Chapter 1

This is set after graduation from Rosewood High

Five years later

She was looking in the mirror and what she sees pleases her in every way. She is still the beautiful girl form five years ago, Alison DiLaurentis hasn't changed a bit. Her blond hair fell in golden curls over her shoulders around her perfect face, which had just enough make up on it to look marvellous. Her sparkling blue eyes were mirroring her appearance. She was living in Paris for five years, five years without any contact to her former friends from Rosewood nor her family, five years without contact to Emily Fields. Every morning she wishes she could just pick up her phone and call her. But then again she just didn't know what to say. What do you say to the only human being you know loved you unconditionally no matter what, and you broke their heart in the most painful way possible? Exactly...

"Stop it! You have to move on, and now you have to go to work." Alison took a deep breath, grabbed her purse and locked her apartment. After she stopped for a coffee, without her first coffee in the morning she was useless. (This reminded her of Spencer Hastings, one of her closest friends in Paris because she was just another caffeine addict too. A small smile escaped her lips.) She gave the waitress 10€ which was way to much for her cappuccino and left her regular coffee shop L'Amore. Her office was just 15 minutes by foot away form her apartment, in the heart of Paris. You could ask how on earth can a 24 year old girl effort such an office in central Paris and the answer is quite simple: Alison had luck, for once in her life she had luck.

After she left Rosewood or you can say after she left Emily, she knew that there is no way in going back. She knew that she broke the brunettes heart, but what was worse she knew at that very moment she broke her own heart too. She had to leave as far away as possible to escape the pain, the overwhelming pain inside her heart.

So she crashed at a friends house in Paris (CeCe Drake was always a good friend to her) and was a shadow of herself. Alison DiLaurents former Queen Bee from Rosewood High couldn't take it no more. All strength was gone. Empty inside, lifeless.

After weeks of alcohol and depression CeCe told her:

"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis! I can't take it no more." Alison wasn't paying attention, she was still in bed and had a huge hangover from the previous night. All you could hear was a groan. "Alison will you look at me? You have to stop! You can't do this to yourself any longer. This self pity person under the covers isn't you." Alison rolled her eyes "Stop screaming so loud my head is killing me CeCe." She tried to blink the spinning image of CeCe away, but it wouldn't stop.

"Oh honey you should be glad that its only you're head who is killing you not me right now! Do you know how you got home?" Alison shook her head. "No?, I can tell you why, because you drank so much I was at the edge of calling an ambulance!" CeCe run her fingers through her hair and was looking at the blond angry. Suddenly Ali whispered "CeCe I want it to stop, please, please, please make it stop hurting so bad, please!" The desperation in Alisons voice was significant. "Oh sweetie." CeCe embraced Alison in a loving hug and patted her head. "It will, in time it will...I promise it will all be okay." CeCe was the only person who saw the real Alison, the Alison who showed weakness and vulnerability. In presence of CeCe Ali could just be herself.

So she was sobbing into her best friends shoulder.

After some time CeCe whispered "You should write about it Ali. You did it as a teenager remember your diary? So maybe it will help you to process everything and you'll find some closure." Alison stopped sobbing and looked at CeCe. "A diary? Are you fucking serious?!" She was laughing hysterically. After several minutes she calmed down and gave it a thought: Should she really write about it? Was CeCe right? But this pain in her chest was so omnipresent how could she probably ignore it, and concentrate on writing? She was so lost in her thoughts until she heard a voice.."Ali? Hello Ali?" "Y..Yes?" "Maybe before you start you should take this aspirins and get a shower, will you?", CeCe asked sweetly. Like on autopilot Ali took a huge gulp of the water with aspirin in it and went to shower. Her mind still occupied with CeCe's absurd suggestion to write about Emily's and her story. The hot water cascades over her exhausted body, she washed away the last bit of alcohol from the night before. She secretly loved to write when she was young. Nobody knew Alis passion for writing, it was an escape of reality. After 30 minutes she was dressed and CeCe gone. She found a note on the bed: I'm back in the evening. Think about it. I love you Ali, no matter how hard it gets. CeCe

A small smile escaped her lips and 10 minutes later with a hot mug of coffee on her desk, she found herself writing: Till it happens to you

So here she was, a 24 year old girl with a best-seller and a lot of money thanks to CeCe. She published the book after writing constantly for two years. She told herself over and over again it has to be perfect and is has to be nothing but the truth. She has to be honest with herself in order to live with herself in the future in peace. And everything in that book was the truth. Her pain, her love, her faults, everything on paper written in black and white. After she gave her script to a successful book publishing company, and they told her she has written a genius love story (it wasn't exactly a love story because there was no happy ending...YET) and they wanted her story published as soon as possible her whole world turned up side down. The only condition for her part was a pen name (Estella, as the character in Dickens) because she didn't want her name on the book and because she didn't want to be recognised on the streets. Her first priority was her anonymity, because she wanted not to be found by any of her friends or family especially not by Emily. She is still scared of her reaction for leaving, her feelings and the book of course. But still she couldn't resist and chose the name from the Dickens Story, because as she read lines out of it in presence of Emily the most wonderful moment in her life happened. Emily dared to kiss her. A sweet innocent kiss. They both were still kids but at that very moment Alison knew Emily was more than a friend and it scared the shit out of her! So she did what has to be done: she pushed Emily away. But her heart arches Emily Fields so she hopped in some way she will come in contact with the book and remembers that special moment.

They were both sitting in the library at their lunch break. Ali was looking for one special book. "There it is", she said sweetly. The sound of her voice made Emily's knees go weak. "Can I read you something, Em? " "Sure." Emily sat down next to Ali and was looking in bright blue eyes were you get lost in. This blue was like the ocean, if you looked into them you could drown.

She begin to read and Emily's attention was back on her voice. Her heart racing like wild inside her ribcage she thought it must be so laud, Ali surly heard it.

Alison began to read...

"I loved her against reason.

Against promise.

Against peace.

Against hope, against happiness.

Against all discouragement that could be.

Pip loved Estella and in the end Pip gets Estella."

She closed her eyes and heard herself saying: That's why I love you. You're big on happy endings, Em."

Emily was under the spell of Ali's voice and Ali was smiling at her. Did she just said she loved her?! At that moment Emily took all the courage she had and kissed Alison fully on the lips. It was like a firework she felt every cell awakening and her whole body was on fire. In her stomach was a foreign feeling but she could tell she liked it. It felt like one million butterflies flying inside. And Ali's lips were ever so soft. It was one of the moments you'll never forget ever. Her first kiss.

Ali was feeling exactly the same about Emily. She closed her eyes and felt Emily's perfect lips on hers. It was the best feeling ever. It felt naturally and so so good, just right. Her whole world stopped for a second. Eventually she felt alive like she could breath freely. She never felt that happy before.

And then she remembered were they where: in the school library were anybody could see them and she stopped kissing Emily. She pulled back and the feeling was gone as fast as it started. Alison smiled at Emily and just like that walked away. Walked away from a very confused but happy Emily. If only she knew at that time Alison was feeling the same she did.

She was always better in running away from serious conflicts, so she didn't have to confront her emotions, didn't have to admit that she's scared, (because Alison DiLaurentis is Alison fucking DiLaurentis!) that she's vulnerable and capable of love. Love was for weak people! In reality it was the greatest power you can get, but unfortunately she recognised it far too late. Loving someone is what gives us life, but being loved back is the reason we live...love makes the ordinary extraordinary. And Emily Fields was THE girl who made the ordinary extraordinary. She was everything Ali ever wanted, and yet she was too scared of love at that point in her life. She made the biggest mistake one could make. She lost the love of her life.

Everything was still new for her. Her book was out for three months and from day two it was and still is on top of the best-seller lists. So her chef told her she could use a real office where she can write and make appointments, and of course she will have her own apartment. And in order to not forget any important meetings or appointments she should have an assistant. That's how she met Spencer Hastings her assistant.

"Good morning Spence, any meetings today? Please say no I'm having a bad day..."

"Morning Ali, fortunately for you, no today is nothing planed."

Ali sighed "thank god!" and threw herself on the couch. Her office was quite cosy, bright daylight illuminating the room throw the windows, two desks with computers and comfortable office chairs and a small kitchen. The kitchen is provided with a great coffee machine (they are both caffeine addicts remember?)

"What's wrong with today Ali?" Spencer was raising an eyebrow. Nobody made Ali to trust them, but Spencer was different. She hadn't asked her about her personal life and Ali was more than grateful, because she hates curious people. Why is everybody putting their noses in business they should stay out of? After five weeks lots of work and lots of extra hours Ali liked Spencer. Just like that. She liked her and she trusted her. She felt like Spencer was her sister, she never had. And trusting her was the best thing to happen to Ali. So one night she told her why she escaped from Rosewood to Paris.

"I think we worked enough for today, what do you think Spence?", Spencer was looking at the E- Mail folder which contains more than 250 new E-Mails since Ali's book was out. Many suggestions for TV shows and interviews for magazines, radios or news papers. To have an overview was nearly impossible. Spencer was jawing and stretching her arms over her head "Yes, I think we deserve a drink now at least. You know this great bar at the end of the street? I think it's called The pink Elephant."

"Yeah I heard about it, let's go?"

"Yes, let me get my cote." Spencer was smiling.

They got a table near the bar and ordered two Cosmos.

They talked about random themes like which other books were good and what they liked about Paris the most since Ali haven't seen much until now they found another topic to speak about.

"So tell me Ali, what does a beautiful, young, smart girl like you does in a city like Paris alone?"

Sometimes people ask the wrong questions at the wrong time and sometimes just the right one's. After now her third Cosmo Ali willingly answered Spencer's question. She felt a bit dizzy from the alcohol but she knew exactly what she was doing. It was the right moment to ask her because her mind and her heart couldn't take it any more. She felt like a bottle with a cork, only seconds before the cork will blow out of it. It was the first time she told a stranger (not totally strange) her story.

"You really wanna know? It's going to be a long story..."Ali said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"No problem I have plenty of time, Spencer winked. She saw the sadness in this big blue eyes of Ali's, something she saw a lot since she worked for her as an assistant and had always wondered why, but never dared to ask. Just the right amount of alcohol gave her enough guts.

"Here we go"...Alison took a deep breath, closed her eyes and as she opened them again she began to talk in a sad voice, a sadness Spencer never heard before in her entirely life...

Emily

"Hanna! Come on you said just looking and now we're in hear for over an hour...", Emily sighed heavily. Hanna and shopping, especially in Victoria Secrets was never just looking. Why on earth had she agreed on going with the blond? Ah right because she is her best friend since high school and she loves her. "Em, would you please stop ruining my mood? I'm almost done...what do you say?"

Hanna came out of the changing room in nothing but black lingerie. She looked amazing. The podgy girl from high school was gone and now Hanna was a very attractive and confident woman, with curves in all the right places. "Yo...you look breathtaking Han", Emily stumbled. "You mean I look fucking hot!" Hanna was saying with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, you're sexy." Emily said with love in her voice.

"Still shy sometimes, are we?" Hanna said with an amused voice. "Shut up!" Emily was blushing helplessly. "You're so sweet when you blush, if I wasn't into boys...you would be my first choice."

Em rolled her eyes, "I know you told me like 200 times already, and again thanks Han, but seriously I'm starving, can you hurry please?"

After five more minutes Hanna was fully dressed and paying for her piece of cloth.

"Caleb will make eyes, when I'm wearing it", she chuckled. Emily simply nodded. "He will."

They linked arms and went to The River, a great place for good food, which both girls love.

After ordering their usual Em asked "How's work? Still everything how you imagined it?"

"Oh my god Em! It's like a dream came true I love everything. Hanna got a job at a big designer in New York City, Emily always forgets his name. Karl Lagerfeld right that was his name. And she was working at a company. One of his many.

"You know, when I make it till August without a mistake they told me I can make a trip to Paris, because Paris is THE metropolis of Fashion" Hanna said with excitement.

"WHAT?!" You're kidding...", Emilys mouth dropped.

"No Em, I'm telling you two more weeks without a fault and we're going to Paris."

"Han! That's awesome...wait...we? Have you said WE?"

"They told me I could bring a friend and since you always wanted to visit Paris..."

Emily jumped of her chair and embraced the blond in a big long hug. "I can't believe it...wow Paris...

And every time Emily thinks of Paris her thoughts went to a certain blond with sparkling blue eyes like the ocean. She wonders what Alison is doing at this very moment...

Fuck way can't she just forget the stupid blond who broke her heart in a million pieces? Because she still loved her and for people you love you don't stop caring. So Emily was still hugging Hanna, as she realises she spaced out again. "Sorry Hanna..." Suddenly there was an odd tension in the air.

"I know you're thinking about her, I can tell by the look in your eyes, Em.

"Sorry I just thought about Paris and what she told me once." She said in a cloudy voice.

"You and me in sweet Paris...you'd look so good on top of the Eiffel Tower, wind in your hair," Ali says, before moving over to where Em is and letting their hands brush.

"How long are we going away for?" Emily asks shyly.

"How about forever?" Ali replies with shining eyes and a big smile.

Emily thought it was one of those moments where it really felt like Ali might cared for her. But as usual it was just another sick game of hers, because she knew Emily cared more than a friend for her.

Hanna took Emily's hand "I know she did horrible things to you, and I know its still hard for you to talk about it, but you know I'm always here for you, right?"

"Yes, I know and that's why I love you so much!"

"I love you too. So, you and me in Paris, sounds like a lot of fun!"

"I bet we'll have!" Emily was now smiling from ear to ear. She really wanted to visit Paris and this was the one and only change to get there.

She worked as a swim coach pretty successful, but her salary was way to small for buying a plane ticket to Paris. So she was just happy to go with Hanna.

"Should we get the bill? I think Caleb is waiting for me," Hanna said with a provocative smile.

"Sure.", Emily smiled back.

After she dropped Hanna off, she drove home. The streets of New York were still full, because this city was always awake no matter what time it was. And she was again thinking of Alison, would she be awake? Was she all right? Was she alone or with someone? Where was she? Questions over questions in Emily's head. She hadn't seen the blond in five years, after she disappeared without a trace, which by the way broke her heart for the second time. Both times Alison was the reason. Of course this blond girl was the reason, this blond girl she fell in love head over heals when she was 14 years old. And still she had a hold over her as if she was a goddess. And sometimes Emily wonders if she'll be able to ever love again, because when Alison disappeared she took her heart and all her love with her.

She hates herself for still loving the blond.

"For gods sake Fields get a grip!" She was shouting angrily and hit the steering wheel hard. Emily tried to have relationships after Alison but failed all miserably. No other girl was capable to fill in the emptiness inside her chest, to mend her broken heart.

She parked her car, closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Stop being a fool. She never loved you and she never will. Get over her!"

With that statement she left her car and went inside her flat.

Alison never loved anybody, she didn't know how. She just collected love from other people.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...a lazy hand was coming out under the covers and shot the alarm off. 7am a groan escaped Emilys mouth. It was way to early for her to get to work but after last night and all the devastating memories she needs to clear her mind. And what will be better than a morning run? So she heaved herself out of bed and put some running cloth on. After she checked her phone..no missing calls or messages, she plugged her headphones in and left.

A mild breeze surrounded her while Eminem was shouting high off her love, drunk from her hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint, and I love her the more I suffer, I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates...icyblue eyes were hunting her...

Emilys feet speeded up and she was breathing heavily while the song continued You ever love somebody so much, you can barely breathe when you're with 'em?

You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em, got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills used to get 'em. Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em. Suddenly she stopped and found herself in front of a book store, looking at one particular book right in the middle of the shop window. Maybe it was the song or maybe just a coincident or both, but she felt her heart skipped a beat as she was looking through the window. Emily hold her breath while reading in flourish print Till it happens to you by Estella. Near by was a description of author and book:

"I think you still love me, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better. I knew this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming you if you'll fall in love with another woman. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong", she would have said.

Love

Till it happens to you you don't know how it feels.

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness". -Estella

This extraordinary story written by newcomer Estella from Paris will mesmerize your mind in a way you'll only experience by reading.

Emily was still starring at the book, an odd feeling run through her chest. She remembered Alison telling her the exact same words a long time ago, but that couldn't be her...right? It couldn't be HER! She shook her head turned around and continued her run. After several minutes the feeling was gone and the blasting music all over her.