I Shouldn't Feel This Way

by KatRoyal

Cat has a fight with Syd and ends up seeking comfort from a certain Avon.

1. Chapter 1

So this is my attempt at a Cat Royal fanfic... I kinda rushed things but I was trying to hurry and get it up. If everyone likes it I might do another chapter but I dunno...

Anyways tell me what you think...by reviewing. I also cannot think of a good name for my fic so if you have suggestions, throw em out there.

Chapter 1

Well, Reader, I stood in my good friends, the Avon's library, grasping a book in my distress trying to get a hold on my feelings as I waited.

For what? You may ask.

Frank. I was waiting for him to say something, to say anything.

I was seeking comfort from the one person who couldn't give it to me.

Maybe thats why I turned to make my exit and leave Frank alone with my silliness.

I knew Frank couldn't help me, it wouldn't be proper. And I wasn't selfish enough to think I had any right to cause him trouble or any reason he could lose his dukedom.

Most of all I knew I shouldn't be caring for him as I do. If anyone knew how much I cared for him... I didn't want to think about it. He was Londons most eligible young bachelor after all.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

How did I end up here in the Avon's library to begin with, coming to terms with everything? I bet you're wondering.

It started like any other day. I had made it back to London only days before from a most pleasant (sort of) experience of finding my long lost family. (*See Cats Cradle)

I was traipsing rather excitedly down a crowded street throught Covent Garden, calling my usual greetings to the people I had known all my life.

I was fairly dancing with the excitement of my newly found brother, now living in London with me.

And of course, Syd had sent one of his boys round this morning to tell me that there was a surprise waiting for me back of the butchers shop.

So this was how I ended up back of the shop, shoving roughly past boys of every shape and size, trying to see what they were all watching.

They teased me about my height all the time, most days it didn't bother me but today it annoyed me greatly, for I could not see what the surprise was.

"Move!" I ordered them uselessly. I spotted Nick, Syds right hand man in the middle of the fray, I called out to him. "Nick! Make them let me through!"

I heard the deep chuckle of my dearest and oldest friend then Syd said. "Move then lads, make room for the Kitten. Let 'er see 'er brother."

I blinked in surprise at that. My brother? Rabbi? I suppose I shouldn't have been at all shocked to find him here, it always seemed he was sneaking away to join them whenever he could.

Todays excuse, I remembered from this morning had been he was running an errand for the man he now worked for, it had been dreadfully early and I had mumbled for him to be careful before I had buried my head back in my pillow.

The boys parted then, creating a straight path to the back of the small yard. I glimpsed Rabbi standing beside Syd, who had his arm slung around him in a brotherly fashion.

"Whats going on, Syd?" I gazed confused at them both, my eyes darting between them. "Rabbi?" I questioned when I got no response from Syd.

I studied my brother, waiting for his answer. He wouldn't meet my eyes and I felt my temper flare a little. "Will no one tell me whats going on?" I snapped.

Syd rubbed the back of his neck. "Its nothink Cat, we just thought you might like to join us t'night."

"For what, Syd?" I demanded again.

He met my eyes. "Its nothink really just a night out to the ballroom. To 'Ave a little fun."

I quizzically glanced to Rabbi. "Is that the surprise?" I did not mean to sound ungrateful but a night out to the ballrooms wasn't so uncommon as to be considered a great treat.

Rabbi couldn't keep a secretive grin from covering his face. "Ah, we'll tell ye later Cat."

I put my hands on my hips. "You'll tell me now," I teased. "or I'll," I halted, trying to think of a suitable threat. I must be rusty, Reader, from not hanging around with Billy for I could not think of one.

Rabbi grinned again raising his hands to stop me. "Alright we'll tell ye." He casted a 'thats enough' look around to all the Butchers Boys. Hearing laughter I realized they'd been teasing me, seeing what I'd do or say. They had intended to tell me all along.

I made a growling sound at Syd, in warning. He seemed to get my not very subtle hint that I was impatient.

He gripped Rabbi's wrist, his huge hand swallowing my brother's. He raised Rabbi's hand, holding it up for everyone to see. "We wanted to tell you, that Rabbi's now one of us."

I hesitated to speak now. Syd seeing my confusion said. "He's one of me Butchers Boys."

"Rabbi is a Butchers Boy?" I asked in disbelief. Syd nodded looking wary now at my reaction.

Rabbi must have sensed my inner turmoil for he said quietly. "Don't blame Syd, Cat, it was me own choice."

I got a hold on my temper before it left my control completely. "What do you mean, little brother? I'm happy for you." I made an enthusiastic grin come to my face.

And Reader let me tell you that I was happy for my brother. I really was.

But I was angry too.

Angry that my brother and best friend didn't feel they could have told me beforehand that Rabbi even wanted to to be a Butchers Boy. That Syd would let my brother in so quickly without even asking me first. And also that he never would let me into his gang, but let my brother in, almost no questions asked.

But I smiled, shoving my hurt feelings away. I am Cat Royal. I do not feel sorry for myself. I told myself harshly.

I reached out to give my brother a hug, from which he pulled away, his eyes apologetic but muttering something about. 'Not in front of the boys.'

That, Reader, is how it all started. And next you will find out just how it came to pass that I would be in the Avon's library where a certain son of a duke would find me.

~C~A~T~~R~O~Y~A~L~

Syd was watching me closely, Reader. I could feel his deep blue eyes piercing my back willing me turn around and face him.

I didn't.

For a few different reasons. One, I was still angry with him about Rabbi and two, I was afraid I might say something I would regret saying later on and I didn't wish to ruin Rabbi's night.

I had watched my brothers shy movements all night. Refusing every offer I got to dance and instead settling into a semi-quiet corner of the ballrooms. Rabbi had been shy at first but as the night wore on he became less and less, the quiet, angry, young boy I'd met in Scotland. He became one of them.

He's happy here. I thought wistfully trying to remember the last time I'd felt that at home among my own people. I blinked at unexpected tears, Rabbi had been the only one I'd agreed to dance with, even Syds offer had been turned down, especially Syds. I thought angrily.

I'd cooly turned away from his soft blue eyes knowing I would feel terrible seeing the hurt look in them.

I gave a great sigh, sipping the drink that had appeared in front of me some time ago. I thought about everything that had happened this last month.

Everything had turned out splendidly. I had Rabbi, I was back where I really belonged (or where I think I belong) Among the people who cared the most about me.

Except they didn't care enough to tell me about any of this. Went my traitorous thoughts.

Amidst my inner battle my thoughts turned to a completely different subject. To a certain Avon.

To Frank. I wondered what he was doing right now. Had he returned home on holiday for Easter yet? More than likely he was causing trouble at college.

I couldn't help a grin at a picture in my mind of the now nearing twenty years old Frank Avon, sneaking out of class on some wild dare, behind the schoolmasters backs to steal the headmasters wig.

Charlie would be by his side, unless he'd been the one to issue the dare, I knew.

I could see them both, breathless from running. Franks dark hair curling at the edges, damp with perspiration where they'd been running. Charlie looking similar.

This coaxed a real smile to my lips and I nearly laughed at the ridiculous picture. Or I did until someone cleared their throat behind me.

Startled I jumped, my hand narrowly missing an opportunity to knock my mug over.

Syd walked in front of me saying. "Sorry Kitten." As he pulled out the empty chair across from me. It screeched in protest of his bulk.

I didn't look at him, instead my eyes searched for Rabbi again on the dance floor.

"Kitten?" Syd murmured. "Whats wrong?"

"Nothing much Syd." I grimaced at the weak lie, knowing he wouldn't believe me for a second.

"You're angry at me." It was a statement.

I sucked on my bottom lip. What was the use? I might as well just tell him the truth. But was it so unobvious why I was mad at him?

"You shouldn't be mad at yer brother." Syd told me, his words sounding more like a command than anything else.

I gritted my teeth at his tone. He was talking to me like I was a child. "I'm not mad at Rabbi, Syd." I started and realizing that wasn't entirely true, I added. "At least not much."

Syd studied me silently, letting my words sink in. "Then its me." Once again, there was no question in his voice.

I met his eyes for the first time since he'd sat down. "I guess I just feel amazed that one of my best friends didn't feel he could, or even should, let me know that my only brother wanted to join his gang." I kept my voice even.

Syd wasn't having it though. "Would ye 'ave allowed it if I 'ad?"

"Does it matter? The deeds been done now!" I snapped angrily. My temper was out of control now.

Syds always calm voice never lost its control as he said evenly."Thats not fair and ye know it."

I hissed. "How is it not fair? How is it not fair for me to care whats happening with my brother?"

Syds blue eyes were stormy. "Ye cuddle 'im to much and sure as you're Cat Royal you would 'ave talked 'im out of it." He slapped a large hand to the table between us.

"Did it never occur to you that if you'd told me I might've been mad at first but in the end I just would have done what I thought best for Rabbi?" I leaned over the table in my fury.

We were drawing attention now from several people in the ballroom and I didn't care.

Syd made a calming gesture with his hand. "Cat, sit back down." He ordered gently.

"No, Syd, I want to hear your answer. Was it really so hard to tell me?" I defied him, refusing to sit.

Syds blue eyes were frosty as he said. "If me and me boys are not good enough for ye why don't ye go back to yer blue blooded friends."

Looking into the face of my friend, I thought Billy's face would have looked friendlier at that moment.

"Now, who's not being fair?" My voice sounded hoarse.

I stood to leave, feeling like a stranger here for the first time in my life.

"Kitten," Syds voice made me stop. "Where are ye goin'?"

I didn't let the tears blur my vision at his earlier words. I refused to cry. I, Cat Royal, do not cry. Still my voice shook when I said. "Tell Rabbi to have a good time, I'll see him tomorrow.

"Cat-" Syd started.

"No Syd." I laughed sourly. "I'll just-" I waved my hand vaguely in the direction of the door. "go somewhere else, so I won't bother you anymore."

Syd didn't argue with me, just said adressing my earlier question. "It doesn't have to be fair if its true, Kitten."

Maybe that was what stung my pride the most, but no, he wasn't quite through dealing his verbal blows at me. He may be a boxer but he has no trouble with dealing out punches with his words. "Ye'll accept it Kitten, you've no choice. Yer brother has his life and you can't control him."

That was an even harsher blow than before and he full well knew it. Was it so hard to believe that I didn't want Rabbi to get hurt? That I wanted him near me, so I wouldn't lose him.I had just found him for Heaven's sake! I wanted to keep him safe even while I knew it couldn't last forever.

And what hurt just as much?

My oldest friend did nothing to stop my dash out into the rainy streets of London.

~C~A~T~~R~O~Y~A~L~

Rain coursed down my face, soaking my small body within moments. The cold of it shocked my tears away for that moment.

I ran down the street. Feet spashing through the muddy streets not stopping for anything.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, I shuddered despite myself.

I came to an abrupt stop as I came to what used to be the Theater Royal. I crossed my arms over my chest.

Where should I go? Where could I go?

The theater had been my home for so long and when it had been destroyed I had been traveling all over the place. Now, back in London, I was staying with the Fletchers, Syds family.

He had probably been expecting me to return there, but there was no way I was going back there, not tonight anyway.

I walked on, continuing my directionless wandering through the rainy streets of London I knew like the back of my hand.

I don't even know how long I walked like that but the rain came with a vengeance, matching my mood completely, and eventually settling into a steamy drizzle.

I was getting cold now, and stopped momentarily to rest against a stone wall I'd happened on.

I slid down to the ground, leaning my head back to let the drizzling rain trace patterns down my cold cheeks.

"Where?" I whispered into the rain not really looking for an answer.

I heard a horses whinny cut throught the silent night air, excepting the rain, of course. I made my cold body move out of the way as a carriage came rumbling down the cobblestone street betraying the fact that I'd wandered into the richer part of London.

Sighing loudly because no one was around to hear me, and I grasped the stone wall behind me, pulling myself up to the top so I could see just who's house I'd made it to.

Another few carriages came along about then, closely following the first.

The mansion wasn't hard to see as it was lit up with light and laughter. Shining with exuberant joy. "Must be a party." I muttered through the rain.

I looked up to the mansion itself for the first time. I jerked almost falling from my precarious perch in realization. I hadn't meant to walk this far.

To the Avon's mansion.

I heard Syds word almost immediatly in my ears, and shaking my head to free them of his harsh words, I jumped from the wall landing heavily on a slick patch of ground, falling into the muddy ground.

Cursing this horrible night I stood to make my way to the Avon's back door.

Maybe they wouldn't mind this street urchin intruding long enough to warm by their fire.

I took a shaky breath at the door before raising my hand to knock. I hesitated and instead reached for the brass knob, everyone was probably busy with the party. I could just sneak in, get warm and be gone. You see, no harm, no foul, Reader.

My hand turned the knob slowly, cracking the door so I could peek in without alerting anyone of my presence.

The kitchen was bustling with servants and the cook was bellowing orders like usual. I took another breath and when there seemed to be a lull in the maids coming through, I darted in cutting through the edge of the kitchen, and then bounding hurriedly out into the hall which, to the right, led to the servants quarters or to the left headed upstairs to the Avons second floor.

I was creeping down the hallway headed to the stair leading upward when I heard a door creak open farther down the hall and I wasted no time diving for the nearest door, thankfully of which was a closet.

My breathing was rapid as the footsteps passed in front of the closet and didn't stop.

I sighed heavily with relief, I did not even want to think what would be said if someone found me sneaking around, but I did not want to bother the Avon's.

I was beginning to think this was a bad idea.

I slid quietly out of the closet, scurrying as silently as I could upstairs, racing to the one room I knew would be completely empty tonight.

The Library, Reader. I was completely certain would be unoccupied.

I grimaced at my grimy hand, stopping to wipe it clean before I touched the doorknob and for the first time getting a full look at my appearance. My back was covered in mud and I was soaked, obviously.

I won't sit on anything. I thought wearily.

I crept into the room, eyes instinctually going to the many shelves that held hundreds, maybe thousands of books. It was comforting. I breathed in the calming scent of old books and ink.

The fire blazed with a life of its own, as it always did, even when no one was in here.

I stood before it, letting it thaw me out while I looked around even when I knew every corner of this room inside out.

Frank, Lizzie, and I had always come here when we were bored, whether to play games or read out loud, acting the characters in the book out overdramatically.

My thoughts came, unwanted, back to the reason I stood here tonight and tears gathered in my eyes for the dozenth time that night and for the dozenth time I forced them back.

Gradually a half hour passed and I grew tired of standing, I was plenty warm besides, and deciding that I was as dry as possible, I left the room the way I'd come with every intention of leaving, Reader.

I swear.

But laughter from the first floor stopped me before I had even made it to the staircase. I licked my lips hungrily as different scents assaulted my nose from below.

They mocked my empty stomach. I had not taken the privelige of eating anything at the ballrooms earlier and I was regretting my decision now.

The people's laughter taunted me as well. They were all having such fun, I almost wished I was dancing among them.

Syds words, once again, killed that dream before it hardly started.

I will leave, I told myself, But I want- I had to see something before I did.

I had to see Frank, if only from a distance. I had a sudden desire to see his cocky, self-assured, mischievous grin, to see him run an exasperated hand through his unruly dark locks.

Just to see him. Even when I knew I couldn't- that I wouldn't drag him away from the ball.

My desire made me foolish, Reader.

So foolish that I actually made it to the balcony overlooking the whole affair. So foolish that I dared to stand and look down on half of the rich part of London.

Foolish enough to stay long enough to find the heir to a dukedom. Long enough that his dark, unreadable eyes turned my way, looking up at me when he spotted movement from above.

Even from here I saw his eyes widen in surprise. I leaned back hoping that I'd imagined it. I glanced cautiously down once more, Frank was now turned talking to a most beautiful young lady, who fluttered a fan she held, flirtatiously.

I truly must have imagined it Reader. I felt dissapointed.

Shaking my head at my own silliness, but I couldn't seem to make myself look away as Frank elegantly bowed over the girls hand, sweetly bringing his lips to it.

It seemed to last for an eternity but I knew it had only been precious moments and that surely my stomach was swirling from hunger and not jealousy.

I do not get jealous. Cat Royal is not the jealous type.

What was wrong with me tonight? Get a hold of yourself, Cat! I sternly ordered myself.

I backed away from the railing heading slowly back the way I'd come.

I hadn't even gotten passed the library when I heard heavy footsteps for the second time that night, coming my way. And they were coming fast.

I broke into a run bounding to the library's door, lest I get caught in the hallway. I shoved the door behind me crossing to dive behind a curtained window.

My breathing sped up as the door creaked open. I cringed back against the cool window.

Boots pounded lightly across the carpeted floor of the library.

I held my breath, pleading silently. Please leave. Please don't find me.

The voice I both longed and dreaded to hear spoke teasingly. "I know you're in here Cat." Franks voice made butterflies dance in my stomach.

I still didn't move. He marched indifferently to where I hid, stopping just in front of my hiding place.

"Come on Cat, I see your feet." And then he teasingly called. "Here, Kitty, Kitty. Here Kitty Cat."

Knowing the game was up, I shoved the drapery away, stepping up to face him, expecting him to be angry.

He reached to grasp my hand in his, pulling me into the firelight.

His impenatrable gaze looked over me and I saw...fear? on his face. "Is something wrong Cat?" I heard the fear in his voice, realizing I'd scared him I said quickly.

"No, nothings wrong Frank." He layed a hand on my shoulder using his free one to tip my chin up so he could look into my eyes.

"You're lying to me Cat Royal." He whispered softly, and I heard a hint of disapointment in his tone. I wondered why. My heartbeat raced as he pulled me nearer to him. "Tell me the truth. Why are you here like this?"

I searched his eyes for anger at finding me in his library in such a crazy way.

I saw none. Just a look I couldn't decipher. A look that made me open my mouth and say.

"Its Syd."

Another worried expression crossed his chiseled features. "Is he okay?"

"No, it not like that," I said hesitating a bit before admitting. "We got into a fight."

Concern creased his brow and I could read the questions in his eyes, but he didn't ask one of them, just took my hand gently and led me to the library door, heading out.

I was to weary and to stunned at his holding my hand to to complain as he led me to the room that used to be Lizzie's.

He opened the door pulling me in after him. He motioned for me to sit on the dainty stool that sat before Lizzie's vanity. "Sit down and I'll go have someone draw you a bath and get you some supper. Heaven knows there's enough food down there to feed half of London, and," He quipped. "There not the half that need it."

"I'm filthy Frank." I said helplessly holding my hands out in front of my dress.

"Nonsense Cat," He waved my weak protest away. "I hardly think Lizzie would dissaprove." He pushed towards it, eyeing me until I sat. "There now, that wasn't so bad. Stay put, I'll be back in just a moment." He ordered me gently.

I did as he said, to tired to care. And still trying to keep a hold of, not only the emotions of earlier this evening, but the one's that had surfaced after seeing the young Avon again.

A maid appeared shortly after Frank had left, turning her nose up at the dirty street child in front of her until Frank stepped from behind her.

"Give my guest Cat anything she needs." He ordered, the Earl in him commanding his tone. "And Cat? "He directed, this at me. "I'll talk to you, if you're not too tired, at your," He winked, making my stomach flip. "Hiding place.

I knew he said it strictly because the maid was listening to every word and he didn't want her to run gossiping about this to anyone.

Even if there really wasn't anything to gossip about.

I nodded in agreement of his words. Wanting to see him and talk to him. To tell him the truth. I saw the look I couldn't figure out in his eyes again as he left.

~C~A~T~~R~O~Y~A~L~

The maid wasted no time on me, hurrying my bath along and leaving only to return shortly with a pile of dresses. All of which, but two, were to large.

The first a yellow frilly thing that Lizzie had loved. It was her coming out dress and I was surprised she had even left it here.

And the second a crimson red concoction that nearly matched my hair. It was the simpler of the two and I slipped into it, with hardly any effort.

The maid brushed my hair out slowly until I grew impatient and reached to take the brush from her hands. "I'll be fine from here." She nodded, leaving quickly and with her gone I spared little time to finish my hair and was out the door, heading to the library in minutes.

My fast walk slowed as I got closer to the library, feeling nervous again all of a sudden. I pushed the door open. Stepping through silently.

I saw his back first. He was slightly bent over pileing a plate with food. "That hungry?" I teased him, feeling the butterflies swish in my stomach again.

He turned slowly to face me, bowing to me as elegantly as he had the young lady downstairs, offering me the plate of food, instead of a sweet kiss on the hand.

Smilingly, though, I took it, trying not to drop the plate when his fingers brushed mine. Knowing I had to be imagining the tingly feeling on my fingers.

"I see Nan got you situated." His eyes sparkled with mischief as he looked at dress.

"She was very helpful." I admitted.

He waved his hand at that. "Enough of her, will you not tell me what happened with you?"

I made the mistake of turning, looking into his eyes. They were a reflection of the night sky in darkness. They were...captivating.

My heart skipped, beating harshly in my chest, I was sure he could hear it.

The thing that disconcerted me was that he was looking back at me, waiting for me to speak. He never said a word but his eyes prodded me gently.

His hand, which I hadn't known moved from his side, brushed my cheek. His thumb tracing the line of my jaw, he leaned forward ever so slightly his hand coming to rest warmly on my neck. His breath tickling my cheek..."Tell-"

"Frank! Where are you?" A voice boomed from the hallway, making me slam backwards in distress.

My already racing heart felt like it had completely stopped.

Frank stood. "Can they not leave me for one moment?" He growled, crossing the room in a few strides calling back to me. "I'll only be a moment." And he winked at me again.

When he moved out of the door I flopped back against the couch pressing my hand to my heart in an attempt to keep it in place.

My frenzied thoughts went something like this, Reader.

Calm down Cat! What is wrong with you? He was not going to kiss you! But you were fixing to kiss him. That last one stopped me. Had I been? Would I have?

I closed my eyes feeling the sensation of his warm hand on my face, seeing his mischievous eyes so serious tonight. I forced my lungs to exhale and take a deep breath.

He wasn't about to kiss me. Was he Reader? I was uncertain.

I heard the murmur of voices in the hall and then of retreating steps.

Frank reappeared in the doorway looking annoyed.

I felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry, Frank I didn't mean to keep you from your guests." I said meaning it fully.

He grimaced running a hand through his hair. "Don't ever think you're not more important or more exciting than them, Cat. Its just not true."

"I don't want to trouble you or get you in trouble."

Frank crossed the room in seconds and dropped to one knee in front of me, picking my hands up. "How could you think you would ever be a bother to me? Or that I'd give a jot if I got in trouble?"

His voice steady and reassuring was doing the very opposite of its intentions, making me nervous again.

He sat beside me, keeping hold of one hand. "Now where were we?" His hand tightened gently on mine and he met my eyes for a brief second.

A brief second that I thought referred to, and from the teasing look in his eyes, meant when- if he'd been about to kiss me. Until after a lingering moment said. "Tell me what happened with you."

Looking into his eyes I felt frozen, I couldn't make my words form the syllables.

"Come, Cat." He offered me a cup of tea. "Drink up, say something." he ordered and I tore my eyes away to take the cup from him, bringing the liquid to my lips. It was steaming, its warmth making me relax a little, settling back I made myself speak.

"Syd had a surprise for me today," I started and found that I felt better as I said it. Each sentence after coming easier than the last until I came to where Syd had asked why I didn't go to my blue blooded family. His insinuation that I thought myself better than them.

His words had been harsh but it still felt a little like betrayal to tell them to Frank.

Frank nudged me. "What did he say then?" He looked angry on my behalf.

Still I hesitated.

Franks whisper pulled me out of my indecision. "You know I won't think any less of you for telling me what he said, don't you?"

I nodded because I did know and I hurriedly shoved the rest of my story out quickly, trying to equal out some of the blame because it had been partly my fault too.

And once again tears welled in my eyes as I said Syds words aloud. I blinked so Frank wouldn't see, pulling away, standing and walking to a far bookshelf.

I reached for a book, for a distraction. I clutched one trying to get my self control back, but I was playing a losing game.

What I wanted right then, at that moment, frightened me. I wanted comfort from the one person who couldn't really give it to me.

I was an orphan and he was a duke's son. One of Londons most eligible young bachelors. If he was caught even giving me a friendly hug people would talk and I wasn't about to do that to Frank.

Maybe that was why I turned, having had enough torture that night, to leave the room. I didn't want to show my weakness.

A large tear slid down my cheek just as Franks hand touched my arm. I pulled away from him but he ignored me and wrapped an arm around me pulling me to him, turning me to face him.

I couldn't look him in the eyes so I rested my head against his chest. He didn't stop me just wrapped his other arm around my shoulders. Holding me.

Tears came freely at his comforting gesture and I made to move away from him again, he allowed me to move back, but only enough so that our faces were barely inches apart.

"Syd is wrong about you." His words tickled my ear as his lips brushed it, making their way to my cheek. Brushing lightly against my freckled cheek, tenderly kissing each tear as it fell from my eyes.

I shivered from his touch. "You have to say that because you're my friend." I whispered.

"Do I?" A playful smile danced on his full lips.

"You're my friend aren't you?" I replied looking up at him.

His eyes seemed to darken in the dimly lit room, they were dark and dangerous as he said. "Am I just your friend?"

"I-" I was beginning to think that he was not just a friend to me. That I cared more for him than I originally let on.

He dropped his arms, releasing me and I regretted my hesitation instantly.

"I'm sorry, I did not-" He muttered, his voice hoarse sounding.

I stopped him. "Don't Frank, don't..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

His eyes roved over my face, he reached out to me again tugging on a copper curl of hair. He stepped closer again. "You're beautiful."

I felt taken aback. That was the last thing I'd expected. "I-"

"You are." He interrupted before I could protest. And at that second, as he said it.

I believed him. And I looked into his beautiful eyes.

His hand touched my cheek a split second before his lips met mine.

I gasped in shock, nearly pulling away but his hands held me in place as he kissed me gently. His mouth moving softly against mine and I felt parylyzed.

Helpless to do anything but let him kiss me.

This is wrong... My mind sang out, trying to ruin the moment. But so completely right at the same time.

I felt my legs tremble and I clutched his arm for balance.

How was it that he could make me feel so calm and so confused at the same time?

His eyes, I opened my eyes not even realizing that I had closed them, his eyes seemed so deep, I was rapidly losing myself, or at least my heart.

His kiss felt unbearably short as I gradually returned his embrace, resting my hand on his neck feeling the silken curls that hung there, longer than usual.

He pulled reluctantly away, sucking in an apologetic breath. "I'm-"

"If you apologize to me Frank Avon I do believe I will personally have you pressganged onto the next ship in His Majesty's navy...again."

I felt his chest rumble with laughter as he chuckled in relief. "Does that mean you forgive me?"

I gave into the urge I had to play with his curls, running my fingers through each one, tugging on them gently. "No." I said simply.

"Why?" He grumbled not sounding very annoyed at all.

I studies his expression. "Because I know you Frank, you're not sorry."

He looked guilty. "Maybe not," he admitted. "But I shouldn't have...done that, not after everything tonight."

I gave a little laugh at this. "How is it that I always end up with you when I'm in trouble?"

I thought of when I had disguised as a boy and went to school with him and Charlie.

His offering to dance with me when I was dressed as an indian and had ridden a horse into the ballroom, unannounced.

And more recently a carriage ride that had caused an unfortunate well bred lady to lose her expensive hat.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, revealing a little dimple in his cheek as the mischief returned to his face. "Maybe its me who goes out of the way to make sure Cat Royal doesn't have an adventure without me."

"Are you arguing with me?" I breathed.

"No," He leaned towards me. "Not if aren't arguing with me."

I wasn't able to answer him after that.

His lips kept me from it.

He only pulled away long enough to whisper. "You and Syd will be all right."

And I believed him. We would be okay.

"Just as long as you don't like him as well as you do me." Mischief was alight on his face.

I managed a laugh shoving his shoulder, feeling a lot better now. Syd and I would be okay, and even by some chance we weren't.

I knew I had someone else who would be there for me.

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