A.N - I think this story is very deep. If You don't like deep emotional stories over boys crying their hearts out... then don't read. I warned you.. :P.

Disclaimer: If i owned South Park... i wouldn't be here writing this... ;)

Asthenia 56

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You know when you've just been all happy for a minute with someone, and then they stab it back in your face with an "I'm sorry... But you're dumped." Heck. You didn't even say that part. You just said, "Sorry dude... But I'm with someone else." And guess who that was? Yep. You've fucked guessed it. Eric Cartman. You are my best friend; lover and you just go and date Eric Cartman? I spat in his face when I saw him the next day, curled up with you.

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You know that feeling you get when suddenly you are really excited then something happens and then the feeling goes? You showed me everything from how to add up fucking simple numbers to how to eat pancakes without the honey dripping out. I tried everything to get you back. You remember when I tried to get Wendy back? Of course you do. You were there idiot. Well… I think you were. There you were with your little green hat and that big afro hair, which I fucking loved Kyle. I tried everything I did to get her back and I won't rest until you're mine again. Sometimes I think to myself… why do I bother? Because I'm that sort of guy. I'm sensitive. Call me a pussy dude, but quite frankly, you can fuck off. Shit. Didn't mean that Kyle. I'm sorry. What the fuck? Of course I'm not fucking SORRY! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE SORRY! Sorry.. I shouted again.

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Anyway, when I went to the Goth corner I kept thinking about you. You said to me, "Oh come on dude, all you've done is mope around!" I'm doing that now. You've done that to me now. I'm on my edge of my seat, just waiting for something to tip me over the edge. Have I told you how much I hate you lately? I saw you yesterday though, strutting (since when do you strut arsehole?) with him... his eyes cyber entwining into yours. It make's me sick. I used to that with you. WE used to. I love you Kyle. If only you could understand that. I'm getting into deep. I know. But I can't tell you any other way. Remember back one night, when we were just finished doing this jiggy dance to a song on your computer? I held your hand as you got sick in the loo that evening. I held on tight, as I wanted the same for me. But you were never there again. What happened Kyle? How come we're not IT anymore? We used to be IT. But now it's just you and that arse. Yeah, I'm going to call him a arse Kyle because he is. HE RIPPED ON YOU FOR BEING FUCKING JEWISH! Does that ring a fucking bell in your head Kyle? Have you turned thick Kyle? I just don't know anymore...

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I hope you fucking die dude. I love you so much. I want you to die in hell. But I want you in heaven. With me. But there's one thing that's been playing in my mind for a long fucking time Mr Broflovski. Why him? I'm the one you should like. I'm always the one everyone goes for. I'm handsome, I have a cute face and I have the best body as I'm star quarterback… Wasn't that enough? Do I need surgery dude? I can if you want me too. What do you want me to have? A nose job? Sure. Anything for you sweetie. Or maybe something different? How about a tummy tuck? Yes? It would make him the a bit different at least. Ha. Everything on that cosmetic list he needs. I bet you're thinking right now... What the fuck is he on about? The kids at school call me "EmoStan". I would say I'm living up to that rep at the moment. I am emo. You can't change that. I would change anything other than that about me so that you could love me again? Is that the answer Kyle? No. I didn't think so either. I don't know what to do anymore.

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I've just snapped a fucking pencil. Im actually writing this by candlelight. I don't want my parents knowing that their "perfect" son is up at night writing this to his ex lover. Yeah.. i said EX Kyle. But why is there a EX next to it? I don't want a ex. I really don't.I'm using my best pencil on you Kyle. Something that I probably won't give to you. Why am I even writing this? I don't know. This is one big mistake. The same mistake you made with me. I'm not going to kill you if that's what you think. I would never do that. Killing mean's nothing to me… when you kill someone it's just "fuck… I killed him... better run!" But… I'm not like him. I'm me. Stanley Marsh who is in love with you so much. The paper is nearly breaking and tearing into pieces with the tears that I've wept so fucking much on this page. But it was worth it.

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Tears signify meaning, and my tears have meaning. I never used to cry this much Kyle. It's your entire fault. I only cried when I lost a tooth from football, or from the TV. But not like this... Oh and maybe Wendy. But that was one time. I don't really think this drabble of mine has any meaning what so ever. But it's got meaning to me sweetheart and I want to show it through words. It's a messed up cycle Kyle. It's all wrong. And it shows that the certain things you promised to me were a complete and utter lie.

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How many times have I said I love you? I won't let you go Kyle. I need you. Just like you once needed me. We were best friends. At one point. Two pea's in a pod. But now you're with him. It used to be Stan and Kyle. Not it's Eric and Kyle. It doesn't make sense. I look over at the clock. It's just past 2 in the morning. I'm going to bunk off school. I don't care anymore. If you're there with him, then what's the point? Fuck me Bitch, I bite. I bit you in 9th grade remember? You had a spider on your sleeve, and me being hyper, I just tried to put it in my mouth. I swallowed a spider for you Kyle. That thought makes me shudder. But it was damn worth it to see you grin at me like that.

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How many times have I told you I loved that grin? Thousands. How many times has he told you?

None I bet.

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How many times has he told you that he loves your freckles and the way you always perch your glasses on the tip of your nose?

None I bet.

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My pencil looks rough on the outside. Just like me. I'm rough in the inside. My heart has been ripped by someone who I thought was my friend. I still want you to be my friend Kyle. I love you. Fuck, I've said that already. I'm sorry. This paper… I wasn't going to show anybody. This was going to be for my reference only. But I feel that you need to know. I was going to look at this every night, to remind me of what you've done to me. Everyone's messed up in their own way I suppose. Not me. I'm messed up with love with you're face deepening my pain every night. I used to dream about you Kyle. I don't think that I've told you that both and before we were dating. I don't think so. Those dreams I had were both a fantasy and a reality. I lived for those dreams. I lived for the nights. Dayness didn't really take it's toll on me. Except for those times were I would see you.

--These eyes, my sweet, they are so tired with crying since the day you just gave me those cruel words…

"You're dumped."

And the way to my heart is to see you're heart breaking Kyle. I want to see you just on the floor, begging for my forgiveness. I want to see you with me again… and not that fucking arsehole.

Before I turn off my candle, my sweet… I write just three words…

Help me Kyle…

I then proceed to my bed... but not before i rip this up. After all... you can only get so fucked up in the head.