"Nice jugs," Crowley commented, glancing at page three of his newspaper, "too bad they were bought."
"Now there's no way of knowing that, dear, the poor woman is probably all natural." Aziraphale tutted. " Now put that down I want your opinion on new curtains, I'm sick of looking at these old rags."
"No angel, take it from me, they're fake." Crowley said, ignoring the latter comment. "Probably bought with sex and drugs... oh to be a plastic surgeon! That'd be the life, eh?"
"Frankly I couldn't think of anything worse," Aziraphale replied in a tone that, to Crowley, was nothing but flippant.
"Sex, drugs, money and handling breasts all day," Crowley sighed, content with the images he was conjuring.
"Yes, but there'd be no good conversation with those sorts of girls I should imagine," Aziraphale said, frostily, snatching the paper from Crowley's hands, folding it neatly and then placing it on the bedside table. Crowley smirked, noticing that the topic was winding the blonde up. He spared a moment for a wicked grin before sighing theatrically and turning back to Aziraphale.
"Who cares what the conversation is like if you've got one of those underneath you giving it the dirty," he smiled.
"Yes, well, you and your newspaper tart enjoy yourself, I'm calling Madame Tracy and we're going out for sushi," Aziraphale grumbled, going into the wardrobe to fetch his coat.
"Jealous much?" Crowley asked, innocently.
"Certainly not!" Aziraphale snapped.
"I think you may be lying to me, angel," Crowley smiled.
"I don't care what you think, I'm going out," Aziraphale huffed, his cheeks flushing but whether from anger or embarrassment Crowley couldn't tell.
"Oh, before you do could you do me a huge favour?" Crowley asked, leaning back in his chair.
"What's that?" Aziraphale asked, shortly, shrugging one arm into the sleeve of his coat.
"Pass me the Yellow Pages?"
"What for?" the angel asked, suspiciously, picking up the phone book from on top of the unit.
"Going to hire a tumble with a bundle," Crowley said, winking at Az and making breast grabbing motions in mid-air with his hands.
"You snake!" Aziraphale cried, whipping around in an absolute fury. Crowley laughed as Aziraphale threw the heavy book at him. The demon stood up and marched over to the blonde, taking his chin in one hand. Aziraphale tried to pull away but Crowley just stared at him, cockily.
"If that's what you'd prefer," he smiled. The next second the demon had disappeared, there was nothing left of him but a pile of clothes. Aziraphale frowned at the bundle of fabrics and after a moments hesitation he bent down and poked at the garments tentatively. He jumped back as a huge, black snake's head shot out at him. The snake slid quickly across the floor until finally it's tail escaped the clothes and Aziraphale could see it in all it's size and glory. It was two metres long at a guess and apart from it's black back it had a bright crimson underbelly that could only be noticed very slightly when it turned. Aziraphale frowned at the creature, irritated after getting over the initial shock.
"Crowley that's not funny," he grumbled.
"You don't like me like thisssss?" the snake asked, beginning to coil it's way up Aziraphale's leg. Aziraphale's breath hitched at the sound of Crowley's new voice; hypnotic, charming, mesmerising, but laced with a dangerous, evil, predatory warning that it's prey heard but could not follow. That voice alone paralysed and trapped it's victims, mocking them for their vulnerability, and at the same time luring them in mercilessly.
"Crowley stop it," Aziraphale said, but his words were hollow and had already lost any fight they may have once held.
"Don't you like how I ssssslip so easily over your sssskin, Asssssziraphale?" Crowley asked.
"But I...." Aziraphale began to say, dazedly, but then stopped as he noticed he was no longer wearing clothes. ".... oh...."
The snake's head brushed his thigh and then slid upwards and over his torso. Aziraphale gasped as a forked tongue flickered over one nipple and sent a shot of pleasure through him.
"Ssssuch a naughty angel... doesssn't it ssssay in the bible sssomewhere that 'thou shalt not lay down with beasstssss?" Crowley asked, slithering further up Aziraphale's body and tickling his ear with his tongue.
"...I'm not..." Aziraphale murmured, his eyes half closed as he enjoyed the sensation of the reptile tasting his flesh.
"Ah no..." the snake breathed, "... but you soon will be."
With that the creature glided over Aziraphale's shoulder and down his back and then slowly, oh so slowly, it passed over his backside, it's silky skin softly brushing against the angel's opening.
"... Aah!..." Aziraphale gasped, his head lolling back and his legs buckling, forcing him to quickly support himself on the side of the bed. Crowley slid around Aziraphale's waist and the angel laid down on the bed, holding the snake against him and stroking down it's length absentmindedly. Crowley shuddered and sighed. "Mmm... yes... that feelss nicccce..." he murmured. The creature pushed it's head against Aziraphale's throat and it's fangs scratched gently against the angel's neck. Aziraphale found that stroking the snake like this was strangely arousing. It's smooth, soft, slippery feel, the way it shuddered at his touch, it almost felt like stroking...
"...Oh!..." Aziraphale moaned as the serpent in his hands suddenly turned and shot down his stomach and it's flickering tongue licked at his arousal. The snake poked and prodded at the stiff member playfully, teasingly, and Aziraphale groaned loudly as he was nudged towards the edge of insanity. The angel bunched the bedsheets up in his hands and his back arched as he thrust himself forward seeking more of this torturous pleasure. But then Crowley stopped and moved upwards to coil around Aziraphale's torso.
"...No!..." the blonde gasped, pleadingly.
"Thisss iss no job for an animal..." the snake hissed. And suddenly Crowley was atop Aziraphale in his human form, straddling him, his yellow serpentine eyes boring into the angel's deep blue pools and a wicked playing on his lips. "This is a job for a demon," he concluded, then bent his head and took Aziraphale into his mouth. The angel cried out loudly, his eyes tightly shut, his muscles tense, his fists clenched, his spine bent backwards and his body quivering, lost in the throes of ecstasy.