AN: I don't know why I keep writing these. I won't stop tho.

"Why does this keep happening?" was Allen's only thought as he stared out across the urban neighborhood surrounding his house, stuck halfway through a window once again.

Bitter about his situation, Allen couldn't bring himself to move, losing all motivation to do so since this was such a familiar situation and he already knew he wasn't getting out any time soon. Sighing, he dropped his head, feeling something squirm past his hip and then land on his head.

"Timcanpy…" Allen murmured, looking up just as the golem fluttered off his head to right in front of his face, looking almost taunting in its freedom of being able to fly. "Tim… could you…" Allen started, slightly biting his lip. He didn't want to ask someone for help, but he was stuck again between the main frame and the moving portion and may need someone to help him, something that he realized with a sour taste in his mouth.

Looking around to think of an idea, Allen gave a shuddering hum as he began to get nervous. "Maybe… maybe I could use the ark? But..." trying to think how that'd work, he heard the sound of the bathroom door opening behind him, Tim fluttering about even more sporadically at the intruder.

Allen froze, hoping that the person entering his room just wouldn't notice him hanging halfway out the window.

There was a moment of silence, but then it broken by a very exasperated, "What the hell…"

"Link!" Allen whined, attempting to squirm so he could look back into his room. "Link, I'm stuck…"

There was immediate laughter and Allen felt his heart seize as he recognized the voice.

"Allen, how'd you do this again!?" Lavi loudly cackled, and through the glass Allen could see him rush forward, Lenalee in toe with Kanda behind her.

Lena paused for a moment, but only just long enough for disappointment to sink into every feature on her face. "Again?"

"This happened before?" Link asked, and Kanda was the one who sighed.

"Restaurant."

Link whipped his head around to Allen, his braid whipping around in a wide arc behind him. "What?! That's how you ditched?!"

Allen slumped. "Yes…"

There was a distinct pause before Link's already exasperated voice picked up, his body tensing. "Is that why Lvellie came back with your pants when he went to the restroom?!"

"Yes…" Allen's voice cracked.

"Dammit, Allen, I just wanted to piss in peace!" Link yelled, Lavi immediately whistling.

"A little TMI, Howard."

Allen kicked his legs a little. "I don't care! Why are you three here?!"

"Surprise sleepover!" Lenalee said as she stepped by, tilting to the side to see Allen's face a little better. "We came to surprise you!"

"Why is it always the bathroom…" Kanda muttered to himself, and Allen gave another whine.

"Guys, can you just… help me out?" Allen tried to pull back into the house, but he managed to get himself to the point of no return.

Suddenly feeling something tug the back of his pants, Allen jerked and twisted to try and see what they were doing, but as he saw Lavi with a large smirk on his face he paled, and then he screamed as his pants and underwear were harshly yanked down to his ankles.

"Lavi!" Allen squealed, attempting to pull back into the bathroom.

"Get some less girly hips," Lavi laughed, and Allen could see him turn to Lenalee. "Give me your lipstick."

Lenalee blinked at him, stepping back slightly. "Why?"

Lavi's grin sent a shiver through Allen. "Because I'm gonna write on his ass."

"Don't write on my butt!" Allen yelled, trying to kick Lavi away who only laughed.

"Do it," Kanda chimed in.

"I get a turn," Link followed, both of them wearing the same expression as they stood together.

"Link! You're supposed to be on my side!" Allen cried, trying to show him his puppydog eyes through the glass.

They were ineffective as Link only hardened his stare. "You bailed on me twice and managed to get stuck in a bathroom window both times. You have no allies here."

"No fair!" Allen shouted, sending Timcanpy smacking against the window and making Lavi jump back with a startled laugh.

Lenalee broke in then, giving a look at Lavi. "I'm not letting you write on Allen's butt using my lipstick."

"I'll buy you a new one," Lavi said, holding out his hand. "But please, just this once."

Sighing but then immediately breaking into a smile, Lenalee searched through her small handbag before pulling out a vial of lipstick, Lavi taking it and taking off the plastic cover with a pop and a smile.

"Prepare your full moon, Allen," Lavi smirked, and he stepped in as Allen was yelling in protest, trying to wiggle out of the window while also trying to think of the notes to the ark's song, hoping to open the door to pull himself through.

Just as Lavi was about to write on him, he frowned and turned to Kanda. "Hold him still, I won't be able to draw on him like this."

With a roll of his eyes Kanda huffed and stepped forward, the glint in his eye telling Allen that he was all too happy to help Lavi with this as he did what he was told without any complaints, and in response Allen tried to move even more, to throw them off, but Kanda's grip was too strong and too steady for him to be able to escape.

"Yay! Thank you, Yuu!" Lavi beamed, ignoring the frosty stare that Kanda was giving him.

Allen only continued yelling. "Traitors! Using Kanda is unfair!"

"Want us to use Link instead?" Lenalee giggled, "I mean he can use magic to bind you, so…"

Giving the most innocent of chuckles, Lavi leaned in to begin drawing with the lipstick, but then another figure joined them in the room, one tall and staring blankly at everyone in the room.

"What the fuck…"

"Master! Help me!" Allen cried, tears in his eyes as he hoped at least his master would show him some sort of mercy.

The one eye of Cross wandered over the frozen teenagers who were all stuck and staring back at him, and once Cross examined who was all there, his eye moved to Allen through the window. "Did you consent to this…"

"No!" Allen immediately yelled. "I'm not into this!"

"You didn't complain much when Link tied y'up…" Cross grumbled, ignoring the giggles from Lenalee and Lavi and the betrayed stare coming from Link. Giving a tired groan, the man brushed back his hair. "Hold on, I'll get you out."

"Wait, General Marian," Lenalee spoke up, hopping forward in front of him, "could we tease him a little more? He kind of deserves it…"

Allen waited to see what Cross would say, the man's expression meaning that the gears were turning in his head, processing whatever information he had, but when it all built up to Cross's expression flattening, Allen wanted to cry.

"You have thirty seconds."

Lavi all but jumped to the occasion, dropping to one knee as he began swiping the lipstick across Allen's skin as the boy gave a shrill scream. Lavi was quick to write what he wanted, handing the lipstick over to Lenalee who then joined in, Cross merely sitting on the vanity and watching it all unfold with his single bored eye. He gave a long sigh, almost sounding like he was smoking but he had nothing between his lips, though as the lipstick passed from Lenalee's hand to Link's, the way that Cross's eye changed meant that one of his eyebrows were arched in surprise.

"Aah! Link, you're pushing too hard!" Allen wailed, attempting to twist way but Kanda's hold was strong.

"Be gentle on his little virgin ass, Howard," Lavi waggled his eyebrows, "you should know since you tie him up so oft-"

Link had smacked Lavi before he could finish his sentence, but then Link handed the lipstick to Kanda. "You?"

Only using one hand to successfully restrain Allen, Kanda took the lipstick and brought it down to draw a singular dick on Allen's rear, pulling it away and tossing it back to Lavi.

"That's all?" Lavi asked him.

"Yeah," was all that Kanda said in turn.

Cross then sighed again, standing up from the vanity. "Okay, that was thirty seconds, everyone step back."

All the teenagers listened, and as Cross moved forward to gauge how stuck Allen was, his voice came out almost robotically as he read everything. "'This ass is grass', 'are ya nasty', 'I'll strip for three corn chips', and then the dick…" Cross turned to everyone in the room and pointed at all of them. "You all fail they're all terrible…" he then pointed at Kanda, "except you."

Kanda snorted in amusement but stepped away, going to sit on the vanity while Lavi went to perch himself on the edge of the bathtub, Link and Lenalee staying where they were.

"Um," Lenalee leaned over again, "I could probably use my Dark Boots to kick him out…"

"Don't use Dark Boots on my butt!" Allen cried, squirming again.

Cross gave a laugh, "Yeah, don't… I'd have to answer weird questions for why his ass was all black and blue, probably..." He then stepped back to the door of the bathroom. "Prepare yourself, idiot student."

Allen tried to see what he was doing, but all he could do was scream before Cross slammed into him, throwing him out the window with a shrill wail before he crashed into the shrub down below, the kids leaning forward before Lavi spoke up.

"That was a two story window…"

"Oh shit," Cross muttered.

They stood in silence before Link stormed out of the room, pointing at all of them. "Help me lock all the doors and windows."

"Yeah!" Lavi chimed, jumping to his feet before he ran off with Lenalee, the three of them running to do that while Kanda followed more slowly but doing just as they wanted.

Cross watched as all the kids dispersed before he started to break down into laughter, clearing his throat to stop it before he wandered out, and as he passed by Link leaving a room to put his hand on his shoulder. "Lock everything with pants in them, too."

Link sputtered and covered his mouth, turning to watch Cross as he continued on without so much as a falter in his step, but as it sunk in Link couldn't help it, so he spread the word to the others as they all scrambled to do what Cross suggested.

Meanwhile, Allen was upside down in a bush, staring apathetically at the outer fence of his front yard that to him was upside down. There were several sticks attacking the bare skin of his rear, but he felt as though he should be used to it by now. Slowly, Allen rolled over, tumbling off the top of the bush and instead landing belly-first into the packed dirt of an unkempt garden. He groaned into the dirt before pulling himself up, dusting himself off before he looked down at his sorry state of wearing no pants or underwear at all. He realized he should've been embarrassed, but he should've expected it this time.

Sighing, he happened to look up, connecting eyes with his neighbor who worked the night shift. Their eyes locked onto each other's, and this time Allen did feel shocked. Both frozen in place by each other's gazes, it was an uncomfortably long time before he chanced to speak.

"I can explain…"

"Please don't," his neighbor plainly said, climbing into his car, starting it up, and quickly leaving his driveway as Allen could only stare after him.

Once the car was gone, Allen let his shoulders slump, staring up at the sky with a scowl. Once he'd collected himself, however, he turned and walked around the house to the front door, though when he tried it it didn't budge, all humor he felt for the situation completely evaporating. He walked around the house and into the backyard, but when he found that door locked he knew what all of them inside had done. With a defeated huff, Allen let his forehead thump against the door, a true glower pulling at his face when he could hear muffled giggling inside. He turned to the side, playing the tune in his head that summoned the ark door, and he stepped through and right into the Campbell's estate.

It was morning in Scotland compared to the evening in America, and as Allen looked around he could see Tyki at the dinner table, a bowl of cereal in front of him and his mouth open as he was about to eat some of it until Allen walked into their kitchen. They stared at each other, Tyki baffled and Allen serious, but then Allen just strode off towards the stairs.

"Don't ask," was all he could say as he walked by, hearing Tyki begin to sputter and cough as he could probably see the red lipstick decorating his rear.

Allen ran upstairs, and he trapped Devit behind his own door as he swung it open and stormed into the twins' room, ignoring Jasdero's wide-open mouth and huge eyes as Allen went for their closet. Rummaging through it, he pulled out a pair of pants that were entirely ripped and could only be considered tight before also stealing a pair of their boxers and hurriedly putting them on. Luckily he was smaller than Devit so the pants weren't as tight on him than they were on the Noah, but once they were on he rushed back out, ignoring Jasdero and Devit's rampant questions while the latter Noah held his nose. Allen didn't have time for their questions and complains, and as he returned to the kitchen he saw Tyki standing, but once again, Allen gave him a look.

"Do. Not. Ask." He stepped through the ark door again and into his house in America, the dark windows a semi-welcoming sight as he saw the inside of his bedroom.

But then he saw the seals on his dresser that could only belong to a Crow.

Feeling his eyebrows fall into a stern line, Allen went to go downstairs, but as he reached the door it flew open, Lavi in the doorway so that the two were staring each other down. Lavi didn't jump, and instead he looked down, then back up.

"Hey, where'd you get the pants?"

Without even giving thought to a witty retort to the question, Allen simply fell to his knees and yanked Lavi's pants down. Lavi was expressionless and about to say something else until Allen ripped them from his legs, and opening the ark door, he tossed them through it before shutting it.

Lavi stared up at Allen with his mouth open, and Allen only simply looked at him deadpanned.

"Your ass is nothing but weeds and I'm gonna tear it all out," he simply said as Lavi could only stare at him.

"That was terrible!" Lavi piped up, and Allen felt his soul leave his body completely.

"Everything you do is terrible…"

"Hey, how'd Allen get back in?" Lenalee asked as she peeked around the corner, Link and Kanda on either side of her as they mimicked her.

"He has the ark," Kanda answered.

"And pants," Link said as well.

"Are those Lavi's pants?" Lenalee asked.

Lavi fell back on the floor, craning his head back to look at the three of them. "Were my pants that ripped and mangled?" Suddenly, Lavi gasped and he sat up again, grinning at Allen. "Hey! Aren't those Jasdevi's pants?!"

"They are, now bite me," Allen said back, lightly kicking Lavi in the legs after he stood back up. "I will steal all your pants and throw them to the Noah if you don't unlock everything."

"Do we even have to unlock your heart?" Lavi grinned goofily, and Allen moved to kick him extra hard until Link ran over and grabbed him, easily restraining him as Allen suddenly began to thrash and pull against him.

"Please stop antagonizing the exorcist," Link dully said.

Lenalee scampered forward, lightly booting Lavi's shoulder to get him to stand up. "You're the one who said to lock all the doors, Link. And," she looked down at Lavi, "please cover that sorry thing."

"What?!" Lavi startled, his cheeks only just dusting with red as he pulling his legs up and together. "It's perfectly average! And you didn't tell Allen to cover up!"

"His ass isn't sorry," Lenalee said easily and with a smile. "C'mon, Lavi, you've even said it yourself."

Immediately, Allen stopped thrashing, his eyes wide and staring at Lavi in awe. "Wait, you think my butt's nice?"

"Everyone thinks your butt is nice!" Lavi suddenly piped up, though he soon calmed. "I mean, Link's ass is prime choice but yours is really good, too!"

Everyone was staring at Lavi, but it was Lenalee he broke the silence when she slightly melted. "Yeah… it's nice."

Link shuddered. "Please stop talking about my body."

"Link, let me get my pants…" Allen looked up at Link, returning to being almost deadpanned.

About to respond positively, Link moved, but then he froze, still holding Allen. "No, you don't deserve pants."

"Give me my pants!" Allen shouted, using Link's hold on him to his advantage as he swung his legs up, nearly folding himself in half to slam his leg down on Link's head, startling him enough to drop him so they both crashed on the floor.

As the two wrestled on the floor, Link trying to hold off Allen while Lavi looked to the others before he gave a smirk.

"Surprise, Allen!" Lavi jumped up, tackling Allen and managing to fend off the worst of Allen's blows, including the ones dealt by his left hand.

Link managed to pull himself away, getting to his feet as he held his head, shaking it slightly as he watched the two tossing across the floor. Kanda only yawned before looking away in annoyance, and Lenalee was simply watching with disappointment.

"There they go again…" she murmured quietly.

"I'm hungry," Kanda said before he turned and started for the stairs, Link looking between him and the fighting teenagers before sighing and following after him.

Lenalee watched as they passed by, her eyes glancing between them before she looked up at two leaving. "Are you sure we should leave them? They're trying to steal each other's clothes…"

"Eh…" Link only said before he looked back at her, pausing mid-step, "they'll be fine."

Looking back at Lavi and Allen, who were fiercely battling over Allen's shirt, she sighed and followed after them. "Yeah, it'll be fine…"

Sunlight glinted off his eyelids, followed immediately by a tickling sensation that swept by the front of his nose. Wrinkling against it, he groaned and rolled over, though when he felt coldness run up his spine and all over his body he jolted awake, lurching upright as he looked around.

"Where the hell…" he looked down at himself, eyes widening as he saw Allen's bare body before him. "What the fuck?!"

He looked up to the house, then opposite to the street that he was luckily sheltered from by the plants growing in the corner of the yard. His eyebrows furrowed, and with a huff he stood, storming his way up to the front door, but when it didn't open his feet moved anyway, his entire body smacking against the door before he pulled back with a growl.

"Cross! You better let me in!" he screamed, agitatedly tapping his foot. When nobody came he growled worse, easily opening the Ark and stepping through to Cross's room where he harshly kicked the man off his bed and onto the floor. "Open the door when I tell you to, dammit!"

Giving a tired and exhausted groan, Cross looked up with his terrible bedhead, eyeing him with angry eyes. "You dare to kick me, you stupid kid?"

He felt his lips pull back in a sneer. "You really think I'm a stupid kid, you stupid magician?"

Cross stared at them, and then he calmed down. "Nea?"

"What tipped you off?!" Nea snarled, irritatedly tapping his feet again. "Tell me why I was naked in the front yard and why the doors were locked."

"Allen's friends slept over. They're all in his room," Cross sighed as he got back up and fell back into his bed. "Put some clothes on and don't get into trouble…"

Nea only stared at Cross, a million questions fluttering through his head, especially from how casual Cross handled the situation. Looking down at his naked body again, he couldn't help but ask himself what kind of friends Allen had and if he should be afraid of them.