Angry Kitty: Where we will make fun of all the things that seem to happen during horror movies!
Tom: For example, one of the most clichéd ways to die is by saying "I'll be right back."
Flipper: Someone's gonna die for that!
Angry Kitty: And our very enthusiastic special guest for this story is the one and only HATSUHARU!
Haru: (blinks)
Flipper: COW! (glomps) (Those who have read The Day Yuki Sohma Went Goth know that Flipper is our brand-new member of CCG)
Haru: (turns into cow)
Tom: He's awesome. He's one of the only characters we ALL like.
Haru: … That's nice.
Sassy: Now, LET'S BEGIN!
Disclaimer: Aw, you believe we own Furuba! Do you believe in Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, too? How horribly pathetic!
Sassy: Hey, I believe in Santa Clause! (pout)
Angry Kitty: I do, too!
Flipper: So do I!
(All turn to Tom)
Tom: (meekly) Um … onto Chapter One?
CHAPTER ONEThe Prince Yuki Fanclub is made up of some of the most devoted girls in all of Japan. They worship the ground he walked on, and adhered to the club's rules under pain of DEATH.
And they were practically spitting fire when they saw the Yankee, the Witch, and the creepy goth girl fawning over Prince Yuki, smiling flirtatiously and rubbing all over them. Prince Yuki was THERES and THERES ALONE. No women had the right to even brush against his perfect body! They were even jealous of the quiet boy with black and white hair, who was also standing alarmingly close to their precious Prince.
(Note: In all reality, Hana was conversing with Tohru and Momiji, Uo was in another argument with Kyo, and it was Haru who was REALLY all over Yuki. Show's what obsession can do to vision, eh?)
But in the exact instant they had all simultaneously decided to jump the three girls, Hana glanced over her shoulder, and dark aura swirling around her body the color of her soulless eyes.
Needless to say, they went their way unharmed.
"Man, I'm SO glad it's the weekend!" Uo said after she had successfully reduced to Kyo to hissing at her.
"Are you glad, Yuki?" Haru asked quietly, hand still grasping the end of Yuki's shirt lightly.
Sighing, Yuki replied politely, "Yes, of course I am."
Momiji began babbling something in German to Tohru, who was attempting to listen to him and at the same time calm Kyo down.
Unexpectedly, a loud, shrill voice screamed, "HEY KYO!" Said cat-boy was suddenly fending off the glomp from a strange girl with dark orange hair, cat ears, and a cat tail.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"
The girl stopped and blue eyes regarded him with angry shock. "Are you stupid? It's me, Angry Kitty!"
Yuki, Tohru, and Kyo gaped at her as another girl came up, with a long, sleek white mane of hair and a glossy tail that was even longer than Angry Kitty's. She had a horseshoe dangling from her belt loop.
"Do you realize how much grief a talking animal can get?" Angry Kitty bitched, oblivious.
"We needed to look normal looking," the new arrival supplied.
"… Sassy-san?" Tohru asked, amazed. (A/N: (laughs hysterically) Who in there right mind would call her Sassy-san? She's a horse! Well, not at the moment)
"The one and only. We're here to pick you up from school!"
Kyo nodded smoothly, as if already used to them popping up every-fucking-where. "So where's Tom?"
Angry Kitty pointed to a dark blue van, where another girl was lounging nonchalantly, nose buried in a book. She had streaky brown hair, small, round, squirrel-like ears, and a huge, bushy tail. Surprisingly, another girl was with her, one with long, dark silver hair and brown eyes as well as … webbed hands?
"Who's that?" Kyo asked.
"Flipper!" Sassy replied brightly, "Our newest CCG member."
"Oh my God, there just has to be four of you."
Yuki, who had been stunned and dazed, balked at the sight of the van and immediately turned to run. Kyo, however, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him towards it, kicking and screaming. Literally. Haru trotted obediently after them, not the least bit phased.
Sassy clasped her hands together and cooed, "Aw, Kyo's so obedient."
Angry Kitty smiled like a doting parent. "We taught him so well. OKAY LET"S GET GOING!"
Uo and Hana were still in shock, so Tohru bowed a quick goodbye and rushed off after Angry Kitty and Sassy, Momiji on her heels. He asked six million questions (Who are they? Are they your friends? Are we going somewhere?), and she had an answer for each one (The CuteCrittersGang. I suppose you could say that. Apparently).
After Yuki was successfully wrestled into the car, the others piled in. They were gone with a squeal of the tires and the reflected, blinding gleam of the sun.
Uo stared, mouth hanging open. She turned to Hana, standing solemnly beside her.
"What the hell was that?"
IIIIIIIIIII
The van took yet another sharp turn, tipping over so it was skimming the road on two wheels, before touching down jarringly. Angry Kitty glanced back to see Sassy, Momiji, and Kyo grinning, and Yuki and Tohru hyperventilating and whiter than paper. Haru was staring blandly out the window, and Flipper was staring at him.
"Having fun?" She asked brightly as Tom slowed a fraction as they sped through an intersection. Horns blasted, as she had just run a stop sign.
ANOTHER stop sign.
She had totally paused! The car had just … kept going. Who needs brakes ANYWAY?
"WHAT THE HELL!" Yuki shrieked, all his composure having fled his person at the first sight of Tom at the wheel.
"THIS IS FUN!" Flipper shrieked back.
After all, everyone knows squirrels are crazier than Jerry Springer on crack. No matter how apathetic they seemed.
"So where are we going?" Kyo asked over the sound of more sirens. Jeez, she was only going … 234mph in a 20mph-zone. What was their PROBLEM?
"The Sohma main house," Sassy answered cheerfully.
And against every sane, rational bone in Yuki's body, he immediately began trying to force the door open.
"I'M NOT GOING BACK!"
Thankfully, they swerved violently and Yuki's head crashed into the window, and he passed out, slumping in his seat.
Tom never once glanced away from the road.
That two-story house had come out of fucking nowhere.
ENDAngry Kitty: And so ends chapter one!
Yuki: How come I'M not the special guest, huh?
Haru: (clings to Yuki)
Flipper: (clings to Haru)
Sassy: Because you do nothing but bitch and tell us how much we suck and how much you hate us!
Yuki: I do not!
Angry Kitty: Yes you do!
Yuki: Nuh-UH!
Angry Kitty/Sassy/Flipper: Yeah-HUH!
Yuki: Nuh-UH!
Angry Kitty/Sassy/Flipper: Yeah-HUH!
Tom: We'd very much appreciate it if you'd review.