These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid
When mine beats twice as hard
'Cause the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me?
Like I'm thinking of you
-The World Is Ugly, My Chemical Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instruments or My Chemical Romance's song The World Is Ugly.
Love, to me, was overrated. But there was just something about Jace Herondale that made me want to rethink my whole thought process.
There was nothing special about Jace Herondale, but I couldn't help but think it.
He's just another football playing ass, was what his adopted sister told me.
A stupid man-whore who doesn't know the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars, my best friend said.
A dumbass boy-child who thinks he's grown enough not to listen to anybody, and who'll fuck anything on legs, his bitter ex-girlfriend had huffed at me.
I never saw him in that way, that way everyone else saw him. He was always, broken, shattered, something you wanted to hold tightly to and never let go. Most thought I was weird when I voiced this out loud. But I couldn't help how I felt.
Jace always shrugged me off when I hung out with him, or attempted to talk to him, but that was never enough to stop me from trying. I wanted Jace Herondale. Not in a sexual way, or even a romantic way at that point. Really, back then, all I wanted was to know him.
And looking back on it all now, I wish Jace had never let me in. I wish I had listened to all their warnings and ran like hell. And most of all, I wish Jace Herondale was still here.
"Jace Herondale. Please refrain from groping your girlfriend, Miss Sanchez, in the classroom," the teacher's voice cut through the snores and hardly audible moans of the classroom.
Clary's head whirled around to where she knew Jace Herondale's seat was to find that the teacher's words were true. Jace's hand was on Jamie Sanchez's right breast and his tongue was shoved down her throat. He pulled away from the girl a minute later, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Simon made a gagging noise beside her and she pressed her lips into a thin line.
"She's not my girlfriend," Jace replied easily as he picked up his pencil and began twirling it in his hand.
"Jace," Jamie pouted. Her hair was disheveled and her nose was wrinkled in distaste. "You could've at least kept your mouth shut. I know you don't want a relationship but to feel me up in class and then tell the whole world I'm not your girlfriend. You're making me sound like a slut."
"You are a slut," Kaelie's voice remarked. The girl was sitting at the front of the class, far from her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. "And so is that Morgenstern girl. A week after we broke up and you're already spreading your legs for him. Both of you."
Clary's head swiveled around yet again, but this time to face the blonde girl.
"Morgenstern," Jace leaned forward now, interested in the conversation. "That little art freak with no boobs? Why the hell are you talking about her?" He spoke of her as if they didn't have class together. That comment made her go pink in the face and duck her head.
"Please," Kaelie sniffed indignantly, and turned her head to the side. "I saw you two the other day. There's no point in denying it."
"Get over yourself Kaelie," Jamie was back now and her dark eyes were hard. "Clary hardly talks to anyone, much less Jace. And besides, why would he fuck her when he has me?"
Clary wasn't sure whether she should be touched by Jamie's words or offended. After all, in an odd, round-a-bout way, Jamie had stuck up for her, but had also degraded her in the process.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Simon spoke now, and his eyes were narrowed behind his glasses, and his voice was angry.
Jamie shot him a look. "Listen Rat Boy, I didn't mean it as an insult. I'm just stating the facts. Jace isn't into girls like her. Even he has standards."
"Stop. All of you. If you want to fight take it to the principal's office. This is a place of learning and I will not have it interrupted by crude words and make-out sessions. Do you understand?"
The class was silent and the teacher nodded her head in approval. "Thank you."
Kaelie stuck her hand in the air. "Can I just say something? Really quick?"
"If you want a one-way pass to the front office be my guest."
Kaelie turned back around to face Clary, who hadn't said a single word in the five minutes.
"Listen Morgenstern. I'm only going to say this once. You're one of those girls who think they can fix anything or anyone. And I think that's really sweet, if not sickening. But not everybody is meant to be fixed. Not everybody can be fixed. And some people don't deserve to be fixed. Jace falls into all three of those categories. He's just a dumbass boy-child who thinks he's grown enough not to listen to anybody, and who'll fuck anything on legs. He's nothing special. You should stay far, far away from him. Save yourself. I'm doing you a favor Morgenstern. I'll go to the front office now."
And Kaelie pushed herself out of her seat, her high-ponytail swinging back and forth against her back. All eyes were on her as she left, even those who didn't bother with petty things like popularity and fist fights. And then all those eyes were split between Jace and Clary. Clary turned to glance back at Jace to find him engrossed with his textbook. That was her first warning that she liked to count, but like all those that came before and after, Clary paid it no mind.
After class was over Clary waited by the door for him. He came walking out with his arm wrapped around Jamie Sanchez's waist. When Jamie caught sight of her she gave her an undecipherable look, and untangled herself from Jace. With a quick peck on the cheek, she left his side, disappearing into the sea of students milling about the hallway.
"What do you want, Morgenstern? Are you doing this for the sake of defying Kaelie, or because you really do want to fix me? Well guess what, sweetheart, I'm not broken," Jace sneered at her.
"I think you're wrong," Clary said, staring at him in the eye. Her hand reached out to rest on his arm but he jerked away. She bit her lip and continued. "I think all of us are broken in some way. Whether it be a small crack or a gaping hole. But I also believe that no one can truly fix you except yourself. And I think that if you can't fix yourself on your own, you don't truly deserve to be fixed. I just want you to know I don't care what anyone else says. I don't care about your past, and I don't care about the present, and I don't bother to think too far into the future. I just want you to know I'm here for you Jace. I'm here to help."
And there was silence despite all the kids surrounding them. Just Jace and Clary standing in the doorway of their English classroom. Jace was staring at her, his golden eyes swirling with too many emotions for Clary to identify. And then he did something she hadn't expected. He grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her forward so that her face was in his chest. He leaned down and whispered fiercely in her ear.
"Listen, Clarissa. I don't know who you are or what the hell you've been through, but nobody is a saint and you sure as hell are not. So just leave me alone and don't talk to me ever again, got it?"
He didn't wait for an answer. He pushed her away from him, sending her stumbling into the cement wall. She gasped as her back collided with it harshly and she took note of Jace already storming away.
I don't know what kept me going back for me. That collision hurt like a bitch and it was obvious that if Jace didn't hate me, he strongly disliked me. We didn't talk for a while after that, but I knew he could tell I was itching to talk to him. And maybe he had regretted his behavior that day because the next thing I knew, months later, there he was, willingly talking to me.
School was coming to a close that day and Clary sat in her final period, Art. Due to assigned seats, she sat next to neither Simon or Isabelle, but a girl by the name of Helen Blackthorn. Helen was nice, but she didn't talk much, at least, not to Clary. Sometimes Clary would notice her and Aline Penhallow at lunch or after school and those two seemed very close.
There was a substitute that day and some people took advantage of this and moved to sit next to their friends. Simon and Isabelle had already moved their seats together and they were gesturing Clary over.
"Hey Helen, I'm going to move to sit next to Izzy and Si, do you mind?"
Helen gave her a muted smile and shook her head. Clary began packing her stuff before a large hand rested on her shoulder, halting her movements. She glanced up, green eyes wide, taking in the sight of Jace Herondale. Jace said something to Helen, but Clary was too preoccupied with noticing Jace to comprehend what his words were. Next thing Helen was gone and in her spot was Jace Herondale in all his golden glory.
"Where's Jamie? Why aren't you with her?" Clary asked, clutching her pencil tighter than necessary.
Jace leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Clary could tell he was gnawing on the inside of his cheek, as if contemplating as to what he should tell her.
"Here's the thing, Morgenstern. For some crazy reason, Jamie trusted you. She liked you. But as far as I'm concerned, you and Jamie have never spoken. I love Jamie with all my heart, she's like a sister to me."
Clary couldn't help but cut him off with a snide remark. "And I take it you think a proper sibling relationship consists of you sleeping together."
Jace smirked at that. "I admit there were some perks to our relationship. That's beside the point though. What I'm saying is that you are one of the few people Jamie genuinely liked. She was always urging me to talk to you, ya know. Saying that you could do things for me that she couldn't. Not in a sexual way because I doubt you could satisfy me the way Jamie could."
Clary gagged at his words.
"Jamie was my only real friend. And now her parents have finally done it and shipped her off to the insane asylum. Remember, these last few weeks when she had the security guards walking her from class to class, everyone knew it was only a matter of time."
"Um yeah, I remember. But- uh, what has this got to do with me?"
Jace cracked open an eye and shot her a toothy grin. Clary felt her heart flutter, not because he looked incredibly adorable right then, but because this was progress. He was talking to her. This was the first step to friendship.
"Well, you're a fucking idiot and you seem to see the good in me. Which, may I say, there is none of. But you seem like you'd be able to tolerate, so I'm asking you, wanna hang out after school today? Not on a date, because, image, but as friends-in progress, maybe. What do you think?"
Clary narrowed her eyes at the 'fucking idiot' comment and was ready to call him out on it when a hand slammed down in front of her.
"Are you kidding me?! Did you just call her a fucking idiot? You're an asshole. Fuck off. She's not interested, Herondale. Do us all a favor and join Jamie Sanchez in the loony bin. God knows you both belong there," Simon spat angrily. Isabelle was right behind him and when he heard his words she turned on him.
"Excuse me? Did you just seriously say that with me right here? Simon I can't believe you," Isabelle exclaimed, pushing on his chest, sending him stumbling backwards slightly.
When Simon regained his balance he stared at Isabelle. "Why are you acting like you care, Iz. We all know you don't."
"I may not like Jace that much but he's my family, Si. And I can say what I want about him, and you can say what you want about him, but there comes a time when it goes too far. So think carefully about your next words because we both know I can kick your ass," Isabelle said, scowling at him. Her fists were raised in front of her chest and her inky black hair fell around her face feeding to her intimidating demeanor.
Simon seemed a lot less scared then he should have been when he tossed his head to the side and snorted. "Yeah whatever, Isabelle. C'mon Clary, there all fucking crazy."
Simon turned to grab her arm, and she let him drag her to her feet. The substitute was acting as if he hadn't heard or seen anything with his head bowed, intently reading from an art history textbook. Before they could exit the class Jace stopped them. He towered over Simon and his face was twisted into anger.
"Listen good and listen close Rat face. I don't care what bullshit spews from your mouth because it's always the same old crap about me and normally, I ignore it. But this time you talked about Jamie and just know that you deserve this."
And that was what lead to Simon with a broken nose and Clary sitting next to him in the nurse's office. The nurse had left to call Simon's parents and Clary held his hand, their fingers laced together.
"I'm just saying you shouldn't have said that," Clary mumbled, resting her forehead against his leg.
Simon scoffed but didn't push her away like she had expected him to. "There you go again, defending him."
"I am not defending him, Simon. He shouldn't have hit you, but you also shouldn't have said that. It was really low and not you. What's going on with you, Si?"
"It's not me Clary, it's you and him. He's not broken, or shattered, he's just a kid who likes to hide behind a pretty face and a nice body. A stupid man-whore who doesn't know the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. An idiot teenager that's brainwashed you into believing he's a freaking saint. He's never going to amount to anything Clary. He's not your problem and he's not worth your time. Why can't you see that Clary?"
Clary's grip on his hand tightened and she lifted her head to stare at him. His face was harsh and furious and Clary knew her face was a mask of hurt.
"Don't say those things Simon. Please don't," Clary begged. "You know it's not the truth. You're my best friend, I don't want us to fight about this."
"He broke my nose, Clary and you're still fucking in love with him!"
Clary jumped away from him then. "Did you ever think for a second that maybe you should just shut up! I told you I didn't want us to fight or talk about this but you couldn't just let it go. So now we're fighting! This is what you wanted, isn't it?! Me to defend Jace and say that he's wonderful and that you're just a jackass." Tears were cascading down her cheeks and she covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, Si, I'm leaving. I'm going to call Jon to pick me up. Call me later when you're done being a jerk. You're my best friend and I love you but I'm not going to deal with you when you're like this. Bye."
Simon and I made up the day after this took place. Simon also apologized to Isabelle and while Isabelle was still pissed, she ended up forgiving him after a few days. Jace and I didn't talk for a week and when we did speak again he told me to fuck off because he wasn't going to apologize for punching Simon. I told him I was over that even if Simon wasn't. And just like that, I was friends with Jace Herondale. It was odd at first, spending time with a guy my best friend so obviously hated. And it wasn't easy coming up with excuses to leave Simon's house early when we were having movie marathons. But I think it was really worth it.
I saw a different side of Jace. I hung out with people I never thought I would hang out with. Like, six-fingered Nigel a drug dealer, and Freaky Pete who was twenty-seven and gave Jace alcohol, and people who kind of scared the crap out of me, but Jace seemed to like them. Most of the time though we were not hanging out with potheads or the like, and sometimes we would drive around in his truck for hours until Jace was too tired to see clearly. We never really talked during those many late night escapades. But one night was different. A cool April night, we had pulled over in a field, and we were lying in the bed on his truck. That was a night I don't think I'll ever forget.
The breeze ruffled Clary's hair and brought a chill to her body. She fought the urge to lean into Jace for warmth, instead snuggling deeper into her sweater. Jace was staring straight ahead into the dark sky. It was cloudy, Clary knowing for a fact that a storm was moving in. Her mother thought she was spending the night at Simon's house. Simon had conked out around midnight and therefore didn't notice her sneaking out the bathroom window. They hadn't made plans to hang out tonight so it was a surprise that Jace agreed to meet up with her when she called. If Clary had to guess it was around two in the morning and she wasn't the least bit tired.
"Freaky Pete thinks we're sleeping with one another," Jace said, breaking the silence that stretched between them.
Clary's eyes widened and she felt her face begin to heat up. She pushed herself into a sitting position and stared at him. "S-sleeping together? Why would he think that? Did you tell him we were just friends? How did this even come up?"
"Calm down, Shrimp, I feel it's only natural from him to assume that. After all, I do spend close to five hours a day with you. Any you act like it would be the worst thing in the world. I'll have you know that I am a sex god."
Clary's lips twisted into a wry smile and she cast her eyes to the stretch of grass in front of her. "I don't doubt that, its just I wouldn't want to lose my virginity to someone like you."
"Someone like me," Jace echoed. He didn't sound offended or upset and Clary was glad because she hadn't realized how nasty that sounded until after it left her mouth. "Please, describe someone like me."
"You know, a guy that doesn't care for girls. Just views them as apiece of meat, uses 'em for sex, and then never bothers to talk or call them ever again. A girl doesn't deserve to lose her virginity like that."
Jace wrinkled his nose at her. "Most girls probably do deserve to lose their virginity like that. They need a rude awakening. But you don't deserve to lose your virginity like that."
Clary stared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Jace stared up at the sky, not meeting her eye. "You're a good person, Shrimp. You deserve everything you've ever dreamed. To fall in love, get married, lose your virginity to your one true love. You deserve to be doted on like a princess and live in some fancy castle. You don't deserve to lose your virginity to someone like me, you're right."
Clary pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them. "You don't ever want to be someone's Prince Charming?"
Jace grinned crookedly and winked at her. "I want to be your Prince Charming."
Clary froze up. It didn't sound like his usual flirting. It sounded, dare she say, sincere and honest.
Clary scooted closer to him and rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Really?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Jace turned his head to look at her, a solemn expression on his face. "Really. But like you said, you don't want somebody like me. I'm fine with that."
And without thinking, Clary leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. She pulled back right away, and stared at him. He had a look on his face that Clary couldn't quite describe. He was studying her critically as he pushed himself into a sitting position.
Clary pressed her lips into a thin line. Jace reached out and cupped her cheeks in his hands. She looked up at him through her lashes. He stared at her for a second before he swooped down and pressed his lips roughly to hers.
I made out with Jace Herondale that night. We were a mess of tangled limps, swollen lips, and flushed cheeks. We didn't do anything besides kissing and his hands slipping under my shirt so that his fingers splayed out across my stomach.
We tried the whole dating thing after that. We held hands, and talked, and kissed, and we went on the occasional double-date with his adopted brother Alec, and his boyfriend Magnus. Those were always fun, and more often then not, the highlight of my week.
People in the hallways stared at us. They whispered behind our backs. Jace didn't really care. I didn't either. Some girls would come up to me and asked me questions. Dumb questions that I won't bother repeating because you can probably guess what they were.
Simon was having a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of Jace Herondale liking me. Not in a rude way, just in a questioning way, because Jace Herondale had never been interested in dating anyone. He bombarded me with questions on a daily basis. Is he hurting you? Is he treating you right? He's not pressuring you into sex, right? I don't have beat his ass yet, do I?
Other than that he was mostly fine with that. On different occasions I would catch him glaring at Jace and giving him resentful looks. But he was attempting to be civil, and so was Jace.
The only person who was one hundred percent not on the Jace and me dating bandwagon was Isabelle.
"He's using you Clary," Isabelle insisted as she leaned against the locker next to hers.
"How could he be using me Isabelle if we haven't even had sex?" she asked skeptically.
"I don't know, Clary, but if I do know one thing, I know the kind of person my brother is. He's just another football playing ass. He doesn't care about me, or you, or anybody else in this world beside himself. You're one of my good friends Clary. I don't want to see you hurt. Do you know how many friends I've lost because my brother fucked them and forgot about them?
"I thought you were different. I had hoped you were different. You were supposed to be smarter than this. You weren't supposed to fall for his stupid Jace charm. He doesn't care about you, and you care so much about him that I'm scared. What kind of person are you going to be when my brother dumps you? I'm sorry, but it's going to happen. It's inevitable. I don't want to lose what we have because of my dumb brother who decided to let you go."
Clary closed her locker and gave Isabelle a reassuring smile.
"If Jace breaks up with me, you have nothing to worry about. I'm a lot tougher than I look. I'm not going to let some petty high school fling ruin our friendship. I know better than that. And besides, I trust Jace. I trust that if he breaks up with me, he'll let me down easy."
Isabelle gave her a doubtful look and said nothing.
Two weeks after that conversation took place I found a note in my locker. It had been slipped through the slots and rested o my History text book. I stuffed in into my pocket and slipped out of the school. I read the note as I walked down the sidewalk, which probably wasn't the safest thing, but I didn't really care. It was written in pen and elegant hand writing. I was able to recognize it ad Jace's.
It was short. Just a couple of words. But those few words sent my brain in a state of turmoil. I read and re-read the note a couple of times. I took in a deep breath as my knuckles turned white from clutching the note so tightly.
I hope you find your Prince Charming. It was never going to be me, because as I've been taught, to love is to destroy. Bye.
I never saw Jace again after that. I tried calling him. His phone was disconnected. His family didn't know where he was. I had saw him earlier that day, but then he was gone. Nobody had any idea where he was.
I think I cried for two weeks straight. I kept my promise to Isabelle and we remained friends. Nobody ever told me "I told you so". We never talk about Jace. I still miss him. I have no idea where he is. He probably has no idea where I am now. I like to think I've moved on. Love is still overrated, but the more I dwell on that thought, I question if I've ever really believed it. I think I loved Jace Herondale. I can't be sure though. I like to think he loved me too.
I'll never know why he left. I mulled over his cryptic note. To love is to destroy. Did that mean I was destroying him? Or was he destroying me?
I'll never know.
The world is an ugly place that I had never really been exposed to, but even if I didn't know the true horrors, he made it better. Just like I hoped I had made it better for him.
idk. don't look at me, okay? i hope you liked this one-shot. i've written it sporadically over the last couple of months and i just finished it today. yay. drop me a review and let me know what you think.
~sl27