A/N: IvyAdrena wanted Kisame to be inspecting the melons. Tada!
Sent off to Fallacy and IvyAdrena. You guys are betalicious. B! to the E! to the t-a-l-i-c-i-o-u-s!
Oh, you know you like it.
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"Someone will find out."
"Don't worry about it. You always say that and then nothing ever happens. It'll be fine. Like always."
"Well—Kisame, I just don't want to think about what could happen if someone did find out about this."
"So no one is going to find out. You'll see."
"But—oh, crap. Oh, crap, that hurt."
"Yes, one of the disadvantages of these lovely abodes is the constant drip of suspiciously murky water from above. Just blink it out."
Sakura sat up on the pallet and rubbed her eyes, knowing it would only make things worse. Well, she thought, this whole situation is kind of kinky, so I don't see how me rubbing my eyes is going to make any significant changes around here despite my eyes being slightly less attractive than before.
It had been two years ago to the day since they met in that nameless little grocery store in some nameless trading port in the melon section. Sakura had squeezed, poked, weighed, and otherwise scrutinized every single melon on the melon stand before choosing one: the best one. The perfect melon. Kisame had abandoned his melon fondling from the other side to come over and seal his inevitable fate by asking her to hand him her second choice.
There was a pub there in that little outpost, and the sake was excellent, and things had happened, and they'd found a little abandoned shack out back, and they'd just let themselves go. The next morning hadn't been as awkward as Sakura had expected, thankfully (or not so thankfully), and future arrangements had actually been made. Sakura wondered if the effects of alcohol on the brain had decided to linger through the morning for both of them, but decided later on that she didn't really care, even when Naruto had asked her where the hell she'd been.
They met up by coincidence sooner than expected and had retreated to the privacy of yet another abandoned shack nearby. (Those things were just everywhere.) Only this one actually had something on the floor, so it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was very good.
And for some reason, every time they met up, there was always an abandoned shack nearby. Kisame and Sakura both secretly thought the other had this all planned out, but the truth was it was all a series of bizarre coincidences. They hoped.
This shack was a lot like the others. The floor was cracked concrete, the walls were drafty plank wood, and the cot was creaky. It wasn't much, but after you really got into what you were doing, things like surroundings didn't matter much anymore.
"What's wrong now?"
Sakura snapped to attention. "What?"
"You were spacing out again."
"Oh, just thinking."
"About the beautiful interior decorating?"
Sakura laughed. "No, Kisame. And just for the record I hate this carpet." She rolled over carefully and stared at the ceiling. "I was thinking about us."
Kisame rolled his eyes. "That's what I was afraid of. Kindly leave me out of it."
Sakura wrinkled her nose in agitation. A cold wind blew from the north, making her shiver. The shack had been hastily made with freshly cut wood, leaving numerous holes in the structure to form once the planks had dried out. The heat of passion could only do so much against the bite and sting of the winter gales.
Feeling her shiver again, Kisame groped under the cot blindly for several moments, his hand returning and clutching a tattered, moth-eaten blanket. Twisting his other arm out from under Sakura, he deftly shook the blanket before throwing it over them both.
"Thanks. It's so cold."
"We didn't want to come here. We had to."
"Where is Itachi, anyway?"
Kisame hesitated. Sakura noticed. She propped herself up on her arms on Kisame's chest and glowered down at his nervous countenance.
"What? Tell me!"
An indignant huff. "He and Sasuke met up somewhere. It looks like they're going to make it the last of their little encounters."
"Oh."
Kisame hummed.
"Kisame."
"What?"
"Do you want to go over there in a little bit?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I just…need some kind of closure for this thing. You understand."
"If you say so."
A heavy sigh left Sakura's mouth and she closed her eyes, fully intending to go to sleep. Suddenly she snapped her mouth shut.
"Did you hear that?"
Kisame closed his eyes. "It was nothing."
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The resonating sounds of water dripping from stalactites echoed in the cave, the only noise passing by the two dark-haired men facing off in the cave's center. Today was the day of reckoning. Today would end it all. Years of enduring painful memories and the knowledge that he was out there alive would all be reasoned out soon. For now, there was only the silence of the cave.
One of the forms spoke to the other.
"So you have finally gained hatred. We will see if you have gained enough."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he reached for his katana. "And after today, there will be no need for it any longer."
Blank as ever, Itachi blinked, the black strokes in each Sharingan eye quickly switching to the more deadly Mangekyou form. "I must ask, though," the elder Uchiha murmured softly, "what it was that finally forced you to end your foolish concepts of revenge and face me on equal grounds here today."
Sasuke clenched his teeth. "Don't act like you don't know. I am not to be patronized like a child any longer. You twisted the mind of one of my former acquaintances to do your will. She's been meeting up with your partner for two years now, likely exchanging information. And from the length of time they spend together, they're doing other things as well."
A muffled thud in the distance sounded, and the drips suddenly stopped.
"…What?"
Sasuke blinked.
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Damn, Naruto thought sullenly. I was so close to getting information out of that bastard and he disappears on me. This sucks. Really bad.
He tramped through the forest, Kakashi's dog far behind him, not caring who heard him. Damn, damn, damn. And now I don't know where anyone is.
He glanced up at the sky, trying to gage how much time he'd spent out here looking for…well, something. I should probably try to get back to the group. There's no point looking for Itachi now, really. I hope Sakura's oka—wait, what was that?
He thought he might have imagined it but he still had to stand still for a long while before he could dismiss it.
Voices? Out here?
A muffled gasp and a sudden silence made Naruto narrow his eyes and glare to his left. Now he was positive someone was out there. Hiding? Definitely.
Dropping into a defensive posture, he slowly edged his way toward the unknown voices beyond the groves of trees.
Whoever the hell they are, they caught me on the wrong day.
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As Ayame trudged through the mud, knee-high grass, and genetically altered staple agriculture, she gave thanks to God—for neither the first nor last time—that she was not a shinobi. They had to put up with this crap practically every day. Goodness!
Wheezing and gasping for breath, the unfortunate and temporary ramen delivery girl struggled to keep up with the sand jounin who was breezing along ahead of her like he did this practically every day. As she resituated the covered ramen dishes for the twenty-seventh time, she vainly tried to start a conversation. Anything to distract her from the seven mosquito bites on her left thigh alone.
"So, uh, do you…like your job?"
He paused to allow her to catch up and considered her question. "Well, it's a lot better than yours is, by the looks of it."
Ayame snorted. "I don't do this every day, little boy. What did you say your name was again? Koorio?"
"Kankuro. And actually, I don't do this every day."
"What, help ramen servicemen who would otherwise be hopelessly lost in the woods? Thank you kindly."
"No. I don't normally do missions for other villages."
"Why not?"
"Oh, politics and stuff. I was requested to help out with some international relations things between Sand and Fire, so I was in Konoha, and this mission was offered to me. It seemed pretty easy and monotonous, so I took it. Quick cash."
"You didn't pick this mission so you could bask in my presence?"
Kankuro mumbled something under his breath.
"What was that, Kankuro? I didn't hear you."
"Look, let's just get this done. I'm not really supposed to do a lot of talking to you anyway."
Ayame readjusted her package for the twenty-eighth time and scoffed. "You'd certainly forgotten about that earlier. You were just chattering away. But thank you for doing this. I mean, you had a choice and everything."
Kankuro stopped again and squinted up into the barely visible clouds. They hadn't been traveling for too long, but for crying out loud, it was ramen, and this insane customer was obviously out of their minds totally and completely.
"It's fine. I mean, what could happen?"
Ayame's eyes widened and she froze, oblivious to the contents of the bowels being sloshed onto the forest floor. "Wait! Do you hear that?"
Kankuro cursed under his breath and sent out an invisible signal. They were in the close proximity of dangerous, elite shinobi by what his chakra scouts could identify by several, quick sweeps of the surrounding area.
So much for a C-Mission... Was I cursed at birth? "Stick close. I may be in for a fight."
Ayame whimpered and clutched the warm dinners to her chest. Dammit. I knew this was a stupid idea!
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Akamaru considered himself to be a somewhat reasonable nin dog. In fact, he thought he was probably the most reasonable nin dog in Konoha. For the first time in a long time, though, he had no idea what the hell to do next, reason be damned or not damned.
Just minutes ago he had been alongside Kiba, searching for Sasuke's trail as ordered, but a sudden urge to take care of some private business led to his momentary recession.
And then there it was. Sakura's scent. Nothing out of the ordinary, ignoring the fact that she was accompanied by a dangerous criminal—Akatsuki, formerly Mist, it smelled like—with no hints of blood or any other signs of a struggle. What was at work here?
His duty to his pack was to find Sasuke. Would they appreciate this outside information? Perhaps an arrangement had been made with this strange man alongside Sakura. Maybe negotiations were underway. Perchance the man had tips on where to find Sasuke and Sakura had been chosen to cart some high quality bribes his way.
But then, why could he also smell…?
Surely Konoha wouldn't lower the value of their shinobi, especially the kunoichi, to a point where they forced them to sell their bodies for agreement purposes without even the consent of the messenger. Akamaru wasn't close to Sakura, but he knew her to be a very resilient and proud young woman, the apprentice of the Fifth! A student of Tsunade would never agree to such an act, of that he was sure. Once again he reasoned no force was involved. Maybe they were lovers.
It sure was an inappropriate time to be mating, though. Akamaru began trotting brusquely toward the enigmatic smells. Just a quick look, and then he'd be back on the chase. As well as finding Sasuke's scent, Akamaru also felt he had a duty to protect his pack, and he needed to make sure that this strange meeting would not interfere with their safety and the mission at hand.
He could hold it for now.
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Sakura rolled off of Kisame's chest, panting hard.
"Ugh," she moaned unceremoniously, "no more. No more. I can't handle any more. Not even one more time."
"Oh, come on. One more time. Eight's an even number. I've still got more in me."
"That is not funny, Mister Smartass. You practically gave me bruising. Ouch. Why do you have to be so damn rough?"
Kisame chortled. "You know you like it."
"Yes, I know. Now remove your hand. I said I'm too tired."
"You said that after the first six times."
Dodging Kisame's persistent hands, Sakura rolled one more time, right off the cot and onto the concrete where she lay in an ungraceful heap. To her chagrin, more Kisame chuckling filled the wood-and-concrete dwelling and resounded off the walls.
Sakura pursed her lips, two seconds away from punching him in a very sensitive place. Then something crossed her mind.
"Kisame, why the hell do we always come to a shack?"
Kisame abruptly fell silent. "I thought this was your idea."
Sakura returned to the cot beside Kisame once more, staring at the roof above. "Do…do you think this shack thing is a coincidence? All the time?"
Kisame didn't answer, just laid there staring into space with a stony look on his face. Sakura gently laid a hand on his arm and twisted around to look him in the face.
"Kisame? What's wrong?"
Finally he seemed to relax. "There are many shacks like this everywhere. It's…fine."
Neither of them felt like commenting on the carvings they saw now on the ceiling above them.
Kurenai and Asuma Forever!
"Should we…be getting back now, Kisame?"
"Probably. Any longer and we could—"
Both shinobi stiffened this time. Sakura clenched her teeth in anxiety.
"Okay, I know there's something out there now," she whispered, nervous.
Kisame nodded silently and motioned to Sakura, who got the hint and began to pull her clothes back on as he handed them to her. Quickly pulling his own clothes on, Kisame grabbed Sakura by the hand and hurried them both out of the shack, snagging Samehada on the way out.
Releasing her hand after landing on a high branch nearby, Sakura and Kisame waited impatiently for whatever shithead that had the audacity to interrupt the almost eighth time around.
Snapping branched and assorted swear words alerted them of the intruder's approach. Kisame gripped the handle of Samehada while Sakura twirled a kunai in each hand. This bitch was going down.
Sakura almost couldn't conceal an exaggerated gasp, however, as an obnoxious orange jumpsuit crashed into the clearing. Wide-eyed, she turned to share a shocked glance with Kisame.
Naruto? What's he doing here? Why isn't he doing the mission? Completely overlooking what I'm occupying my time with, here. Sakura felt slightly sick. Had Naruto figured them out? What would he do? Or…maybe it was morning sickness. Oh, hell no.
Naruto stilled. He knew he was close. Sakura turned to Kisame to signal to him that she was going to leave, but all of a sudden, he just…wasn't there. Eyes darting frantically, she scanned the forest for his form, not wanting to be alone if she was caught, even though that would, in fact, be a much better situation. Oh, just abandon me, why don't you…
"Sakura?"
Sakura's heart skipped a beat. Nononononononono—Naruto, no! You're supposed to look around, not find anything, than zoom away! Don't look down, Sakura! Don't look down!
"Well, are you going to come down, or just stand there like an idiot?"
Wait…Kisame?
Sakura looked down. Well, there were Naruto and Kisame. And…Akamaru? Naruto smiled. Kisame smirked. Akamaru barked. What the hell? Why was everything so…normal?
"Hey, Sakura," Naruto yelled, "are you going to come down like blue guy said, or what?"
Wide-eyed, Sakura inched over to the trunk of the tree and slowly slid down. At the base of the tree, Sakura stood and stared. Akamaru whined. A breeze blew languidly through the forest, bringing with it strange noises from the direction of the evacuated shack. It was Kisame who broke the awkward silence, as usual.
"Come on, already. You're making us look bad."
Sakura glared. "Oh, I'm making you look bad? How do you think I feel right now? This is just fucking crazy right now, and you two are standing there like nothing is wrong, and you're not trying to kill each other, and—and—why is Akamaru here?"
Akamaru barked.
Both men glanced over at the dog. "Oh," Naruto remarked nonchalantly, "he just showed up for some reason. Maybe he knew you guys were here or something. I don't know."
Akamaru barked.
"So…" Sakura tried meekly, "are you guys…okay with this?"
Naruto and Kisame laughed. "Yeah," Naruto replied with a grin, "I've been in on this from day one. Me and the big guy here worked things out. I hope you like the shacks I made for you. Did you ever wonder why they were always so conveniently placed? But it looks like other people have been finding them recently. So they're not all to yourselves anymore."
Kisame snorted at Sakura's dumbstruck expression. "Then—then—you're really okay with this?"
"Well, duh. Otherwise I would've gutted and fried the bastard."
"Whatever. You took one look at the sword and told me to take good care of her and 'is there anything else I can arrange.'"
"I was having a bad day! And besides, it could be worse. It could've been Itachi."
Everyone shuddered. Akamaru went into the bushes. He just couldn't hold it anymore. A dog had his limits.
"Well," Sakura sighed, "Kisame and I are going back to the shack now. We're going for eight in a row. You keep looking for Sasuke."
"Too much information. Besides, the shack is occupied by other people now."
Sakura and Kisame blinked. "Who?" Kisame ventured.
Naruto raised an eyebrow in Kisame's direction, then Sakura's. "You'll never believe it."
"Try us."
"Kankuro and Ayame."
"…What?"
"Tell me about it. I didn't ask any questions. Besides, there's a town not far from here, and the hotel beds are very soft. Allow me to escort you there. Oh, and the ramen is bitchin'."
Sakura broke. "Okay, Naruto," she giggled, "lead the way."
Grabbing Kisame's arm, she began tugging him in Naruto's direction. The in-depth questions could wait 'til later.
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Back in the cave, Sasuke and Itachi worked out their differences following the emotionally tragic abandonment of respective acquaintances. They moved to the north, where they opened a large, private brothel and resurrected the Uchiha Clan in less than a year. Their prostitution benefits are enormous.