A/N: This is my first Twilight ff. I do not own anything twilight associated! But if I did, I would be way awesome. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update, but my hope is at least once a week. This entire story's theme song is Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield. When I heard it, this story came to mind. Throughout the story I will put a (*) after the sentence which a line from the song is written. This chapter is short because I just wanted to get it on so…yeah! Enjoy =)
THIRD POV
A 23 year old girl named Bella Swan was standing by apartment her window, overlooking bustling New York City. She had lived in New York since she was adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen. They were wonderful people; they always provided her with everything she could ever need or want. A private school education, a bachelor's degree from the most prestigious college in the city, and siblings and parents who loved her.
Although Bella had a dream life, she always felt hollow. It never seemed to bother her that she was adopted, and she never asked about her biological parents. Bella just didn't want to know anything about them that would make her feel bad about herself.
Day by day she felt more alone and vacant; no matter how much money Bella made or how much love she received from her family, she was never truly happy. Every now and then happiness would flicker in her mind, but she never achieved it, and every time she failed, Bella wept.
The behavior of one who constantly feels this misery boiling beneath the surface would normally be shone, but not for her. She always kept the façade of general glee for her folks and friends because Bella assumed she owed it to them. To make them glad.
So as she pressed her forehead against the glass and watched her breath fog it up, she wondered what to do with her life. In the distance she heard ambulances and the horns of cars beeping during this rush hour.
The sound was beginning to make her sick, so she turned around and stared at the queen bed she slept alone in every night. It was unmade and wrinkled as it usually was.
The sight made her wonder: Is this the bed I chose to make? (*)
The apartment's walls seemed to be closing in on her.(*) There was nothing she could do about that, but she understood she needed to turn her life around…
Or she would never know what it felt like to live.
BELLA'S POV
My hands were shaking as I they were gripping my steering wheel. I was parked outside of my parent's house trying to find the nerve to do what I knew was right for me. There was no way of knowing how they would react, and I hardly wanted them furious with me and I also didn't want them pitying me.
This was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but it was time.
Slowly, I opened my car door and stared at the house as I walked up to the door. The large gated door felt like it signified the message: stay away.
However, I dialed the code on the keypad, and as it buzzed unlocked, I took a deep breath and let myself in.
The corridor seemed deserted but then my brother Jasper popped out of a room down a bit. His blonde hair was parted and combed, and his blue button up was tucked into his khakis. This was unusual for him; he hated dressing like the rich kid he was.
"Hey sis! What're you doing here?" He questioned happily.
I gave him a grin. "Hey Jasper. I'm actually here to speak with mom and dad. I told them I was coming. Where are they?"
Jasper gave me a peck on the cheek and said, "They're in Dad's study. I suppose waiting for you."
So I nodded and headed down the tiled corridor only hearing the clacking of my heels and the beat of my heart. They seemed in sync.
As I opened the door, I apparently had walked in on a kiss between the two of them. All I saw was a head of light blonde hair whip back and look at me.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I thought you were expecting me?"
Esme wiped her lips and said, "Oh we were. I apologize hon. Come. Sit."
The study had books lining every wall and a dark, wood atmosphere. I sat in the maroon leather chair and cleared my throat.
My father smiled. "So you wanted to talk to us about something?"
I nodded, lifted my eyebrows in fear and immediately laid it out on the table. "I was wondering if my biological parents were alive…and if they were, I was hoping that I could meet them."
They looked a bit rattled and then at each other.
"I-I suppose we could have that arranged…when are you proposing?" Carlisle asked with a façade of his own. Calm.
"As soon as possible," I replied.
He nodded and slipped his hands into my mother's. She looked somewhat apprehensive about my preposition. I scarcely blamed her.
Esme gave me a polite, tight smile and when she stood up, she gave a quick look at Carlisle before quickly leaving the room. This was upsetting her much more then I presumed it would.
"Is she going to be okay?" I asked aloud.
My father simply said, "I'm sure she'll be just fine. This is just a bit of a shock to her, as it is to me…and I must tell you something Bella. I can't promise that you're biological parents are alive, and even if they are, I'm not positive they'll agree to it…This was not an open adoption."
Something in his voice told me that I wasn't done feeling my worst. That soon enough it would be increasingly painful; maybe his voice told me that, or maybe I was just telling myself that.
The next few days I went without word from Carlisle and Esme, and I assumed that they either had no idea how to get a hold of my biological parents, or there was bad news about them they believed I couldn't handle.
On that Thursday, I heard my cell phone ring as I sat at my gray cubicle at work. When I finished typing my sentence, I glanced at the phone to see a new voicemail from the home telephone number.
As much as I wanted to listen to it, I knew that I had a deadline to meet, so I bit my lip and continued to type until it was completed. It took me almost two hours, and I was absolutely ready to hand it in and clock out.
While on my way back from my boss's office I dialed my voicemail and went through the voice automated system to finally hear word from my parents.
It was Carlisle speaking.
"Hello Bella, its Carlisle. I'd like to set up a time for us to have a family dinner so we can discuss your personal affairs. Please call me back when you're available. We love you Bella."
And then it was over. He said a whole lot of nothing about what he learned about my adoption. I was just left hanging.
So I decided to call right away.
It rang a few times before my mother answered.
"Hello, Cullen residence."
I said, "Hey Esme, its Bella. Could I speak to Carlisle?"
She was silent for a moment before responding. "If it's about arranging dinner, he'll only pass the phone to me darling. You know that I'm the one who sets all of that up. So when would you like to come over?"
I could hear a sense of annoyance in her voice, and I supposed she was angry with not me, but the predicament that my emptiness brought her.
"Well," I thought, "what are you doing tonight?"
Esme sighed a little sadly. "Nothing. So you'd like for tonight then? Also, I was beginning to wonder, do you want your brothers there, or would you like to keep this a private matter?"
"I think they should be there…might as well not keep anything from them. It's probably best that they come along…but could you and Carlisle hold off on telling them? I'd…I'd like to be the one who does that. If you don't mind…" I trailed, letting my lips shut.
"Of course honey. Anything you want." The sincerity in her voice let me know that she was only briefly bitter, which made me much happier.
When I arrived, my brothers Emmett and Jasper were standing at the door, just awaiting my company. They must have heard that there was something I wanted to tell them.
"Hey Emmett, Jazz." I nodded to each of them and gave them big hugs. They each pecked the top of my head before we entered the dining room.
The room was dressed beautifully with white candles and flower assortments on the tables and counters. I almost thought that this was supposed to be an intimate dinner for Esme and Carlisle.
I greeted the two of them before sitting in my chair. Emmett was beside me, Carlisle at the head of the table and Esme and Jasper were sitting next to each other on the other side. The dining table was incredibly large, and could seat about 18 people so there was a lot of extra room.
We said grace, our house maid Victoria served us, and I started the conversation before I let myself or anyone else take their first bite. I just couldn't risk getting sick while building the courage to tell them. It was difficult for me.
I had no idea how my brothers would react. They might be enraged. Who knew at this point?
Both Jasper and Emmett were eagerly staring at me when I interrupted everyone. Emmett looked more frightened of what was unsaid then Jasper, who only looked excited.
"So, I have been talking to Car-dad, and mom about something…um…," I took a deep breath and continued. "I've decided that I-...I want to meet my biological parents."
So I anticipated their reactions when at first they had none. Two blank faces stared at me.
Suddenly, Emmett said, "May I be excused?"
Esme nodded, Emmett slammed his fork on his plate and stormed off. All Jasper did was start eating his dinner like I hadn't just said anything.
The second I made my anxious face, Carlisle motioned his head in the direction that Emmett had left. I immediately rushed after him, hoping that he hadn't taken off in his car by now.
So as I was running by, I accidentally passed him, and when I stepped back, Emmett was sitting on the front porch just looking at the city in front of us.
I sat beside him and just studied his face. The brows were furrowed, his ears flushed like they did when he was angry, and his mouth was in a tight line.
"What's the matter with this Emmett?" I questioned in a whisper.
He shook his head, continuing to avoid eye contact, and said, "What isn't? Bella, they adopted you, a closed adoption mind you, so they obviously didn't have a desire to raise or even get to know you."
I was taken aback by that. "That was a little harsh…"
Emmett scoffed. "It is isn't it? Sad thing is that's their point of view, not mine…I don't understand you Bella. You've been raised in a family that can support and love you. What've we done so wrong to you that you'd have to…run away?"
"Emmett, I'm not running away. This is something that I have to do for myself; it has nothing to do with you or Carlisle, or Esme and Jasper." I offered, but that didn't seem to get any weight lifted from his shoulders.
"Well it obviously does, because you're looking for something that Carlisle and Esme apparently can't offer you…Bella, we've given you everything." When he finally looked at me his face expressed how much of an ungrateful person he thought I was.
He stood up, and started to walk to his car, so I chased after him in the coming darkness. It was sunset, so soon I wouldn't have any light except for the cities.
"Yes, you have. All of you have, but I need to know who my parents are…maybe for some sort of closure, I don't know. Just please, remember that I love you, and no one will ever replace you. I'd never let that happen." I pleaded, grabbing his rather muscular arm in my small, thin hands.
"Yeah? Just remember one thing when you get hurt. They got rid of you for a reason." Emmett's voice was hostile.
That finally set me over the edge, and the most I could do was watch him speed off in his car as I stood there. His disapproval made me think twice before going back inside to face Jasper next.
Although, when I arrived in the dining room only Carlisle and Esme were sitting there. They gestured for me to sit in my chair so we could talk.
"I'm sorry about your brothers. They're just having a hard time with this…but we have information about your biological parents." Esme said, passing the torch to Carlisle.
"They live in Connors, West Virginia. That's vast country side, very much different from the city. Um, your mother and father are still together, and they own a ranch with lots of animals like cows and horses and…" Carlisle seemed to be avoiding something.
"What, Dad? What else?" I questioned.
He glimpsed at Esme before finishing with the bombshell of, "They have two daughters together."
All I did was nod and say, "Okay…well did you try to get a hold of them?"
"Yes, we did. And they were very surprised to hear from us. They um, they said that they'd like to meet you…but you have to call to figure out when." Carlisle gave me a smile and gripped my hand a bit.
So as I was driving home I decided to call them. As much as my decision seemed to hurt everyone I loved, it was the right thing to do. Hopefully this would assuage my seemingly man-eating depression, and I could take the next step into my life before it out lived me.
Tomorrow.
