First of my fic dump. None of these are finished/finished but with no intention of being completed. Enjoy!
Five Days Without Dean + 1
Fall 2012
Castiel Novak looked around the halls of the high school. It was (finally) his last year, and he just wanted it to be over. His classes were all easy, his classmates were relaxed, and his teachers, well, they just wanted to see the seniors leave.
He trudged his way through the halls, looking for his first class of the day, History. He walked in, book in hand and backpack light as ever on his back, and took a seat near the back. Rachel, one of his friends, sat down next to him.
"Cas! How was your summer?" She asked brightly.
Boring. Stupid. Lame. Boring. Did I mention fucking awful? "It was great. We went up to the vacation house," he lied, and he realized how much fun it was making up stories.
By the time his sorry was done, he went fishing (caught the largest fish of the day), sailed a boat, adopted a puppy ("Her name is Dewey. I'll show you pictures later"), took a drive across the country and back, and how he had a massive food fight with his family (like they were even that close).
"Sounds like fun," Rachel said, then some other girl caught her attention. "Well, I have to go. See ya later!" She bustled off.
Cas slouched in his seat a bit more. Students entered and left the classroom a few more times until the bell finally started the day. His teacher walked in as the bell rang.
"Good morning class. Welcome to Modern America. My name is Mr. Drew, and today we will be starting with introductions and books."
Cas tried to focus for the rest of class, yet every few minutes, he found himself staring into space. Thinking about the summer, worrying when he should be doing the summer work provided by a few classes.
There really wasn't a reason to worry so much. Dean sent mail and pictures every so often, when he had the chance. And Cas kept every single one in a box under his bed so he could look at them right before he fell asleep.
The class ended, and he left the room, with a few spare minutes to get to his next class, Chemistry. There was one open seat, and it was next to Meg Masters, and Cas certainly didn't have enough patience for her this year.
She gave him a wide smile as he sat down. "Hey there, handsome. What's going on?"
Like he hasn't told her a million times he's not interested. And will never be. But some girls just don't get it. Even when you explicitly tell them, "I'm not interested."
He played nice. "Nothing."
"Aw, don't be mean," she said cooly.
He took a breath. "Not being mean, Masters. Just trying to focus for class."
Meg and her friend Lilly laughed. "How cute!" Lilly exclaimed.
"Completely," Meg agreed. "Cas, you wanna get some coffee after school today?" She lowered her voice. "We can even go back to my house after. My parents are away for the week. I don't think they'd notice if some furniture moved around," she added with a wink.
Cas smiled falsely at her. "Masters, I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last being on the planet." He pretended to think about it. "I'm actually pretty sure I'd just kill myself."
Lilly held a smile beneath her hand. Meg hit her arm. "Well, fuck you to Novak. You should kill yourself anyways, freak."
He rolled his eyes, as if she could get under his skin with such a weak-ass excuse. "Nice comeback, Masters. Been working all summer on that one?"
"Ow!" Lilly yelped, as Meg punched her again after seeing her laughing. "The fuck! It wasfunny!"
Cas smirked, then looked to the teacher. She introduced herself as Miss Tran. She started with the basics, then delved into the serious stuff.
Once again, Cas drifted. It was a bad idea, even if he got all A's and B's every year. Problem was, it was his senior year, he had no idea where he wanted to go to college, and he had no idea what he wanted to do with is life.Some people know, but Cas was never that lucky.
The rest of the day passed slowly, as all first days go. At lunch, he sat with Balthazar, Inias, Hester, and Charlie. They all talked about their summers, and Cas gave more fake stories. They all saw through that in a heartbeat.
"Nice try, Cassie. Give us the real story," Balthazar said.
Cas sighed, scolding himself for being so obvious. He would work on lying later. For now, he kept eating his sandwich and chips while his friends stared at him. They eventually gave up.
"Tell us, don't tell us, whatever," Hester said. She dug into her cold pizza she brought from home.
Charlie placed a hand on his arm and leaned in closer. "If you wanna talk, walk home with me," she whispered.
Cas said he's think about it, and he did. Think about it, at least. He still had three classes to go, and he just wanted this day to end. Thank fuck he had his study period last for the day. Introductions in class were always the worst, and his teachers definitely used them as torture.
He decided to take Charlie up on the offer to walk. He would usually have Gabriel pick him up, but he texted him saying that he got a ride.
Charlie linked arms, and clasped hands. Cas didn't say a word. His mind was racing, and a headache was building up behind his eyes. He didn't want to talk to Charlie. He couldn't yet. Even after six months, he couldn't.
"Charlie," he warned. "I can't." He tried to stop them, but tears began running down his face. Charlie pulled some tissues out of her pocket and handed them to him.
Of course she would be prepared. He took them from her and wiped his cheeks, eyes, and nose. "Thanks," he said begrudgingly. "Don't know why I'm like this."
"It's because-"
"I know why," he cut in. "It should be easier by now." Cas turned to her, lost and hopeless. "Why isn't it easier by now?"
Charlie rubbed his arm. "Because that's life. And life is not supposed to be easy, or fair. It's supposed to hurt, give you obstacles and hurtles, so it can shape you into who you really are."
"I'm supposed to be a fucking giant, sobbing baby?" Cas asks jokingly as another sob broke out.
She smiled. "God no! If so, you'd be wearing diapers and shitting your pants. Are you doing any of that?"
He shakes his head with a small, sad smile, as he wipes his eyes.
"Then you're not a baby. Now," she links arms and hands. "Let's get you home to some nice soup and sit by the fireplace."
Cas laughed, and shook his head. "I love you."
"I know," she said cheekily, and they walked to Cas' house. Mercifully, Gabe isn't home now, and Cas breathes a huge sigh of relief. Even if Gabe never teased Cas about his shitty days, or how red his eyes were over the summer.
The worst thing his said all summer was, "I have some good eyedrops, if you need them," and that was the most said.
Charlie didn't come inside. "Met a girl at one of the cons over break. We're meeting for coffee later." She smiled, and Cas waved at her as she bounced away.
Cas opened the door, and smelled cookies. He raced to the kitchen, and saw the pile of snickerdoodle cookies on the counter. There was a note attached. Cas picked it up as he grabbed a cookie.
Cas, these are for you, and only you. Well, and me of course, but you. Hope you had a good day. Eyedrops in medicine cabinet in bathroom. -Gabe.
Cas ate half the cookie, then glanced at the bottom of the note. There was an arrow pointing to the other side. Cas flipped it over.
PS. Don't wait up. Met an awesome chick at the con I went to over the summer. ;)
Cas started laughing, and realized how much both of them were going to bitch and moan at him, and he could only hope that he was wrong.
He grabbed another cookie, ate that as fast as possible, then went to the bathroom upstairs. He needed to take a shower, and write his own letter.
Once he was clean of today's horridness, Cas grabbed a few pieces of stationary from his desk, as well as his good writing pen. He bounded down the stairs, taking them two at a time, grabbed the plate of cookies and balanced them on one hand.
Cas set down the plate on the coffee table, and flicked on the TV as background noise as he wrote, cookie in one hand, pen in the other.
Gabe entered the house at around 5, pissed and fuming. He threw down his keys, wretched out his wallet (thre that on the counter as well) and screamed into his hands.
Cas finished his letter and licked the stripe of glue, pasting the envelope together, and started writing the name, address, and where the letter was going.
"How could I be so stupid?" Gabe yelled. He whipped his head to look at Cas. "How did I not see it was Charlie? It was the worst experience of my life!"
"Hey, it could've gone worse." Cas bit his tongue as he almost forgot where the letter was going. "She could've been a dude."
Gabe scoffed. "Wait." He thought for a moment. "She thought I was a girl." A horrified look lassed over Gabe's face, and Cas smiled.
"I'm telling you," Cas stood and placed a hand on Gabe's shoulder. "Could've been worse." The letter was tucked under his arm.
Gabe eyed it. "You sending him that?"
Cas narrowed his eyes at him. "Why?"
"What if I wanna send him something? Sam gets to, Charlie gets to, why not me?" Gabe pleaded. Cas stared him down.
"Because Dean likes them. He didn't really like you."
"That's just because I threatened him with bodily harm," and Cas laughed, "if he hurt you," Gabe finished over Cas' laughs.
"I highly doubt he was scared of you. Just thought you were annoying." Cas relented with an eyeroll, showing Gabe the address, and Gabe copied it down.
"Just wait so a sec so I can write something real quick." Gabe scuttled to his room, and Cas winced hearing things being thrown and then something breaking. "It's all cool!" Gabe yelled from his room.
Cas had to wait ten more minutes before he could go anywhere.
"Okay! Okay! We can go!" Gabe called out before gracing Cas with his presence. He had a medium-sized box under his arm, and Cas stared at it. "What?" Gabe said all too innocently.
"Just remember, Dean's wrath of whatever you put in there will be all on you," Cas reminded his brother as they left the house. Gabe paled for a moment, before grinning.
"Nah, man. He's gonna love this!" His grin was now too toothy.
Cas just let him do what he pleased. When he got a letter back saying, So next time, don't give Gabe my address. He sent a very loud, very obnoxious teddy bear that danced and sang about love and gooey shit like that.
Cas blushed when he remembered what he wrote in that letter, but the next line,Only you get to do that and get away with it, set his insides on fire.
Winter 2012
Cas bundled up before heading out of his house. The temperatures kept dropping slightly every night, so more layers were added. And the school was no better. He guessed the school board wasted all their money on being the most idiotic and not enough on heating.
Inias met him at his locker. "Hi, Cas."
"Hey, Inias. What's up?" Cas asked as he grabbed some books out of his locker, and stuffed some in.
"Nothing, really. I was wondering if you are able to make it to tonight's practice?"
Cas cursed under his breath. "Shit, I completely forgot. I already have something planned, I'm so sorry."
"Hey, man, it's cool. You can't make it. No big deal," Inias said, brushing it off. But it was a big deal. This was the tenth time (minimum) Cas missed practice, and it was for really shitty reasons.
Cas sighed, and thanked his friend for being so awesome. He had to run off to class, though, so he couldn't stay and talk.
"You owe me big, Novak!" Inias called after him, and Cas laughed.
It was the last day before winter break, and Cas was vibrating. His friends all commented on it at lunch.
"Hey, I need to shake my salad. Hold this, will you?," Hester joked, holding out the container with her salad.
"Haha, funny." Cas bounced his knee constantly, and he wondered how quickly Gabe could get here if he told him he broke his leg. The answer? Five minutes. With Cas' house being more than twenty minutes away, that was an amazing feat.
"You said broken!" Gabe called from the drivers seat.
"I said hurt. And it does." Cas eased into the two person car, "Sorta," and Gabe sped off.
"I don't know why I give in to your truant ways." But there was the faintest smile on Gabe's face, so Cas won.
"Because you love me," Cas explained, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. Because nothing was ever easy. Not in his life.
"I wholly resent that. Ridiculous," Gabe protested, still with a smile
"You can resent it all you want. Bitch about it for all I care. Just remember that," Cas took out his headphones, "no one's listening," he ended with a smile.
Gabe shut up, or at least Cas didn't hear him, for the rest of the 20 minute ride. As he pulled into the driveway, Cas ran straight for the mailbox. And shut it with barely held disappointment.
He shuffled into the house, and dropped his bag by the door. Usually, he would have something by now. How long-
Cas shook his head to stop those thoughts. They kept him up too late and started to cause insomnia just a few weeks back. And he needed his sleep.
He went up to his room, and shut the door. Luckily, Gabe was the only one home at the moment. Cas dropped onto his stomach and fished under his bed for the box. He found it, and breathed a sigh of relief. His nightmares often involved this box, and somehow it getting destroyed.
That would destroy Cas as a result.
He opened the box on the ground while his head rested on the edge of his bed. He flicked through the photos and letters, running his fingers over the paper, sometimes encrusted in dirt, and just knowing who wrote these helped ease the hurt in his heart.
Cas found one particular photo. This was different from the rest because it was taken with his camera phone. It was grainy and faded, and he could barely see the two people, but it was one of Cas' favorites.
They were relaxed that day. Nothing hanging over their heads like in the last month of being together, and Cas missed those days. Cas missed him.
He sighed, and put the picture back, gently pushing the box as far as his fingers would reach. Not even Gabe would get it. Mostly because Gabe doesn't root through his things like Mike, or try and push conversation topics like Raph, or come home drunk and screaming at Cas (not angrily, never angrily, always jokingly) like Luke.
In fact, Gabe just teased him on mindless things, like doing homework that was due in a week, or reading when he could be watching movies. And never making fun of Cas himself. Maybe his hairstyle, or choice of clothes that day, but not for Cas being Cas.
That's why Cas pushed himself up off his bed, and walked to the living room, whereSilver Linings Playbook blared through the TV speakers.
"Gabe!" Cas shouted over Jennifer Lawrence screaming nonsense (to Cas, at least) to some man.
Gabe shushed him. Cas rolled his eyes, and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie. Gabe turned around to glare. "What's twisting your panties?"
"Wanna go out? I'm bored out of my mind," Cas offered. He needed out of this house before the group arrived with loud noises and unwanted attention on Cas.
Gabe considered, and when he looked at Cas, he nodded. He jumped (actually jumped) up from the couch and grabbed the car keys. "Where to, little bro?"
Cas followed his brother. "Um-"
"Arcade? Bar? Strip club?" Gave rattled off.
"Arcade sounds good. Have some change that's burning a hold in my pocket." Cas got into Gabe's car, noticing it was only 2 in the afternoon, and the cavalcade arrived at 6.
Gabe turned his music (just noise to Cas' ears) as loud as their ears could handle, and sang along. Cas laughed at his brother, but allowed his strange habits. Cas was known for driving when he got too emotional, and Gabe sang. Family traits.
The arcade was massive, and dark. Blindly following Gabe's now fluorescent shirt, he led them to the back, where there was a table set up for air hockey.
"Ready to lose?" Gabe taunted.
"In your dreams," Cas replied with a smirk.
Gabe lost six times, 2-5, 3-4, 1-6, 3-4, 2-5, and again 1-6. Nobody beat Cas at air hockey. At least, not in the last nine months. Cas smiled at Gabe, who pouted, before hurrying to another game.
Cas laughed, and went his own way. He found Sam Winchester and a few of his friends cheering as someone was getting close to the high score on some game. When Cas checked his phone, he saw that school was still in session.
"Sam?" Cas said as he walked up to them.
Sam froze and turned around, a puzzled expression crossing his face. "Cas? What're you doin' here?"
Cas shrugged. "Same as you. Too jittery to stay at school."
Sam laughed. "Pretty much no one was there once we left. Everyone hates the last week of school before break." Sam looked back as his friends as they yelled, and Sam gave a yell of his own. Cas chuckled.
When Sam turned back to Cas, his face was far too serious for an arcade. "How've you been?"
Cas frowned. "I'm fine," he said, completely unconvincingly, even to his own ears.
Sam nodded sympathetically, like he knew exactly what Cas was talking about. "Same here. No lie. It's been hard some days. Others are better. Liketonight." He broke into a smile.
He rolled his eyes, and Sam laughed. He heard his name being called multiple in the distance. "Sorry Sam. Gabe's about to have an aneurism if I don't get back."
"No worries. Tell Gabe I say hi... by punching him in the face, if you wouldn't mind," Sam added with a smirk.
Cas smiled. "No skin off my nose. I would've punched him anyways." Cas waved goodbye to Sam and followed his name. Gabe was standing next to the ticket booth, looking extremely annoyed.
"Cas, will you please tell this lovely woman that the machine counted the tickets wrong." Gabe's voice was tight around 'lovely woman', and even the lady behind the counter noticed.
Cas grabbed Gabe's arm. "Be nice. I want to go home soon." He let go.
Gabe sighed. "Fine," he turned back to the lady and plastered on a fake smile that she returned easily, "Fine. I will just take the inflatable basketball hoop."
The lady brought out the box, and when she set it on the table, she popped her gum. Loudly. "Thank you sir, and have a nice day."
Gabe pushed the box back at her. "I believe it is customary for it to be already blown up."
"Oh, no. This will be fine. Thank you," Cas rushed out, and grabbed the box and Gabe's arm, before leaving the arcade with Gabe looking like he wanted to punch the woman.
"She was hot," Gabe admitted as they reached the car. Cas laughed, and slid into the passenger seat.
"You would think that."
Gabe huffed and drove home, the music still too loud. Cas stared out the window. They killed almost all the time they had. It was5:39now. They figured they had enough time to make some snacks before they all arrived, but sadly, there were cars in the driveway when they got home.
They exchanged determined looks, and they each steeled themselves for what was inside. Gabe opened the door, and sighed.
"Gaaaabe! Cassssss! You're hoooo-hiccup-oome! Wha took you so loooong!" Luke called from his position, upside down on the back of the couch. "We miss'd you."
"Ignore him," Mike commanded from the kitchen.
"Already done," Gabe replied. He dropped the keys in the bowl on the table next to the door. "What time did you guys get in?" Both Gabe and Cas hung their coats on the rack.
"About twenty minutes ago. Thought you'd be here. Luke was... disappointed you weren't," Mike replied.
"Why w'rn't you h're?" Luke slurred. He pouted and crossed his arms, the bottle of vodka in his arms spilling on his shirt, and some of it dripped up his neck and off his chin. He started cackling. "Wow, nice job Luke!" And kept laughing.
Cas rubbed his eyes. "Where's Raph and Anna?"
"They're staying in adjacent room at the hotel down the road. They'll be joining us tomorrow," Mike answered. He stepped towards them, book in hand, and smiled. "Seems like it's been forever." He looked at Cas.
"How've you been?" Mike asked, too concerned, and too fake for Cas' liking.
Cas rolled his eyes. "Please, Mike. You don't talk to me all year, then all of a sudden, we're buddy buddy?"
"I am your brother. Remember that," Mike warned.
"Who I only see once a year. Twice if I'm 'lucky'."
"Because he pays the bills around here."
"Whatever," Cas rubbed his temples, "I'm going to bed." He started going up the stairs.
"Caaaassss! Waaait for meeeee!" Before Cas could run up to his room, an uncoordinated arm landed around his shoulders, effectively stopping any escape. "Thanks, lil' bro."
Cas carried Luke up to the spare room, and dropped him on the bed. And once again, he is stopped before making his getaway. This time, by a hand on his wrist.
"Cas," Luke burped, "if you really wanna talk, you know I'm here."
Cas gave a small smile. "Everyone is, Luke." He tugged on the hand that wasn't letting go.
"But I really am. I can stop drinking for one night to talk. Can't be that hard, right?" Luke chuckled, and Cas thought he sounded sober. "G'night baby bro." The hand slipped from Cas' wrist, and heavy snoring filled the silent room.
Cas left Luke on the bed, and shook off the thought of talking to Luke. Hell, he wouldn't even remember anything oftonightbesides a giant, drunken blur.
He walked to his room, suddenly bone-tired, and slowly worked his way into sweats. He took off his shirt (too warm in the house, even for winter) and fell under his covers he was about to go to sleep, when his phone lit up. He thought about ignoring it, until about a million other ones came in as well.
They all said the same thing.Turn on the news! Turn on the news now! Channel 6!
Cas groaned, but obeyed. He turned on the TV, pushed the 6 button, and ran down the hall to the bathroom after reading what was on the screen. Tears filled his vision, and he threw up the contents of his stomach, and possible part of his esophagus.
He sobbed in the bathroom against his elbow, and the brothers (minus Luke who was dead to the world in his room) ran in to check on him.
"Cas! What's wrong?" Gabe asked, rubbing his back.
Cas could only manage "TV" before he leaned over and wretched again. Gabe looked at Mike, and followed him into Cas' room. Mike's mouth was covered by his hand, and his eyes were glassy.
Gabe read what was on the screen.
Massive bombing campaigns in Afghanistan. At least 200 dead, more missing.
When he got his letter in the mail a week later, Cas cried even harder, and laughed hysterically. When he showed the letter to Gabe, Mike, and Luke, they joined in a giant group hug. A giant, teary-eyed hug.
Spring 2013
Cas breathed in the scent of flowers and newly cut grass. He closed his eyes and smiled. The letters came in every single week for a few weeks, and Cas didn't really need to be worried as much during that time. They slowed down some, but he still got them.
He took another deep breath, and walked the mile to school. It took him about twenty minutes to leisurely stroll, and he liked the relaxing pace. It's what he needed since, well, close to a year now.
He heard the car pull up before the voices called out. "Hey Novak. Heard your boyfriend died!"
Cas rolled his eyes. He didn't even bother looking at the car. It had been tool long since he freaked out about something not true, and if they were just hearing about it now, they were very,very behind schedule. He heard the engine rev as it caught up. "Ya wanna be with a real woman now?"
He kept walking. "Novak! Didn't ya hear! Queers don't belong in the military!"
Goddammit, why couldn't they just leave him alone. He ignored them in favor of his sanity. He pulled out his headphones, and walked. Allowing the soothing voices of who-the-fuck-cares to fill his head. And he heard the engine right next to him, creeping along, but who-the-fuck-cares was a better singer than Cas imagined.
He got to school, his self and sanity in one piece. Lucky for him, the car left him alone before he got to the school. Cas was at his locker when a female presence made itself known pressed against his side. He felt a hand trail up his arm.
"Hey, Cas. How's it hangin'?" Meg asked in a low purr.
"For fucks sake Masters. Get a life," Cas growled.
"My life is perfectly fine. But with you in it, it would get so much better." He could feel her hand on his back now, and trailing lower. "Makes me wonder what you see inhimand not me. I mean, I've got all the curves."
"But no brains." Cas slammed his locker shut and quickly walked away. Meg jumped at the locker slamming, but ran to catch up, her heels clicking on the tile floor. She grabbed his arm.
"Come to dinner with me, Cas. It'll be fun," Meg all but pleaded.
Cas cocked an eyebrow. "Really, Masters? Begging? Didn't peg you for the type." He kept walking, like this morning. He was going to be late for class if she didn't let go of his arm.
"Oh, there's a lot you don't know about me," she said lewdly. Cas was fed up. He grabbed her by the arms.
"Meg, I understand you like me. I do. But I'm gay. Do you understand? I like dick. I like pecs and abs. I like biceps and hairy calves. I like cropped blond hair and green eyes. Do. You. Understand?"
Meg stared at him, at a loss for words. Some classmates stopped to watch the exchange, mostly for Meg's reaction. Pretty much everybody knew Cas was gay. Hell, last year... with Dean? But Meg didn't get it. Their classmates knew, so why didn't she?
She opened her mouth to talk, but she only snapped it shut. She tried squirming out of Cas' arms, so he let go. "Do you?" He asked one last time.
Meg didn't look at him. She rubbed her arm, and frowned. Then, she made eye contact. She nodded, then ran down the hall, heels tapping away and echoing against the empty hallways.
Cas stood there, confused, but shook it off. He needed to get to class.
Meg didn't speak or look at him the rest of the day. In fact, Cas barely got a glimpse of her at all today. After she disappeared around the corner in the morning, she disappeared all day.
At the end of the day, he spotted her going to her car. He grabbed her arm, just to talk, and when she looked at him, her eyes and cheeks were red.
"Meg, you okay?" He asked warily.
She sniffled, "Yeah, I'm fine," and with that tone, he knew she was totally not fine.
He scrunched his eyebrows. "Come with me." He didn't let go of her hand, and brought her to the back of the school for some privacy. He let got of her hand and turned around. She was right up in his face.
"Oh, I get it." She smirked and licked her lips.
"Get what?" He tried to push her away.
"You. Saying all that shit so that his friends don't write to him saying that Cas is cheating. Do that, then you're screwed. But lie, then drag me back here 'cause you'redyingfor it..." She pulled on his shirt to bring him closer, sneaking a hand underneath to touch skin. "Kinky." Meg almost got their lips to touch, but Cas pulled back.
"Fucking hell, Masters!" He threw his hands up, then ran them through his hair. "Why is your head so thick?"
"Thick with thoughts, ideas," she said lewdly.
"Why is it so hard for you to accept that I don't like you?" He asked. "At all? In any way, shape, or form?"
Meg shifted on her feet, and she rubbed her arm again. "You really don't find me attractive?"
Cas blinked, and now he was really confused. "That's what this is about?"
She wouldn't look at him. Cas rubbed his forehead, then he got it.
"I get it," Cas said. Meg looked at him, half-angry, half- like she desperately wants him to continue. "You want me to find you attractive so you feel better about yourself."
"How so?" Her voice shook.
Cas smiled. "Meg, you want me to find you aesthetically pleasing so that you don't feel like shit about yourself. Because if you can convince a gay man to be with you, it would mean you are attractive to anyone, and everyone. And I don't know why you would think that, because you're beautiful. Just... not for me."
Meg turned her head away from him. "You're good," she chuckled lifelessly.
Cas shrugged. "Had to with-" He broke off, not really wanting to bring him into this. "Had to learn."
Meg chuckled, and looked at the ground, toeing it with the tip of her shoe. She looked at her watch. "Better get going."
She turned away, and Cas didn't stop her. Because she finally got it.
Cas walked home in better spirits than during the day. His backpack didn't feel so heavy, and his chest felt lighter. Like a huge, Meg-infested weight had been removed. And he breathed deeply.
He got to the house, and a heavy envelope greeted him on the kitchen counter. Gabe stuck a note to the top of it.
I'll be out till tonight. Do whatever you want. Money for pizza if needed. -Gabe
Cas threw the note in the trash, and sat on a stool at the counter. He pondered about which pizza joint he should go to, when he heard his cellphone vibrate and ping from his room. The number wasn't one he recognized, and he briefly considered ignoring it.
But it could be someone he knew, so he unlocked his phone. The text read,Open skype.
Cas eyed his laptop wearily, but opened it nonetheless. As he waited for skype to turn on, he went downstairs to get a glass of water. When he got back up, Skype was running, and there was a waiting call to be accepted.
Cas sipped his water, and promptly spit all over his laptop. Dean's bright, smiling face filled the screen, and Cas covered his mouth to hide his squeal of happiness.
"I take it you're surprised," Dean said, laughing. "That's good. Perfect." His smile lit up the screen, and Cas couldn't breathe.
For close to a year now, he was alone. Not that he was lonely; he had his friends and Gabe. He loved all of them profusely. But when Dean left, Cas fell. He felt too alone, and too scared. His friends brought him out of it, and Gabe had made him laugh for the first time after Dean was gone.
And now Dean was back, more or less. Definitely less, because Cas couldn't just reach into the screen and touch him. That sucked.
"Cas?" Dean asked, a huge, stupid smile on his face. "You okay, there?"
"Uh, yeah, I'm just-" Cas choked a little. Dean laughed. "How are you, um... How are you doing this?" Cas asked softly since his voice wasn't working properly yet.
"Pretended I was sick. Most of the guys won't be back 'til later." Dean stared at Cas. "Miss you," he whispered.
Cas smiled through tears blinding him. "Miss you, too."
"I'm doing good here. Saved someone's life today," Dean said.
"Really? I'm so proud of you." And because it was Cas, he really meant it, and not just in a sarcastic way.
"Yeah," Dean scratched the back of his neck, "how about you? What are you up to?"
Cas smiled warmly. "Remember Meg?"
Dean huffed. "How can I forget? Why? What'd she do?"
"Nothing, I stood up to her, and actually, I think I helped her, too." Cas chuckled.
"Good for you," Dean praised. "Proud of you."
Cas looked around Dean. He was in some type of tent, due to the background constantly moving, Cas suspects, with the wind. The tent is dirty brown, and Dean keeps licking his lips, so it's probably dry there.
"Drink some water," Cas commanded. He displayed his water as if it would entice Dean to drink too.
Apparently, it did, because Dean pulled out a bottled water and drank half of it in one gulp. "Better?" Dean asked mockingly.
"Yeah," Cas replied. "Yeah, uh," he cleared his throat, looking at his keyboard. All of a sudden, Cas wanted to run away. He couldn't look at Dean, or at his friends, and if Gabe walked into his room right now, Cas would probably punch him.
He felt unexplicably angry. And he shifted restlessly in his seat. He hugged himself, and rubbed his arms. He crossed his legs, and brought his knees up to his forehead.
"Cas? Hey, Cas? What's going on? Are you alright?" Dean's voice sounded thick, like Cas was underwater, or under mud.
Cas couldn't breathe. He shut his eyes, and covered his ears with his hands. He kept repeating, "no," just loud enough for Dean to hear, but not loud enough to reach his own ears.
He couldn't hear Dean, talking louder, trying to get Cas' attention. He couldn't see Dean frantically waving his arms and running his hands through his hair.
He couldn't hear Dean apologize, before the screen went black. Cas couldn't uncurl himself from the ball he compacted himself in, and when Gabe came home that evening to Cas like that, he knew it was time.
Summer 2013
It was finally here. Graduation day. Cas was happy. Sometimes, he was overhappy, and his friends would exchange worried glances, but he didn't care. He was done.
Cas was going to college, all his siblings agreed it was the best thing for him. And all of them came up to stay in the house for a week. Cas didn't want them to have to rearrange all of their schedules for his graduation. It was a strange concept to him.
To have people care about him enough to do that.
Cas kept getting his letters from Dean, but he refused to send any back. He knew Gabe sent stuff to make sure Dean knew he was alive, but he couldn't care less.
"Today's the day!" Gabe sang as he jumped down the stairs, and crushing Cas in a bear hug. "I'm so proud of you."
Proud of you.
Cas extracted himself from Gabe's arms, and gave him a small smile. "Thanks Gabe."
"Let's go! Everybody's already there, waiting for you!" Gabe runs out of the house, grabbing the keys from the bowl, and started the car.
Cas lingered behind, petting the red cap that went with his gown. He toyed with the tassel attached the the cap, and took deep breaths as he walked outside. He sat inside the car, feeling slightly better, but he couldn't feel his face.
The drive to the school was too quick, Cas couldn't gether his thoughts. He was done with this school, finished, and moving into an apartment near his college.
For the past few months, he had been seeing a therapist, saw her a day after the Dean incident, and just talked. Sometimes about Dean, but mostly about Cas himself.
It had been going good, but now he was going to college, and he was ready to take on the world, one baby step at a time, that is. She had reccommended a few times talking to Dean, telling him what happened and stuff like that. And Cas was going to, he had the paper out, pen in his hand, but the words didn't flow.
He scrapped it, and ended up drawing whimsical shapes and lines.
Gabe led him towards where his year was standing. He shoved on his cap, squeezing his way into the line. Some people glared at him, others didn't bother looking in his direction.
Most of his family was there. Gabe, Luke, and Anna. He spotted Anna's hair, which alerted him to his not-drunk brother standing in between Gabriel and Anna.
They were called up. Their valedictorian was a kid named Ash. He had over a 4.0 grade average, could pretty much get into any school he wanted (Cas' dream), and is most likely not going to college.
He gave a quick speech, something about partying and alcohol and girls, but then he was saying Cas' name.
"And I would like to call Castiel Novak down, please." Ash scanned the crowd to find his messy black hair hidden under his cap. He waved Cas down. "C'mon. I don't bite." People laughed.
On unstrudy legs, Cas walked down to where Ash was standing.
"Okay, perfect. Now, we all have those loved ones. The ones we don't want to let go," Ash started. "And people don't treat you like sh- crap for it, right? Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy and girl fall in love. Expected to get married, have a swanky house, have 2.5 kids. But," Ash paused, sinlge finger in the air, "what if it was boy likes boy?"
People in the crowd in front of Cas started murmuring, and whispers began behind him. He looked to his siblings, all with smiles on their faces. Something was happening, and Cas wasn't sure he wanted to find out.
"Boy likes boy. Boy likes boy back." Ash kept going, and Cas needed to leave. Like right now.
He jumped off the stage, ignoring the looks people gave him as he passed in a blur.
"And boy needs to come out right now!" Ash finished, and the doors in front of Cas opened. He froze, because someone was standing in his way.
"Heya, Cas," Dean said, and Cas didn't realize it yet, but he was crying. Dean walked forward slowly.
Cas swallowed. He gripped his sleeves in his hands. "Dean?"
Dean grinned, and Cas never thought he would be able to see it again. "Are you going to jump in my arms, or am I going to jump in yours? Either way is cool."
Cas full on sprinted toward him, dressed in his uniform, and jumped, knowing Dean would catch him. And he did, though he stumbled back a few steps.
Now, in front of conservative parents and their young children, Cas knew they shouldn't be doing this, him held by Dean and pretty much making out with him, but he didn't give one single fuck at the moment.
"Missed you," Cas said in between kisses.
"Missed you, too," Dean replied. He set Cas on the ground, and Cas honest to god whined. Dean chuckled. "Right here, Cas."
Cas nodded, but hugged the life out of him. His head was resting on Dean's left shoulder, arms circling Dean's neck. In return, Dean's arms were wound around Cas' waist and lifting him slightly so Cas was standing on the tips of his toes.
They couldn't hear the applause around them, and didn't notice Ash saying, "Hell yes, we're done!"
"Wait!" Dean cried out before the crowd could silence him. He dragged Cas back onto the stage, grabbed the mic from Ash's hands, and looked Cas in the eye.
"Okay, so I know this isn't exactly romantic, dinner by candlelight, or picnic on the beach, but I love you, so this is happening." Cas couldn't breathe as Dean knelt on one knee on the ground. He reached into one of his many pockets, and procured a small, silver velvet box.
"Dean?" Cas whispered, because fuck this was actually happening.
"Cas," Dean cleared his throat, "You've been my friend for as long as I can remember, been there to help me through some pretty serious stuff. You know stuff about me I've never told my brother, because I trust you with my life. Now, I would like to ask you to do the incredible act of becoming my husband. Cas, will you marry me?" And when Dean opened the box that held a gold band, people all around them gasped.
Cas covered his mouth with his hand before a choked sound came out. He was shaking harder than ever, and he almost couldn't answer. "Of course, you idiot."
Cas could've sworn he heard people crying, but then people were applauding again as Dean slipped the ring on his finger (both their hands were shaking, it took a few tries), and stood up to kiss the hell out of Cas again.
"Now?" Ash said over the crowd. Dean looked into Cas' eyes, and nodded. "Alright! Done!" And his voice was accompanied by a hundred caps being thrown in the air.
Dean pulled back, yanked Cas' hat off, and handed it to him. "Go ahead," he whispered.
Cas smiled, more than he had in ages, and threw his cap up. He didn't see where it landed, because Dean was there, in the flesh, which Cas hadn't seen in over a year, and decided to trail his fingers over Dean's face.
It seemed hardened, tougher than last time. He saw Dean's eyes fick behind him, and a strange expression passed over his face. Then Cas felt a hand on his arm.
"Congratulations," Meg said. It was sincere, and Cas grinned.
"Thanks. How've you been?" Cas asked.
Meg nodded. "Better. I'm really happy for you two."
Cas took a step forward, and hugged Meg. She didn't do anything with Dean standing right there, but Cas knew she wouldn't either way. He squeezed once more, then pulled back.
"Remember what I told you," Cas said, lightly tapping her nose.
She smiled. "Never gonna forget." She smiled, and walked away. Dean stared after her.
"She's different," he commented.
Cas laughed, and tugged Dean forward. "Let's go. I want to get the sibling thing out of the way early." Turns out, Cas' siblings found them in two minutes, and Anna screeched.
"CAS!" She hugged him hard, and Cas groaned. "I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks, Anna," Cas said, rubbing the back of his head. She moved on to Dean, and Gabe was next.
"Cas, I'm so happy for you. But thankgod you won't be living at home! Love ya!" Gabe smacked a big kiss on Cas' cheek, which he had to wipe off, and Dean shook his head.
Then Luke. He walked over and gave Cas a hug. "Little brother, I'm proud of you." Luke smiled down at Cas. "Expect lots of booze for your wedding gift. Oh, and I expect an open bar at the wedding," he added, pointing between the both of them.
Dean smiled, and Luke walked over to him. Cas laughed as Dean's face paled and he gulped. He looked at Luke, and nodded.
"Wouldn't dream of it," and Cas could hear the fear in his voice. Luke strode away, and Dean looped an arn in Cas'. "What now,fiancé?"
"Hmm, did you tell your family about this?" Cas asked, looking sideways at Dean, who blushed. "Then we're headed to your house first,fiancé."
"Don't you wanna change or something?" Dean asked, motioning to Cas' graduation garb.
Cas nodded his head. "I just have to hang it up," he paused as he unzipped the side of the gown and stepped out of it, "right here." As they passed the door, Cas hung it up on a random rack.
They walked the ten minutes to get to Dean's house, Sam standing on the porch with their parents. They got closer, and Mary started sobbing. Cas elbowed Dean in the ribs.
"You told them!" He accused.
"Ow! And of course I did. I also asked Michael, who told me to ask Luke, and he was very enthusiastic." Dean rubbed his sore ribs, and Sam laughed at him. "Shut up. Cas is strong."
"Yeah, maybe you're just weak," Sam said, and ran past his parents into the house as Dean chased him. Cas laughed with Mary and John.
Mary put her arm around Cas' shoulder, and lead him inside. He glanced at John, who had a conflicted expression. He ignored that in favor of the warm house and the gentle Mary next to him.
"We were so happy to hear when you two first started dating. Then Dean comes home out of the blue, no warning, and tells us with such certainty that he was going to ask you to marry him. He even had a ring and everything. Wouldn't tell us where or when he got it."
"That's Dean for you," Cas said, and Dean zipped past them, still running after Sam.
John entered the house, heavy boots hitting the wood floor hard enough for Cas to wince. Mary rubbed his back.
"John, quit it," she scolded.
"Quit what?" John asked as he kicked off his boots next to the door. "My house."
"Mine, too. Now stop acting childish."
John rolled his eyes. "If anyone's acting childish," he pointed to where Dean had Sam in a headlock in the hallway, "it's them."
Cas couldn't tell who was the problem, or even if there was one. Was it Dean and Cas getting engaged? Dean not asking, but telling them? Or was it before all of this, when Dean joined the military? Cas' head started spinning from not eating all day, and sat down on a stool in the kitchen.
"Cas? Honey, you alright?" Cas nodded, but Dean was suddenly right there next to him. He was in a different set of clothes, Cas noticed.
"What's wrong? Did someone accidentally hit you? You need to grow a few more inches," Dean joked, but Cas could see the real worry there.
"'M fine. Haven't had anything to eat since late afternoon yesterday." In response, Cas' stomach loudly demanded food. He placed a hand over it, hoping to quiet it down.
Dean chuckled. "That we can do. Now, do you want pizza or burgers?" Dean shooed his mother away, promising food for all. She gave him a look that said,burn down my kitchen, and Cas won't have anyone to marry. Dean smiled reassuringly, and started bustling around the kitchen.
Cas watched him move with precision, slicing the onions and mixing the beef. He was hungry enough, he went and grabbed a piece of lettuce out of the lettuce ball.
Dean slapped his hand. "Bad Cas. You need more meat to go with that. Go sit and don't interrupt."
Cas winked as he swallowed his leafy food, and Dean dropped the pan he was holding.
"What's the matter Dean?" Cas asked innocently.
"You are the matter. Too cute for me to concentrate." Dean turned on the stove.
"I resent that. I prefer sexy, hot, drop dead gorgeous. Really any variant of the three," Cas said with a smile.
Dean grinned. "I like mischievous little tyrant for you. Makes more sense. Plus it's accurate." He shaped the meat into patties, and dropped two into the pan.
"And I like pesky irritating giant for you. You really work it." Dean left his station to give Cas a quick kiss on the lips before tending to the burgers.
"These'll be done in about ten minutes." Dean turned and wiped his hands on a dish towel.
Cas looked down at the countertop, tracing the granite patterns with his finger. He hoped Dean wouldn't see the mood he was in, but it was Dean, so Cas was just waiting for him to say something.
"I've decided I'm going to college," Dean announced, and Cas fell off his chair. He landed on his feet, but hit his hip against the counter.
Cas rubbed it as he looked at Dean. He didn't look to be kidding, or a joking smile on his face. "You're serious?"
Dean nodded. "I was going to stay four years, but then I would be farther away from you for longer, so I'm going to college, stick around, get married," he wiggled his eyebrows, "go on a honeymoon," and Cas blushed even if it wasn't new, "and remind myself why I'm doing it."
Dean kissed Cas' cheek, and whispered in his ear, "Plus, you in a speedo, who could resist." Cas pushed him away half-heartidly, and Dean laughed.
"Focus on your damn burgers, perv," Cas retorted, sitting back on his seat.
Dean held up his hands, and flipped the two patties.
Cas ate like he had never seen food before. They all watched him as they ate their burgers by the bite, not by the thirds as Cas was doing. He pretty much inhaled the fist one, and finished the second and third ones before the rest finished their first.
Once they were done, Cas moaned and groaned about his stomach, Dean sighed and said goodnight to his family, even if it was only 9:30 at night. Cas laid in Dean's bed, snuggling the pillows and cocooning himself in blankets.
Dean stripped off his shirt and pants, only replacing the shirt. He stood next to the bed, trying to figure out the best approach for sleeping arrangements. Cas was hogging the blankets, and close to sleeping in the middle of Dean's queen sized bed.
As gently as he could, Dean extracted the blankets from under Cas' body, and laid down next to him. Cas was on his side, facing Dean. When Dean sighed, some of Cas' hair blew away from his face. Cas tried to hide his face from the annoyance.
Cas groaned, and tried to find a spot to sleep more comfortably. He ended up against Dean's chest, arm thrown over them, and legs tangled together. Dean was sort of turned toward him, his face in Cas' hair.
Cas could've complained, but this is exactly how he wanted it to be. Him, Dean, and silence.
Summer 2014
Cas' hands were too shaky to knot his silk tie.