner. A minute later the door swung open and they watched anxiously as the elder Hardy brother stood at the door with a blank look on his face.
"Who is it?" they heard Jeff ask. Matt looked up and down the hall but didn't see anything. He turned to go back inside but he finally spotted the card. Matt picked it up, a frown on his face as he read it. "Matty?"
"Okay. What the hell man? I'm going to kill somebody!"
"What? What's wrong Matty?" Paul had to cover Chris' mouth to keep him from laughing out loud. "See this Jeff?" Jeff's body suddenly emerged into view and he was wearing nothing but some boxers. Matt was hardly dressed either wearing only a towel around his waist.
Jeff read over the card, but instead of getting angry like Matt, he only smirked. "Dude. That does not look like me but I'll take the condom."
"Jeff this is serious. Someone thinks we're…you know," he said, lowering his voice.
Jeff merely shrugged before snatching the card from him. "Who cares?" He leaned over and kissed Matt's lips. "Let's go to bed now. It's probably some assclown like Jericho anyway. He only wishes he could join us."
Matt suddenly grinned. "You're right. Let's go back inside."
"Why that stupid, rainbow-haired gelatinous parasitic tapeworm!"
"Calm down Chris!" Paul put Chris back on the ground watching as his face turned red with fury.
"How dare they call me an assclown!"
Paul just laughed. "Well…you can be one sometimes but never mind that. Can we go to bed now?"
Chris merely smirked. "Oh no. We still have to go by Cena's room. I have the perfect present for him!"
Paul sighed. This will end badly. I'm sure of it. They quickly tip toed back up the hall by passing the Hardy room for room 211. "This should be Cena's room." Chris dug into the sack pulling out a small bottle of…
"Lube?"
"Yeah. He might need it," Chris said with a shrug.
"But he's not even gay," Paul scolded, "and anyway, I thought you were handing out gifts to be nice?"
"This is nice!" he huffed. "I'm getting lube for his lover. I'm making sure their love making on Christmas morning is nice and less painful than it would be without it."
Paul sighed. "Oh alright." Paul hurried back down the hall and got into position again. Chris left the bottle of lube outside Cena's door before knocking and bolting down the hall. It took Cena a little longer to get to the door but when he did, he was furious.
"What the hell man? Who's playing?! Who the hell is playing games with me tonight?!" A second later Shawn appeared by his side looking confused. "What's wrong?"
"Someone left this outside our door."
Shawn took the bottle into his hand laughing. "Oh wow. Don't take it personal John. We all know you're not gay. It's just a harmless prank. If I had to guess, I'd say someone's just trying to have a good laugh since they're stuck here instead of at home for Christmas. If you don't want it, I'll keep it. Maybe next Christmas it'll be put to good use. Whoever's out delivering "pranks", I certainly know the feeling. It sucks being away from home on Christmas but what's even worse is being alone."
"Alone? But…wait a second, you're single?" Cena asked. He couldn't believe it.
Shawn suddenly looked up drawing Cena's eyes to his striking blue one. "Uh…yeah. Why you ask?"
"Hunter."
"Oh gee," he laughed. "I forgot you're just a rookie. Hunter and I are not a couple. Haven't been since…well…since 2002. We decided we were better friends than lovers so that's that. Why you ask?"
"Oh…no reason," Cena answered nervously, his face heating up.
"Oh for crying out loud! Just kiss the man you troglodyte!"
Both Shawn and Cena looked up and down the hall for Chris but Paul pulled him back against the wall covering his mouth with his larger hand. "Shush you!" Paul hissed. "I refuse to let them see me dressed like St. Nick."
"Shawn, I could have sworn I saw a little green guy…Swoggle maybe?" Cena squinted his eyes up the hall but Paul pulled Chris aside just in time.
Shawn frowned. "I…dunno. I looked up too late to see a face. If it's Swoggle then whatever. I'm not chasing him around any more than I have to."
"But…but didn't you hear what he said?"
"I heard him."
"So…so what's a troglodyte?"
"That word probably best describes me now," he laughed. "Don't worry about it. Now come on champ. Let's go back inside before any other weird things start to happen."
"But…but did you hear what else he said?"
"About what?"
"About…you know…he said to…to kiss the man already."
Shawn blinked a few times before letting out a low whistle. "Okay. This is awkward."
"It always is when we're alone."
"Right, which is why I'm going to bed so—
"Merry Christmas Shawn." Cena quickly grabbed Shawn pressing their lips together. Both Paul and Chris' jaws dropped, especially when Shawn returned the kiss wrapping his arms tighter around Cena's neck. A few seconds later, the two men pulled apart staring down at the floor. "I'm sorry," Cena mumbled. "Couldn't help it. Secretly wanted to do that since 2005. Swoggle made me do it."
"It's okay. Kind of wondered what it would be like to be kissed by a younger man, mainly you."
"Say Shawn?"
"Hmm?"
"I...like you...like a lot."
Shawn slowly pulled him in for another kiss, his smile warming Cena's heart. "That's good to know. Merry Christmas John." They pulled apart and Shawn led them back inside.
"Say Shawn? About this bottle of lube…"
Paul and Chris watched as the door shut before moving back into the hall. "This sucks!" Chris pouted. "No one's getting angry at my pranks! Cena's a big baby! I thought for sure he would get mad!"
Paul raised a brow at his little elf. "I thought these were supposed to be gifts?"
"Well…no," he grumbled. "I was trying to ruin everyone else's Christmas since mine was ruined."
"How was your Christmas ruined Chrissy?"
"Well I wanted to be home with you in front of a fire staring at our giant tree as we cuddled, but instead we're stuck in this dusty old hotel all because of stupid work!"
"Chris…" Paul laughed. "You're such a baby! I also would have preferred to be at home but I don't care anymore. Wanna know why?"
"Why?" he pouted.
"Because I'm having the best, yet funniest Christmas ever in a dusty, old hotel with the bestest boyfriend, elf person this world could ever know."
"Really?"
Paul fixed the pointy hat on Chris' head before leaning in to kiss his lips. "Of course. I didn't like the tights at first but they're actually quite comfortable. Plus, this is what Christmas is all about. Spending time with your loved ones and helping others have a happy Christmas. The Hardy brothers are all smiles this Christmas morning while Cena is probably having the Christmas he's always dreamed of since laying eyes on Shawn. All of this is because of you Chrissy. While your gifts may not have had good intentions, so far they've all turned out to do more good than harm. I can bet you anything Shawn hasn't smiled like that since his split with Hunter. I told you should have worn the suit," Paul teased. "You're a natural at being Santa."
Chris thought about this for a second before a big grin spread across his face. "Maybe I'll wear it next year."
"Right. So can we call it a night now?" Paul asked. "I'm tired and I want my Christmas present from you. You promised ya know," he pouted.
"Not now. We still have five rooms left to go. Besides, your gift isn't going anywhere."
"How do you know?" he grumbled.
Chris jumped up and pecked his lips. "Because yours is the gift that keeps on giving now let's go. Next stop, Vince McMahon's room. I can't wait to give him his present!" Paul shook his head and followed his little elf up the hall. Merry Christmas indeed.
AN: This was written as a part of my Secret Santa Challenge 2009. If you haven't seen the prompt, I urge you to go and take a look at the very last chapter. It has all the titles of the fics as well as the links to each fic. There's a pairing for everybody and all the fics so far have been great reads. Please check them out. You won't be disappointed. Merry Christmas everyone from me, Chris Muse and Show Muse.
Chris: I was so cute!
Paul: Yes, you were but I'm not wearing those tights anymore.
Chris: And why not? I thought you liked them?
Paul: *pouts* They tore!
Chris: ...
Me: ...