Deeks has once again been forced to become the one person he hates in the entire world. Now he struggles with who he really is. Marty Deeks, LAPD Detective or Max Gentry, vicious thug. And only one person can reach him before his own darkness consumes him.

I WANT TO BE A GOOD MAN

Kensi pulled the car up to the curb and threw it into park. Frustrated, she twisted the key to turn the car off and pulled them out. She grabbed her phone and looked at the 5 messages she sent to him over the past few hours and there was no response. She knew the last case had been rough on Deeks. It was always hard on him when he had to become Max. Kensi hated that name. Max Gentry. The evil alter ego of Marty Deeks. Marty Deeks was a goofball LAPD detective who was always fun to be around because he always seemed to brighten the mood. Even Sam couldn't deny it and Sam was Deeks' biggest critic. Max Gentry was a whole different animal. Max was a ruthless thug who would do anything it takes to get what he wants. Assaulting people, threatening bodily harm on man or woman alike, nothing was beyond him. Max even threatened to rape the girlfriend of one of his contacts because he wouldn't give him what he wanted. Kensi found it almost impossible to stand in Ops, watching it. Hetty picked up on it because she reached out and patted Kensi's hand gently, giving her a reassuring smile. But the case was over, the bad guy was caught, and the day was saved.

The Mission

It was a Friday, usually the day when the team would go out together and do something fun. Deeks on the other hand wanted nothing to do with it.

"Look guys. I'm sorry but I'm going to just go home. I'm exhausted." He said.

Every one's eyes showed very clearly that none of them believed it for a second but they decided to give him some space. Deeks left not even bothering to take off the leather jacket that had become synonymous with Max. Didn't say good night to anyone. He just left.

The Boardwalk

The rest of the team went out to get dinner on the boardwalk. They sat at a picnic table chatting away when Kensi started withdrawing from the conversation.

"You alright, Kens?" Callen was the first to pick up.

"I'm just worried about Deeks." She said.

"He did seem to take this case really rough" Eric said.

"You can't tell me I'm the only one who is worried about it." Kensi said.

"Trust us. You aren't. But there isn't a whole lot that we can do for him." Sam said. Callen nodded.

"Go on. If anyone can pull him out of this funk, its you." Kensi stood up, tossed the scraps of her food in the nearby trash and jogged off to her car.

Outside Deeks' apartment

Kensi stepped out of her car and locked it. She walked up the path and up the stairs to Deeks' apartment. She knocked on the door. Nothing. She knocked again.

"Deeks. I know you are there. Open up" She said. Still nothing. "If you don't open the door I'm coming in." She said. Fishing into her pocket she pulled out her keys which happened to include one for Deeks' apartment. "I'm coming in" She repeated as she opened the door and stepped inside.

The living room was dark due to the setting sun but was still bright enough to see a figure sitting on the couch. He was slouched with his left arm on the arm rest and his fingers dug into his temples, hiding his face from her.

"Get out." Was all he said. She came around to face him and realized he was only wearing his boxers and there were at least 12 empty beer bottles strewn around. "I said get out" He repeated, turning his face away from her.

"Oh no you don't. You aren't getting out that easy Deeks." She brushed the bottles aside and sat on the coffee table facing him. "I am not going anywhere so we can either sit here for hours on end or you can talk about what is going on and I can listen." She said, reaching out and touching his knee gently. Deeks sniffed and Kensi could tell he had been crying or on the verge of crying. "What is wrong, Marty?" She said. Using his first name was a rareity for her but when she did it was because it was something important.

"Marty? Max? I don't know who I am anymore. I'm starting to think that Marty was the alias and I've been Max all along. " His voice cracked as he almost whispered it. "Why is it so easy for me to do these things? To harm others to get what I want?" He said, rubbing an eye with his palm. "I am not a good person, Kensi. I am a bad person." He said.

"That is not true." Kensi said.

"I thought if I took off the clothes I would feel normal again but I don't. I feel like I've being torn in half." He continued. "I have hurt so many people when I become Max. I threatened to rape a woman, damnit! What is to stop me from harming the people I am closest to? I wish I had never come to NCIS. I wish I would have never heard those letters ever." Kensi took in a breath. Her voice wavered and her eyes welled up.

"Do you believe that? Do you honest to God believe that? Because if you do then I will leave," her voice broke and she had to compose her self after a few sobs "And I will never be coming back"She said.

"I don't know what I believe anymore." He said after a few moments of silence

"Listen to me. You are a good man, Martin Deeks. You may not feel it but I know you are. You have gone out of your way to help people who are in need. You were shot saving an owner of a convenience store from a robbery, you went out of your way to protect your best friend when half of the gangs in Los Angeles were after him. You dropped everything, risked your career to follow us after Hetty, you protected Michelle from Sidorov at the expense of your body, and above all you came for me." She wiped tears from her eyes. "You came to rescue me half way across the world. You are a good man, Deeks. You are the man I love." She said grabbing his hand and pulling it to her cheek. She reached out and took his face and turned it toward her.

"You are not Max Gentry. Max Gentry does not exist except in two places. On paper and here." She said as she patted his head. "But the one place Max does not exist is the most important. Here" She said as she placed her hand on his heart. She stood up.

"Now. I'm going to take a shower." She said starting to pull on him to get him to stand up.

"And you are going to join me." She said. He looked up at her and got up, stumbling a little bit due to how drunk he was. She let him into his bedroom and sat him down on the bed. She backed away and undid the buttons on her shirt before crossing her arms and and grabbing the bottom of her shirt, peeling it off and tossing it aside. She undid her jeans and slid them down her legs. She took his hand and led him into the bathroom, sitting him on the toilet while she started the shower. She leaned in and started to kiss him as she fiddled with her bra, unsnapping it and sliding it down her arms and tossing it away. Grabbing the hem of his boxers she pushed them down before following with her panties. Breaking the kiss he started to kiss down her neck and shoulder. Moans started to escape her as she closed her eyes and let herself go. Leaning her head on his shoulder she bit his shoulder lightly as she felt his hands on her skin. She loved his touch on her skin, every touch sent sparks coursing through her body. Pulling him into the shower she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. For a time they just stood in each others arms, letting the warm water cascade over them. She then started to wash him. Washing every inch of him with his body wash which she loved, then washing his hair. She could feel the tension melt from him from her touch. It felt like it had been hours before she shut the water off and they stepped out to dry off. They went into his room and climbed into bed. She rolled on top of him, her face inches from his. He reached up and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I love you Kensi." He said, smiling. "I love you too, Marty" again deliberately using his first name. She sat up and positioned herself over him. Lowering herself onto him slowly cause both of them to close their eyes feeling the closeness of each other.

The Next Morning

Kensi woke up the next morning laying on top of Deeks. Her head rose and fell with his breath. She rolled off of him and cuddled up to his side. With her ear on his pec muscle she could faintly hear his heart beating and it almost lulled her back to sleep. Just then he stirred and groaned.

"Kensi! The sun is too loud. Make it shut up!" He whined facing away from the sun. She couldn't help by smile.

"That is what you get for getting drunk last night." She said.

"I never learn" He replied.

"How much of last night do you remember?" She asked, biting her lip slightly.

"Everything. I remember everything, Kens." He said, rolling on his side to face her.

"You were right. I am a good man." He said kissing her.

"Just do me a favor, Shaggy?" She said.

"Anything princess." He said.

"Next time you get depressed and decided to get drunk, call me first. I can get you drunk off of something without the hangover." She grinned, pulling him in and kissing him again.

This was partially based on the events of "Plan B" And "Parley" when it comes to Deeks struggling with his identity as Max. I just decided to have to it come full circle with his relationship with Kensi. Hope you enjoy it. Review if you like. I do have another story coming down the pipe that will hopefully be a sequel to Hell to Heaven. I wasn't originally planning on it but an idea popped in my head and if I can get the right story elements I will do it. Stay tuned