A/N A bunch of shorts I think of randomly (ya, I know, that awesome person did something like this, so go read theirs since those stories were better than mine)

Bold is my talking

O.O Yoda? Is that you?

Not mine, Death note is.

CH1. Opposites? 1: Weight

Well, since Light's name can mean light in weight, he can weigh 4 pounds.

Light- What? A human can't survive if they only weigh four pounds!

Sure they can. Your bones can be hollow and we can take out all the unnecessary organs like the brain and kidneys. The rest we'll make from sandpaper.

Light- But I need my brain and kidneys to be Kira and fight infection! And why sandpaper? It's rough on my preppy boy skin.

What skin? Skin weighs too much. Can't have skin if you wanna weigh four pounds.

Light- I DON'T want to! I wanna be Kira! I wanna rule the world!

L- What was that about Kira, Light-kun?

Light- Ryuuzaki! Uh…I didn't say Kira, I said…Near-uh.

L- Near-uh?

Since Light weighs 4 pounds, and a bunch of people say L and Light are opposites, L must weigh….4,000 pounds! (that's 2 tons)

L- Huh? How? That does not seem possible for a human being such as myself.

Light- That's what happens if you keep eating too many cakes, Ryuuzaki.

Actually, I think L will be made entirely of lead ore and nightmares.

L- I do not believe THAT to be possible, either.

Light- Nightmares? Well I guess some of them CAN be heavy on an adolescent mind.

Sure it's possible, we build 2cm wide sheets of lead and rivet them together with teen nightmares, forming the shapes of your vital organs and muscles. We'll replace your hair with particularly dark nightmares and for skin we'll just dip you in a lead pool, and it should stick.

L- Should? How come this sounds like construction plans?

Light- You aren't ACTUALLY going to replace/remove our organs, right?

Of course not. The fangirls would kill me. And if L really weighed 4000 pounds he would crush Light if he was on top.

L- On top of what? Light-kun, your red face indicates you know what that means.

Light- …

-end

A/N Like? Hate? Can't read the formatting?

Mello- Review or Mihael will KEEHL you!

Matt- That's my Mellybean.

P.S. I stole both of those puns from wonderful people I can't remember. Sorry ^^' if you happen to read this tell me who you are please and I will praise your existence.

Next one will be Hair Color.