Hey guys. So this story is basically a product of me being really depressed after 4x16. Honestly, it just felt so hopeless to me because they were both struggling so much with themselves that it seemed like they couldn't even be truthful in their own minds about what was going on between them. I felt what they really needed was one moment of honesty, especially from Caroline. I want her to accept him and not reject him for at least ONE moment. Anyways, babbling. This story is basically just one blob of a thought so I am sorry if it's not super cohesive and if there are spelling mistakes. I am still not sure about how I ended it. Well, let me know what you think.
RE-UP: I was rushing to put this out last night. When I revisited it in the morning I realized there were a lot of holes and things I wanted to expand on. The gist was there, but the fun is in the details! Someone also pointed out to me that Caroline might be a little OOC in this fic. I'm trying to rectify that. But I think the fic calls for that a little bit. Heaven knows the writers on TVD would never let these characters say half the things I wrote in here. But that is what makes it great to read. Eat your heart out.
I do not own TVD or any of the characters therein.
You can't hate me for driving him away. You can't hate me for driving him away. Klaus' words looped over and over again in her mind as she lay in bed that night, never letting up, never giving her a moment's peace. She had lied to him. Oh, I can. And I do. She had tossed out the flippant comeback without a second thought, not regretting it in the least...until now. Caroline could picture Klaus' face in her mind, his piercing blue eyes nailing her to the spot, his lean height towering above her, his brow furrowed almost in a plea. Klaus had seemed to be peering inside her soul, desperate to find some sign that he still had a leg to stand on with her…and Caroline had lied to him. She had watched as that same face, those same eyes, flashed with a moment of deep hurt before fading into a determined mask of indifference. When he looked at her now, it was with dead eyes and she almost couldn't bear it.
Caroline had never once thought of Klaus as being dead inside or untouched by emotion, as some thought. That had never been the root of his power or the fear her friends felt of him. It was his pure feeling which she saw driving him, leading him to strike out towards those who threatened him, those who rejected and hurt him and then reach out to her for his own redemption almost simultaneously. It was his untamed passion, uncontrollable, and she guessed almost overwhelming, that made Klaus who he was: unpredictable. One moment he was intolerably cruel, the next he was surprisingly human. And it wasn't until she realized that she had driven the feeling out of his eyes that Caroline truly began to fear Klaus and fear herself. Caroline almost couldn't fathom that she, as small of a blip as she was in the grand scheme of his infinite years, had been the cause of this brokenness she felt radiating from him. And the worst part was that she had lied. And it was haunting her.
She didn't hate him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Caroline was so painfully aware that she didn't hate Klaus and, up until this point, had been doing everything she could to hide her intense curiosity about him. Every gesture, every reaction from him felt permanently etched in her brain. He intrigued her and it embarrassed her because she thought it was so obvious. But apparently not to him. And now she was going over every moment of forced interaction in her head, regretting every decision she made to hold herself apart from him, every sarcastic barb she used to push him away and wishing with every fiber of her being that she could go back to that moment before the emotion in his eyes slipped away…and make sure he knew exactly what he was to her. Caroline let her eyes close and her mind drift through her memories, recreating that moment in the Salvatore living room and letting the present fade away slowly and reality dissolve around her…If she had done things differently…
The sun was filtering through the window of the Salvatore mansion as Caroline walked from room to room, surveying the damage done by the partiers the night before. The house always had a shadow about it and sometimes it surprised Caroline how the light had to fight its way past the thick walls, the absorbing fabric, just to make itself known in the room…and yet it always seemed to manage. While the party had been careless debauchery for most, it had not been for her. As she grabbed empty cup after empty cup, carelessly tossing them in the garbage bag she held, Caroline recalled the feeling of Elena's slim and delicate hands violently trying to over-power her. A chill ran up her spine at the coldness and callousness she had felt from her friend but –Wait! Stop it! She chided herself, shushing her internal dialogue to peer at her surroundings.
It was the Salvatore mansion, all right; it was exactly as she remembered it being. But something felt…different. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Everything about the memory felt heightened, her awareness of her own internal monologue, her waxing poetic about the sunlight. Caroline looked down at a plastic cup she had involuntarily been squeezing in her hand. She could feel the plastic under her fingers, the warmth from the sun, and the weight in her hand from the day-old liquid. It was almost tangible. It felt almost too real. Not like a memory at all. This was her fantasy, right? It felt more like a dream…maybe she had fallen asleep? She had never had a lucid dream before…was that what this was? Caroline had to shake her head once more, clearing herself of her paranoid thoughts. This was a dream. She could control it. Now…if she were to do things differently, would she really waste time lamenting the circumstances of Elena? It seemed that every second of her real life revolved around her friend's drama and quite frankly, she was tired of it. This moment didn't need to be about anything but her and exactly what she wanted. And what Caroline wanted was a do-over. To pretend for a moment that things were like back in the days before the cure, before Shane, Jeremy's death, Kol, Carol, before Hayley and the hybrids…back to when Klaus looked at her with longing and admiration…and she didn't feel so alone.
Speak of the devil…just as she was psyching herself up for some dream-control Caroline heard the front door open and someone enter the mansion. Klaus. Why did he never knock? She took a deep breath and downed the liquid in the plastic cup she was holding, getting rid of it as quickly as she could.
"Desperate times, I take it." Klaus' voice rang out through the large room, its low timbre vibrating throughout Caroline's entire body, shaking all her emotions loose. She took another breath before turning around. The air almost caught in her throat and she finally laid her eyes upon his figure, the sunlight streaming out the windows behind him and throwing his figure in stark relief against the brightness. He looked like an angel. Albeit, one with a smirk on his face. Caroline studied him longer than she remembered doing before. She wanted to memorize the look in his eyes in this moment. He still looked at her with a cautious hope, his arms confidently resting behind his back in a move that Caroline felt he used to ward off insecurity. The silence was dragging on as she stared, Klaus' face becoming a question, his eyebrows rose in speculation. Sighing, Caroline finally said what she knew came next.
"What are you doing here?" Caroline arched an eyebrow in his direction, going back to pretending to ignore him as she continued tidying up the table in front of her. She felt bad for playing him, knowing what was coming next and allowing it anyways.
"Not judging you, for starters. Although, if you are determined to get drunk then perhaps I might recommend something a little more sanitary." Caroline scoffed and rolled her eyes at this. He was being a little smart aleck and it still pissed her off dream or not. But when she snuck a look at his face she could tell, she could practically see it dripping off him, his provocation. He wanted to rile her up. He expected her to lash out. God, he is such a masochist! She wanted nothing more to prove him wrong. This was the moment, she thought, where I could have turned it all around and I didn't. I ignored it. He expects you to reject him. He wants you to reject him to feed his own insecurities. Don't let him trap you. Harsh determination settled upon Caroline's face as she dropped the garbage abruptly and sashayed her way over to stand nose to nose with Klaus. Uncertainty clouded his features; Caroline could hear his pulse amp up dramatically. I've caught him, she thought. I've caught him off guard and he likes the thrill of it, I know he does.
"What would you recommend?" Caroline inquired, smiling knowingly. She felt powerful. She felt in control.
"Drinking with me." Klaus replied, blinking rapidly amidst a smug façade. She watched as his tongue darted out, licking his full lips and drawing her attention there. She felt her own pulse speed away, her breath growing shallow at their proximity now. Caroline could feel his warm breath on her face and to steady herself, she found that her fingers had wound themselves around the lapels of his jacket, rubbing the fabric absently. Klaus seemed to be fascinated by this, and it almost seemed for a moment that she was pulling him closer to her, their bodies brushing against each other lightly. But Caroline didn't let it go far, suddenly releasing her hold on him.
"Let's go then." She breathed, willfully getting a hold of her senses before grabbing her purse she knew she had so haphazardly thrown on the couch earlier that morning and strutting towards the front door, expecting Klaus in her wake. When she didn't hear him following her, she curiously glanced back to meet his eyes, urging him without words to come with her. He responded wordlessly as well, hands still behind his back, pressing his lips together and nodding almost tersely at her in acquiescence before exiting with her.
Truthfully, Caroline was thrilled to be free from the dark inside the Salvatore mansion. Out in the sunshine she almost felt like she could shake free all of the darkness from her life and forget everything that weighed on her. And wasn't that what dreams where for? She congratulated herself for manipulating Klaus into leaving with her and enjoying the crisp outside air. It struck her as odd once more, the very real feeling that a deep breath of air whooshing into her lungs gave her. The aliveness of her dream was a bit unsettling, but she brushed it aside. This was what she wanted, to do things differently and so far she was succeeding and very proud of herself. Klaus, on the other hand, couldn't quite get himself in the moment, it seemed to her. He appeared content to let her have the control, as he looked at her with a mix of incredulity and curiosity. Clearly he had not foreseen this happening and didn't really know what came next.
"So where are you taking me?" Caroline inquired brightly, urging him into action. "Can we be somewhere outside? This sunshine feels amazing!" She stretched her arms above her, reaching towards the sky, tilting her head back. This was definitely the best dream she had ever had. So real. Lucid dreaming from now on Caroline, she thought. She heard Klaus chuckle softly at her side.
"The weather seems to have quite the affect on your mood, love." He remarked, his voice full of warmth and his gaze lingering on the sliver of stomach exposed as her shirt had ridden up. Caroline immediately adjusted the fabric to cover herself, shooting him a reprimanding look. "Right, well-" Evidently he was struggling to remember what her original question had been.
"The drink?" She prompted him. She startled a bit as Klaus used his vampire speed disappearing only to reappear a second later holding what looked to Caroline to be a bottle of very expensive champagne from the Salvatore's collection. "Impressive," she muttered, after glancing at the label. Klaus let loose upon her his first genuine smile of the day, dimples and all. His eyes lit up and all of a sudden he was as mischievous and careless as she felt. Goal accomplished, she thought to herself. So far, so good. Now to make sure he knows exactly what he means to me. Caroline could feel her forehead crinkle slightly trying to formulate how she would go about this task but Klaus voice interrupted her planning.
"Shall we take a drive?" He gestured to the sleek modern-looking car she hadn't noticed parked in the driveway. She didn't know anything about cars but it looked like it could go fast. Caroline wondered where her mind got the image of that car from, but shrugged it off. Some magazine or car commercial probably. She supposed Klaus must be used to people being impressed by this piece of machinery by the expectant looks he kept shooting her way but Caroline couldn't seem to make herself care. He lives so close by, why doesn't he just run where he needs to go? The car just seemed ostentatious and unnecessary. Caroline shrugged.
"Does the roof come down?" She asked him, she wanted to feel the wind on her face. Klaus brow furrowed at her question. Obviously the answer was a negative. She could almost see the disappointment seep into his stance; wariness that her demands of him would halt their tête-à-tête before it even began. Lucky for him she was in the mood to be accommodating. But he didn't know that. He didn't know she had plans for him and their day. "Why don't we go to your house? We can sit out on your terrace." She suggested casually. He looked at her quizzically. I feel like everything I am doing makes zero sense to him! Caroline laughed to herself. Sure, she had never been one to go out of her way to spend time with him, let alone offer to go to his house-his lair. But it was HER dream, she could do whatever she wanted and ever since the ball, she longed to see the no doubt extensive grounds of the Mikelson estate in the light of day. Now was just the perfect opportunity to do it. It briefly occurred to her that her own subconscious was the one manipulating her dream so she wouldn't really be seeing the REAL grounds…but she faked it. Hey, it felt real to her; she might as well enjoy it!
"After you." Klaus gentlemanly opened the car door for her, allowing her to get comfortable in the seat. The car ran very low to the ground. Almost immediately as the door closed, Caroline was rolling down the window. She didn't want to feel cooped up and claustrophobic sitting so close to Klaus who seemed to be radiating charming so intensely that it put her a bit on edge. She wanted him to turn it down and tried to think hard about her wish, to manipulate the dream. But it didn't seem to be working, his gaze was just as intense as ever and his presence next to her was electric. Soft jazz music filtered out through the car radio as Klaus revved the engine and sped away from the Salvatore's. Caroline's smile was big and wide, the wind whipping through her hair, tousling it probably beyond repair. And they were flying.
She glanced over at him a couple of times only to be faced with a calm Klaus, his face relaxed except for a small smile that graced his lips. It looked adorable. And for a second Caroline was lost in her vision of him. His dirty blonde curls were artfully arranged, his soft stubble highlighting his strong jaw. As her gaze drifted lower she was almost surprised to find she had never noticed how almost delicate his neck looked. It was smooth and pale, sinewy with a splattering of moles on one side. It made him look more human, she mused, moving her eyes down more to sweep over his broad shoulders and chest. His proclivity to wear Henley's seemed only to enhance his lean muscular frame perfectly, she thought, he probably knows this. Caroline rolled her eyes inwardly. Damn, he does look good though. And especially driving this car, she thought. He was steering with a non-chalance that spoke of his complete control of the vehicle. Sexy as hell. 1000-year-old vampire reflexes will do that for you.
"It's flattering to think I might be the cause of your emotional turn-around, love, but what is it really?" Klaus inquired, as they sped smoothly down the road. He looked quite suspicious of her. She supposed it seemed like something he would say. "The prospect of drinking in the afternoon overwhelming your usual reservations towards me? Or is this simply another distraction?" Klaus glowered momentarily at this thought. Caroline just rolled her eyes at him, grinning smugly as if to say, well wouldn't you like to know? "And what of Tyler?" He growled at her, she raised her eyebrows at the noise erupting from deep in his throat. "Done mourning the departure of our young Brutus?" She scoffed, annoyed that the duty fell to her to alleviate his moodiness. Caroline wished he would stop trying to be so goddamn conniving, couldn't he just enjoy this moment with her. She grumbled. Why did he have to ruin everything?
"What's wrong with just wanting to appreciate this beautiful day?" She asked him slyly. His dark energy didn't let up. When he didn't reply, she resigned herself to having to talk about Tyler with him, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. That was not what this do-over was supposed to be about. Why couldn't Klaus just cooperate for once?! Caroline sighed. "I just want one moment without everything…" She struggled to think of an appropriate word for the weight she felt pressing down on her shoulders. "…LOOMING, okay?" Klaus nodding. She considered the subject dropped for now. Caroline chose to move her attention back to the window, enjoying the day outside. She draped her arm out of the window, letting her fingers float through the breeze like a wave, casting shadows in the light on her face. A perfect moment, she sighed out loud. She sure could dream.
Caroline was shaken out of her trance by the sound of Klaus' voice lowly humming to the music. She felt like she was staring at him so hard that her eyes were bugging out of her head. She had to free herself but it was hard, the soft tones of his voice once again shaking her to her core. Klaus glanced over at her momentarily, self-consciousness flashing through his eyes, before shifting gears and pulling harshly into the driveway of his home. She wished the drive had taken longer, a little put out that the moment had been cut short…she almost regretted refusing his offer to take her on a drive but thought better of herself when she remembered her plan. Perfect dream so far.
"I don't know what you Originals find so fascinating about your oversized mansions and your equally oversized fireplaces…" Caroline trailed off, as she strolled casually through Klaus' home, taking in it's magnified elegance in all its glory... It certainly wasn't stuffy, she thought, as her brow peaked at the immense size of the rooms that seemed to go on and on. She was looking for the doors to the back terrace and failing. Caroline heard him stifle a chuckle behind her and she turned to face him. He was wearing that insufferably endearing smirk again. She couldn't help but smile back at him. "Which way?" She mouthed, pointing with her fingers to her left and right.
"Left." Klaus readily supplied the answer, the champagne bottle swinging effortlessly at his side, only now in his other hand he grasped the stems of two champagne glasses. Too classy to drink from the bottle. Hmpf. Caroline immediately set out in the direction he pointed, intent on getting back outside so she could breathe again. Of course, coming up with her plan, she had underestimated the effect being in his house would have on her nerves. Every single thing in this space around her spoke of him. Casual elegance. Dark romanticism. The last time she had been in his space…had been the ball. Where he had shown her a room full of artwork deep inside the maze-like rooms, and she suspected, deep inside his maze-like mind. Caroline gulped at the thought of what this house held. Luckily, Klaus distracted her from her thoughts. "There is certainly something to be said for a good fireplace, hearth and home and all that." She could hear the amusement in his voice now. "And you know how it is with vampires, love, the bigger the fireplace, the better to brood in front of." Caroline let out a deep laugh in surprise at Klaus' willingness to make fun of himself. He certainly was in a light mood all of a sudden. But that changed very quickly.
There was a soft padding of feet on the floor of the room adjacent to them and a creak of floorboards. Caroline stopped abruptly in her tracks, not really knowing why, but tensing for an attack. The hair on her neck stood on end as she reached out with her vampire senses, trying to understand her body's reaction. She could feel Klaus frozen behind her as well, watching her. She glanced back at him, her eyes raking over his face full of…trepidation? He didn't seem the least bit curious at the noises, content to know what it was and not tell her. Figures, she huffed to herself. Instead, he seemed intent on her features, which were screwed up into a tight expression of concentration. What was that smell? Caroline soon found out as Hayley sauntered through the doorway barefoot with mussed hair, cocking an eyebrow and a hip at the both of them frozen in the middle of the room. Wolf bitch.
For a moment, Caroline let her fury consume her, her loyalty to Tyler forcing her to hate this attitude-y girl in front of her for betraying them, for the murder of all of Klaus' hybrids, for what? For what, exactly? She wanted to know! But she buried the flash of feeling away after that brief indulgence because…WHAT THE FUCK? What was Hayley doing here? What was she doing in Klaus' mansion? And why did the smell of wet dog and sex suddenly start suffocating her where she stood? This was HER goddamn dream, what was Hayley doing here?!
"What the HELL…are you doing here?" Caroline seethed at her, air whistling angrily through her nostrils. Hayley's eyes narrowed in her direction before flitting behind her to Klaus, her lips curling into a wicked grin.
"I could ask you the same thing." Hayley crossed her arms in front of her in defiance. Caroline hated vagaries and she knew Hayley was trying to provoke her. Rolling her eyes at the other girl's childish reply, Caroline looked over her shoulder to meet Klaus' penetrating gaze begging him for some back up. Silently imploring him. She played you, she pleaded with him. Do something. She took your hybrids from you, why are you allowing her in your house?! Curious, he either did not seem to be on the same wavelength as her or he was ignoring the situation entirely, merely observing the scene with a sort of glazed look in his eye. Caroline fixed him with a deadly stare. You better fix this RIGHT NOW, she thought, trying to force the thought past his thick skull. This was not how her do-over was supposed to go.
"Hayley and I just concluded some business concerning Katerina, love," Klaus supplied, finally seeming to get Caroline's hint and joining the conversation, "Though I can't fathom why she would still be here at this hour. We finished our discussion last night, did we not?" Klaus cocked his head and raised his eyebrows to Hayley at this, the low growl in his voice clearly speaking to his displeasure. Caroline smiled smugly. That's more like it. But Hayley didn't seem deterred by Klaus' admonition of her presence, her full attention trained on Caroline and she crossed the room to Klaus' side, brushing her arm against him subtly, eyeing her all the while. She had no choice but to watch as Hayley's hand slithered across Klaus' broad chest with a familiarity that sickened Caroline.
"It was QUITE the discussion, last night." Hayley nodded, drawing out the "quite" pointedly, evidently pleased that Klaus had given her the opening she needed to gloat. Caroline mouth couldn't help but come unhinged at the implication of the intimate action and she dared a glance in Klaus' direction to confirm her suspicions. He certainly wasn't removing Hayley's hand. He looked a bit sick himself, Caroline thought, pale in the face. But when her eyes caught his they burned with a dare. He was daring her to open her mouth. So stake her territory. And she knew then. They had sex. They. Had. Sex. She couldn't get her head past it. All of a sudden the intense smell made sense and she felt a queasy feeling creep into her gut. She could smell it everywhere, it was choking her, and it was unbearable. They had sex IN THIS ROOM. He wasn't denying it. They had sex. Hayley fixed a coquettish look to her face, looking up at Klaus through her eyelashes and practically purring with sexual intent. "I would say, there are a few details we still need to work out." Klaus' face hardened at Hayley's blatant flirting. He glanced at Caroline, his mouth turning to a frown as he took in her rigid posture, and her unwavering stare. He was pained, she could tell, but she didn't know why. Was it shame? Embarrassment? Surely not empathy… Hayley continued to press her luck. "Cat got your tongue?" Her eyes flicked to Caroline's snottily.
It was right then that Caroline was hit with her most obvious realization yet. This was not HER dream. And it chilled her to the bone. There is no way in hell that she would conjure this torture out of thin air. Sure, she had insecurities about Hayley and Tyler. She hadn't liked seeing them holding hands at the Miss Mystic banquet. She didn't like the thought of Hayley comforting Tyler and helping him break the sire bond while she had been stuck in Mystic Falls, left behind once more. Always the second choice. But she had never once entertained the thought of Hayley…and Klaus? It seemed almost laughable to her. Caroline could never in a million years think up something so absurd. There were two choices open to her at this point: Either this was real and someone had put some sort of sick spell on her or something…she physically repelled the thought, shuddering, or someone else was manipulating her dream. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. She took a deep breath. I'm going with the latter. You can handle this, Caroline. She had to get a handle on this. Hayley was still prattling on.
"Jealous, Caroline? Can't seem to make up your mind, huh? The big bad hybrid or little hybrid Jr…which one, which one will it be? Can't have both, you know." Hayley smiled evilly. "What would Tyler do if he knew what little Miss Mystic Falls was up to? Hm?" She was clearly doing her bitchy best to try and get a reaction from Caroline, Klaus silently watching her. He hadn't even bothered to remove Hayley's arm, which had draped itself over him.
"Tyler is gone." Caroline replied absently, still working things out in her head, "He left awhile ago. He isn't coming back." She started pinching herself hard on her forearms, trying to wake herself up. Wake up. Wake up, damn it! First thing was first, if she wasn't controlling her dream, then who was? And why was THIS what they chose to show her?
"So you came running to Klaus?!" Hayley exclaimed in mock disbelief. She shook her head at Caroline as if reprimanding her. "Naughty girl." Okay. Focus. She still had enough control in her dream that she could make her own decisions. She was still acting like herself. "Do you honestly think he still wants you anymore? After everything you've done to him?!" THAT broke through to Caroline's deep musings, Klaus' eyes seemed to sparkle as she finally came to life to defend herself.
"Everything I'VE done!?" She held herself back from hysterically screaming at the bitch.
"Did you honestly think that you could continually reject the most powerful being on earth and there wouldn't be consequences?" Hayley spoke to her in a patronizing tone. "Oh honey, you are delusional."
"What, as opposed to betraying my friends at every turn and opening my legs to everyone in the process?! I think YOU are the delusional one, Hayley, if you think that you are anything to Klaus than a passing convenience." Caroline had just about had enough of her attitude, finally crossing the room and facing Hayley head on, locking eyes with her, choosing to ignore Klaus' avidly surveying them. "Trust me, you will be dead before the sheets are dry." With that, Hayley lunged at her, hands finding her throat. It was a blind fury, the intensity of which Caroline was not prepared for. The wind was knocked out of her as Hayley threw her across the room, narrowly missing the furniture and landing on her ass. At this burst of violence, a bellow echoed throughout the room.
"ENOUGH!" Klaus' voice held a note of finality. He was declaring it over. Caroline was apt to agree. This was a waste but it made something very clear to her. She was still completely herself… Her reactions were still her own…Even Hayley was just as much of a bitchy slut in the dream as she was in real life…in fact, the only person in this whole scenario who was acting every bit NOT himself was…Klaus. She jerked her head up at him in realization. His blue eyes caught hers immediately and she knew. This was him. He was unmoving and silent. This whole dream had been about him…watching her. But, why? She didn't understand.
"Why are you doing this?" Caroline asked him quietly, still on the floor. Klaus' brow quirked at her question, as if replying, isn't it obvious? Hayley was watching this exchange angrily, not liking her behavior being taken to task by Klaus and reigned in.
"Why are you looking to him for help?" Hayley spat out at her. "The little blonde distraction can't fight her own battles?" Caroline felt her hackles rise again at this and tore her eyes from Klaus to bite out a retort but was cut off by Hayley's dry laughter. "Oooooh wait!" Hayley exclaimed, snapping her fingers, as if she just remembered something important, "Tyler used to fight your battles for you…but he is not here, is he?" Her voice dripped with an acid innocence. She was perfectly aware of what she was doing, Caroline was no fool. But she couldn't let herself feed into it, there were more important things in front of her now.
"Shut. Up. After what you've done, you have no right to talk about Tyler." Caroline leveled her with a deadly glare before turning her full attention back on Klaus who seemed riveted by the scene.
"No," she tried to ask him again. "Why are you doing this…with HER?" Her question was pointed and plain. This whole dream, this entire thing. All she had wanted was a do-over so she could rectify the one thing she regretted: making him think she didn't care. And he manipulated it into, what? To watch a fight between her and Hayley? For what purpose? Just the thought of him manipulating her mind, getting inside her head and violating her memory like that made her want to slap him. HARD. He had absolutely no right to do this to her! Caroline let her anger radiate off her in waves, Hayley seemed to dissolve into the background and it was just she and Klaus now. The scene had changed. No longer sunny and bright, darkness moved over the ornate room, the only light that remained was the fire crackling in the fireplace. Now this was more like him, he was changing the dream to suit his needs, allowing shadows to cast across his face and practically obscure his expression.
"I needed to know…" Klaus began slowly but bit off his sentence almost as soon as he began. He set down the bottle of champagne he was still inexplicably holding onto before sinking his body tiredly into the couch that had appeared in the middle of the room. His voice sounded rough with emotion, with apprehension and exhaustion as if keeping up the illusion around them was too much for him to handle.
"Know what?" Caroline dragged herself up off the floor and stood before him with her hands on her hips, trying to command him to speak with her body language.
" I needed to know if you could ever forgive me." Klaus sighed this, running his hand over his face as if to wipe away the feeling etched upon it. It was a futile gesture. She could see everything: The longing in his eyes, the desperation for her acceptance, for her attention and forgiveness and the intense hopelessness of…guilt? Caroline let out a small gasp.
"It really happened, didn't it?" She asked him then, watching his brow fall in surrender. "You slept with her. You…fucked her." As Caroline said this out loud for the first time and she almost couldn't get her mouth around the words, they were jumbled in her mouth with disbelief. Klaus winced at her harsh delivery. "You slept with Hayley." Staring blankly ahead, her hand swept in front of her as if pontificating, announcing it to the room, releasing it to the world and trying to make herself accept it.
"Yes." Klaus nodded curtly, head dipping before bobbing up once more to catch a glimpse of her face. His body was tense with expectation of her rejection, her disgust, his eyes big and wide and almost looking… afraid of what reaction might be waiting for him.
This whole thing was just a shock to Caroline, she didn't know what to think and felt herself sinking into the couch beside him. All her emotional energy spent. Where was that champagne? She looked about her then, grabbing the bottle swiftly. "Open this, will you?" Caroline passed the bottle to him determinedly. Klaus let out a breath, relieved by her distraction, opening it for her, allowing the cork to fly off into the darkness of the room. She wouldn't even let him pour her a glass, she greedily grabbed the bottle from his hands, bringing her lips to it and taking a long and deep draught of its contents. Caroline passed it back to Klaus, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. He copied her action. This whole thing was completely CRAZY. That was the conclusion she came to. The method he had chosen to reveal this to her, this whole insane dream journey he had taken her on. "Why didn't you just tell me for real?" She inquired of him. Asking the easiest question first. He heaved a deep sigh.
"You hold yourself so carefully around me, Caroline." Klaus explained to her calmly as if this wasn't the most surreal conversation they had ever had. "For once, I wanted you to be free to do whatever you felt…without having to deal with the consequences. Dreams do that for you, love." He cast his eyes downward suddenly, letting out a clipped laugh, as if remembering himself. "You didn't want to hear anything I had to say then," Klaus reminded her. Caroline felt herself fidget with impatience knowing that wasn't the entire reason. "Besides," he continued, eyeing her jiggling leg, "You hate me for driving Tyler away, why would you care?"
"So you thought, hey, I'll just invade Caroline's dreams and PERSONAL THOUGHTS and manipulate me into telling you my true feelings?!" She snapped at him with incredulity. Klaus turned away, not engaging with her. She blushed, thinking off all the lingering stares she had sent his way. When Caroline had thought he was just a figure of her imagination, she didn't care. But now she knew he had been watching her, letting her control the dream, waiting for some sign from her that she cared…the full weight of the dream fell on her. He was right. She had acted in her dreams exactly the way she would never even consider in real life. She had let herself go, let her desired take over. And it embarrassed her that Klaus had seen it. Her buried emotions. But Klaus' question tugged at Caroline's heart, causing her to examine her feelings. He had a glimpse into her inner window, now there was no going back, no matter how much her anger wished she could. And, sure, his methods were questionable, if not damn creepy. But, had her feelings changed now that she knew?
Caroline had gone into this whole thing with only one purpose and that was righting what she felt was wrong. The night Tyler had left, Klaus had confronted her. He had told her it was all for her. And part of her wanted to respond. Wanted him to understand that she was aware of his struggle and she did not take it lightly, no matter how her actions sometimes appeared otherwise. Caroline had never hated Klaus for driving Tyler away. She could have gone with him. He could have asked her to come. Neither of them had brought it up. She knew she was in denial, that it had been her decision. She couldn't blame it on anybody else. Caroline had made a choice and it was a future without Tyler. And Tyler had made his choice as well. Not to fight for her. For them.
Klaus didn't know this. There was no way for him to know this because when he had looked at her that night and confessed all that he had done for her…she had said absolutely nothing. So she couldn't blame him for Hayley. But she hated it. Caroline hated the thought that Klaus thought something of Hayley, enough that it had happened. That Hayley had touched him. That he had touched her. But mostly she hated the flare of insecurity that reared up and whispered in her that he thought MORE of Hayley than of her. Even after she had tried to leave that insecure little girl behind. Even though in everything he did it was so clear that Caroline held a part of him that no one else ever would. It was only her rejection of him that caused her to hurt. Caroline couldn't hate him and she didn't. Even now.
As Caroline ruminated, she drank. She drank a lot. And the silence was palpable. She could tell Klaus was uncomfortable not knowing what was going on in her head, his gaze was inward, it was hard and it was full of self-hatred. But she was determined to stop that train of thought right there. "That's not the only reason why, Klaus. I know it's not." Caroline told him gently, finally breaking the tension between them.
"No." Klaus agreed, taking another swig of the champagne, frowning. Agreeing with her but not really appearing to willingly add anything to her statement. Typical. He always wanted her to declare herself to him and never expected that she would want the same in return. Hybrids. She rolled her eyes violently, snapping herself out of her melancholy state. Caroline felt the energy zap back into the tips of her fingers and she reached out and pinched him hard on the arm.
"What are you doing?!" Klaus snapped at her, his eyes blazing with confusion and agitation.
"I can't believe you would do this to me Klaus! You are SUCH a complete control freak, it's just NOT healthy!" Caroline voice was getting louder and louder and she could feel the champagne going to her head as she gestured about her wildly. She had to bite back a laugh at the image of Klaus ducking away from her flailing arms as if afraid of her. "Calm down, love. You are becoming quite temperamental. I'm cutting you off." He tried to grab the champagne bottle from her, keeping it out of reach on his side of the couch. She put up a weak resistance, not caring too much but getting in his face bravely pointing her finger into his chest. "Don't 'love' me, MISTER, you know what you did!" Her eyes narrowed into his, falling so deeply into the depths of his blue orbs that she had to check herself and start again. "Well, how would YOU feel if I just popped into your dreams willy nilly and tried to manipulate you, huh? HUH?" Caroline was practically screaming at him now.
As per usual, Klaus completely missed her point, or just decided to disregard it with a smug look. "You could try it, love, but I can guarantee you wouldn't get very far. No one ever has." She threw her hands up in exasperation at his response. He was always so defensive, as if she was legitimately threatening him. Caroline reached out and pinched him again, this time much harder. Klaus shot her a warning look. Please, she thought. He would never do anything to hurt me.
"Don't EVER do this again, okay?! I don't like people in my head. My memories are private, my eyes only, GOT IT?" She looked at his pointedly, making sure he understood her, waiting until she got a confirmation nod from Klaus before letting go of her breath and slumping back once more. Caroline heard him let out a breath as well, chuckling softly. He thought she was funny. Sheesh.
"I get why you did it though." Caroline admitted this to Klaus softly and she could hear his head jerk to look at her in surprise. She turned as well to face him. "I've never been very upfront with you, have I?" Caroline asked him.
"Well, I'm not sure about that, sweetheart…" He smirked at her. She laughed.
"No, I mean, about what going on between us." This wiped the smirk from his face and she watched Klaus gulp, his Adams apple bobbing. "I suppose you thought this would be the only way I would be truthful with you…" Caroline trailed off. This thought didn't disturb her as much as she thought it should. But she just shrugged it away and glanced to his face. He seemed apprehensive to hear her continue. She could see him struggle internally with himself, wanting desperately to make her explain herself to him.
"What is…going on between us?" He asked her now, his whole body tensing and going completely still. Klaus was steeling himself for the blow he was sure was coming. Did he know he could be so transparent sometimes? Caroline sighed grudgingly. She knew what she had to do. But it didn't make it less embarrassing, putting herself out there in this weird dream. They were caught between reality and fantasy. If she had to say it, and she felt she had to, maybe this was the perfect place for it. Or he might never let her wake up.
"Everything." It was the best answer she could come up with to sum up…well, everything. Klaus didn't seem to like it though. Vagaries, again. Caroline ignored him and continued speaking her piece, knowing she had to get it out. "Everything is between us." She stared deep at him them. Really looking at him. She wanted him to feel like she could really see him as exactly what he was and not be scared by it. His eyes were on her now as well, slipping down to her lips to watch as she nibbled away in nervousness, his, his broad chest heaving with an unsteady breath, seeming to strain against his ribs as if wanting to break free. And his lips were parted now, caught off guard by her intensity. They were drinking each other in and they were both drunk on it. Caroline felt dizzy. She never wanted to tear herself away. But she had to.
"Some of the things between us might be insurmountable." Caroline said this cautiously, not wanting him to turn away from her. This was only the beginning. She kept her eyes locked on his, even as she saw his silent scoff. "There is hurt between us. I love Tyler and a part of me will always be hurt that you drove him away." She watched his face fall and harden at this confession. Caroline placed her hand on Klaus arm, holding him with her. "There is mistrust and betrayal between us. You do not trust me. And I don't deserve it." He opened his mouth at this as if to protest but she shushed him. "I have used you, you know it Klaus, and I have played the distraction."
As she went on, she could feel Klaus relax slightly, allowing the tension in his body to seep from him, understanding that she did not want to hurt him. She only wanted to speak in truths now. Caroline moved her hand, content that he would stay and listen now. But he wouldn't let her, surprising her, catching her hand in his and letting their fingers slide softly against each other. Shivers crept up Caroline's spine but she pressed on. "There is violence between us. You have killed people that I've cared about. And my friends have killed your brothers." I'm sorry, she whispered in her mind, clenching his hand in hers, desperately wanting to convey how much she wished it wasn't true. He didn't let go. "And there is loyalty between us. You want me unconditionally, but I will always be loyal and protect my friends and family, perhaps even at your expense."
There was silence as Klaus waited for her to go on, his expression darkening slightly at her hesitance. The hardest part was yet to come and she had to psyche herself up mentally just to get her mouth to open, to move and make sounds come out. She knew he could feel the spike in her pulse, the amp up of her nerves. Okay. All right, you can do this. Okay. OKAY. For some odd reason Klaus' reaction to her nervousness was not to draw away and give her space but to bring her closer to him, one hand still on hers, the other now tugging affectionately at her blonde curls resting on her shoulders. He smiled softly at him and she gave him a quizzical look. What are you doing? She wanted to ask, but refrained.
"Tell me, Caroline." He urged her quietly. She took a deep breath.
"Some of the things between us I wouldn't change for anything." She said it out loud. "Not even for Tyler." It was out now. She peered up into his stern face. Not quite believing how serious he was being in this moment. Almost as if he didn't quite believe her that she thought there was some good between them. Did he expect her to spell everything out for him? Klaus just looked at her expectantly. Fine, she thought bitterly.
"There is curiosity between us. You make me want to explore the world, open new doors." His eyes lit up at this, a soft smile tugging at his frown now. She was finally getting to him. "There is challenge between us. Attraction." Caroline rattled off a few more examples, biting her lip, a wave of desire hitting her as Klaus's fingertips moved now from her hair to the side of her neck, stroking, calming. She could feel herself lean into his hand involuntarily. "Most importantly, there is understanding between us, Klaus. And I'm not sure if any of the insurmountable things will ever cancel that out." Caroline mused out loud, gulping. She could barely feel his hands on her now, only the heat on her skin left in his wake. She was so close, she felt like she was at risk of melting before getting it all out in the open. Caroline rushed through it. "When you look at me, I feel like you see right into me. You see everything, even the things I want to hide, the bad and the good, the insecurities. Especially the things I can't see: The things I want to see in myself." Her mouth felt completely dry now, as if all the moisture in her body had evaporated away in the frenzy of her emotional speech.
"You have no bad, love. You are all light." Klaus murmured to her now, reassuring her. But she wouldn't listen to him because he wasn't getting the most important thing. The only real thing she wanted him to take from this crazy insane dream he had pushed her into. Right then, both of their desires met as one shared. Caroline had wanted nothing more than a do-over. She hated lying to him; no matter how hard she might defend that lie once she woke up…she didn't have to do that here. And all Klaus seemed to want was for her to tell him that not all was lost. All the pain she felt in his eyes, all his longing and fighting…there was a reason. This is what he had truly come for. All his controlling and manipulating and pushing and pulling was all for this moment and he was missing it and she wasn't going to let him. He was going to LISTEN.
"You don't get it, do you?" Caroline asked him then. His guard went up. She didn't care. "I see you too." And she let that hang in the air, watching Klaus' eyes widen to an enormous degree with some unnamed emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Panic. She could feel him shaking, as if he might self-combust, but Caroline held on tightly to his hand. "And you can't hide from me."
She let go of him then, or he let go of her. She couldn't tell which. All Caroline knew was that deadness she had seen before all of this was no longer in his eyes, no longer touched him anymore. And it was done. Maybe it wasn't what he had really wanted to hear but Caroline couldn't stand the thought of him pushing her into a corner, forcing her confession out of her without feeling some of the sting of vulnerability himself. She guessed he hated feeling that way by the look on his face right then. Like someone had punched him in the gut. Well, he better get used to it, she thought. Serves him right. That was how she felt every minute she was around him. It was about time he got a taste of his own medicine. Maybe then he would understand her reluctance, her denial of him.
A rush of…freeness swept through her now, carrying her away from all her uncertainties in the moment, carrying her away from Klaus and the dark room and the dream. It carried her all the way back to her room and her bed and…reality. The dream was over. Caroline was fully awake now, her breath whooshing from her lungs in relief as if she had been holding it in all the while. She knew that she would probably have to face him again the next day, as Stefan was intent on gaining Klaus' help to track down Silas. And Caroline knew that no matter what sort of progress Klaus thought he had made by manipulating her dreams, it would be lost in the real world. She wasn't free in reality like she had been in her dream. Tyler was gone. Her heart was broken, her best friend had tried to kill her, Bonnie was going off the rails…and some silly dream was not going to change any of that. Caroline would sure as hell still fight against Klaus, never having been one to let go of her anchors, of Tyler, before she was ready. And she wasn't ready to let go of reality quite yet. But lying in her bed, knowing the weight was settling back upon her, Caroline almost felt it was lighter. As if finally saying those things out loud, even if it was only in a dream, had allowed her some respite from all the pain and uncertainty in her life at the moment. Caroline almost dared to admit that the whole twisted experience with Klaus that night was worth it, if it had given her even the littlest of relief.